May 2013 Moms

I am really sad/angry about my birth experience

It's been almost a month since my sweet girl arrived...but I find myself increasingly frustrated/mad/sad about my birth experience. I did not have a birth plan, I had some preferences, but mostly I just trust my medical team and tried to go with the flow- but I feel that there are some things that could've been better and I don't know what to do with these feelings. Write a letter to my OB practice/the hospital? Talk to my doctor at my 6 week check up? Just let it go because I am quite possibly overreacting? 

This is pretty much just a vent and I am of course glad that my daughter arrived healthy, I just have these upset thoughts running through my head when I'm up doing these late nursing sessions.

I'm upset that that they pushed pitocin when I was starting to contract on my own only a few hours after my water broke and when I questioned the resident ordering the pit- she informed me that she "feels pitocin gets an unnecessary bad rap". I have a strong feeling that women has never had a Pitocin contraction ripping her body apart.

I'm upset that the pitocin made me progress so fast that my epidural wasn't able to keep up with the pain and that the baby crowned so fast and furious that my perineum didn't have time to stretch properly and I ended up with an episiotomy.

I'm upset that when they gave me cytotec when I was bleeding too heavily after the birth, that they did not inform me that I was going to have major diarrhea for 24 hours after the birth- which I've since found out is a very common side effect and super NOT fun when you've just pushed a baby out and have an episiotomy!

 I'm upset that my nurse kept answering her cell phone when her kids were calling. Her power was out at home and they were upset- I get it- family stuff happens- but step out of the room lady. I really needed to feel like your head was in the game and that is not the vibe I was getting. They seriously were calling every time she was in my room.

I'm upset that my baby had a true knot in her cord and that this wasn't detected on any of the four ultrasounds I had. If they'd have known ahead of time, I really should have had a c-section because if I'd not pushed the baby out in 6 pushes, the blood flow to her brain and body could've been severely compromised. I keep questioning if they should've noticed this back when I was admitted to L&D for monitoring at 24 weeks because baby's heart deceled every time I'd lay on my back.

I'm upset that my doctors office never called to check on me 7-10 days after the birth as the OB from the practice discharging me from the hospital told me they would. I guess this is a dumb one- I just called myself to schedule my 6 week follow up...but I feel annoyed they didn't call. 

 If you made it this far, thanks so much for listening. I know I should just let all this go and that it's just lack of sleep and hormones making me feel so upset. 

Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers

Re: I am really sad/angry about my birth experience

  • I hear you. I have been upset about so many things Logan and I have been through. It's really upsetting and frustrating. And scary.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers Expecting Logan James (Spina Bifida) May 2013. Follow our journey: http://littleloganjames.blogspot.com/
  • I'm sorry you're upset and I hope you feel better! I would probably mention something to your doctor if it will help you feel better. Especially the nurse thing. I understand family stuff happens as well but that was a definite breech in discretion when she continued to answer her phone in your room. At least imo... I'm sure the nurses on here could offer better insight.

    June Siggy: Movie Quotes

    I know I'm mixing two movies but this was too funny to pass up

    image



  • I understand completely, I too had some major issues with the way things were handled during my delivery. It sucks to feel like things could have gone better because its such a big moment in a person's life.

    My daughter and I both had some major medical complications following birth and neither DH nor I felt they were handled that well. Luckily we were both transferred via ambulance to an amazing hospital.

  • kmcd23kmcd23
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    member

    I understand where you are coming from.

    I'm still not over some of the things that happened. I believe I got really good medical care, and I'm grateful for it, but I'm frustrated with what happened afterwards, like no skin to skin, no encouragement to nurse, etc. I was so out of it from everything that happened, that I really needed someone to step in and guide me. I wasn't thinking straight. But no one did, and I still feel guilty about LO's first 12 hours of life. :( 

  • I think you should mention something to your doctor. At the very least the answer/reaction will help you decide if that's a practice you want to stay with. I would report the nurse thing to patient satisfaction at the hospital, that's their job. My birth went nothing like I'd hoped, but I feel that every decision was in fact the best for me and my girl, and I can see why you don't feel yours was .
    image

    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • I feel that if you are unhappy and angry about elements of your birth that you should speak with your doctor.

    At my hospital you can see a specialist who will go through your notes with you and explain what they did and why they did ot. They will then refer you to a counsellor if you are finding difficulty overcoming or accepting any elements of the birth. It's quite traumatic, I know it was for me too. Not the earthy experience I had imagined but I am
    Fine with that. I had a big issue with the postpartum care. My nurse basically told me I shouldn't press the buzzer for help. Bearing in mind this was 7 hours after my c section and no spouses are allowed to stay with you so I was expected to get up bleeding and sore just barely recovered from the epi and with a catheter in to pick my daughter up to feed her. I complained that night and she apologised but not before trying to back peddle and blame it on a misunderstanding. I'm still upset about that part of my care now. It really does affect how you feel about the overall experience. To top it off we got a lot of extra care with my cousin being quite a respected midwife at the hospital and I fear had it not been for her our care would've been less than ideal which is a shame.
    imageimage
    image
  • I'm sorry you didn't get the birth experience you wanted. A lot if the stuff that happened are valid points to be angry/sad about. i don't have any advice for you, but i hope that you can come to terms with what happened. It's in the past and unfortunately there's nothing that can be done to change it. Mobile sad face

    I want to add that my baby also had a true knot in her cord. I had 4 u/s as well and nothing was ever detected. It made me upset because after she was born, my Dr even mentioned that if it was any tighter, we could have lost her. I wish they had paid more attention to that
    Avery Elaine 5/21/13

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I have similar feelings, I think what is important is to recognize your feelings are valid.  Yes you have a healthy baby, but you still had a traumatizing birth experience and it would be harmful to your psyche to push those feelings down.  I think you should let yourself mourn that experience, tell your doctors you were unhappy and why and ideally talk to a counselor about it.
    image
  • I'm sorry you had to go through that.  I think you should mention your experience to your doctor, both so you can get it off your chest and so they can hopefully learn from their mistakes.  

    One thought though.  You mentioned things progressed too quickly because of the Pitocin but also mention that because of the knot, if you hadn't delivered LO in 6 pushes their could have been some major issues.  Maybe the Pitocin actually ended up saving your LO?

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Along with what PPs have said you might consider making a post on the natural birth board. Even though you may never want a "natural" birth, the women on that board know a lot about birth and also about talking to health care providers about things that bother you. I'm sorry your birth was so traumatic.

     

    Married to E on June 5, 2010
    Gave birth to baby boy, I, on March 25, 2012
    Gave birth to baby girl, A, on May 20, 2013

    Recovering from mitochondrial dysfunction and Addison's/possibly very severe adrenal burn out using food, medicine, and a large amount of garden therapy.
  • Because you had one experience, it's easy to assume that the other experience would somehow have been better.  It's kind of like the "grass is always greener."  Just because your birth was fast, doesn't mean you would not have had an episiotomy if it was slower.  I pushed for 2 1/2 hours with my first and still had an episiotomy.  There is no way to predict what the outcome would have been if things were different.  There's no way to change the past but you should discuss things with your doctor to be better informed for another pregnancy.  All 3 of my deliveries weren't the picture in my mind (in fact 2 were CS) but I take solace in the fact that the important things turned out right: no permanent damage to me (including maintaining my ability to have more children) and my babies were healthy.  I know I was really disappointed the first time, so I think what you're feeling is pretty common.
    href="http://www.weddingcountdown.com/" rel="nofollow">
    image


    AMA: 43 DH: 49 DD: 07/09/98 - 15 years
    DS: 11/09/00 - 13 years
    Surprise DD#2: 4/30/13
  • image aliciablair22:
    I hear you. I have been upset about so many things Logan and I have been through. It's really upsetting and frustrating. And scary.

    I have been following your blog since your birth announcement. You are a very strong momma, hang in there! 

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
  • image 1and1is3:
    I'm sorry you're upset and I hope you feel better! I would probably mention something to your doctor if it will help you feel better. Especially the nurse thing. I understand family stuff happens as well but that was a definite breech in discretion when she continued to answer her phone in your room. At least imo... I'm sure the nurses on here could offer better insight.

    I agree...it was so ridiculous! 

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
  • image Boo0512:
    I understand completely, I too had some major issues with the way things were handled during my delivery. It sucks to feel like things could have gone better because its such a big moment in a person's life. My daughter and I both had some major medical complications following birth and neither DH nor I felt they were handled that well. Luckily we were both transferred via ambulance to an amazing hospital.

    I'm very sorry you had such a tough time! Thank goodness you ended up at a great hospital so you could both get the care you needed! 

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
  • image kmcd23:

    I understand where you are coming from.

    I'm still not over some of the things that happened. I believe I got really good medical care, and I'm grateful for it, but I'm frustrated with what happened afterwards, like no skin to skin, no encouragement to nurse, etc. I was so out of it from everything that happened, that I really needed someone to step in and guide me. I wasn't thinking straight. But no one did, and I still feel guilty about LO's first 12 hours of life. :( 

    You know, this actually happened to me with my first daughter. I felt so dumb- I didn't even think about checking to see if she had a wet or poopy diaper. I think they changed the first one when they took her for her bath and then I don't think I even thought to check until they asked me about 6-8 hours later how many wet/poopy diapers she'd had, and I had no clue! I was so exhausted and out of it and I know it should have been common sense on my part, but I just didn't think and they could've given me a little hint in the right direction :) They also didn't guide me well on skin to skin or anything nursing related, they basically just shoved a pump at me and told me to pump because my preemie had a poor latch. I felt guilty too...but the most important thing to remember is that our LO's will not remember any of that!

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
  • image Lolalipsy:
    I feel that if you are unhappy and angry about elements of your birth that you should speak with your doctor. At my hospital you can see a specialist who will go through your notes with you and explain what they did and why they did ot. They will then refer you to a counsellor if you are finding difficulty overcoming or accepting any elements of the birth. It's quite traumatic, I know it was for me too. Not the earthy experience I had imagined but I am Fine with that. I had a big issue with the postpartum care. My nurse basically told me I shouldn't press the buzzer for help. Bearing in mind this was 7 hours after my c section and no spouses are allowed to stay with you so I was expected to get up bleeding and sore just barely recovered from the epi and with a catheter in to pick my daughter up to feed her. I complained that night and she apologised but not before trying to back peddle and blame it on a misunderstanding. I'm still upset about that part of my care now. It really does affect how you feel about the overall experience. To top it off we got a lot of extra care with my cousin being quite a respected midwife at the hospital and I fear had it not been for her our care would've been less than ideal which is a shame.

    That is awful Lola!! They never should've expected you to be doing so much on your own so quickly after a c-section. 

    I wish my hospital would go through notes with me, that would be super helpful. But sadly, it's nothing like that here :( You have to jump through major red tape just to even have access to your own records.

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
  • image Moosemonkey:
    I think you should mention something to your doctor. At the very least the answer/reaction will help you decide if that's a practice you want to stay with. I would report the nurse thing to patient satisfaction at the hospital, that's their job. My birth went nothing like I'd hoped, but I feel that every decision was in fact the best for me and my girl, and I can see why you don't feel yours was .

    I think I might mention something. I hate to be "that person" especially when things turned out fine, but if it might even help them improve things for someone else in the future that would be worth it. I think I will end up staying with the practice, because I really loved 2 of the doctors out out of the 6 at the practice and unfortunately one of my least favorites ended up delivering me, but as my primary doctor, I will stick with one of the two I liked.

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
  • image stacia601:
    I'm sorry you didn't get the birth experience you wanted. A lot if the stuff that happened are valid points to be angry/sad about. i don't have any advice for you, but i hope that you can come to terms with what happened. It's in the past and unfortunately there's nothing that can be done to change it. Mobile sad face I want to add that my baby also had a true knot in her cord. I had 4 u/s as well and nothing was ever detected. It made me upset because after she was born, my Dr even mentioned that if it was any tighter, we could have lost her. I wish they had paid more attention to that

    That's my understanding too, if her knot had been any tighter, we could have lost her. That is just AWFUL to think about. I'm very glad your DD was ok too! They REALLY should be able to detect these things especially when they've had several looks at baby. 

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
  • image mslaurats:
    I have similar feelings, I think what is important is to recognize your feelings are valid.  Yes you have a healthy baby, but you still had a traumatizing birth experience and it would be harmful to your psyche to push those feelings down.  I think you should let yourself mourn that experience, tell your doctors you were unhappy and why and ideally talk to a counselor about it.

    Thank you, I might end up doing that. Some of this might be hormones and stuff, so I'll probably give it a little time before I talk to a counselor, but talking with you gals about it and stuff really does help me sort out my feelings.

    Edited to say: I just noticed you said you had some similar feelings about your birth experience. I hope that you are able to heal emotionally too and I'm sorry for what you went through.

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
  • image star510:

    I'm sorry you had to go through that.  I think you should mention your experience to your doctor, both so you can get it off your chest and so they can hopefully learn from their mistakes.  

    One thought though.  You mentioned things progressed too quickly because of the Pitocin but also mention that because of the knot, if you hadn't delivered LO in 6 pushes their could have been some major issues.  Maybe the Pitocin actually ended up saving your LO?

    That's the thing- if  I really thought they'd learn from their mistakes, then it would be worth mentioning, but I have a strong feeling they would just roll their eyes and talk about me after I left the room...

    That is a nice thought about the Pitocin! Unfortunately I don't think it would've helped. She was delivered in only 6 pushes because my doctor cut a huge episiotomy and she just sorta slid out after that! So the episiotomy probably did save her.  The Pitocin more likely actually put her in danger because I was so out of control and freaking out over the pain that I could barely push effectively.

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
  • image MitoRachel:

    Along with what PPs have said you might consider making a post on the natural birth board. Even though you may never want a "natural" birth, the women on that board know a lot about birth and also about talking to health care providers about things that bother you. I'm sorry your birth was so traumatic.

     

    I did think about that, but wasn't sure if I'd be rejected over there since I had no intention of going without an epidural, especially once Pitocin was brought into the picture. I just couldn't handle it.

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
  • image surpriseaddition:
    Because you had one experience, it's easy to assume that the other experience would somehow have been better.  It's kind of like the "grass is always greener."  Just because your birth was fast, doesn't mean you would not have had an episiotomy if it was slower.  I pushed for 2 1/2 hours with my first and still had an episiotomy.  There is no way to predict what the outcome would have been if things were different.  There's no way to change the past but you should discuss things with your doctor to be better informed for another pregnancy.  All 3 of my deliveries weren't the picture in my mind (in fact 2 were CS) but I take solace in the fact that the important things turned out right: no permanent damage to me (including maintaining my ability to have more children) and my babies were healthy.  I know I was really disappointed the first time, so I think what you're feeling is pretty common.

    Thanks, you are right. I know some of this was just par for the course in that nothing can be planned in birth, but some of it just seemed like it could've been done better. This is actually my second birth, but it was drastically different from my first. My first was 5 weeks early, way smaller and I had no clue what I was doing or what to expect and wouldnt have known if they had done anything wrong.

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards