Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Telling family?

Sorry to be a PW tonight, but I am kind of at a loss for whether or not we should share with our parents / siblings what we are going through right now. We had not told them we were expecting.

Part of me wants to share with them, because it is something that we are really struggling with and the support and understanding would be nice. Also, it might help them to be a little more considerate with their questions about when we will be having a second baby. My mom and SIL have both been through losses, so it might be helpful to share with them. Also, my SIL just had a baby and we are going to visit them next week, which I imagine might be a little difficult for me.

Any advice from others who have gone through this? Thanks :) 


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TTC #2 May 2013

BFP #1 - June 4th - Natural M/C June 17. 6 weeks.
BFP #2 - July 20 - Natural M/C July 29. 5 weeks.
BFP #3 - September 18. Natural M/C September 30. 6 weeks.
Break for testing.  No explanation for losses. Cleared to TTC again!
BFP#4 - November 25. u/s 12/19 - SCH,  hb. u/s - 12/30 - No hb @ 8 weeks 2 days.  D&C 1/2.
RE consult and testing - unexplained losses.

BFP#5 - March 8. EDD 11/19/2014. ~* Hoping and praying to meet this little one*~
Beta 10DPO: 28 - 12 DPO: 93 - 14DPO: 331 - 17 DPO: 1438  -24dpo - 15,500!!!!
Heartbeat 8weeks 3 days -183

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Re: Telling family?

  • I am very sorry for your loss.   All I can offer is that I am normally a very private person and would have felt like I would keep it to myself but after my miscarriage at almost 14 weeks, since we had announced to family, friends and work that we were expecting, I couldn't avoid telling everyone about the loss.  Overall, I would say that it is better this way, having the support of most people.  The only downside is that you really see who is caring and who is not.  Not that it was news to me but how some close family reacted confirmed my thoughts about them.  I had some very distant acquaintances care more than them unfortunately. 

    So I guess my advice is to get all the support you can during this terrible tragedy.  Regardless, if you decide to keep it secret, you have all of us to help you through this time.

    IVF#1 in March 2013.  BFP!  Due date 12/11/13.
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    Lost my sweet angel...D&C on 6/11/13.

    IVF#2 in September.  BFP!  Due date 6/8/14!
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  • We hadn't told any1 yet when I had my mc. I told my mom the day it happened. We're pretty close was having a hard time keeping the pg from her. She told my dad.
    Like you said they would be a source for support. And you need all the love you can get right now.
    I personally have had a hard time dealing with the pain and emotions while putting on a "normal" front bc no one knew. So i think having someone you can confide in would be good.
    Thoughts prayers for you!! Just do what's right for you.

    TTC since Sept 2012
    M/C on 5/01/13 at 8 wks
    AF finally appeared 11 wks later per Provera
    Diagnosed with PCOS on 7/29/13

    Three Failed Medicated Cycles

    NTNP Indefinitely


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  • kggMomkggMom
    10 Comments 5 Love Its
    member

    I went back in forth about telling family other than our parents as well but I'm so glad I did because not only do I have their support but now I don't hear "when are you going to have baby #2?" every single time we are around them (which is often).

    Me:32 DH:33  Married 6/18/05
    Off BC 12/07 BFP 1/08 DD born 8/08 (easy healthy pregnancy)
    Surprise BFP Twins 11/09 1st MC 12/09 back on BC 2/10
    Off BC 6/11,BFP 8/12 MC#2 8/12, BFP 10/12 MC#3 & D&C 12/12
    RE 4/13, Hysteroscopy/tubal cannulation 7/13, Diagnosed:RM                             

    BFP 9/13 Our miracle baby EDD May 28, 2014

  • kggMomkggMom
    10 Comments 5 Love Its
    member
    Also, I'm sorry you are going through this :(

    Me:32 DH:33  Married 6/18/05
    Off BC 12/07 BFP 1/08 DD born 8/08 (easy healthy pregnancy)
    Surprise BFP Twins 11/09 1st MC 12/09 back on BC 2/10
    Off BC 6/11,BFP 8/12 MC#2 8/12, BFP 10/12 MC#3 & D&C 12/12
    RE 4/13, Hysteroscopy/tubal cannulation 7/13, Diagnosed:RM                             

    BFP 9/13 Our miracle baby EDD May 28, 2014

  • I'm sorry for your loss.  I think this is a personal choice everyone has to make for themselves.  I did tell my brothers and sisters, even though I hadn't told them about the pregnancy.  I am a sharer, and I knew it would help me to talk about it.  Good luck with your decision. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    BFP 4.17.13   EDD 12.29.13  Miscarriage discovered at 8w3d

    BFP 10.7.13  EDD 6.20.14

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  • So sorry for your loss!

    image msechick:

    Overall, I would say that it is better this way, having the support of most people.  The only downside is that you really see who is caring and who is not. 

    I'm starting to experience this too, unfortunately.  I was 15 weeks, so most everyone knew.  Some of my friends who I thought would be so supportive have pretty much disappeared or act like nothing happened.  Others have surprised me by their kindness and willingness to just be there for me, hear me and continue to check in on me.  It's been so touching to see who really cares about me and a little painful to see who doesn't.   As far as telling family I would have to share.  My mom has been a huge support.  BUT with that has come the burden of her pain.  She's really sad for me, for the loss and sometimes it brings me down even more.  So tough call, but ultimately I think having the support outweighs the negatives of sharing.

    TTC #1 4/09-3/10, dx PCOS, 5th round clomid BFP 3/27/10, Nolan Lee, 11/13/10, PROM 36 weeks
    TTC #2 6/12-3/13, natural BFP 3/24/13, TWINS
    MC first twin at 11weeks, MC/preterm labor second twin, DD at 15weeks, 6/7/13
    BFP 9/21/13, EDD 6/5/13!!  It's a GIRL

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  • I went through this same struggle earlier this month.  I wanted to share that I did end up sharing this with some of my family.  i.e- my father, siblings, and mom)

     

    That being said, the whole reason I shared was I could NOT come to peace with the whole thing.  My husband is wonderful and did his best but even him being great just left me feeling lost and deeply hurt and alone.  My relationship with Dad... like no other.  I know that its probably similar to the closeness some are to their mothers.... they can tell them anything, and they somehow can make things make sense.  My father, honestly, said nothing THAT different than anyone else but I left his house the night I told him feeling a huge weight off my shoulders.... and finally was able to think that it would eventually be ok.

     

    This is just how I am and how I deal with things... but as a 27 year old girl... Daddy still comes to the rescue... it was worth sharing for me.  You need to do what is best for you though.

     

    Mom... she is not as helpful.  She originally said comforting things but since then says stuff like... oh aren't you glad you aren't having a baby because.... XYZ ( expensive, exhausting, etc)  That is my mom though.  Next time- I will not tell her.


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    BabyFetus Ticker

    BFP #1- 5/25/13, natural MC@ 5w5d- 6/4/13
    BFP#2 (after being cleared to try again after a period) 7/27/13, natural MC@ 5w2d- 8/7/13

  • I struggled with this too and I still am really.  Both of my sisters know, but I didn't tell my parents.  Some days I feel guilty that I didn't tell them (I talk to my mom most days), but some days I'm glad I kept it to my self.  My mom is a huge worrier, and I could see her stressing me out about it.  
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  • mjcasdmjcasd
    Fourth Anniversary
    member

    First, let me say that I am so sorry for your loss. DH and I had a miscarriage last August.  
    My FIL had been the worst offender in constantly asking when we were going to have children.  Last year on Father's Day, DH and I wished him a happy Father's Day and he said that he would love to wish DH one too but he couldn't because he wasn't a father yet.  It really hurt me - but I didn't want anyone involved in our TTC journey, so no one knew we were trying and I couldn't really say anything to him. 
    Last August, we got our BFP on a Friday night and I started spotting on Sunday.  We chose to tell our immediate families about the pregnancy early and because of the cramping.  I wanted their support in the event that something happened.  Telling them was one of the best decisions we made.  My FIL has been nothing but supportive since then and hasn't made any comments.  He still want grandchildren, but there aren't anymore snide comments. And, the support from our friends and our family have been a huge comfort. 

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