December 2010 Moms

PT Frustration

I am so frustrated tonight. J is potty trained. He will go by himself most of the time and all I have to do is wipe him and help him reach the water to wash his hands.

But there are times when I need him to try to go potty, like right before leaving the house or right before nap, and he will NOT try to go. Those are the only times I ask him to go or push the issue. He hasn't had any accidents so far and I'm trying to keep it that way.

Sometimes he will listen and do it, but others he will refuse and get clingy even when I explain it to him and I'm certain he understands.

I don't really want to put him in pullups and just let him have accidents. What do I do??

My other issue is him playing on the potty and not actually trying to poop. He will say he has to go, and then will sit there and sing or play with his feet etc. He also insists on trying to poop EVERY time he pees. He stands on a step stool to pee, and then will grab his potty ring and put it on the big potty and climb up and just play. It drives me nuts because it takes for.ev.er. and all but one time each day he doesn't even poop!

I tried leaving him in there on his own to poop because I thought he was playing for an audience or something, but no, he still fools around even if I'm not in there.

Should I just let him? Or should I keep encouraging him to get down if he's just going to play? I keep telling him the potty is just for poopies and peeped, not for playing.

Ugh. I know I should just be happy that he is potty trained, but these are huge time sucks and power struggles in our house right now.
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Re: PT Frustration

  • Yeah, given that G has zero interest in the potty and will like be in diapers til high school...

    No, I think that it may be one of these things that J needs to feel in control of.  I wouldn't put him in pull ups.  If he does have an accident, it will likely startle him at this point and he may be more open to suggestion.   I'm sorry I'm not a huge help.  It really sounds like you are handling things well.

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  • I'm sorry that he's being a little strong willed. We have a similar approach about just letting him tell us when he needs to go rather than prompting him to go because then he will resist and hold it FOREVER. We have a pee pad in his carseat in case he was to piddle on the drive but he hasn't had an accident yet. Our 8 hour car drive is in 2 months though and I'm a bit worried.
    If I want him to "try" to potty before we leave the house for a longer period of time where we won't have easy quick access to a toilet or right before naptime then he gets a chance to "pee on Cheerios" I toss 2 or 3 Cheerios in the toilet and he tries to pee on them.
    Good luck! I don't know about the pooping though A is a quick do his business kinda guy since he barely wants to stop playing he waits til the last possible second and then we race to the toilet.
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  • It sounds like you're doing things right. Maybe you could set a timer when he's trying to poop but really playing and tell him that when it goes off he's all done unless you know he really needs to go.

    We're right there with you frustration wise. DCP claims he was totally potty trained there but he pitches a fit to even try with me!
  • image Cheekers2010:

    Yeah, given that G has zero interest in the potty and will like be in diapers til high school...

    No, I think that it may be one of these things that J needs to feel in control of.  I wouldn't put him in pull ups.  If he does have an accident, it will likely startle him at this point and he may be more open to suggestion.   I'm sorry I'm not a huge help.  It really sounds like you are handling things well.

    Nate too.  OP: Sending mine to live with you since you are obviously magic.  Mine won't even sit on the potty at all to try.  I'd let it be unless you have to be somewhere.  I know it bugs you, but I say it isn't really hurting anything and if he's sitting there singing then he's not making a mess somewhere else in the house. :D

     

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  • lrn327lrn327
    5000 Comments 250 Answers Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its
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    We have exactly the same two issues.  Here's what I do and it seems to be okay, though we still have the discussions!

     For refusing to try, I make a judgement call.  If we are getting ready to go in the car for a long time, he MUST try to go before we leave.  I just don't give him an option, but I try to make it fun.  "Can you race Daddy in there?" If I have to, I resort to the counting which he knows if I get to 3 then it's time out.  Again I only enforce this if we'll be in the car for a long time.  He knows the rule to try to pee before we leave so it's much less of an issue now.  If he says he doesn't need to go when he wakes for the day or after nap, I just let it go because he's very good about telling me when he needs to go.  He's been PTd a couple months with really no daytime accidents. 

    C's trick is that we put him in bed for nap or nighttime and THEN he has to go poop.  If he says he has too and he's insistent about it (as opposed to immediately laughing which happens also) then I will take him.  For these poop occasions though, I enforce no videos, no books, minimal talking, we're only there to poop and go back to sleep.  I basically make it all business and no fun.  If he doesn't start going, I tell him I'm going to count to 3 and he needs to start by then.  (I definitely don't give timeout for him not pooping, I'm just limiting the amount of time he needs to start going.)  To date, if he really needs to go, he always starts before I get to 3.  If I finish counting and he doesn't go then we end potty time for now and head to bed.  He's never, ever said he needed to still go after that.

    Hope that all makes sense!

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  • image lrn327:

    We have exactly the same two issues.  Here's what I do and it seems to be okay, though we still have the discussions!

     For refusing to try, I make a judgement call.  If we are getting ready to go in the car for a long time, he MUST try to go before we leave.  I just don't give him an option, but I try to make it fun.  "Can you race Daddy in there?" If I have to, I resort to the counting which he knows if I get to 3 then it's time out.  Again I only enforce this if we'll be in the car for a long time.  He knows the rule to try to pee before we leave so it's much less of an issue now.  If he says he doesn't need to go when he wakes for the day or after nap, I just let it go because he's very good about telling me when he needs to go.  He's been PTd a couple months with really no daytime accidents. 

    C's trick is that we put him in bed for nap or nighttime and THEN he has to go poop.  If he says he has too and he's insistent about it (as opposed to immediately laughing which happens also) then I will take him.  For these poop occasions though, I enforce no videos, no books, minimal talking, we're only there to poop and go back to sleep.  I basically make it all business and no fun.  If he doesn't start going, I tell him I'm going to count to 3 and he needs to start by then.  (I definitely don't give timeout for him not pooping, I'm just limiting the amount of time he needs to start going.)  To date, if he really needs to go, he always starts before I get to 3.  If I finish counting and he doesn't go then we end potty time for now and head to bed.  He's never, ever said he needed to still go after that.

    Hope that all makes sense!

     Thanks for the responses, everyone! :)  I really needed to vent last night because it took me an hour and a half to get Jack in bed because he said he needed to go potty THREE times after I got his diaper on him each time.  

     lrn - Thanks for the suggestions!  I will definitely try racing to the potty and the cheerios before we leave for our playdate today!  I think the cheerios might be a big hit.  I forget that sometimes he needs a little incentive to do the things that he doesn't want to do.  

    Jack does the exact same thing with nap and bedtime.  He will wait until I get him in his bed sometimes and then say "Mommy!  Mine go potty!"  Like last night, he did that, and then after I got his diaper back on him he immediately asked to go again, and then did it yet again!  

    For a little while we would count and tell him you have 10 seconds to try to start going poop, otherwise you need to get down.  But I felt like rushing him wasn't a good idea. :/  I figured if someone did that to me it would make it even harder to go. lol  But maybe we will go back to it and see how it works because I am having a hard time not being a huge grump after every potty visit. :/ 

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  • lrn327lrn327
    5000 Comments 250 Answers Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its
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    If it helps at all, we had a big frustration with the diapers b/c C would have to go potty 8 million times after we put it on at night.  We switched to nighttime pull ups and it is a whole lot easier!
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  • My older kiddo has sensory issues and although she doesn't have accidents, she waits until THE VERY LAST MINUTE to pee. So when I catch her doing "the dance" or when we need to go for a long car ride, I tell her she has to use the bathroom. She protests but then I tell her, "Sit and count to 20." Usually by 10 she's gone...

    Can you do that? Tell him to sit while you sing a song, or count to whatever? Make it like, "Okay, before we go to the store, let's sit on the potty and sing [favorite song]!"?

     


    Hardworking mom to 2 great kids: J 9/04 and L 11/10

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  • No advice, just sympathy. Do you keep a travel potty in the car? I know sometimes it's hard to pull off somewhere and stop but I feel a little more secure about going out if he hasn't peed before leaving having the potty in the car to use.

    DS uses the same stall tactic at bedtime about saying he needs to use the potty after I've put him to bed, even though most of the time he doesn't actually have to go. I try not to engage him much so it's not fun but it's still so frustrating when all I want to do is chill out. Last night I started his bedtime routine 30 minutes earlier because I knew he'd play that game and I was tired but I won't be able to do that every night. 

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  • I think you're doing fine.

    FWIW, Nora will almost never go on the potty when I ask her to, but she also doesn't have accidents. Sure, sometimes she'll need to go in an inconvenient place, but that's why I keep a little potty in the car... just in case.

    I wouldn't put him in a pull-up, and I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. Explain to him that you'd like him to sit on the potty because you're about to do XYZ and there won't be access to a potty for a little bit, and if he goes, great. If not, no big deal. Let him be in charge, since it sounds like it's becoming a power thing. If there's an accident, deal with it (just keep a space pair of pants in your bag). It's not the end of the world.

    As for the sitting on the potty and just playing, why do you care? (I'm not being snarky -- it's a real question.) If you're sitting there with him, it's probably time to just go do something else and let him know to call you if he needs you. I bet it'll get old pretty quick. I also wouldn't push it b/c you really want the potty to be a happy place, KWIM?

      norathe girlsamelia
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  • I'm just lurking in this thread, don't mind me!

    DS is starting to make recent PT progress, so I need all the info I can get right now =)

    You ladies are my inspiration!!Left Hug

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  • Luckily he agreed to go potty before we went out today so that hasn't been an issue today. I do have a little potty I can keep in the car, but I don't want stopping on the side of the road to become a regular thing. So far he's been good about 'holding it' until we get to somewhere that has a potty. I so bring it to parks that don't have a potty, though.

    Utlaw, I don't mind him playing on the potty if its just for a minute, but he will sit there all day like its the most entertaining place in the world. Its a big frustration for DH and I when dinners on the table or we have to get out the door. I have started leaving him there to do it on his own, but he just keeps it up until I come back and remind him. Either that or he will beg me to stay and scream if I leave.

    Today he went potty and then got all ready for nap, I got him in bed and he said he had to poop. So guess who is not napping now. I feel like I shouldn't deny him going potty, but what if he's just saying it to get out of bed? I feel so stuck!
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  • Nora has gone through phases of that (the needing to go potty right after being put down for nap thing). It's definitely a stalling tactic. I always go up, take her directly to the potty, sit quietly with her until she either goes or gets up (minimal interaction) and then take her right back to bed. It seems to have worked pretty well -- she learned that needing to go potty doesn't mean the nap is over, just that we go potty and then go back to her room. And after the figured that out, the requests stopped.

    Not saying that will necessarily work for him, but it worked for us!

    As for the little potty, we have used it maybe once or twice. It just makes me feel a little better knowing it's there, just in case... 

      norathe girlsamelia
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  • Thats a great idea, but thats pretty much how it is already! Lol Potty time at our house has always been what you described, very little interaction, we don't read books or sing songs or anything. That's why I started leaving the room, to make it even less entertaining. But he does the same thing either way.

    I appreciate all the advice and ideas, though. I think we're in a difficult phase, I was just hoping there was some magic trick. lol
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