Letter theme for shower

lewispm

I am throwing a baby shower for my sister in a few months and she has expressed interest in an idea she got from Pintrest where each guest is assigned a letter of the alphabet and is asked to bring that letter as a gift with a note to the baby written on the back in order to create a special alphabet wall in the baby's nursery. The idea is that you get all sorts of different letters on various sizes and styles that end up looking (hopefully) something like this:

However, my sister is pretty picky and wants me to somehow convey that she doesn't want arts & crafty stuff like this:

But wants eclectic/rustic/modern letters like in the first picture.

As a host, I am completely at a loss on how to convey a message like this or if there even is any appropriate way to do so. I feel like she is being too picky and if she wants others to pick out her alphabet, then she needs to be OK with whatever they pick and, of she doesn't like a letter, then she can choose not to use it. But I also really want to please her on her big day and make this shower everything she is hoping for.

Is there anyway to express her desires to guests without being tacky? Thanks!

EastCoastBride

Um, yeah.  Good luck w/ that.

if she's THIS picky, she needs to go buy the letters herself then as the guests show up, hand them out and ask the guests to write a note to the baby.  

BlessUrHeart29

I usually just lurk here, but I can't think of a good way to express that to guests.

Is there a way that you could find the letters and have them available for people to decorate at the shower? That way she gets her letters, but you don't have to tell people what to bring.

mrsmcdonald

As a guest, I would absolutely hate this idea and decline the shower if this was expected of me. I don't think there's any way to tactfully ask guests to do this, especially if she's so picky. Not everyone enjoys crafty activities or has time for extra crafts. It's also telling guests they need to spend additional money beyond the gift, which is rude. I would talk your sister out of this idea. It's so wrong on so many levels.

kjenkins346

Yeah there is no way to (appropriately or accurately) express her desires to the guests.  If you want to make sure she gets what she wants, as the host I would go out and purchase all the letters yourself and allows guest to add notes to the back. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a pre-made set of letters in this vein on etsy that you can just purchase as a whole rather than having to buy individual letters from multiple sets and decorate them yourself so they all look different.

RachieTK

I like the decor, but hate the idea of asking others to provide it. If you haven't selected a gift yet, you could work on gathering the letters as your gift to her, if you'd like to do something of the sort in addition to the ginormous gift of a shower,

Texasmomma13

EastCoastBride:

Um, yeah.  Good luck w/ that.

if she's THIS picky, she needs to go buy the letters herself then as the guests show up, hand them out and ask the guests to write a note to the baby.  

This ^^^

There is no non-tacky way of conveying the message.  Either nix the letter idea all together or she supplies them. 

ScarlettV

JarynA:

I usually just lurk here, but I can't think of a good way to express that to guests.Is there a way that you could find the letters and have them available for people to decorate at the shower? That way she gets her letters, but you don't have to tell people what to bring.

This all the way. Don't make people go on a scavenger hunt for the right kind of wood letter. Just have them at the shower and ppl can write on them.

outnumbered

I would be blunt and tell her that it would be burdensome and rude to the guests to bring a letter.  If all the guests do have to buy the letters I can guarantee that her wall will not look like the first picture.  If she wants her nursery to look like that she needs to buy it herself. 

Sam Buttons

I'm not crafty, so to be honest, unless it was my BFF's shower, I would either "forget" the letter or just not go to the shower. There is no way you can request this and have it recieved well.

Perhaps you could purchase the letters and have them out for people to decorate at the party, if they choose.

BakerMommy

If she really wants to make it happen, you could supply the eclectic letters and craft paper and paint in the chosen colors. It could be an optional activity to decorate a letter or two at the shower. But as people have said, asking to bring an extra gift, especially one they have to spend money AND time on, is very rude.

ANDOPANO6

somerandomchick:

There isn't. You SHOULD NOT assign guests to bring an extra gift to the baby shower. It'd very rude. 'Please go out of your way to find me an extra gift!'

Why doesn't she want to do it? Probably because its a giant pain in the . So asking your friends to do something because its too awful for you to do yourself is just awful in so many ways.

The invite should NEVER request specific gifts, besides listing where MTB is registered.

No request for diapers
No book instead of a card
No 'bring letters for the nursery'

This...I hate the book as a card too because it requires me to buy something extra which I don't like, and I'd really be pissed if I had to make a special trip to hobby lobby for a letter. Most ppl won't participate I bet and you'll wind up with 6 letters of the alphabet I'm guessing.

cwm11985

BakerMommy:

If she really wants to make it happen, you could supply the eclectic letters and craft paper and paint in the chosen colors. It could be an optional activity to decorate a letter or two at the shower. But as people have said, asking to bring an extra gift, especially one they have to spend money AND time on, is very rude.

 

This.  I was once asked to decorate/stitch a quilt square for a baby shower and I was PISSED.  I do not know how to stitch, it took me an extra trip out for supplies, and then hours to figure out how to make it look halfway decent.  I wouldn't want to put guests through agony worrying over whether their letter fits the requirements and doesn't suck.  What if your SIL doesn't like the way a certain letter turns out, will she just make her own?  What will the person who made that letter think when they come over and their's mysteriously isn't there.  If it just HAS to be done, I like the idea of it being an optional shower activity, like while MTB is opening the gifts.  Otherwise, no go. 

PunkyBooster

Honey, everything looks good on pintrest.

CateOfChicago

I wouldn't do it. It's a cute idea but dictating what guests should bring is a no no. You could buy a bunch as your gift and then you'll know they are coordinated. 

tilsonc

I have a 3 month old and I work full time. Do you think I have time to be making letters?! I would be lucky to find time to get a gift and have time to wrap it. Your sister needs to get over herself go buy the letters. This is what I would say if I was invited to to something like this....

Disneygeek77

Listen, this idea is ridiculous.  I know you love your sister, but she is being a bit obtuse here.  Your guests are already taking time out of their day to come and honor your sister, celebrate with her; buy, wrap and give her a gift.  Please don't give them a homework assignment on top of that.  I promise you,  it will not go over well.  A bunch of people will be conveniently busy at that time. 

If you sister wants something like that Pinterst picture, she will simply have to make it herself. 

Lelo2006

I think it will be a mismatched disaster if you do this, on top of the fact that it is tacky to ask of the guests.

Maybe you two can get together and do the letters? Or it can be your gift to her if you're crafty?

I think the abc wall is cute in theory, but can you imagine hanging 26 letters like that? We hung 5 letters and I almost had an ocd meltdown.

KELLILOVESJOSH

Ok I am a major people pleaser so If she insisted on doing this, I'd just include a quick description of what baby's room colors will be. Rustic brown blue and green or whatever... But if she still insists and you find it to tacky to include a description tell her she can always throw some brown stain over those arts and crafts letters hit it with a hammer a few times and bam! Rustic lol but I agree with most it's hard enough to fight through a registry and hunt down a gift, don't make it worse by sending the guests on a scavenger hunt. You and the other hosts or close family members could always devide up the letters and have a painting party

Cranang

I'd tell her she needs to go buy her own letters and to stop trying to hit up friends and family for stuff that she wants.

And no, there's no way to do this without being tacky.  A guest at a party should never be told what to bring...EVER.  A letter may only cost $5, but maybe that $5 is really important someone.  They're already taking time out of their lives to come watch her open gifts.  They're already spending money on her to provide her with a gift.  Now she wants them to spend additional money so that she doesn't have to.  Entitlement these days is seriously unbelievable.

outnumbered

Cranang:

I'd tell her she needs to go buy her own letters and to stop trying to hit up friends and family for stuff that she wants.

And no, there's no way to do this without being tacky.  A guest at a party should never be told what to bring...EVER.  A letter may only cost $5, but maybe that $5 is really important someone.  They're already taking time out of their lives to come watch her open gifts.  They're already spending money on her to provide her with a gift.  Now she wants them to spend additional money so that she doesn't have to.  Entitlement these days is seriously unbelievable.

I agree.  When I was single and not making much money I was invited to a shower that requested books instead of cards.  I was counting every penny at that point in my life.  It meant that I was not able to bring the gift I wanted to get because I had to now spend money on a book.  It made the shower uncomfortable for me because my book looked cheap and my present was not as special as I had planned.

It is not just the money.  It is also the time.  I do not work, but all three kids are at home for the summer.  The last thing I want to do is go shopping for just the right letter with three kids in tow.  It would be torture.

MommyKristin88

lalvillar06:

I think it will be a mismatched disaster if you do this, on top of the fact that it is tacky to ask of the guests. Maybe you two can get together and do the letters? Or it can be your gift to her if you're crafty? I think the abc wall is cute in theory, but can you imagine hanging 26 letters like that? We hung 5 letters and I almost had an ocd meltdown.

Best idea! I wouldn't require people to bring the letters, and I wouldn't do crafts at the shower (even if optional). A lot of people hate crafts, so you'll probably have low participation. She'll end up doing most herself anyway.

Aurora317

Agree with all of the previous posters, and want to add: I've been looking for letters that look like your first photo so I could spell out baby's name for the wall in the nursery. I've been to Michael's, JoAnn, Hobby Lobby, even Paper Source, and have yet to find a font I actually like. (Paper Source came the closest, the font was great but the letters were dimensional, like 2" thick, and made of paper mache, not wood or particle board). I've found letters that look like the second picture in your post (the "Curlz MT" font, barf) but nothing that is clean and classic like your sister actually wants. Even if you proceed with this (awful) idea (Damn you, Pinterest!) she's going to get about 18-24 letters in the font she absolutely does not want, because I can tell you that's really all that's out there at the moment. Best to go on Etsy and find a seller with a pre-made alphabet, finished or unfinished, and not ask anyone to buy them.

sschwege

I hate all that craft/decorating stuff with a passion!  My mother decorated DD's room and MIL decorated DS's, that's how much I can't stand it!  So I would not be doing this.  

There is no polite way to pull this off, unless you set out letters and let people who want to participate do so.  

tracy41

Aurora317:

Agree with all of the previous posters, and want to add: I've been looking for letters that look like your first photo so I could spell out baby's name for the wall in the nursery. I've been to Michael's, JoAnn, Hobby Lobby, even Paper Source, and have yet to find a font I actually like. Paper Source came the closest, the font was great but the letters were dimensional, like 2" thick, and made of paper mache, not wood or particle board. I've found letters that look like the second picture in your post the "Curlz MT" font, barf but nothing that is clean and classic like your sister actually wants. Even if you proceed with this awful idea Damn you, Pinterest! she's going to get about 1824 letters in the font she absolutely does not want, because I can tell you that's really all that's out there at the moment. Best to go on Etsy and find a seller with a premade alphabet, finished or unfinished, and not ask anyone to buy them.

Totally off topic although I've been enjoying this post very much, but did you look at the ones on Amazon? Random place to find them I know. Search for "wood letters." I bought the white KidsLine ones and I love them.

And OP, seriously explain to her that her guests are not going to produce letters like that photo even if it wasn't a horrible idea to ask them to try. Maybe some of the craft minded women in your family can get together to help her.

KDS1987

I solved your problem for you. Have a regular shower for her, ignore the letters. As a gift, order her these. They come unfinished, so she can paint them in colors that match her nursery (or you can if you are super thoughtful) but they still have the mismatched look to them like the pinterest picture. 

 https://www.etsy.com/listing/103260675/wooden-alphabet-letters-unfinished-wood?ref=sr_gallery_5&ga_search_type=all&ga_includes%5B0%5D=tags&ga_page=1&ga_search_query=wooden+alphabet+letters&ga_view_type=gallery

 

RibbitGrl930

Agree with PP. Please do not impose this on your guests. It is extremely rude to make demands for specific gifts. If she really wants letters, she can register for them. There may be a crafty guest who would be willing to take on the project and give her at least some of the letters as a start. That would be okay. However, requesting each guest do this is not cool. Besides, logistics would be tricky; to pull this off, you'd need 26 guaranteed guests, and it is very unlikely the color schemes would be complementary. She'd probably end up with too many "arts & crafty" letters for her liking. Like others have said, she likely wouldn't be happy with the outcome.

lewispm

I totally posted and ran and here I am, days later reading the replies. Whoops!

Thank for the honesty. I'm totally with y'all that it is tacky and rude to request this of her guests. And, as much as I love my sister, she has been known to have a sense of entitlement.

In fact, for her wedding shower it was a "date night and adventure theme" and we found great invitations on etsy that let guests know what to do, but it was still a major stretch and did not turn out as she hoped, which I KNEW would happen. Everyone pretty much got her movie passes and restaurant gift cards and she was hoping for zip lining, museum passes, murder mystery dinners, cooking classes, etc. Her close friends and family thought outside the box, but that is just too much to ask of people sometimes. She actually wanted me to put "please, no movie passes or restaurant gift cards" on the invite but I flat out refused.

Disneygeek77

Well it seems that this is just another time to stand up to her and say this idea doesn't have bones. 

1. People will take one look at the invite and decline altogether  ( this will be the most common thing to happen).

2. Those that do come will subtract the cost of the letter from whatever they were planning on spending.

3. I promise it will not look anything like how she wants.

It will be a colossal waste of time and money on top of the fact that her guests will feel put upon. 

Sorry your sister is so self absorbed that she thinks that people are just chomping at the bit to do stuff for her.  I know you love her, but man that is tough.