May 2013 Moms

Mildly annoying MIL

I'm very fortunate to have kind, supportive in-laws who are crazy about their first grandkid.

Having said that, I've been almost constantly annoyed with my MIL since the baby arrived.  We live 400 miles away from them, but she's always texting and posting on Facebook and just got a smart phone so there's a lot of regular communication.  Plus there's been a family health situation with another relative which has necessitated even more than usual.

My two biggest beefs are that (1) she came and stayed with us for the first week, was completely unhelpful and ended up being a drama queen near the end, which I'm still bitter about, and (2) she's much more emotional than I am and I really just don't have the patience right now for her constant gushing about the "beautiful angel" and how in love she is with the baby.

I'm starting to get territorial and don't want to share photos or updates, partially because she has a history of taking it upon herself to share them on Facebook and partially because I'm a jerk.  I realize rationally that these are so minor that they don't even count as problems and I know I need to get over it all but I'm having trouble.

Thoughts, advice and kicks in the pants are welcome.

Baby girl born 5/20/13. Figuring it out as we go. :)

Re: Mildly annoying MIL

  • I don't have any advice but I feel I am in the same boat as you. My MIL lately has been so annoying and the whole sharing on fb thing really pisses me off, she never even asks if she can put them up. The worst part she only lives 40 minutes away and they just bought a house that is even closer. One day a few weeks ago when my hormones were still a little out of wack she referred to LO as her baby, I snapped at her I don't know why it just really pisses me off when she goes around telling everyone that its her baby. At least you were nice enough to let your MIL stay with you, that would never happen here 2 hours is enough with that woman. My DH doesn't really even care for her, but I love my FIL he is awesome and sometimes puts her in her place.
  • Haha, my MIL has been getting under my skin since Day 1 too!  Like yours mine is kind, supportive and crazy about her first grandchild but OMG has she been annoying me!  She has his really high pitched voice she uses when talking to DD that makes my skin crawl.  She also thinks that everything isn't normal.  Like Baby Acne for instance.  She also had the nerve to say to me that she was so glad to see that my stomach was going down because she was starting to get worried!  Who says that to someone that JUST had a baby a week before?!?

    Anyway, I'm really hoping this is just a post partum hormone thing and that in time she will annoy me less. 

    GL to you!

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  • I can't stand my MIL, so I'm totally on board with supporting "hate on MIL day"!

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  • Thanks for a place for me to vent about my MIL. The other day DS had the hiccups and she said over and over again "are those hiccups pissing you off, are they pissing you off?" Seriously!??! I know they don't know words yet but I don't want in a couple years them going around saying that's pissing me off!! I can totally relate to the high pitch annoying voice too!! Also the stupid nicknames she uses for them like Mr. Brown what?!?  

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  • Yay MIL rants!!! Mine lives in Australia and insists that we Skype her at 7 pm...unfortunately this is right when LO starts her long stretch. I have begged her to do it at another time but she says 9 am their time is what works for them. So obviously Charlie sleeps during the Skype. Well now she is complaining to H that we should keep the baby up so that she can see her granddaughter. F U
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  • Well I'd be happy that your MIL wants to be such a big part of your LO's life. My MIL is a nice person but she has never bonded with me. It's a mixture of us being very different people. I come from a very highly educated family and have a job in banking technology that she doesn't understand, I'm a different religion, etc but I had hoped we would get closer with the baby. When we first said we were pregnant she wasn't happy. It was like confirmation that I was here to stay. Keep in mind my husband and I first started dating in high school and have been married for over 4 years. She also has a daughter who is awful. When we announced we were pregnant she completely freaked out, said completely horrible things and refused to be apart of our lives. She was completely jealous of all I had. My MIL didn't know what to do but I think for the first time realized how good of a person I am and embraced her first grandchild. Then SIL got pregnant out if spite for me and ran off and got married again to the baby daddy now my MIL only cares about that baby. My SIL who is older than me, in her words "needs more help". So basically my family is being punished because I have a successful career, a beautiful home etc at a young age and SIL is a hot mess. In 4 weeks she has only seen him for 2 days. She hasn't once called or text me how he's doing. I send her update and pictures because I want to keep showing I'm a better person and no matter how awful she is, her grandson won't ever have a mother who is that way. I'd rather have a MIL who wants to brag and show off their grandchild than what I have. It hurts my husband which hurts me more than I can say because he's such a good father. Apparently MIL and SIL are coming to my son's baptism but have only complained how inconvienent it is but I have no idea why because neither one of them work. So I'm not holding my breath that they'll actually drive the few hours to celebrate this event.
  • Misery loves company, right?

    MIL has been insisting that DH and I go out to dinner one night so that she can babysit. She doesn't seem to understand that's not entirely possible with a BFing baby who cluster feeds all evening. Yet she still says she can handle a fussy baby and that I "need" to go out to dinner. Our baby is only 3 weeks old. We are fine not going out alone yet and prefer to eat at home anyway.... even before baby.

    She also told me to drink wine every night before nursing so that LO will sleep better. Um, no thanks. I'm not a big drinker to begin with and am certainly not going to drink just to sort of sedate my newborn.

    She constantly talks in the most annoying baby voice and suddenly can't remember proper grammar around LO. Example: "I think her pooped, lets go change her...." Followed by "oh, no, her didn't poop. I thought her did, but her didnt!" All in a baby voice. As a speech language pathologist, this drives me BSC!!!!

    She also was constantly rubbing and pushing on my belly while I was pregnant, trying to make the baby kick back. Even as I was walking away from her, which I thought was a pretty strong hint for her to get her hands the eff away from my belly.

    Good thread, friends! I think we all needed this group therapy today.
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  • I hate the "my baby" thing!  He's your grandson, he's MY baby. 

    And my MIL also thinks everything is abnormal.  She has cat allergies, so since before LO was born, she's been mentioning him having cat allergies.  Baby acne?  Cat allergies.  Sneezing?  Cat allergies!  Green poop?  You bet it's those cat allergies.  

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  • that would Piss me off. My mil has hated me from day one. But dd is a month old and she still hasn't seen her I delivered 10 min away from her house and she didn't even come see us. She claimed she moved back to Michigan to be a grandma when dd1 was born but hadn't seen her in two months and missed her bday party on Sunday. It kills DH that she's a Shitty gma just like she was a shitty mom

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  • Ha, ok my turn...MIL has some facebook issues.  Every time we are with her she posts about it like, "getting lunch with Anna, yummy!" at XYZ Cafe.  So you can basically track her movements all day, hope she doesn't have a stalker.  The other day she posted "getting a new tire" at Autozone.  And she comments on almost every photo I post.  I almost don't want to post them sometimes because I know her comments will come rolling in...I think she's just a little enthusiastic about the fact that she can use facebook from her phone!
  • image CNJ4EVA:
    I can't stand my MIL, so I'm totally on board with supporting "hate on MIL day"!


    Amen
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  • Honestly i would be happy to have a MIL like yours. My MIL has ZERO relationship with DS and he is almost 3. Last time she was in town she didnt let us know, we found out about it the day after she left, she was in town for 2 days and didnt bother seeing her grandsons. And the time before that she had only 2 hours out of a 24hr period to see her grandsons, and what did she do for the 2 hours, she held J the entire time. She came up with the excuse as to why she couldnt get on the floor with DS was because he doesnt know her and she was waiting for him to come to her. She said maybe 2 words to DS the entire visit.
  • No advice here, but definitely have sympathy for you! My MIL is the same way, only she's only 20 minutes away and is retired so she has LOTS of spare time. She made a comment the other day about only getting to see the baby once a week... sorry, lady, I'm not hanging out with you every single week! She also keeps making comments about babysitting, and I don't want her babysitting LO... at least for a few years! She isn't able to walk without a walker, so I don't see how she can possibly take care of an increasingly wiggly infant... she's not just going to sit there in your arms quietly! But MIL doesn't get that... ugggh
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  • I feel similar. MIL never paid much attention to us before but now all of a sudden she wants to come over all the time.
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  • Sometimes when I get frustrated, I try to remember that one day I might be a MIL to O's significant other.  

    It doesn't make it any easier that my IL's were really not on board until about the last week of my pretty crummy pregnancy.  Now they want to come and visit all the time.  I do appreciate that they finally came around and embraced their grandson!   

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  • Oh and right before I delivered LO she was like I don't know why I can't be in the room it's not like I haven't seen it before in a snarky voice. Ugh I just wanted to tell her right then because I hate you that's why. My mom was in the room so it probably really made her mad.
  • image jayro10:
    She constantly talks in the most annoying baby voice and suddenly can't remember proper grammar around LO. Example: "I think her pooped, lets go change her...." Followed by "oh, no, her didn't poop. I thought her did, but her didnt!" All in a baby voice. As a speech language pathologist, this drives me BSC!!!!

    Not sure where you are geographically, but my MIL does this ALL THE TIME! I can't stand it either. I swear its a midwest thing, because I've heard other people do it too. 

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  • I have no comment since I have posted a few times as to what is/was going on with my MIL. We did have a conversation but it has not really changed. She still insists on doing the things that I mentioned to her that bother/upset me. When she sees that I get upset she does it more and then asks why I look sad, etc.

    My mom did say to me that my grandmother wanted nothing to do with her and the three of us so it makes me happy that at least she wants to be involved but she just needs to step back a little and my H has said that too. She has referred to our daughter as "her baby or her daughter" since we found out it was a girl. She told me that "when she gets older she will do what I say instead of what you say". My DH had to ask her to stop referring to our daughter as her baby because it started to bother him.

  • Haha. The Facebook thing sounds JUST like my MIL. She's sweet but DH and I call her the "share queen." She shares everything. And the "my baby, my boy, my angel," stuff is annoying.
    I have always said there needs to be Facebook etiquette classes for the older crowd. They just don't get the "flow."
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  • I really feel for everyone who has major IL issues. That has to be so hard to have married a wonderful man who comes with some less than wonderful people.

    Are all of our MILs friends on Facebook, oversharing with each other (about getting new tires - hahaha!) and breaking other people's news?  I texted MIL a random photo of DH, the baby and our dog the other week and the next day she posted it publicly.  G-D smart phone.  So now I'm not telling her anything that I don't want to be public, which severely limits what I'm willing to tell her.  I've thought about hiding her from my feed or hiding my statuses from her but I ultimately figured that it's better to know what kind of nonsense she's doing.  Ugh.

    I'm pretty sure I would lose it if MIL called my daughter "her" baby -- wow.

    And I'm giggling out loud at the thought of "her didn't poop" and the all-purpose cat allergies.  Good lord.

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  • Those of you who are 20-40 minutes away from your MIL - I am envious. Mine lives 1/2 mile away and I live 1/2 mile away from where FIL works so she randomly stops by when shes dropping him off or picking him up. She also ALWAYS wants to babysit because she needs her "baby time" but she only wants to watch DD (who is 6 weeks old) and never wants to watch DS (who is two). If I call and ask her to watch DS she will always be right in the middle of something. Usually this is scrapbooking or scanning paperwork. I also can't stand the way she says bed time and pacifiers. It's one thing for kids to set their own nick names for things such as DS refers to bed time as "ni-ni" and his pacis as "bubba's" (that one i'm guessing is because SHE started calling him "Bubba." Anyway, she refers to bed time as "na-na" and his paci as "ti-ti." There is just something about a 65yo women who calls a pacifier a "ti-ti." Erg, and she is obsessed with modern technology (Iphone, Ipad, Mac) yet she doesn't know how to use ANY of it. She is constantly calling me asking how to do this, that, and the other.

    ERG!

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  • image Shantxtell:
    My MIL annoys the crap out of me. Thing is she is really nice, it's me who is the betch. My Mom even said so!I have a feeling all MILs are just PITA regardless.I didn't feel that way about her till I was KU though.

    Me too for the most part, idk why things changed almost as soon as I got pg.  

  • B27B27
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its
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    I have the opposite problem, my mil is fantastic, my mom is crazy. A list of offenses:

    - calling my daughter her baby, saying "my baby, even wrote "my daughter k" on fb! (me and sis were like granddaughter! And my mom was like oops, typo...except it happened 2 times!) then wrote " my 3 girls on fb referring to my two sisters and my daughter! Ugh!

    - when my baby spit up at a restraunt grabbed a napkin that was dirty with guacamole and sitting on t of the table and said use this "I said no thanks, got a burp cloth that's dirty" she said its fine and wiped it all over my daughters face. I said "mom! It's dirty!" she said its fine, and got mad at me! 

    - every time my baby fusses bc she's hungry (I bf) my mom refuses to give her to me, says its just gas, and holds her until she screams. I have to ask at least two times for my poor hungry child! I say no, she's hungry and mom laughs at me and won't hand her over!

    - is weirdly possessive over my daughter, steals her from who ever is holding her within seconds, and gets mad/jealous of others time with the baby

    - wants to take her on overnight trips / baby sit (my kiddo is 8 weeks) but my mom is fairly abusive at times and dates/lives with a druggie boyfriend....um, he!! No!  

    Pluckily, I was blessed with the best MIL ever! 

  • ALP514ALP514
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
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    Im having the same problem except its with my own parents!! My ILs live in europe ao my only issue with my MIL is that she was upset that we didnt name our daughter mya. Which wasnt even a candidate.

    Anywho my parents are driving me bonkers. We live in a 2 family house , us upstairs and they are down stairs. We agreed on this arrangement because my mother is ill and they need our help, but we pay rent so its not like we get a free ride and its a significant amount of money.

    With that said my mom takes it upon herself to come in our house when the baby and i are sleeping and starts rummaging around till she wakes us up, it came to the point where the other day DD is going through a growth spurt and we barely slept at all. We finally bith went down for a nap at 245 in the afternoon and my mom and dad come banging on our door like banchees wake up we wanna see our girl wake up and then proceeded to come in and shake me awake saying its 3 in the afternoon dnt sleep the day away and needless to say i snapped and they havnt been doing it the past few days but i cant take it anymore.

    My dad comments on every picture of my dd on fb and makes it a point to say how noone cares for and loves her more then he does not even us. That sends dh over the edge. They also make it a point to memoriZe what people comment on my pictures then come and reiterate it to me. I can read!!
    They have a big problem when it comes to them saying "come to mommy or come to daddy" or " mommys girl" and i have to constantly remind them shes not yours!!!!

    Also they are pushing for me to go back to work so they can "raise her and experience her firsts". Well they are SOL cause i will be experiencing my child's firsts.

    Blah!!!! Parents fustrate me!!! Not to mention everytime LO cries they wanna shove a bottle or paci in her mouth. Idc what you say dad shes not always friggen hungry!!

    Wow thanks for giving me somewhere to vent i cant take it anymore!!'

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  • Haha....I don't know what it is about MILs that irritate everyone, but they do.  I have the kindest generous ILs that anyone could ask for and I love them dearly, but my MIL can get under my skin just a bit. 

    DH was out of the country for a week for work and my MIL came to stay for a couple of days to help out.  But I didn't realize "helping out" meant that I wasn't allowed to hold or comfort DS until we went to bed.  He would be screaming from gas pains and she would just hold him.  I had to tell her several times to put him on his back to do his gas exercises.  I would come into the room a minute later and she would be holding him again and tried to tell me he didn't like it.  I would finally take him and lay him down to do his exercises and he would be fine again.  I understand she doesn't get to see him all the time but what is it about the grandmoms that they only want to hold a sleeping baby, they don't want to try to interact with them or do tummy time?????  I feel like I have to babysit my MIL while she is babysitting my DS.

    She would then whine about how she wishes she was closer so she could see him more.  She is retired and lives an hour and 15 minutes away!  I will usually come back at her with that my parents live 1200 miles away so it could be worse.

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  • image pavlovic7:
    Not to mention everytime LO cries they wanna shove a bottle or paci in her mouth. Idc what you say dad shes not always friggen hungry!!'

    this is so my MIL anytime the babies cry she is oh is it time to eat and I will tell her no they just ate and she still wants to feed them. Like babies can't just cry to cry or for another reason.  

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  • +ASH++ASH+
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
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    I'm in the camp where my MIL is great - my mom is the awful one! The first time she came to visit us in the Nicu she:

    1) Commented that DD looked even smaller than she did at birth, two weeks earlier (DD was 1/2 a pound bigger - significant on a three pound baby!).  

    2) Said she didn't need to wash her hands because she washed them when she ate (which was at a fast food restaurant before handling doors at the hospital, pens to sign in, the car door, and her own grimy walking cane). DD stayed in the bed until she washed them.  

    3) Told me my first trimester bleeding was more than likely me miscarrying DD's twin. Such a lovely woman (and refused to listen to me when I told her that was impossible because of the amount of ultrasounds I had and none even hinted at that.)

    Since then, she has:

    -Passed on holding the baby because she would have to wash her hands (seriously? What's the deal with being clean?).

    -Told me DD probably wasn't getting enough breastmilk - never mind that she's a loud eater, clearly swallowing, gaining weight, and looks milk-drunk when I take her off the breast!

    And before she was born, mom informed me that she would be calling the baby by her middle name because she didn't like her first name. I informed her that she would not be seeing her granddaughter if she had such disrespect for me. The kicker - all of her friends adore DD's name, to her shock and disbelief. 

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  • My mil moved to our town when I was 34 weeks. She previously lived 12 hours away and we had a great relationship. She was supposed to live with us for a month while she found a place. She has been with us since April 1 and isn't moving until July 9. Prior to delivery she didn't help with our other two DD. I had a crummy pregnancy and started maternity leave early. Every day she commented on how much pain I looked like I was in but never helped clean and oy cooked a couple if times. She makes comments daily taking jabs at our parenting. I am 6 weeks pp and just had a hernia repair yesterday. She didn't ask if we needed anything at the hospital or with the girls. My mom came to take care of us from two hours away. When my parents show up she acts like she does a lot for us!!! DH and I can't wait for her to move out unfortunately its less than half a mile away and our relationship has been ruined.
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