February 2013 Moms

I'm a crazy mama... (long)

There's no real point to this post but I got to the root of my crazy (some of it any way) and felt like writing it out here. 

Yesterday it took me 45 minutes to put DS down for a nap and then he woke 18 minutes later because he sneezed. It's funny now. :P During the whole ordeal, I was freaking out, grumbling, swearing, the works, and this coming from a woman who said no one was ever allowed to say bad words in front of the baby! Anyway, I lost my cool and was not proud of it. Especially since it was something so stupid as a nap. Really, not the end of the world, I know. 

So I got to thinking about why I got so upset. I really wanted to figure out the reason I was so frustrated and I realized it had to do with my wanting to be the "perfect" mother. (I work at letting go of that notion every day because intellectually I know there is no such thing.) So here's the kooky part. DS is going to daycare in September and the thought of him being a troublesome napper was making me anxious. Why? The reason, I realized is so ridiculous. Because I'm afraid the provider will think I'm a terrible mother because my baby doesn't want to take a nap. As I type that out here, I realize I'm nuts! But the good part is, once I get to the bottom of something like this, I usually can let it go.

And gofigure, this time yesterday I was pulling my hair out and today? DS went down for his afternoon nap in 30 seconds. A couple of forehead rubs and out cold.

Babies really keep you on your toes, huh? 

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Re: I'm a crazy mama... (long)

  • If it helps at all, LOs schedule and napping ability will probably change when you go back to work. New environments, wake up times, care givers all tend to cause a shift in our LOs.

    AND, even if you had it all down perfectly he can switch it up on you at the drop of a dime.
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  • If it makes you feel any better i've been like that off and on since last week.  She has been fighting every bottle and every nap and I totally lost my cool a couple of times.  I'm really glad she can't understand me yet.  
  • I struggle with the "perfect mother" thing too. And the "perfect wife and housekeeper." I always feel like I should be keeping the house cleaner or doing more yard work or something, and then I feel guilty for not playing/interacting with DD when I'm doing other things! No matter what I'm doing I feel guilty for not doing something else. Stupid, since I can't be in two places at one time. This perfectionist, Type A personality can sure be annoying sometimes!
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  • I felt the exact same way about wanting a schedule when I went back to work because my mom watched DD for the last 5 weeks of school. I was super stressed because my nephew is such an easy baby and mine is very demanding. Anyway she was much better at taking naps for my mom than for me so I wouldn't stress too much.
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  • image kleigh926:
    I struggle with the "perfect mother" thing too. And the "perfect wife and housekeeper." I always feel like I should be keeping the house cleaner or doing more yard work or something, and then I feel guilty for not playing/interacting with DD when I'm doing other things! No matter what I'm doing I feel guilty for not doing something else. Stupid, since I can't be in two places at one time. This perfectionist, Type A personality can sure be annoying sometimes!

    I don't consider myself Type A, but I relate 100% to the bolded. Even pre-kids. I have struggled with guilt issues my whole life.

    Drea, ITA with your reasoning for getting frustrated. I'm the same exact way. I feel like it's my fault when something doesn't go perfectly, when in reality, babies (and cats, lol) are unpredictable. And that's completely ok. 

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  • SagenSagen
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    Try your hardest not to equate what your kids do to reflect on you. I spent WAY too much time, and worry with that one. I still battle with it. If they are being angels I feel like the number one mother, they are being hard, I feel like crap. I am starting to separate they two. They are their own human being. I can control what I do, and influence what they do, but not control it. So baby not napping think to yourself  "well on my end I have done all a good mother needs to do."

     I also worry about people thinking I am a bad mom, but way less than I use to. I guess it took nine years to finally be ok with the fact that some people will infact think I am a bad mom. Think about it you can't please everyone. Parenting styles will differ people to people, and limits I set might be way too strict for some, way too laxed for other. People will think I am not the best mom, I have come to terms with that. Also kid test limits, if they were perfect 100% of the time, that would be a case of a miracle! When they test limits it is what you do in reaction that is good or bad, not how they are being that makes you a good or bad mom. I feel for you BTW, I hope you can skip past all the headache before getting to a more peaceful place, it really was years of people pleasing torture, and I still battle with it!

     
    Mom to 4 cute kids! 9 yo girl 7 yo boy 5 yo boy and new baby boy!
  • There has been more than one occasion that I have grumbled choice words to the universe for seemingly trivial parenting issues. One time being this morning when I heard DS wide awake at 5 a.m. I also put pressure on myself to be all things at all times. The worst is when I put DS down for the night. That is the most amount of time I have to get things done all day because of his crazy short naps, and most often, I just don't feel like it. I'm tired and just want more than 30 minutes to do things I want to do, not have to do. It's so easy to play the comparison game when it comes to motherhood, too. But I heard a quote the other day that I loved: Don't compare your bloopers to someone else's highlight reel. When I see/read about other people's babies STTN, or taking great naps, or any of the other areas where I feel like I'm doing something to fall short, I try to remember that.
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  • I don't think that's nuts.  I think it's reasonable.  It's the reason we are embarassed if our kid pitches a fit in the grocery store: we don't want others to think that we are incapable parents.  It's why Pinterest exists.  Everyone wants everyone else to think they are perfect ;)  Not crazy at all, just human nature :)
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  • You ladies are so wonderful. It is such a nice feeling to come on here, pour your heart out and have people support you and empathize. I truly appreciate all of your responses. Thanks so much and hope you all have a terrific evening!

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  • I lose my cool over naps pretty much every day. I keep wondering how my parenting skills can suck so much that I can't get my baby to sleep for more than 2 seconds at a time. In fact, I blame myself for everything that goes "wrong" with DS. This drives my hubby nuts! 
  • image jocgymnast72:
    I lose my cool over naps pretty much every day. I keep wondering how my parenting skills can suck so much that I can't get my baby to sleep for more than 2 seconds at a time. In fact, I blame myself for everything that goes "wrong" with DS. This drives my hubby nuts!nbsp;

    Almost all of DDs naps occur while attached to my boob. The instant I move her she wakes. Babies are just stinkers sometimes.
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    Lilypie - (kxiS)
    Lilypie - (BG2d)
  • Before sleep training I lost my cool a lot. I just wanted everything to go the way I wanted it and with a newborn that obviously doesn't always work out.  Well, it never works outs! lol  Also, I have a serious lack of patience which is something I really need to work on.
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