Parenting

Discussion topic

I'm watching When Harry Met Sally while DD is napping.  Just watched this scene:

Harry Burns:You realize of course that we could never be friends.Sally Albright: Why not?Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.Harry Burns: No you don't.Sally Albright: Yes I do.Harry Burns: No you don't.Sally Albright: Yes I do.Harry Burns: You only think you do.Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.Sally Albright: They do not.Harry Burns: Do too.Sally Albright: They do not.Harry Burns: Do too.Sally Albright: How do you know?Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too. What say ye parenting?  Can men and women ever really be friends?  Like real friends, not work acquaintances that joke around together. 

 

I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

"It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
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  • Well... most of my friends are guys, so I'm gonna say yeah, they can.
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  • I come down on Harry's side.  I think men and women can be friendly, but it's really hard to be true friends.  Especially when they're involved with other people. 
    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

    "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
  • image krptcmschfmkr128:
    Well... most of my friends are guys, so I'm gonna say yeah, they can.

    Do you hang out?  Go to lunch or movies together without your H or their SO's?   

    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

    "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
  • Maybe ?  I also think it depends on if you are in a happy and healthy relationship as well.  When you are satisfied with your relationship, you truly can look at the opposite sex and being just friends. 

    Now, if you are single ?  Yeah he might have a point. 

  • Yes, I do.  Now, I will say that a couple of my male friends- there once was an attraction.  Like 20 years ago.  but nothing ever was acted on and we got past that part of it and went on to become "just" friends. 
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  • image krptcmschfmkr128:
    Well... most of my friends are guys, so I'm gonna say yeah, they can.


    Yup. Course most of my early friends ended up being gay lol.

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  • Do we think Harry is speaking truth that guys are always thinking about having sex with their female friends even if they aren't particularly attracted to them?  Are men really this simple?  I'm worried they are :/
    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

    "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
  • Yes.  One of my closest friends is a dude.  I lived with him while I was living in LA.  There has never been and will never be anything sexual or physical between us.  I love him dearly but do not have an ounce of attraction to him.  He feels the same way.

     

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  • image fredalina:
    image krptcmschfmkr128:
    Well... most of my friends are guys, so I'm gonna say yeah, they can.
    Yup. Course most of my early friends ended up being gay lol.

    I think this situation is outside the scope of this particular discussion. 

    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

    "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
  • image Disneygeek77:

    Maybe ?  I also think it depends on if you are in a happy and healthy relationship as well.  When you are satisfied with your relationship, you truly can look at the opposite sex and being just friends. 

    Now, if you are single ?  Yeah he might have a point. 

    I think this can be an aspect of it too.  Also- I STRONGLY feel that opposite sex friends have to be a "friend to the relationship" when one or both are in a romantic relationship.  Doesn't mean they have to be friends w/ the SO, but I would expect them to ask about the SO, take an interest in their friends life outside of their friendship, inviting the SO along, and just in general respecting that there are certain lines that shouldn't be crossed.

    To a point, it boils down to respect.  


    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
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  • My BFF is a guy. I do think at some point he wanted to get with me. Well, I know he did. But that was fleeting and our friendship survived. He is now good friends with DH as well.

     

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  • Amendment to the rule:

    Harry BurnsWould you like to have dinner?... Just friends.Sally Albright: I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends.Harry Burns: When did I say that?Sally Albright: On the ride to New York.

    Harry Burns: No, no, no, I never said that... Yes, that's right, they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can... This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted... That doesn't work either, because what happens then is, the person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say "No, no, no it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship," the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can't be friends. 

    How does this factor in? 

    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

    "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
  • image izzourclue:

    image krptcmschfmkr128:
    Well... most of my friends are guys, so I'm gonna say yeah, they can.

    Do you hang out?  Go to lunch or movies together without your H or their SO's?   



    Jumping in, but one of my best friends is a guy I've known since high school. We do hang out one on one, go out to bars and dinners alone, etc. DH is completely okay with this. If nothing has happened in 15 years, why would it happen now? This isn't the movies where sexual attraction can be dormant for decades and then suddenly materialize.
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  • image izzourclue:

    image krptcmschfmkr128:
    Well... most of my friends are guys, so I'm gonna say yeah, they can.

    Do you hang out?  Go to lunch or movies together without your H or their SO's?   

    Honestly? Yeah. MH has no problem with it, either. He knows that they're just friends. 

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  • image izzourclue:

    What say ye parenting?  Can men and women ever really be friends?  Like real friends, not work acquaintances that joke around together. 

     

    I think it's hard for SINGLE men and women to just be friends. Sooner or later someone's gonna get attracted to someone.

    I think it's different when you are partnered to other people. 

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  • image ItsAllGravy7:

    image izzourclue:
    Do we think Harry is speaking truth that guys are always thinking about having sex with their female friends even if they aren't particularly attracted to them?  Are men really this simple?  I'm worried they are :/
    I have a hard time believing guys just want to bang you even if you aren't their type and they aren't physically attracted. I have plenty of male friends who I *am* attracted to and just as many that I'm not. If you're not attracted to each other why would you sit around thinking about sexing them? Why not think about sex w/ someone you ARE attracted to?

    It just seems odd. 

    I think what Harry is saying is, men are always thinking about sex and if you're bangable; ie a woman, he's thinking about having sex with you.  Therefore, he can't really be friends with you because sex always foremost in his mind and "getting in the way."  I think he's saying that men think about having sex with whoever happens to be in front of them at the time.  I really hope some of the guys weigh in on this.  I don't think I could get a honest answer from DH on this.   

    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

    "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
  • image kiraliz2:

    My BFF is a guy. I do think at some point he wanted to get with me. Well, I know he did. But that was fleeting and our friendship survived. He is now good friends with DH as well.

     

    Let's face it, if the opportunity arose, your BFF would totally still do you. I mean, if you were both on the market. 

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    -My son was born in April 2012. He pretty much rules.
  • Back in my college days, I had an equal number of girl and guy friends. There was no sexual attraction with most of the guys (yes, I hooked up with a few of them in the end...but the ones who were truly FRIENDS? Nope. Never.).

    I had one particular friend (male) who was my BEST friend for years. We would go to parties and tell people we were brother & sister. We were roomates for awhile (we rented an apt along with another girl). He dated one of my best friends.

    So it is indeed possible. Also? DH has some very pretty female friends (whom I've met and we are all FB friends). I also would like to think he's not in any way preoccupied with getting into their pants. He's the most loyal guy I know so I'm not worried about it. I trust him to the end of the earth.

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  • image izzourclue:

    image fredalina:
    image krptcmschfmkr128:
    Well... most of my friends are guys, so I'm gonna say yeah, they can.


    Yup. Course most of my early friends ended up being gay lol.

    I think this situation is outside the scope of this particular discussion. 



    Yeah, I get that, but I didn't know they were gay at the time. I suspected one but a couple were real surprises for me. Not that I gaveashit. I've had plenty of guy friends who weren't gay later on. Some wanted sex, some didnt't, some never let on if they did.

    I don't really have any now because people coupled up and I've moved around some. So we're either distant friends or couple friends now. But DH has several women friends that I am certain he does not/did not want to bang. Sometimes he meets them for lunch, sometimes we do things as couples or with the kids. It's NBD to me.

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  • image Nechie122:
    image izzourclue:

    image krptcmschfmkr128:
    Well... most of my friends are guys, so I'm gonna say yeah, they can.

    Do you hang out?  Go to lunch or movies together without your H or their SO's?   

    Jumping in, but one of my best friends is a guy I've known since high school. We do hang out one on one, go out to bars and dinners alone, etc. DH is completely okay with this. If nothing has happened in 15 years, why would it happen now? This isn't the movies where sexual attraction can be dormant for decades and then suddenly materialize.

    I think this is completely possible.  People grow and change.  Situations change and people may become more attractive to each other.  There's always the "I wonder what could have happened" thoughts that can creep in.  I mean if you get along so well as friends, wouldn't it be perfect if you could have sex and be such great friends?  Perfect right?  

    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

    "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
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    image izzourclue:

    image krptcmschfmkr128:
    Well... most of my friends are guys, so I'm gonna say yeah, they can.

    Do you hang out?  Go to lunch or movies together without your H or their SO's?   

    Yes and yes. My male friend moved a few hours away so I don't see him often but we text and DH texts his female friend as well.

    Conveniently though, DH gets along with my friend and I get along my friend's wife. His wife and I were roommates after college. I also get along great with DH's female friend and her boyfriend. DH is also great friends with her boyfriend. So really, this situation is ideal as there are no issues of jealousy or not trusting one another.

    I do think it's possible to be friends with someone of the opposite sex without there being the underlying motive of trying to hook up with someone. 

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  • image LuckyDad:
    image kiraliz2:

    My BFF is a guy. I do think at some point he wanted to get with me. Well, I know he did. But that was fleeting and our friendship survived. He is now good friends with DH as well.

     

    Let's face it, if the opportunity arose, your BFF would totally still do you. I mean, if you were both on the market. 

    Word.  I doubt he's totally moved past it.  I'm sure you make it into the masturbation rotation once in a while.  Forbidden fruit and all. 

    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

    "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
  • I will add this caveat.  All of my guy friends are from college.  I've never hooked up with any of them and we've remained friends for over 10 years.  Many of them are married, we've attended each other's wedding, and I really like their wives/SOs.  Whenever they are in Atlanta or I'm in NYC, we will have dinner together (everyone, DH, their DWs, etc.)  It's a 100% given.

    That said, now that I'm married and whatnot, I can't really see myself making a new guy friend and ever being close the way I am with my guy friends from college.  I would feel similarly weird if DH were all of a sudden buddying up to some chick.  It doesn't feel warm and fuzzy to me.

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  • image LuckyDad:
    image kiraliz2:

    My BFF is a guy. I do think at some point he wanted to get with me. Well, I know he did. But that was fleeting and our friendship survived. He is now good friends with DH as well.

     

    Let's face it, if the opportunity arose, your BFF would totally still do you. I mean, if you were both on the market. 

    Yeah but what I'm saying is the sex part didn't get in the way. We are still just friends. KWIM?

    Edited for quote fail.

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  • image Onederful Mother:

    I do believe it's possible, but I don't recommend it once you're married. I have some guys I'm really close with in a platonic way, but once I got married, we stop having dinner and lunch dates out of respect for my husband.

    I just think it's a bad idea.  

    Yeah this is basically exactly what I was saying.

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  • image CTGirl30:

    Back in my college days, I had an equal number of girl and guy friends. There was no sexual attraction with most of the guys (yes, I hooked up with a few of them in the end...but the ones who were truly FRIENDS? Nope. Never.).

    There was no sexual attraction on your end. 

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  • I go out for beers after work with a male coworker occasionally and I hang out with my BFF alone quite often. I don't think it's disrespectful to DH unless it bothered him. Which it doesn't.
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  • image CTGirl30:

    Back in my college days, I had an equal number of girl and guy friends. There was no sexual attraction with most of the guys (yes, I hooked up with a few of them in the end...but the ones who were truly FRIENDS? Nope. Never.).

    I had one particular friend (male) who was my BEST friend for years. We would go to parties and tell people we were brother & sister. We were roomates for awhile (we rented an apt along with another girl). He dated one of my best friends.

    So it is indeed possible. Also? DH has some very pretty female friends (whom I've met and we are all FB friends). I also would like to think he's not in any way preoccupied with getting into their pants. He's the most loyal guy I know so I'm not worried about it. I trust him to the end of the earth.

    I trust my DH in that he would never act on anything.  And I doubt he is preoccupied with thinking about sex with women he may know.  Does the thought cross his mind?  Probably.  I don't like it, but probably.  Thinking men are like what Harry says, would make me worry about my DH spending a lot of time with another female because those fleeting thoughts could turn into a preoccupation depending on the state of our relationship at the time.  Slippery dippery slope yo. 

    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

    "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
  • image kiraliz2:
    I go out for beers after work with a male coworker occasionally and I hang out with my BFF alone quite often. I don't think it's disrespectful to DH unless it bothered him. Which it doesn't.

    If he said it bothered him, would you stop?  Or would you think he was just being jealous?  Are you sure he's being honest with you that it doesn't bother him or is he just trying to not be "that guy?" 

    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

    "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
  • One of my best friends in the world is a guy, and DH stole him from me. They're golfing buddies now, and we all hang out when possible. When we first started dating, though, DH didn't like it when I'd go to his house to hang, until he met and got to know and like him. I have several male friends, all of which are also friends with DH.
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