January 2013 Moms

Stressed about child care ...

Okay, so I've tried to write a calm, coherent post about child care options but I just need to say I am REALLY anxious about finding someone to watch DS for when I start grad school in September! 

I never, ever planned to be a SAHM so I am so surprised how much I am freaking out about leaving DS with someone other than DH or my mom! I work now but opposite hours of DH so we've never had to worry about child care.  

So I guess my questions are - who uses a nanny? what do you pay? where do you live? I live in MA and browsing care.com hourly wages seem to be $10-20 ... $20/hour seems CRAZY to me but I don't know anything about this stuff! No local daycare centers have impressed me yet but I'm still researching those so I'd also be interested to hear what people pay for daycare as well. 

And if anyone just wants to talk me off my ledge about how leaving my baby will be a bigger deal for me than him I would appreciate that too Wink

Thanks ladies. I love my BMB! 

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Re: Stressed about child care ...

  • It's amazing how much easier it gets when it's your only option! But seriously, DS loves daycare, and it's nice to be accomplishing things at work again. 

    We use a center, we love the oversight, I'd be much more leery of a nanny unless I had lots of references and recommendations.

    Our center is $230/week regardless of PT or FT. And the price is locked in for next year as well (some centers raise prices Jan 1st). Most places around here are $950-1000 per month. We're around  Albany, NY.


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  • It truely is harder in you than them. I am a working my, out is necessity defiantly not chose. We are with a in home provider and have had a good experience so far. She lets me be the crazy FTM that I am so I don't feel judges by my questions or concerns. My sister keeps telling me that that once LO is talking and can express how much she loves going to "school" I will feel better about leaving her. I just keep reminding myself that she is getting great exposure to other people because there will come a point where she has to go to school so that transition will hopefully be easier. Not sure if the people exposure really matters but its what I tell myself to get through the day. We pay 285 weekly but the dose it going to really be determined by your location. All will be ok and if you need more assurance when the time nears you know where to turn. GL!

  • I agree with PP, I like the oversight and openness that a day care provides over a private home care or nanny. (The thought of a nanny makes me nervous, especially one not recommended to you)

    Also I love that DD gets to see older babies and watch what they do. She has older baby friends that she follows around the room and copies their movements. 

    I pay $185 a week which is a little higher than normal for our area, SW Florida.

    Leaving DD was terrible the first week but since then hasn't been bad. I have days where I miss her and those days I go home as early as possible. For the most part I love what day care has to offer. I love I get little craft made for my desk. I love she has people to interact with all day.

    Good luck finding a good option for your LO. 

  • Childcare is a huge decision and costly as well. I was stressed about this for about a month. I could not come to accept the fact that I was leaving my precious baby with another woman. I was torn between having the natural need to be with my baby and having to work to provide for my family. My DH and I looked at several options and chose the nanny route. I am 100 percent happy with this decision. My DD is happy and thriving. We like to say that she is spoiled to have her personal nanny! Although the cost of the nanny is burning through our savings, it is so worth the peace of mind. We live in So. CA and pay our nanny 10 per hr. I wish you all the luck with whatever you decided to do.
  • We use an in home center. I feel like we are super lucky with where DS is. Our provider is great and operates almost as if she is a center. She's flexible with DS and our requests of what we want for him. DS thrives in daycare. He lives watching the other kids. She has a range of ages. He is the youngest there now and is only one of two babies during the school year and will be the only little baby this summer. I like how he gets so much one on one attention. Personally I disliked the actual daycare centers bc I felt like DS wouldn't get enough attention or at least as quickly bc there were so many babies and only one adult for every two or three babies.

    While some days I wish I could stay home with DS. I know that for both him and I, this is better for us in the long run. And I love seeing how happy he is in daycare.

    We pay 165 a week. It's in a much more reasonable end for in homes here in MI.
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    Everyone is right, it really is harder on you. If you want to focus on the positives; I find that I so appreciate my time more with DS when I'm working, while also still having me time (even if it is at work). In my head it was never an option to not return to work, I have the larger salary and carry our family's insurance. With both of my boys I had to go back at 6 weeks PP, but they both loved going to daycare!  I use an in-home provider that I love! She runs it like a center, records everything, and is fully licensed by the state, so she follows the state guidelines. We pay $135 a week, which I think is an excellent rate (west Michigan). One of the best things for me is that DS loves both the routine at daycare, as well as watching/playing with other kids. I think finding child care you are happy with can be one of the most stressful things, but once you have a situation you're happy with, it really does get much easier!

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  • We ended up choosing a daycare center over in-home care. I agree with PPs that I have a lot more peace of mind with him at a center than at a home, where I don't know who is coming and going in the house, I don't know if DS is in front of the TV, etc. I also agree that's it's much worse on us to leave them than it is for DS. He seems fine there, and I would think it's better for them to get used to daycare now when they are so little. Dropping a 2 or 3 year old off at daycare for the first time has to be much, much worse.

    We pay $245 per week for a center, which is about mid-range in my area (CT).

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    I feel you. It's SO expensive! I'm trying to send dd for 4 hours and can't find anyone that won't charge for a full day.

    My ds has been in dc/school since he was 6 months old so I'm pretty used to leaving him by now. Dd is a little more difficult because its like she knows I'm leaving and gets all happy and lovey to make it harder. It's nice to have time to be a real person though, like that I can go out wearing something nice and not worry about being spit up on or worrying how you'll carry lo plus your bags out to the car.

    Forgot to add: I'm in ma too and dc averages 50 to 70 a day for babies.

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  • I live in Pittsburgh and care.com said the average for our area is $9.50 an hour.  That's pretty ridiculous if you ask me.  I have one of my former students watching LO on days both DH and I work for $40/day which is what we would have paid at the daycare we were looking at (I hated it though, we only considered it for the lower cost).  That's really low, but she's just doing it for extra money and to help us out so she doesn't mind.  Plus I keep the fridge stocked with her favorite foods Smile

    Unfortunetly, SHE'S going to grad school in the fall so I've been scrambling to find a daycare with an opening.  Infant care is hard to find here and waitlists are long.  We're looking at paying around $250/week for quality FT care.  Makes me sick. 

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  • We had a nanny 2 days a week when I went back to work part time at first, paying her $10/hour.  Columbus, Ohio is about 10-15 an hour for a nanny.  Having a nanny was soooooo much easier at first than the first week of daycare.  I would love to have just hired her on full time, but at that point, the numbers don't make ANY sense for me to even bother working.  

    When I went back to work full time, we found an in-home daycare basically a neighborhood over (on care.com, which I highly recommend).  We pay her $175/week, no matter how many hours or days we need her, which is average to high-average for our area for in-home.  She only has two other little ones to watch, which is one of the many reasons we felt comfortable with her watching our little guy.  Some in-homes have many kids, but they are usually older?  Finding the right in-home is tough, but if you can find a good one, it's worth it, I think :)

     We also looked at two day cares in our area, and they were pretty similar in cost as to what others were saying - about $250-280 a week, full time.  They both claimed to have part time spots, but we were warned they are really hard to get.  

    Oh, and that first week SUCKED.  I didn't cry, surprisingly, but I was stressed as all hell, just worried if he was sleeping, or if he was eating, or if he was hysterical.  He was totally fine.  He didn't sleep as much or eat as much as he normally would, but he was very happy, just taking in the new surroundings.  By the start of week two, he was back to his usual self :) 

  • You will find what works for you - 99 percent of everyone grows up to be healthy well adjusted people, whether they stay with mom all day, or a nanny, or in a center.  And not all types of care work for all kids.

    My kids thrive at a center where there are other kids to play with/learn from, new and different toys and activities (my 4 month old paints - literally - i get his artwork sent home every day), and no TV or Internet (i worry about a single woman plopping down to watch TV or busy on her phone/Facebook all day instead of taking care of my  babies). Tons of oversight, a great educational curriculum - and she learns songs and dances and participates in fun theme weeks - gardening, camping, safety, etc.

    For my infant I pay $325 a week (Denver area)- and then it goes down by about $100 per month, for every new classroom he moves up into. My DD is 3 classrooms ahead of DS and it's much less for her.

    Don't let society, other moms, your mom, etc make you feel bad or stressed about child care. It takes a village. You decide who makes up that village - and be confident and happy in your choices. Your kid will be okay!!


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  • image wootownlady:

    Don't let society, other moms, your mom, etc make you feel bad or stressed about child care. It takes a village. You decide who makes up that village - and be confident and happy in your choices. Your kid will be okay!!

    Thank you for this! I know whatever we decide DS will be fine.

    Thank ladies for all of your responses!  

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  • We are pulling them out of a center and hiring a nanny because we've all been so sick.  We can't afford to miss work like this.  The DC is like 480/week for both of them.  We're going to pay a nanny 425 for a 4-day work week (but it costs more than that after we pay our portion of taxes/SS/unemployment; plus the payroll service).  The logistics of hiring a nanny have been tough to figure out but I think it will be a good switch.
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