Shower after the baby's born?

purple.cow.0206

So, my mom's really sensitive about my entire pregnancy. She had a late term mis-carriage/still born (I'm not sure what to call it because I've never gotten a straight answer as to when it happened) about 5 years before I was born. It was handled terribly and my mom was really emotionally scarred from it. Because of this, she's really nervous about getting anything for the baby before it's here, and has already sid that she won't come to any shower that's held before the baby is born.

How common are baby showers/meet and greets for after the baby has arrived? I really want here there, so I'm thinking about just compromising and having it after, but wanted to make sure it made sense. Because of circumstances, I'll have a shower locally before the baby's born (I'm in DC, my family's in NY) and having something with friends and family in NY probably in May or so, since I'm due in January.

Helenahhandbasket

Although not common in my circle (I am in NY as well) I have been to two family showers that were held after the birth of the respective babies.  In both cases, there were special sets of circumstances. 

I would maybe consider this to be a special circumstance, however, it's not clear from your post who is hosting your NY shower, so that's where the issue is.  If it's your mom, then tell her you are OK with a shower after the baby is born.  If your mom is not hosting, that is where things might get tricky.

If it's the latter, I would just have the smaller local shower in DC, and then maybe have a meet and greet with your NY fam in May. 

purple.cow.0206

One or both of my sisters would be hosting, so they are well aware of how my mom feels. It would also likely be more family than friends anyway, though there would be a few friends there.

Helenahhandbasket

purple.cow.0206:

One or both of my sisters would be hosting, so they are well aware of how my mom feels. It would also likely be more family than friends anyway, though there would be a few friends there.

OK-- so then if you feel weird about calling it a "shower" why don't you suggest to your sisters that you would maybe just like a meet and greet or a meet the baby party. 

Otherwise, I think it's fine to have a shower after the baby is born. Different families do different things, so as long as there's no breech of etiquette (which is what I think you are concerned about) you are golden.

wittyschaffy

I had a baby shower thrown for me after the baby was born.  It was fun to show DD off to the group of ladies and we had a wonderful time.  

mplesset23

purple.cow.0206:

So, my mom's really sensitive about my entire pregnancy. She had a late term mis-carriage/still born (I'm not sure what to call it because I've never gotten a straight answer as to when it happened) about 5 years before I was born. It was handled terribly and my mom was really emotionally scarred from it. Because of this, she's really nervous about getting anything for the baby before it's here, and has already sid that she won't come to any shower that's held before the baby is born.

How common are baby showers/meet and greets for after the baby has arrived? I really want here there, so I'm thinking about just compromising and having it after, but wanted to make sure it made sense. Because of circumstances, I'll have a shower locally before the baby's born (I'm in DC, my family's in NY) and having something with friends and family in NY probably in May or so, since I'm due in January.

 

In my circle they are really common.  I'm jewish and there are lots of superstitions about baby showers and not setting up the nursery before the baby arrives.  Lots of people wait and do a sip n' see once baby arrives.

neverblushed

I think it would be nice to respect your mom's wishes and feelings, but that doesn't mean you can't accept a shower if someone offers.  Here's what I'd do:

--if anyone offers to throw you a shower in the DC area, accept graciously, but keep the guest-list to friends, not family, unless your sisters want to be involved and want to make the trip down.

--ask your sisters or mom if they''d like to plan a meet-the-baby party in NY for the NY area relatives when the baby is about 2 months old.  Plan to travel there for a long weekend at that time for extended NY family to visit the baby.  Your mom can be honored by her family as a new grandma at that time.  Anyone who wants to give you a baby present will either spontaneously send you one at the time the baby is born or know to hold onto it until you visit.

purple.cow.0206

neverblushed:

I think it would be nice to respect your mom's wishes and feelings, but that doesn't mean you can't accept a shower if someone offers.  Here's what I'd do:

--if anyone offers to throw you a shower in the DC area, accept graciously, but keep the guest-list to friends, not family, unless your sisters want to be involved and want to make the trip down.

--ask your sisters or mom if they''d like to plan a meet-the-baby party in NY for the NY area relatives when the baby is about 2 months old.  Plan to travel there for a long weekend at that time for extended NY family to visit the baby.  Your mom can be honored by her family as a new grandma at that time.  Anyone who wants to give you a baby present will either spontaneously send you one at the time the baby is born or know to hold onto it until you visit.

This all makes sense. It's usually standard that someone from my church offers to host baby showers for members, so while I'm not assuming it'll happen to me, it's a pretty common occurrence. Usually family doesn't come to these showers anyway, simply because a lot of us are transplants from other areas.

Once I'm a little further along, and I have a better feel for my mom's reaction, and whether she's changed her mind or not (I'm assuming not), my sisters and I will figure out a game plan.

heyitsme

I don't know about how common, but I was in CA when DD was born and all of my family is in NY. We did a "meet the baby" party/shower when she was almost 3 months old in NY. I have to say, I really enjoyed it. I already had the big gear, and we were "team green" with DD, so I got tons of pink at the meet the baby. AND I got to introduce her to family/friends without having to run to everyone's houses in the short amount of time we were there.

cinderin

My mil is hosting a shower for me after the baby is born. None of the dates before worked.