I got the official diagnosis today. Confirmation of the fear that has been consuming me for the past week. I have a bladder prolapse [cystocele] and a small rectal prolapse [rectocele]. I have been suspecting this for a week, after I noticed a feeling like a tampon was falling out of me and a visible bulge in my vagina when I looked with a mirror.
I am having a really hard time emotionally with accepting this. I have googled more than I ever thought possible in the past week, looking for information. This is good and bad: good because I now feel pretty well informed [I have learned more by doing my own research than what I learned at my doctor appt today]. Bad because I can't stop freaking out about what the future holds. I cry every time I think about it...and I can't stop thinking about it.
I never knew that prolapse could occur from childbirth. I've only heard of it in relation to older menopausal women. I know that it's something that I will have to deal with for the rest of my life. I'm not sure what's worse right now, the physical feeling of it, or the emotional and psychological feeling of it. I keep thinking about how I may have to be restricted in activities with my daughter as she grows up. What if she wants me to skip with her, or jump rope with her? Will I have to say no, because those things might make Mommy's bladder fall out farther? It breaks my heart. What about my husband? We wanted to have one more child and although its still possible with prolapse, it scares the hell out of me that it would become worse. What about sex?
The only consolation I have right now, and the piece of hope that I'm desperately clinging to, is that postpartum prolapse can sometimes heal on its own. Although it will never go away completely, it may improve as my uterus continues to shrink and when I'm done BFing and the estrogen returns to normal. But even then, it will still be something that I will have to be constantly mindful of and have to make sure not to do anything that could make it worse again.
I don't know anyone else who has had a prolapse at any stage of life, so I'm feeling pretty alone in this. Anyone out there have this, or know someone who had it and had a good outcome? I'm looking for anything that can cheer me up about this.
Thanks for reading if you got this far.