I know this may cause all kinds of drama

jorkz821

overture:

justAphase:

GhostMonkey:

justAphase:

I understand the frustration that may lead one to spanking, but I won't and I don't think it is constructive. I think it's quite the opposite actually. I was spanked once by my dad; all it did was make me fear him, not make me learn my lesson.

Then he didn't use it correctly. I'm guessing he did it out of anger.

 

You're probably (definitely) right. I still don't think I will. I know enough by now to never say never, but I hope to find something more effective for my family.

See, to me, I can understand getting so angry that you spank your kid.  But apparently the "right way" is to do it calmly and consciously.  Which to me is freaking insane.

I could see raising a hand to my daughter in the heat of the moment, out of frustration.  But out of will, because I felt like it was the right thing to do?  Eff no.  That's awful.

Agreed.

Jeremy'sMom

I have spanked all of once.  It was about a year ago with older DS.  He laughed at me, hit me back, and proceeded to act even more awful than he did before I spanked him.  So, in other words, it backfired horribly.  Since then I have not even entertained the notion of spanking again.  And my kids can get pretty damn frustrating.  I don't judge parents who do, however.

lildevil968

My kids have been spanked, but we only do it when they put themselves in danger. It has been years since DD got a spanking. DS got one the other day because he ran out into the road.

LuckyDad

Nope, I still can't get it up for this.

Maybe once DS is old enough that it's actually even remotely an option he would understand? Right now I just use my mad voice "NO" and it makes him stop what he's doing and cry.

LuckyDad

HilarityEnsued:

LuckyDad:

Nope, I still can't get it up for this.

Maybe once DS is old enough that it's actually even remotely an option he would understand? Right now I just use my mad voice "NO" and it makes him stop what he's doing and cry.

+1

Also... teach me your mad voice... DS just cackles like a psycho when I try to get all serious on his a$s...

I am a naturally happy smiley person. I have a pretty deep voice, but with DS I usually talk in my higher register. Not baby talk, but definitely using my "affectionate" tone rather than my lower pitched neutral tone.

I think this is a perk of being a man. I can just drop my voice a couple octaves and scowl at him. I know it scares him a little, which does make me feel bad, unless he's about to do something dangerous. Then it's for his own good.

Of course he's also only 13 months. This may change as he gets a bit older?

FormerlyKrista555

I have spanked a couple times and I felt like crap.

I have also yelled.  I felt like crap.

In both situations, I have apologized to DD and asked her to forgive me.

I don't judge spankers as harshly as others here may,  but I really just believe that it's not for me and it doesn't really work to TEACH a child.  All it does is punish... it doesn't really help them learn the lesson.

I do believe in natural consequences, and I do believe in discipline, 100%.  I just think that spanking usually escalates the situation instead of calming it. 

A calm, firm voice works better for me, and I feel like a better mom when I do so.  

Runaway22

LuckyDad:

Nope, I still can't get it up for this.Maybe once DS is old enough that it's actually even remotely an option he would understand? Right now I just use my mad voice "NO" and it makes him stop what he's doing and cry.

Way to make your kid cry, LD. ;]

LuckyDad

Runaway22:

LuckyDad:

Nope, I still can't get it up for this.Maybe once DS is old enough that it's actually even remotely an option he would understand? Right now I just use my mad voice "NO" and it makes him stop what he's doing and cry.

Way to make your kid cry, LD. ;]

I'm a mean dad who doesn't let his son play with the grill while it's on or run into traffic or any number of other things. 

theseaword

angelashly:

TwilightMV:

We do not and will not. I don't want my child to fear me. I loved and respected my parents. I was an extremely well behaved child and teen and was not spanked. Fear didn't keep me in line knowing I would disappoint my parents did.
I think spanking sends the wrong message and inserts a negative dynamic into the relationship. Hands are not for hitting.

To me that is fear just not physical fear. You feared disappointing them.

We don't spank, but that is not to say that we wont. I know she did get spanked by my MIL one time because she did let go of her hand and run across a busy street and luckily the truck saw her and was able to stop. My MIL was scared and she just did it. She felt horrible afterwards and cried when she told me that she did it. I felt bad that she felt so bad, but had I been in that situation I probably would have done that too. She has never run again and I don't think that she didn't respect her grandmother and that is why she ran. She was 2 and she has no clue.

We try to do time outs and redirection and stay consistent, but it there comes a time when those don't work then we will reevaluate.

My father spanked me and my sister, but I honestly could count on one hand the amount of times he did it. I didn't fear him physically, but I did fear disappointing him and so I thought about my actions. I never snuck out, was disrespectful, etc. My sister was 11 when he passed away. My mom raised us by trying to be our friend so my sister did sneak out, had sex at an early age, etc. not saying the spanking was why, but she didn't have the same discipline as I did.

No, that is not accurate. I did not fear them. I wanted to make them proud. It made me happy to make them proud. Positive emotions.