Dads & Dads-to-be

Please help me calm my H's baby fever

**I will start by saying that you guys always crack me up and your coard is so refreshing.**

DH and I are very busy. He works full time (is actually about to start his dream job on July 1st) and he goes to school part-time (only a year more to go!!). I work full-time, and go to the gym about 4 times a week, at least an hour each time. I do not really like my job, but the pay is above average, so I deal with it. We make decent money (once he is at his new job, our combined income will be around $60k/year). We just bought a house, and are working hard to update/renovate it. We are also very involved with our church, which keeps us busy for about 4 hours three times a week, sometimes more for me.

ANYWAY, DH looked at me earlier this week and blurted "I want babies." It was nice- we are on the same page that we want kids eventually. But he keeps bringing it up, every single day (baby names, nursery colors, etc). I want kids too, but not right now. We are too busy and still very young. I keep having to remind him that having kids now means giving up our lifestyle (traveling, going out with friends, having visitors from out of town, etc). He is just not getting it.

Can I say something to make him realize that having kids right now is not a good idea? Should I just go along with him until this phase of him apparently NEEDING a kid is gone? Thank you so much!

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Re: Please help me calm my H's baby fever

  • I don't know how long you've been married, or how young is "very young"... but I can say if you don't want kids at this current point in time, you have the right to express that.  He's starting a brand new job in 2 weeks, and goes to school part time... add full time dad in there and it may wind up too much.

    Just approach him with a list of reasonable reasons why starting a family now may not be the best idea.  Such as:

    - Still young

    - House is going to be major expense to renovate

    - Full time job, part time school does not leave a great deal of time for parenting

    Reaffirm the fact that you DO want kids, but now is just not the best time to start looking at starting that journey.  If you allow him to go through the "phase of NEEDING a kid", it is likely to just snowball on you until you get rolled over.

  • True... VERY true.  Especially depending on where in the country you live.  Daycare could cost 12K a year plus.
  • I would sit down and talk to him about holding off until he is finished with school and hopefully gets at least a pay raise.  I would also sit down with him and run a budget on how much a kid costs in the first few years and how much child care is, with your combined income only at 60K I am assuming before taxes, child care will run roughly 10K a year so you will have to figure out what to do.
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