February 2013 Moms

WWYD (NBR)

I play the piano and my BIL's fiancee asked me a few weeks ago if I would play the processional for their wedding in September. It would be 2 songs. Normally I would charge a small fee for playing. However, future SIL is very young and naive and is already complaining on Facebook about how much money weddings cost (just today she posted that she wants someone to try wedding hairstyles on her for free because she's "spent enough money on wedding stuff already"...). Also, they are obviously family so that makes it a little different too. 

So, I am down to 3 options: 1, tell her how much I charge for playing in weddings and see if she still wants me to play. 2, tell her that playing in her wedding will take the place of a wedding gift if she's okay with that. 3, say nothing and see if she brings it up at all (she probably won't). WWYD? 

PCOS with long, irregular cycles
First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 
BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014

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Re: WWYD (NBR)

  • I would do number three and number two. I probably would wait for her to bring it up, but knowing she won't, I'd give her a nice card on her wedding day saying how happy you were to give the gift of that music at the event. A little passive aggressive, but your talents shouldn't be taken for granted IMO.
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    BFP #1: 12.30.11, MC 1.6.12 at 5w; BFP #2: 5.25.12, DS born 2.1.13; BFP #3: 9.4.14, MMC 10.13.14 at 9w
  • You could do it as your gift to them, and I would not ask if it was okay instead of a gift.
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  • I guess because it's family I would not bring it up unless she does, play for free if that's how it plays out, then give a much smaller wedding gift than I would have if I didn't offer my services. Then if she's super tacky enough to mention the size of your gift, you could tell her that you included your very talented, very free services as part of your gift.

    Or, since it's your BIL, you could have DH talk to his brother about it, and let him know that either you prefer to be paid for your services or that your playing will be the gift for the wedding. 

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  • If it were me, I'd probably do it in lieu of a gift, or maybe buy just a small gift for them (like a butter dish...but we are weird and always buy butter dishes for weddings).  I wouldn't say anything about it; I'd just do it.

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  • image Sterling13:
    I'd give her a nice card on her wedding day saying how happy you were to give the gift of that music at the event. A little passive aggressive, but your talents shouldn't be taken for granted IMO.

     

    This

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  • I would do 1 or 2. This is something you normally do for a fee, so treat it the same as you would any other arrangement. 

    My sister and BIL had a family friend play guitar for their processional. The guy was paid by my sisters inlaws for his services and I guess there was a misunderstanding because this person reasoned that the guitar playing was his gift and never brought the, anything. And yeah, it's entirely optional to bring a gift to a wedding, but he flat out said that his music was the gift ... which he was paid for. No. Just no. 

     IMO, you don't give a gift that you get paid for. It's either or. Good luck!

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  • image ohlordy:
    I would do 1 or 2. This is something you normally do for a fee, so treat it the same as you would any other arrangement.nbsp;My sister and BIL had a family friend play guitar for their processional. The guy was paid by my sisters inlaws for his services and I guess there was a misunderstanding because this person reasoned that the guitar playing was his gift and never brought the, anything. And yeah, it's entirely optional to bring a gift to a wedding, but he flat out said that his music was the gift ... which he was paid for. No. Just no.nbsp;nbsp;IMO, you don't give a gift that you get paid for. It's either or. Good luck!

    Oh, I would never use the music as my gift if I got paid for it. I think I will do option 2 and probably just write it in the card instead of asking if it's okay. And if they ended up paying me something at or soon after the wedding, then I would send a gift. I agree, it's either or!
    Thanks for the opinions everyone!
    PCOS with long, irregular cycles
    First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 
    BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014

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  • image Teacher Clark:
    Am I the only one who thinks that this is family and you should do it for free AND get a gift? I sang at my sisters wedding, didn't get paid, and bought a gift. There are things you do for family because they're family.


    I agree here. Our wedding is next year and my fiances cousin is going to do my makeup but doesn't expect payment. I guess if she did then I would pay her. Or if she wasn't coming to the wedding anyway and was taking time out of her day to do this then I would pay her. It gets complicated though.
    With that said, if she decided to not give a gift since she did my makeup I would totally be fine with that.
  • image Teacher Clark:
    Am I the only one who thinks that this is family and you should do it for free AND get a gift? I sang at my sisters wedding, didn't get paid, and bought a gift. There are things you do for family because they're family.


    I completely agree! Playing 2 songs will take less then 7 or 8 minutes. I'd be insulted if my immediate family expected me to pay for this or didnt get a gift of some sort. Family is family IMO.
    Eta You're so blessed to have a talent like that, spread the wealth girl!
  • image Teacher Clark:
    Am I the only one who thinks that this is family and you should do it for free AND get a gift? I sang at my sisters wedding, didn't get paid, and bought a gift. There are things you do for family because they're family.

     

    That was my feeling as well.  I think in families, we donate our talents when we can--especially when it doesn't cost anything.  You are attending the wedding anyhow, so it isn't as if playing the piano would keep you from taking another gig and losing out on income. 

     

     

  • LolaJrLolaJr
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    image Teacher Clark:
    Am I the only one who thinks that this is family and you should do it for free AND get a gift? I sang at my sisters wedding, didn't get paid, and bought a gift. There are things you do for family because they're family.

     

    Agreed. IMO it's an honor to be involved in someone's big day, especially family.  

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  • image Justinlove:

    image Teacher Clark:
    Am I the only one who thinks that this is family and you should do it for free AND get a gift? I sang at my sisters wedding, didn't get paid, and bought a gift. There are things you do for family because they're family.

     

    That was my feeling as well.  I think in families, we donate our talents when we can--especially when it doesn't cost anything.  You are attending the wedding anyhow, so it isn't as if playing the piano would keep you from taking another gig and losing out on income. 

     

     

    No, it won't keep me from losing out on income. However, I do have to pay for the music that she wants because I don't already have it, and I will be practicing both songs multiple times a week for a couple months to make sure I have them down pat. So there is money and a lot of time involved. I wouldn't expect someone to do that for free for me even if they were family.

    PCOS with long, irregular cycles
    First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 
    BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014

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  • image Christee25:
    image Teacher Clark:
    Am I the only one who thinks that this is family and you should do it for free AND get a gift? I sang at my sisters wedding, didn't get paid, and bought a gift. There are things you do for family because they're family.
    I completely agree! Playing 2 songs will take less then 7 or 8 minutes. I'd be insulted if my immediate family expected me to pay for this or didnt get a gift of some sort. Family is family IMO. Eta You're so blessed to have a talent like that, spread the wealth girl!

    Right, playing the 2 songs at the wedding won't take long, but I can't just show up and play them having never practiced them before. I'm not THAT good. I'll be practicing from now until September, so that's a lot of time involved there.

    PCOS with long, irregular cycles
    First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 
    BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014

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  • I would play for free.  It's family and you would probably be going to the wedding anyway, right?  It's not really going out of your way to do them the favor.

    And I would probably get them a wedding gift on top of it.

        
  • My husband is a professional singer. He asked a good friend who is also a singer to sing at our wedding. She said she would do it and said it would be her gift. We were happy with that. We had otherwise planned to pay her her usual rate. So I say just tell the bride that singing is your gift to her.

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