Parenting after a Loss

My poor LO

My DD has already been through so much in her short 4 weeks.  3 days after she was born, we were hospitalized for jaundice and she received intensive phototherapy for 2 days and 2 additional days at home with a bili blanket.  In the hospital, we had to FF to get her fluids up and BF didn't work out after that.  She has some tummy troubles with the formula that we are trying to isolate.  Then, she ended up with thrush that we have been treating with oral medicine for over a week now.  She has plugged tear ducts and now her left eye is red and swollen and we have to start antibiotic drops to treat it. 

I'm just feeling like a terrible mom today.  I know it's unreasonable, but I can't help but feel like I should have been able to protect her from all of these things.  I know things could be much worse, but I just feel so bad for her when I'm squirting medicine in her mouth and now in her eye at the same time.  :(


BFP #1 – 4/14/12 – Ectopic Pregnancy – MTX 5/11/12

BFP #2 – 9/2/12 – Our sweet rainbow DD born 5/23/13

BFP#3 – 1/5/14 – EDD 9/12/14 – natural m/c 2/16/14image

Re: My poor LO

  • Hang in there, it will get better!  We had a rough start, too.  DS was in the NICU for 3 days hooked up to IV's and monitors because I developed a fever.  Luckily, all tests were negative for infections.  Then his circumcision cut at 2 weeks reopened after we got home, so we had the EMT's here to help stop the bleeding.  They left, and a couple hours later, he was bleeding again, so we had to make a trip to the after hours pedi on a Friday night.  Longest 30 minute car ride ever.  Now just over 3 months in, things are so much better.

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  • ct103ct103
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary
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    Big hugs, and take a deep breath. It is NOT your fault. It is nobody's fault. I'm so sorry that DD has been through so much. When things like this happen I truly do not think there is a reason. It's just a crappy situation to deal with.

    My DD had colic and I believed it was my fault for not burping her properly. Then last week DH and I took DD through a three hour traffic jam just to pick up my ILs from the airport. She screamed until she was purple and for what? She and I could have easily stayed home and had DH bring them to us. I think all moms carry around some guilt, but you have to be very careful not to let it consume you. I'm just trying to focus on getting through it and valuing whatever I learn. My mom told me that guilt is a wasted emotion, and she is right. All it does is stress us out and make us sad.

    Your DD loves her very much for helping her through this! Give yourself a break and a big pat on the back; you're doing great momma!
    "Bunny" EDD 6/21/12; Natural m/c 11/4/11 7wks1day


    Thank you for changing our lives forever.


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    TTC since August 2010


    CD3 bloodwork= normal, CD21 bloodwork= low P4 (7.2), SA= normal


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    Beta #1= 53 @ 12dpo, Beta #2= 188, P4= 53

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  • :::;HUGS!:::: Hang in there mama. You're amazing and your LO is lucky to have you. You wouldn't be so upset if you didn't love her to the moon and back, so just rest assured you're a great mom!
    ttc since June 2010. 
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  • ((hugs)) hang in there momma! You're doing a great job and DD definitely appreciates all your hardwork.

    *** aka: andreahshields ***

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    BFP#1 3/8/12; diagnosed w/ Anencephaly at 12w6d; D&C 5/9/12
    BFP#2 7/18/12; A/S 10/26/12 It's a Girl! EDD 3/29/13
    Phoebe Jordan Born 3/20/13

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  • morkmork
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
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    Hugs for you and little girl. 
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    Mama to 5 angel babies, 1 rainbow baby, and 2 more angel babies. 
    My beautiful Ella/ToT arrived 10/10/12. 
  • Thank you all so much for the encouragement. It helps so much to be able to share my thoughts and experiences.


    BFP #1 – 4/14/12 – Ectopic Pregnancy – MTX 5/11/12

    BFP #2 – 9/2/12 – Our sweet rainbow DD born 5/23/13

    BFP#3 – 1/5/14 – EDD 9/12/14 – natural m/c 2/16/14image

  • delinodelino
    5000 Comments 100 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
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    Big :::hugs:::

    We all strive to do everything in our power to make out lo's happy and healthy. What we pictured in out head of how life would be with our children doesn't always work. I like what PP said about guilt being a wasted emotion. Give yourself a break. Instead of focusing on the things that haven't gone as planned, congratulate yourself for being able to adapt and get through these hurdles.

    More :::hugs:::
    3 ectopic pregnancies (EDD's 1/30/12-tube removed, 6/2/12-methotrexate and 10/2/12-methotrexate)
    IVF and Natural FET resulted in BFN's and a hole in our wallets
    Natural BFP #4 on 9/7/12 gave us our miracle on 5/18/13
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  • :::hugs::: It sounds like you and DD are going through a lot right now. But remember this will pass and you're doing an amazing job taking care of all her needs. It's gotta be hard most days, but let it out and vent when you need to. Your LO loves you so much and appreciates all your hard work!

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    LO#1 - EDD 08/10/2012 - MM/C 6w 01/09/2012 - D&C 01/13/2012
    LO#2 - EDD 12/15/2012 - MM/C 9w3d 04/26/2012 - D&C 04/27/2012
    RPL - All Results Normal; HSG and Pelvic U/S - Normal
    LO#3 - BFP 8/20/12 - EDD 05/2/2013 - A/S results perfect - It's a girl!
    Our rainbow, Julia Ruth, was born on 05/11/2013 via unplanned c-section.

    ~~~~~~ TTCAL, PgAL, and PAL welcome! ~~~~~~

  • Big Hugs. Mom guilt is tough, but know its not your fault and she will be fine. Hang in there!

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    DS Born 2/22/09. TTC #2 since Oct. 2011. MMC on 05/03/12 at 12w1d. CP on 02/08/12 at 5 weeks.

    BFP 07/27/2012 - Beta 1 - 169 @ 11 DPO, Beta 2 - 419 @ 13 DPO, DD Born on 04/04/2013.


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  • None of that is your fault!!!! Wanting to protect them from everything is natural, unfortunately its not even close to being possible!!! {{HUGS}} for you and her!
    ~Formerly~AngnShaun~

    ~~Transferred 2 Perfect Embryos 5/28 - BFP 6/4~~ HAILEY ELIZABETH ~2/16/13~ 6:39am ~ 6lbs 2oz ~ 20" long ~ 1 Year ~ 20lbs 14oz ~ 29.25"~
    ~10.10 Ectopic, 4.11 Nat m/c 9w, 8.11, 1.12, 3.12 CPs~

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  • krwactkrwact
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
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    Big big HUGS!  I can relate to this so much.  I feel so inadequate and somehow responsible for all the ways Malcolm has struggled since his early birth.  It's a terrible feeling and I'm so sorry you're there.  We'll just take comfort in the fact that we're not alone in feeling this way.  

    More hugs.

    Kim 

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  • Huge hugs! You are doing so much to take care and heal LO so that alone makes you an awesome momma already! It's so hard to see them in pain. I hope she heals soon and you can get some peace of mind. 
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    EDD 1/31/13, MC May 17. EDD 3/31/13, MC July 26. I miss you so much already my angel loves

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  • :::Hugs::: You are doing a great job! Hang in there hun, your LO will be just fine and is lucky to have such a caring mom like you! 
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    BFP #1 6.19.11 ~ EDD 2.23.12 ~ CP on 6.22.11
    BFP #2 7.23.11 ~ EDD 3.28.12 ~ MC on 8.16.11
    BFP #3 11.17.11~ EDD 7.31.12 ~ MC on 1.18.12
    BFP #4 4.12.12 ~ EDD 12.25.12~ Born on 12.26.12
  • You are not a terrible Mom, think how much of a change it is for our LO's to go from the womb to this big scary world! DS had jaundice and we were in the hospital for five extra days. Now he is a healthy almost 6 month old who is in the 90th percentiles for height and weight! Hang in there, it gets better. (((hugs)))

    Henry Cavill...You're welcome!

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  • nola78nola78
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    member
    Big (((hugs))).  I'm sure you've done everything you can.  We were in the same position re: hospitalization after birth for jaundice.  Given what you went through to get your little girl here, there is no doubt in my mind that you've been an excellent mother.
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    BFP #1: 1/10/12; EDD: 9/20/12, born too early on 5/7/12 (20w4d) due to IC/PTL/chorioamnionitis.
    BFP #2: 8/30/12; EDD: 5/9/13, emergency cerclage placed at 22w5d, dx cardiomyopathy, strict bed rest for 14 weeks. DD born at 39 weeks.


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  • image delino:
    Big :::hugs::: We all strive to do everything in our power to make out lo's happy and healthy. What we pictured in out head of how life would be with our children doesn't always work. I like what PP said about guilt being a wasted emotion. Give yourself a break. Instead of focusing on the things that haven't gone as planned, congratulate yourself for being able to adapt and get through these hurdles. More :::hugs:::

    All of this!

    You are doing so very much right, and your LO is thriving through your love and attention.

    Jaundice isn't your fault. Thrush happens. Clogged tear ducts are definitely frustrating, but oh so common. Most importantly, never confuse breastfeeding with mothering. 

    You are doing a good job. Many (((HUGS))) for you. 

    AMA over 40
    Massive uterine fibroids removed 3/06
    BFP 1/11; MM/C discovered @ 10w, loss at 6w; Cytotec
    B/W 7/11 = normal CD3, FSH 8.9; 7DPO progesterone 1.7
    Three Clomid cycles, all BFN, Off to an RE for me...
    FSH=8.7 E2=30 AMH=1.8 HSG clear, SA=great
    Inj. IUI #1 12/9/11 BFN, Inj. IUI #2 1/6/12 BFN
    Inj. IUI #3 1/30/12 BFP!, HCG doubled through 6w, 7w u/s mm/c twins
    Factor V Leiden, Hetero, symptomatic
    Op Hysteroscopy 5/12, removed scar tissue and uterine septum
    Doing Cryo-DE IVF 
    Beautiful hatching 5-blast transfered 8/30
    BFP 9/7/12 EDD May 19, 2013
    A/S on 12/21/12, Petra's having a baby, it's the end of the world!
    Pebbles arrived safe and sound 4/13. Placenta accreta found.
    Op hysteroscopy 2/7, reopen ute/remove adhesions from accreta
    Found severe Ashermans. Fuuuuuuu... Repeat Op Hyst in March.
    Op Hyst ver 3.0 looks good so far, find out if it worked in June.
    Finally got the damn IUD out. Waiting to stop bleeding.
    SIS shows rippled funky shaped ute, but given clearance to begin sFET calendar.
    Here goes everything...
    sFET#2 BFP, ended in m/c.
    Waiting for the next Op Hysteroscopy to find out what next.

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    "Petra, you are an obese 40+ year old. Stop jumping through these hoops. Just adopt already. There is no shame in that." -Deethebee
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