Toddlers: 24 Months+

She's out of control

Hi guys, i'm writing here in desperation.  I have a 2.5 yo with a serious attitude problem with me.  While I know most tots go through controlling stages she's beyond that.  And its only with me. Shes been with two daycare providers who say she is exceptionally well behaved. I'm a single mom and have a long commute to and from work, she comes to a day care near my job. 

She just screeches and thrashes so viciously and throws herself on the floor.  Its so bad i once verbally reprimanded her, nothing bad and a lady came to put in her two cents.  Others will go straight to her and ask whats wrong. Sometimes i'm scared to think what others are thinking. I'm resentful because i feel like the bad guy where i cant even parent in public.  I've never spanked, her tapped her, curse at her or call her names. 

 At home its easily resolved with one or two time outs.  I can't give a time out in public, especially on the train. I know i can try to keep her entertained, but don't think she should always have a full-on circus either. Looking desperately for input thanks. 

 

 

Re: She's out of control

  • Can you put her in daycare near your house so you don't have to worry about controlling her on the train.  Otherwise I would resort to lots of toys, food, entertainment to get her to behave.  You may not be able to do a time out, but maybe you can take things away instead.  For example, tell her we have a new rule that we must be quiet and sit nicely on the train or the consequence will be X.  Make sure to pick something that would inspire her to behave and be consistent. 
  • Have you tried bribing before getting on?  Remind her of the acceptable behavior and offer a reward when you get off if she holds up her end of the deal.  Or take some stickers/tokens/etc with you and set a timer for every 5 min.  Offer a token if she's behaving.  At the end, if she has x number of tokens/stickers/etc she gets a prize/reward.  That way she has something tangible to hold on to + a reminder that she gets something at the end.  It's horrible, but when we are stuck in small areas I resort to videos on the phone sometimes.  TV to go.  :(  

     

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  • First thing I'll say is that people need to mind their own business!  I can't believe how rude people are when you're trying to discipline your daughter.  Ugh!  Personally, I've stopped caring what people think of me.  If my son is being awful in public, I'm going to verbally reprimand him.  I've also found that ignoring his tantrums helps the most and I don't really care if other people get annoyed or think I'm being a negligent mother.  They don't know my son, me, our discipline struggles, etc, so they can just go to HECK!

    Also, I know I have no idea how your daughter really acts, but to me it sounds completely normal.  She is awful for you, and only you, because she is the most comfortable with you.  She can let it all hang out in front of you because she knows you're her mommy and that you'll always love her.  That may not be reassuring, but I've read that written by professionals

     Here's my advice: If you must take her on the train with you, I have no problem with bribery.  Tell her if she's good on the train, she'll get a reward (candy, a little toy, whatever you think would help).  Another suggestion: Ignore her.  I know this is hard in public.  I don't blame you for not wanting to do that because you don't want others to judge you and/or annoy others.  However, from personal experience, I've found the VERY BEST thing for tantrums.  The first few times are the hardest because the child will keep trying until they get what they want or get attention.  Then they start to realize that crying and throwing a fit isn't going to do anything.  Perhaps you can try this in the back of the train or if possible on a car that isn't as crowded.  Just a thought.

    One thing I know for sure, your daughter will grow out of this stage.  It may feel like it lasts forever but it will end and she'll move on to something else!   

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  • I'm sorry people are giving you a hard time. I agree they need to mind their own business! Have you tried electronic devices to entertain her? I know that might be an UO, but when DS1 is really unruly in public I've found apps or Netflix kid shows on my phone work amazing wonders.
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  • Thank you all for your replies and support.  I will certainly try your suggestions.  Yes the hardest thing to do is ignore, not because of her but because of my constant audience.  Im glad someone thinks its normal behavior, because i often feel alienated! 
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