It feels like yesterday that I was trying to figure out if I belonged on the January 2014 or Feb. 2014 mom's board. Now I just feel emotionally empty. I realize this post has all the trimmings of AW, but I'm hoping to find a online space where folks can empathize and support- not just cast pity.
A simple version of my story: My first pregnancy was textbook and I was blissfully ignorant about infertility or risks. I can now appreciate that (even more) for the miracle and blessing that is my DD. DH and I started TTC again last August. My cycles vary from 28 days to 38 days with no pattern, rhyme, or reason. I am still trying to figure out when I ovulate (using OPKs and charting). I was beyond ecstatic to get a BFP on June 4th (with LMP being April 26th). My first U/S was scheduled on my 10th wedding anniversary (Friday 6/21). I had mentally built it up to be a beautiful moment, but instead the US revealed a sac and that's it. I was in denial for a while trying to convince myself that there was some mistake, but Saturday morning the cramping and bleeding started. Certainly not the way you want to spend your anniversary weekend.
For survival's sake, I lied to my co-workers and told them that I had a possible ruptured ovarian cyst. They seem to accept this explanation, and have left me alone. My immediate supervisor knows the true reason and has been very understanding.
I am finally over the massive shock of the experience. The spontaneous crying has subsided. Other than feeling like I have a thousand pound weight on my chest, I am just numb (and still a little grumpy over it all). I'm not sure when to expect to feel 'normal' again. Until then, I will continue to consume copious amounts of chocolate and caffeine. It doesn't help - but it passes the time. Thanks for allowing me to share. I have few TPs to share, but I'll save them for a more appropriate thread.