Stay at Home Moms

Family emergency wwyd

My sister inlaw is in the hospital. Sadly she attempted suicide last night and is admitted for the near future. Brother in law called me today and asked if their kids ages 4 and 7 could live with us for the summer with their assistance from their nanny. My first reaction was I can not say no. I know this is on me with H's work schedule. Am I wrong or setting my self up for failure if I go through with this. I need to make a decision in 24 hours.
Blessed with double the love. C and J born May 2013
«1

Re: Family emergency wwyd

  • Correction how can I say no to family sorry on mobile
    Blessed with double the love. C and J born May 2013
  • Oh man that's hard. You have new twins though, right? Do you think you could handle it? How much would the nanny help?

    I'm sorry your family is going through this. Those poor kids.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • That's a really tough situation. Can you split time with the ILs...?
    image
    image

    image
  • As close as you are with your brother, I would say yes. As long as the nanny was there to help. You have a night nurse right? Would he consider helping you pay to extend the night nurses time? 

    Very sorry about your SIL btw. Was it sudden? 

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers 
    There is another kid, she's 10... 
  • I know she has been in out pt counseling but I had no idea it was this urgent of a situation it's my husbands brothers wife. Who I really like. But she had intent. This was not superficial cuts in the arm.

    I know the nanny met her on a couple occasions. But I feel I need I do some back round checks on her before I let her in to my home. Do I sound too picky?
    Blessed with double the love. C and J born May 2013
  • Oh my goodness...I have no advice but my thoughts and prayers with you. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Do they have a will?  Who is appointed to take care of the kids if they both pass?  If it's you, I'd take them for the summer.  If it's someone else, well, there you go. :(
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image Emmakins87:
    I know she has been in out pt counseling but I had no idea it was this urgent of a situation it's my husbands brothers wife. Who I really like. But she had intent. This was not superficial cuts in the arm. I know the nanny met her on a couple occasions. But I feel I need I do some back round checks on her before I let her in to my home. Do I sound too picky?

    OH! I thought you meant it was your brother. OK, I might change my answer a little bit. I think your husband needs to be on board for changing his lifestyle as much as possible to help out. I know he can't change his work schedule, but with the kids being his niece and nephew, he's going to have to take on as much work as he can. Do the kids live close by normally? Does their dad plan on seeing them at all? Honestly, I get that he wants them to have a stable summer, but uprooting them might not be the best thing. Couldn't the nanny just take on more hours at their house?

    As far as the nanny and background checks go, do you not think they did them? Can you just ask your BIL what the results are? I mean, honestly she's going to have her hands full with those kids, so she won't do much with the twins I assume. 

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers 
    There is another kid, she's 10... 
  • We are listed as next of kin, H was originally then I was added when we get married.
    Blessed with double the love. C and J born May 2013
  • image KateMW:

    image Emmakins87:
    I know she has been in out pt counseling but I had no idea it was this urgent of a situation it's my husbands brothers wife. Who I really like. But she had intent. This was not superficial cuts in the arm.

    I know the nanny met her on a couple occasions. But I feel I need I do some back round checks on her before I let her in to my home. Do I sound too picky?

    OH! I thought you meant it was your brother. OK, I might change my answer a little bit. I think your husband needs to be on board for changing his lifestyle as much as possible to help out. I know he can't change his work schedule, but with the kids being his niece and nephew, he's going to have to take on as much work as he can. Do the kids live close by normally? Does their dad plan on seeing them at all? Honestly, I get that he wants them to have a stable summer, but uprooting them might not be the best thing. Couldn't the nanny just take on more hours at their house?

    As far as the nanny and background checks go, do you not think they did them? Can you just ask your BIL what the results are? I mean, honestly she's going to have her hands full with those kids, so she won't do much with the twins I assume. 


    They live about 2 hours away. H went up there to help out and see what je could do.He said he would go with what ever I decide . I just feel like I would be the evil one if I say no.
    Blessed with double the love. C and J born May 2013
  • Yikes.  Do they have any other options?  Can they stay at their own house with the nanny and their dad?  Grandparents?   

     

    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
  • I think staying at their house is a bad idea. Seeing their mom in this state could do them a lot more harm than being uprooted for the summer. And she probably needs from childfree time to get herself back together before she is ready to be a mom again.

    I don't know that it is your responsibility to care for them, but I don't think they should stay at their house with the Nanny. Would the nanny be driving 2 hours each way, every day? I would hammer out the details before I said yes.

    Do you have beds for them? 

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers

                
  • image Minipenguin:

    I think staying at their house is a bad idea. Seeing their mom in this state could do them a lot more harm than being uprooted for the summer. And she probably needs from childfree time to get herself back together before she is ready to be a mom again.


    Well, I was assuming their mother was going to go to some sort of inpatient treatment.  

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers 
    There is another kid, she's 10... 
  • Why can't the nanny take care of the kids during the day while your BIL is at work and then he take care of them when he comes home?
  • image KateMW:
    image Minipenguin:

    I think staying at their house is a bad idea. Seeing their mom in this state could do them a lot more harm than being uprooted for the summer. And she probably needs from childfree time to get herself back together before she is ready to be a mom again.


    Well, I was assuming their mother was going to go to some sort of inpatient treatment.  

    Oh, that's true. She might be spending the summer there. In that case, I would offer to keep them on the weekends or something, maybe a couple weekdays so he can get a break but you're not overextending yourself. 

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers

                
  • I would see if you can maybe compromise, like PP's have said. Like can you take them on the weekends, or maybe split the summer with another relative so they're at your house just for a few weeks or a month? That might be more manageable.

    If he's not willing to do that, though, I'd probably do it. I don't think I could say no considering the situation. I would consider it an opportunity to hopefully give the kids a great and special summer, one which would otherwise probably be very difficult.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Oh wow...I mean, I probably couldn't say no. Is their nanny full-time? I'm not sure if I would suggest staying at your house on weekends and ILs during the week, because it seems like they will need as much stability as possible...what a tough situation...
    "And though she be but little, she is fierce."
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    PitaPata Dog tickers
  • Oh man, I am so sorry you are in this position. That's so tough.

    I can see why BIL is asking for them to stay with you vs. with the nanny at their own home. I would probably be willing to give it a try given that they do have a nanny who will likely do most of their care.  


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I would have to say yes, I just couldn't turn my back on my family in a great time of need like this. It would be incredible difficult for all involved but I would do whatever it took. Sorry you are faced with this decision.  Hugs!!

    T's & P's

    CJ :-)
  • I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope your SIL can get the help she needs and move past this. I know the fear and stress that come along with this situation.

    I would absolutely take the kids. BIL is going to need to spend his non-working time helping his wife and the kids need more stability than he'll likely be able to provide in the midst of this. I'm sure the nanny is wonderful, but I'm sure she has set hours and can't or doesn't want to work more than that (which is understandable, she has her own private life and shouldn't be expected to suddenly take on more than they agreed upon long-term). And at 7 and 4 they're older a more independent. I have an almost 6 year old and an almost 4 year old and while of course they still need supervision and guidance they're definitely getting more independent by the minute. In fact, you may find that they're very helpful to have around (my older two sure are). In many ways Julia makes my life a lot easier because she's able to play with Andrew when I need to do other things. 

    I wouldn't worry about a background check on the nanny. It sounds like she'll be taking care of your niece and nephew with you and won't be alone with the twins. 

    image image Baby Birthday Ticker TickerBaby Birthday Ticker TickerBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • My gut says say yes. You'll make It work.

    Do a back round check they are very simple.
  • la79alla79al
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    If you can manage the summer with 2 extra kids, just think how easy the fall is going to seem.  And a 7 year old should be able to help out at least a tiny bit.
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickers   Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • Shouldn't the mother be the one leaving the house for the summer?  A rehab center or maybe to her parents house where she can focus on getting better?  I would hate to uproot the kids at a time like this.  And that's a lot to ask of you. Sorry to hear this.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • beyla1beyla1
    10 Comments
    member
    I would absolutely do it, if I were you. It'll be a hell of a summer, but I think in this situation, it's the right thing to do. Especially since you'll have assistance.
  • image penguingrrl:
    I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope your SIL can get the help she needs and move past this. I know the fear and stress that come along with this situation.I would absolutely take the kids. BIL is going to need to spend his nonworking time helping his wife and the kids need more stability than he'll likely be able to provide in the midst of this. I'm sure the nanny is wonderful, but I'm sure she has set hours and can't or doesn't want to work more than that which is understandable, she has her own private life and shouldn't be expected to suddenly take on more than they agreed upon longterm. And at 7 and 4 they're older a more independent. I have an almost 6 year old and an almost 4 year old and while of course they still need supervision and guidance they're definitely getting more independent by the minute. In fact, you may find that they're very helpful to have around my older two sure are. In many ways Julia makes my life a lot easier because she's able to play with Andrew when I need to do other things.nbsp;I wouldn't worry about a background check on the nanny. It sounds like she'll be taking care of your niece and nephew with you and won't be alone with the twins.nbsp;


    This. My Sil has done the same more than once. While they do not have children it has mentally exhausted my brother every time. I would take them if you think you can. They need stability and to be kids. It's tough though and if you say no, you are not a bad guy I'm sure he has other options.
    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie First Birthday tickers
    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Kids Birthday tickers
     Image and video hosting by TinyPicimage
    May Siggy Challenge:  My Little Boy Growing Up
  • H and I talked and we are going to do it - it looks like.... at the very least for 2 weeks w/ Nanny and then reassess the situation in mid July. H is going to take reduced schedule if his boss agrees and hope for the best so I can still focus on J and C..  He is going to let me have a few days to set up rooms for them so I have some emergency shopping to do,I don;t want to put them in empty rooms.  They should be here and settled by July 4. H is renting a U-haul so they can bring their toys. H decided we need to" man up" 

    Blessed with double the love. C and J born May 2013
  • Personally, I would take them for the summer. As PP have pointed out, your BIL will need to focus solely on his wife's health for a while and I imagine that would be very draining on him emotionally. They'll need some stability while all this is being sorted out. Good luck with your decision.
    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie First Birthday tickers
    photo 031414d1_zps227fd907.jpg photo SilverPoster_zpsec3507ce.jpg
    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Kids Birthday tickers
    photo Ribbon_zps406cb11d.jpg Peanut 07/05/07 CP @ 4w3d photo Ribbon_zps406cb11d.jpg Sweet Pea 04/21/08 @ 7wks
    The Blog
  • image Emmakins87:

    H and I talked and we are going to do it - it looks like.... at the very least for 2 weeks w/ Nanny and then reassess the situation in mid July. H is going to take reduced schedule if his boss agrees and hope for the best so I can still focus on J and C..  He is going to let me have a few days to set up rooms for them so I have some emergency shopping to do,I don;t want to put them in empty rooms.  They should be here and settled by July 4. H is renting a U-haul so they can bring their toys. H decided we need to" man up" 

    You are being a great brother and SIL.  

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers 
    There is another kid, she's 10... 
  • I think it's great that you're going to take them. I can only assume that if there was any way your BIL could make it work with them at home, he'd want to do it. I know it won't be easy for you, though.

  • I would but I would expect tons of help from family because, like you said, it is a family emergency and it is not just your responsibility. 
                                image

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
«1
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards