Wow, thank you everyone for your responses. I last saw about 9 responses, and came back to 42!
I am aware that I am really just going on a feeling, not logic. Its not like they are going to damage the high chair if they use it. I just want my son's things to be new and clean and completely unused when he gets here. Down the road, after DS is here, I wouldn't think twice about letting my nephews use anything of his- I love them!
I really do appreciate all the feedback from both sides. I am going to speak to DH more, but I think I am going to follow my gut on this one...
After 1.5 years TTC, IUI #2= BFP 12/2/12
"And the dream that you dare to dream really do come true"
Since we won't need the high chair for a number of months, we left ours in the box for easy storage. I would just do that, then there is no argument.
This is what we did with DD's highchair. It was purchased for us when I was maybe 6 months pregnant. Knowing DD wouldn't be using it until she was 5 months or so we left it in the box. I would not have set it up just so someone could use it once at a party and then have it sit unused for months.
This is a very good point, actually. Something I will also bring up to DH. Our house isn't very big, and we really don't have to extra space to keep it set up for 6 months for no reason...
After 1.5 years TTC, IUI #2= BFP 12/2/12
"And the dream that you dare to dream really do come true"
I understand how you feel. If you didn't just have the baby shower you wouldn't even have a high chair yet. I never go any where expecting who ever the host is to let me use their baby things if they have children. I don't expect people who don't have children to accommodate me either. I think it would be kind of rude if I went there expecting them to do stuff like that. Me and my sister are really close, but I still wouldn't try to use any of her children's things without her offering. And I wouldn't expect her to either.
If you want to let them use then go ahead, but I don't think your DH or anyone should expect you to. I'd leave it in the box until you need it. Besides like someone else mentioned what if you decided you want to exchange it for a different one?
For the record though I don't think this should be a huge deal. It's not something I would fight with DH over. Just tell him what you think and be done with it.
Andplusso, are you not buying a single thing used? I know a ton of people here have scored used strollers/high chairs/etc, its no different.
If it were used, I think I may also feel differently. There is nothing wrong with getting used items, in fact I think that can save a lot of money and be very smart. I personally have not gotten anything used though, to answer your question.
After 1.5 years TTC, IUI #2= BFP 12/2/12
"And the dream that you dare to dream really do come true"
Sorry, but I think you're being selfish and really silly. It's not like the thing doesn't clean, and you won't be using it for months anyway. I'm surprised that so many ladies would feel the same way.
The real question in my mind is this: has the SIL specifically asked for this? If she hasn't, maybe she already has seating plans for the boys. Maybe she doesn't need or want to use your high chair. Why fight with DH if there isn't anything there to fight about?
I am also in the minority. I think it its kind of ridiculous. But I am the kind of person who likes to accommodate guests at my house and be a good host. I wouldn't go buy a high chair for someone but if I had one I would certainly let them use it without ever thinking twice.
Sorry, but I think you're being selfish and really silly. It's not like the thing doesn't clean, and you won't be using it for months anyway. I'm surprised that so many ladies would feel the same way.
I wouldn't want them to use it, either. In my opinion you (or your husband) shouldn't feel obligated to have a high chair available for someone else's kid.
When my kids were a little younger and we were going somewhere that I knew there likely wouldn't be accommodations for babies/younger children we'd bring our own stuff. Kind of like baby food/milk/sippy cups, etc. Plus, a highchair isn't completely necessary.
The real question in my mind is this: has the SIL specifically asked for this? If she hasn't, maybe she already has seating plans for the boys. Maybe she doesn't need or want to use your high chair. Why fight with DH if there isn't anything there to fight about?
No, she didn't specifically ask for it. Basically DH came to me this morning and said that he thought he would assemble the high chair today in case on of our nephews wanted to use it at the BBQ. He thought of it on his own. I expressed that I wasn't sure I wanted to start using the high chair yet, because I wanted our LO to be the first one to use it (especially a high chair-- I could just see a 1 y/o making it really messy. Granted I could and would clean it, but something about seeing DS's chair get really dirty before he is even here...). DH seemed mildly annoyed, but honestly, he has kind of gotten over it already. I agree that it isn't something to have a big fight over- totally not worth it. But luckily we didn't fight, just annoy each other.
I actually showed DH this thread, and he seemed surprised that I was worrying so much about it that I posted online to get feedback from others, and that so many women had such strong opinions on both sides about it. I think he didn't even realize it would be such a big deal to me when he brought it up.
After 1.5 years TTC, IUI #2= BFP 12/2/12
"And the dream that you dare to dream really do come true"
I am also in the minority. I think it its kind of ridiculous. But I am the kind of person who likes to accommodate guests at my house and be a good host. I wouldn't go buy a high chair for someone but if I had one I would certainly let them use it without ever thinking twice.
I probably wouldn't pull the high chair out of the box for one day MONTHS before I will actually need the high chair. I know it makes me sound lazy, but I honestly just wouldn't feel like having to clean the chair really well before putting it back where we are storing it (we'll likely keep the high chair in a box in the basement if we receive one at the shower). If small children regularly came to my house, and I received a high chair at my shower, I would probably go ahead and use it in order to make it easier on the parents when they visited (this would have been the case a few years ago with my young cousin - it was a PITA for her mom to always bring her high chair when we watched her). If it was really just a one time event, I likely wouldn't pull it out. It's not about my LO being the first to use it, it's about practicality more than anything else. So, I guess I kind of straddle the two opinions.
I am also in the minority. I think it its kind of ridiculous. But I am the kind of person who likes to accommodate guests at my house and be a good host. I wouldn't go buy a high chair for someone but if I had one I would certainly let them use it without ever thinking twice.
yup.
Well then, I guess I'll have to think of something extra special to do for my nephews to make up for being such a shotty hostess!
After 1.5 years TTC, IUI #2= BFP 12/2/12
"And the dream that you dare to dream really do come true"
I honestly think this is a silly request on their part. It is YOUR brand new gift, to be used on your brand new baby. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.
Honestly, we have a space issue, so for me I wouldn't assemble it for one day's use and then have it sit taking up space for 6 months before my child can use it. I'd keep it in the box and store it until I needed it. And while DH is trying to be accommodating to his sister and nephews, and excited about new things for the baby, unless you have oodles of space to have it sit for months, I'd just offer some other kind of seating for the kids. Maybe a picnic blanket on the floor or your sil may bring their own stuff.
I would feel the same way. The nephews are old enough that they can eat without being strapped in a high chair. I babysit a 14 month old, and I just sit her down where ever is most convenient to feed her at the moment. Don't force yourself to allow them to use it just to make your DH happy. If it bothers you just thinking about it now, imagine how much it will bother you watching them use it.
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It is a high chair and by the time your baby will use it, there will be nothing sentimental about it. If I were your SIL, I would roll my eyes at your selfishness, but wouldn't say anything.
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Re: am I being unreasonable?
Wow, thank you everyone for your responses. I last saw about 9 responses, and came back to 42!
I am aware that I am really just going on a feeling, not logic. Its not like they are going to damage the high chair if they use it. I just want my son's things to be new and clean and completely unused when he gets here. Down the road, after DS is here, I wouldn't think twice about letting my nephews use anything of his- I love them!
I really do appreciate all the feedback from both sides. I am going to speak to DH more, but I think I am going to follow my gut on this one...
This is a very good point, actually. Something I will also bring up to DH. Our house isn't very big, and we really don't have to extra space to keep it set up for 6 months for no reason...
I understand how you feel. If you didn't just have the baby shower you wouldn't even have a high chair yet. I never go any where expecting who ever the host is to let me use their baby things if they have children. I don't expect people who don't have children to accommodate me either. I think it would be kind of rude if I went there expecting them to do stuff like that. Me and my sister are really close, but I still wouldn't try to use any of her children's things without her offering. And I wouldn't expect her to either.
If you want to let them use then go ahead, but I don't think your DH or anyone should expect you to. I'd leave it in the box until you need it. Besides like someone else mentioned what if you decided you want to exchange it for a different one?
For the record though I don't think this should be a huge deal. It's not something I would fight with DH over. Just tell him what you think and be done with it.
If it were used, I think I may also feel differently. There is nothing wrong with getting used items, in fact I think that can save a lot of money and be very smart. I personally have not gotten anything used though, to answer your question.
Layla 01.08.12
Chloe and Vivian 07.23.13
My Gang. Halloween 2013
ITA. It's a freaking high chair.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
This tread is making me laugh...and I really wish the polling feature still worked because I'd love to see how things played out in a vote.
I'm team 'find a bigger battle to fight-it's just a chair'.
I wouldn't want them to use it, either. In my opinion you (or your husband) shouldn't feel obligated to have a high chair available for someone else's kid.
When my kids were a little younger and we were going somewhere that I knew there likely wouldn't be accommodations for babies/younger children we'd bring our own stuff. Kind of like baby food/milk/sippy cups, etc. Plus, a highchair isn't completely necessary.
No, she didn't specifically ask for it. Basically DH came to me this morning and said that he thought he would assemble the high chair today in case on of our nephews wanted to use it at the BBQ. He thought of it on his own. I expressed that I wasn't sure I wanted to start using the high chair yet, because I wanted our LO to be the first one to use it (especially a high chair-- I could just see a 1 y/o making it really messy. Granted I could and would clean it, but something about seeing DS's chair get really dirty before he is even here...). DH seemed mildly annoyed, but honestly, he has kind of gotten over it already. I agree that it isn't something to have a big fight over- totally not worth it. But luckily we didn't fight, just annoy each other.
I actually showed DH this thread, and he seemed surprised that I was worrying so much about it that I posted online to get feedback from others, and that so many women had such strong opinions on both sides about it. I think he didn't even realize it would be such a big deal to me when he brought it up.
yup.
Well then, I guess I'll have to think of something extra special to do for my nephews to make up for being such a shotty hostess!
IMO, yes. You are being silly.
It is a high chair and by the time your baby will use it, there will be nothing sentimental about it. If I were your SIL, I would roll my eyes at your selfishness, but wouldn't say anything.