Dads & Dads-to-be

Humoring husband while ttc? Long-ish

DH and I are TTC for baby #2 and I have tried humoring him with a few things and I am at the end of my patience with him and could use some advice.

Issue one-We have talked about ttc for a few months now (trying as of June 1) and whenever we talk about it he always mentions putting a football star in there and how our DS will have a little brother. When I mention there are odds of having a girl he gives me this look like Im crazy and says well he is going to have a little brother.

I get it, he had a younger brother he grew up with so I think it would be an adjustment for him to be around a little girl (there hasn't been a girl born in his side of the family for the last eight years). Whenever I say well I wanted one of each he says he doesn't care what it is as long as it's healthy.... but then follows up with wanting a football star and complains about how much stuff we would have to get if we had a little girl. (I know cart before horse situation here). 

Issue two- DH... I love him. I really really really do. But sometimes I want to knee him in the shins. DS was a honeymoon baby, we weren't really trying but we weren't really NOT trying so there wasn't any charting or temping or anything I am doing right now. I gave up talking to him about it after a few days but he doesn't seem to grasp the concept that ovulation and the odds of having sex during my fertility window will give us greater chances. Whenever we started at the start of the month (I don't ovulate till THIS weekend) he said a few days later "there is prob a baby in there!" And he has said this every few days since.  I know he is excited to start trying and so am I but I would like him to be a little less in la-la-land and come back to Earth just a tad. 

Issue three (I promise I will shut up after this)- DH and I told EVERYONE we were pregnant right away last time. Partially that was because he was overseas and I was still in the states and we wanted me to have a bigger support group through the first trimester. The problem was.... everyone knew. Everyone was asking me how I was feeling 30 times a day and when sometime went wrong with the preterm labor... everyone knew about it. So this go around I said I didn't want to tell anyone until the amnio came back and we knew the gender. If it was a girl I didn't want to tell anyone till the birth (again, no girls born in eight years and his mother basically begged us to have a girl last time, because that is so in our control right?) because his mom is a shop-aholic and I would love to have some of her closet bought by us rather than stuff his mom picked out (really not ungrateful here but last time DS was born she bought mountains of clothes for him without telling us and we had a giant pile we got and a giant pile from her and most of it didn't get worn so to me that was a waste on both parts). But DH said I needed to consider his mother and tell her asap like last time. 

Again, I know this is cart before horse here but we are both Type A's so this stuff gets talked about a lot. I have tried humoring him about this stuff but I am really getting frustrated about him living in la-la-land and my words landing on deaf ears. Short of tuning him out or not talking about all this I don't know what to do. 

Suggestions?  Thanks in advance for your input :)

 

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Re: Humoring husband while ttc? Long-ish

  • Issue 1: Your husband has rocks for brains.

    Issue 2:  I'd just giggle and say "who knows, but we better keep doing it to make sure".

    Issue 3:  If his mother can keep a secret, fine, tell her. Otherwise, put your foot down.

     

    Your husband sounds exhausting.

    http://i.imgur.com/LQTLw2Q.jpg
    -My son was born in April 2012. He pretty much rules.
  • mrsdbcmrsdbc
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
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    image LuckyDad:
    Issue 1: Your husband has rocks for brains.Issue 2:nbsp; I'd just giggle and say "who knows, but we better keep doing it to make sure".Issue 3:nbsp; If his mother can keep a secret, fine, tell her. Otherwise, put your foot down.nbsp;Your husband sounds exhausting.


    She can't keep a secret to save her life. Esp if we had a girl and since we don't live anywhere close it would be hard to make sure she didn't spill.
    And he is totally exhausting lol.
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • Issue 1:  He is probably just projecting his childhood out... he had a little brother, so he wants your son to have one too.   As far as the football star thing goes... he's dreaming big there considering only 1600 men out of the whole country get to even play football for a living, and it is starting to go more international already.  He better be at least somewhat prepared for the prospect of a girl.  And to be realistic, aside from clothes, there isn't THAT much extra you need to buy as long as you went semi-gender neutral on some of the big ticket items.

    Issue 2:  Your husband needs to get a grip.  He apparently did not pay ANY attention to sex education in school.  You need to show him a fertility calendar where it shows when you are most fertile and likely to conceive.  If he thinks he knocked you up 2 days after aunt flo left town, he is not only in la-la land, he may be the mayor.

    Issue 3: If he's not out of the country, I would say come up with some sort of compromise on the announcement of the pregnancy.  Maybe not tell RIGHT away, but after the initial ultrasound, or at the end of the 1st trimester.  On the gender reveal, knowing prior to delivery isn't going to stop your mother in law... she'll go straight from the hospital to Babies R Us and go wild if she's a big of a shopaholic as you state.  As far as the free stuff goes... that is no real biggie.  If she buys a mountain of clothes, you can just buy specific outfits you really like and make it a point that he/she wears them.  Look at it this way... when you are done having kids, you'll have one heck of a garage sale because baby clothes go FAST.

  • mrsdbcmrsdbc
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
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    To be fair I am 99.9 sure he was joking about knocking me up two days after Aunt Flo but it's still frustrating that it's being treated like a joke rather than a major life event.
    Thanks for the great responses guys. I posted something similar on the TTC board and got blasted :/
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • image kettbride:
    To be fair I am 99.9 sure he was joking about knocking me up two days after Aunt Flo but it's still frustrating that it's being treated like a joke rather than a major life event.

    He'd hardly be the first person to joke around about something to avoid feeling too nervous or anxious.

    He may also sense your anxiety and be trying to crack jokes as a way to make it more fun and less stressful?

    http://i.imgur.com/LQTLw2Q.jpg
    -My son was born in April 2012. He pretty much rules.
  • mrsdbcmrsdbc
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    image LuckyDad:

    image kettbride:
    To be fair I am 99.9 sure he was joking about knocking me up two days after Aunt Flo but it's still frustrating that it's being treated like a joke rather than a major life event.

    He'd hardly be the first person to joke around about something to avoid feeling too nervous or anxious.

    He may also sense your anxiety and be trying to crack jokes as a way to make it more fun and less stressful?

    Possibly, he has a tendency to not take things seriously and can't really stay focused on things, honestly I think its some sort of ADD. We will see, I told him we are in my O-Window and he seems kinda excited and then two min later kinda like its a chore (we don't really umm have relations that often) so we will see how things go :/ 

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • image kettbride:
    image LuckyDad:

    image kettbride:
    To be fair I am 99.9 sure he was joking about knocking me up two days after Aunt Flo but it's still frustrating that it's being treated like a joke rather than a major life event.

    He'd hardly be the first person to joke around about something to avoid feeling too nervous or anxious.

    He may also sense your anxiety and be trying to crack jokes as a way to make it more fun and less stressful?

    Possibly, he has a tendency to not take things seriously and can't really stay focused on things, honestly I think its some sort of ADD. We will see, I told him we are in my O-Window and he seems kinda excited and then two min later kinda like its a chore (we don't really umm have relations that often) so we will see how things go :/ 


    Whenever my H and I were TTC, I never told him my window of ovulating because I didn't want it to get like a chore or get stressful. I would make sure I would get him "wanting some" at that window and make sure we would DTD in that window. IMO, knowing you have to at a certain time can make it less fun and make it seem like a chore or job that is required of you instead of just having fun and doing it.
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