August 2013 Moms

am I being unreasonable?

We just had our shower on Sunday, and it was wonderful.  One of the items we received was a brand new high chair.  

This weekend, I am throwing a birthday BBQ for DH at our house, and his sister and our two nephews (ages 1 and 3) are coming.  DH asked if we could set up the high chair and let them use it at the BBQ.  I kind of don't want to do that.  I want the high chair to be completely new and clean for when our LO arrives.  He seems annoyed at me, and honestly I am not sure if I am being unreasonable or not.  So in your opinions, am I being silly?  Should I just let them use it?

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Re: am I being unreasonable?

  • Honestly I think I would feel like you. It would be different if your baby had used it at least once or twice before. It probably is unreasonable, but I don't blame you at all.
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  • I personally don't see the issue with letting them use it. Its there, it might make feeding the toddlers a bit easier and your not going to be using it at the time...
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  • I am really really weird about using gifts before the occasion they were "meant" for.   We didn't use ANY shower or wedding presents until after the wedding and we didn't use any baby gifts until the baby arrived.  So I would have an issue with that and would probably see if I could borrow one from a friend for them to use.  But I am weird like that :)
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  • I would totallly feel the same way as you... but I'd probably also cave and let them use it.
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  • Nope I would feel the same way. Do they not own a high chair?
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    Hannah Evelyn 8.19.13
  • image ashleyamberRN:
    Honestly I think I would feel like you. It would be different if your baby had used it at least once or twice before. It probably is unreasonable, but I don't blame you at all.

    Yeah, I mean if this was not my first, and I had already used it with other kids, or even as you say, if our LO was here and had used it...but something about him (our son) not being the first to use it...

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  • I probably would feel the same way. I couldn't imagine using any of LO's things before he got here.
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  • Since we won't need the high chair for a number of months, we left ours in the box for easy storage. I would just do that, then there is no argument. 
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  • No, you are not being silly. I personally wouldn't let them use it. Especially if its a BBQ lol!

     

  • I totally understand where you are coming from, but I would let them use the high chair. Look at it this way, you'd get some practice setting it up and cleaning it.

  • image lindsey61811:
    Nope I would feel the same way. Do they not own a high chair?

    They do, but the BBQ is at our house...maybe the have another kind of child seat the can bring though, thats a good point. 

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  • I understand and don't think you are being unreasonable.  I don't really see a big deal in them using it, but I get that you want to save it for your LO. 



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  • I think you're being silly.

    ETA: Now if your family member demanded that you open the high chair then I would think you aren't being unreasonable. Your husband offering was a nice gesture and very helpful. Or maybe you plan on lugging your high chair every where so you don't have to borrow one.

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  • image Millie1984:

    image lindsey61811:
    Nope I would feel the same way. Do they not own a high chair?

    They do, but the BBQ is at our house...maybe the have another kind of child seat the can bring though, thats a good point. 



    Ya I mean I'm a FTM so no personal experience here but I'm not familiar with family events where people bringing kids expect the host to supply child friendly seating! I'm sure your DH is just trying to be nice and is excited to use one of your baby items, but you are totally right for not wanting to get it dirty already.
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    Hannah Evelyn 8.19.13
  • I think you are being ridiculous.  They are your nephews for christ sake.  
  • I am definitely on your side! I wouldn't want anyone to use it before my LO.
  • image monkeybutt61612:
    I think you are being ridiculous.  They are your nephews for christ sake.  
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  • I think it is a little silly but I would honestly feel the same way.  Is it already set up or still in the box? If its still in the box I might say "DH, we dont even need this chair until LO is 6 months old--I would really prefer to keep it in the box and stored until then" If its out of the box, you may just want to let them use it.

    FWIW, I never go anywhere expecting to have child-friendly seating available, whether the host has children or not.

     

  • I totally get where you are coming from. I might say, we haven't decided for sure we are going to keep it, just trying to make sure we like it and have room and you don't want to open it yet, just in case:) haha. 
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  • image monkeybutt61612:
    I think you are being ridiculous. nbsp;They are your nephews for christ sake. nbsp;


    Sure they are her nephews. But it's not her responsibility to provide child friendly seating. It's the parents responsibility. She only has the high chair because she's pregnant, so what if she didn't happen to have a brand new high chair?
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    Hannah Evelyn 8.19.13
  • image magdalina.h:

    I think you're being silly.

    ETA: Now if your family member demanded that you open the high chair then I would think you aren't being unreasonable. Your husband offering was a nice gesture and very helpful. Or maybe you plan on lugging your high chair every where so you don't have to borrow one.

    This.

    The *only* caveat I would have is that H clean the heck out of that thing when its done, because its going to sit unused for several months and you don't want anything secretly growing on it.

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  • Andplusso, are you not buying a single thing used? I know a ton of people here have scored used strollers/high chairs/etc,  its no different.
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  • tdmklmtdmklm
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    If I got a gift, I wouldn't want someone else to use it before me. Same for my kid.

    They should have other alternatives anyway... What do they do when they go to a place where a high chair is not available? We have a collapsible one we take everywhere for our LO. It stays in the trunk.
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  • image lindsey61811:
    image monkeybutt61612:
    I think you are being ridiculous. nbsp;They are your nephews for christ sake. nbsp;
    Sure they are her nephews. But it's not her responsibility to provide child friendly seating. It's the parents responsibility. She only has the high chair because she's pregnant, so what if she didn't happen to have a brand new high chair?

    Disagree. It is a host's responsibility to provide seating for guests. Would you say it was an elderly or disabled guest's responsibility to bring seating that could accommodate him/her? Now, that doesn't mean that OP necessarily needs to open her new present for the kids, but it is really not a guest's responsibility to provide his/her own seating when invited to a home.

    OP, I understand where you're coming from. It's your new thing! And it's a pain to take it out of the box and all that.

    But if it were me, I'd use it. Mostly for practical reasons. A toddler in a high chair is a toddler who is not smearing BBQ sauce on your couch.

  • I wouldn't let them use it. Besides, if you didn't have your shower on Sunday (or receive a high chair) what would they use? I would stand my ground. No one is using my child's items before him.

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  • image AndreaVilla:
    Dang!! I would kind of feel the same way. I would want it not to be used. But....I think you should totally let them use it then just clean really good. You never know when you may need something from them.

    This is how I feel as well.  DH's nephews are spending the week with us and his 23 month old nephew is sleeping in our brand new crib.  Part of me wanted our daughter to be the first one to use it but I understand why nephew needs to use it so I'm ok with it.

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  • image plunderb:

    image lindsey61811:
    image monkeybutt61612:
    I think you are being ridiculous. nbsp;They are your nephews for christ sake. nbsp;


    Sure they are her nephews. But it's not her responsibility to provide child friendly seating. It's the parents responsibility. She only has the high chair because she's pregnant, so what if she didn't happen to have a brand new high chair?

    Disagree. It is a host's responsibility to provide seating for guests. Would you say it was an elderly or disabled guest's responsibility to bring seating that could accommodate him/her? Now, that doesn't mean that OP necessarily needs to open her new present for the kids, but it is really not a guest's responsibility to provide his/her own seating when invited to a home.

    OP, I understand where you're coming from. It's your new thing! And it's a pain to take it out of the box and all that.

    But if it were me, I'd use it. Mostly for practical reasons. A toddler in a high chair is a toddler who is not smearing BBQ sauce on your couch.



    I get what you're saying. What if she didn't have the high chair though, is she supposed to go out and get a high chair to accommodate others children when they come over? That's the way I see it anyways, OP just do whatever you feel most comfortable with.
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    Hannah Evelyn 8.19.13
  • image cinderin:
    Since we won't need the high chair for a number of months, we left ours in the box for easy storage. I would just do that, then there is no argument. 
    This is what we did with DD's highchair. It was purchased for us when I was maybe 6 months pregnant. Knowing DD wouldn't be using it until she was 5 months or so we left it in the box. I would not have set it up just so someone could use it once at a party and then have it sit unused for months.

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  • image plunderb:

    image lindsey61811:
    image monkeybutt61612:
    I think you are being ridiculous. nbsp;They are your nephews for christ sake. nbsp;
    Sure they are her nephews. But it's not her responsibility to provide child friendly seating. It's the parents responsibility. She only has the high chair because she's pregnant, so what if she didn't happen to have a brand new high chair?

    Disagree. It is a host's responsibility to provide seating for guests. Would you say it was an elderly or disabled guest's responsibility to bring seating that could accommodate him/her? Now, that doesn't mean that OP necessarily needs to open her new present for the kids, but it is really not a guest's responsibility to provide his/her own seating when invited to a home.

    OP, I understand where you're coming from. It's your new thing! And it's a pain to take it out of the box and all that.

    But if it were me, I'd use it. Mostly for practical reasons. A toddler in a high chair is a toddler who is not smearing BBQ sauce on your couch.

    I disagree, I would never expect someone who's hosting a BBQ and doesn't currently have children to have any child seating available and would plan accordingly, the same with elderly.  If special seating was required for them, that would be something that, I think, should be prepared for in advance or brought with you.  You can't honestly expect someone to keep a stockpile of appropriate things for children, elderly, and/or disabled individuals in their home just in the event that someone meeting those specifications might come by.  That is unreasonable.  

    OP, I agree with you, I wouldn't want to use it.  What would they do if you had not had a high chair?

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  • image lindsey61811:
    image plunderb:

    image lindsey61811:
    image monkeybutt61612:
    I think you are being ridiculous. nbsp;They are your nephews for christ sake. nbsp;
    Sure they are her nephews. But it's not her responsibility to provide child friendly seating. It's the parents responsibility. She only has the high chair because she's pregnant, so what if she didn't happen to have a brand new high chair?

    Disagree. It is a host's responsibility to provide seating for guests. Would you say it was an elderly or disabled guest's responsibility to bring seating that could accommodate him/her? Now, that doesn't mean that OP necessarily needs to open her new present for the kids, but it is really not a guest's responsibility to provide his/her own seating when invited to a home.

    OP, I understand where you're coming from. It's your new thing! And it's a pain to take it out of the box and all that.

    But if it were me, I'd use it. Mostly for practical reasons. A toddler in a high chair is a toddler who is not smearing BBQ sauce on your couch.

    I get what you're saying. What if she didn't have the high chair though, is she supposed to go out and get a high chair to accommodate others children when they come over? That's the way I see it anyways, OP just do whatever you feel most comfortable with.

    No, it isn't necessary to buy a high chair for young guests, but it is necessary to accommodate them in some way. Maybe that means eating picnic-style or using small stools at a low table. But it is rude to tell your guests to bring their own chairs, no matter their age (unless you're in a houswarming/no furniture situation, I suppose).

    But it's important to remember that the person asking to use the chair is not the SIL ? it's her DH! He is the host and it's his birthday and he's trying to make an accommodation for his guests, which is what hosts are supposed to do.

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