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WWPD? My kid embarrassed the hell out of me

Mobile: WWPD? My kid embarrassed the hell out of me

Today at the grocery store there was a heavy man checking out in the lane next to us.  DS turned to me and said "Mama, why does that man have a big belly?" I imagine this is carry over thinking from ME having a big belly and it being the point of many conversations.  I tried to quickly distract him and hoped the man didn't hear him.  I told him to help Daddy load up the belt with groceries and he was distracted for a minute.  Then he LOUDLY made his observation again and I'm sure the guy must have heard him.  DS is only 3 and I know he wasn't making fun of the man or trying to be hurtful but I wasn't sure what to say or do. 

Formerly known as elmoali :)

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Re: WWPD? My kid embarrassed the hell out of me

  • I think every kid does something like this at some point.  I guess I would just say, "because some people have bigger bellies than other people."  Or something innocuous like that.  Unfortunately at this age they can't help themselves but ask questions about what they observe.  
    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

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  • We are all different shapes and sizes. And then in private I would tell him that it is not polite to comment on other people's appearance where they can hear you, and he can save his questions for later in private.

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  • It's tough at this age. Their questions come out of pure curiosity and innocence. We were at a restaurant with DD1 when she was that age and she asked the waitress why her teeth were yellow. Fortunately the waitress was gracious and laughed about it and said something about how being a smoker makes your teeth yellow. I think people in general are understanding. Afterwards in private we had a conversation about why it is rude to comment on other people's appearances.

    ETA: So basically Ditto Fredalina..;)

     

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  • image izzourclue:
    I think every kid does something like this at some point.  I guess I would just say, "because some people have bigger bellies than other people."  Or something innocuous like that.  Unfortunately at this age they can't help themselves but ask questions about what they observe.  

    Not to sounds snarky, but you're going to have to get used to this..One of my friends has kids who are older than mine and she said they continually ask embarrassing questions--why some people have different skin tone, are in wheelchairs, are little people, etc.

    She said that she answers it izzo describes because if she tries to ignore it they just ask again in a louder voice.

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  • I'm on team "some people have bigger bellies" / "people come in all different shapes and sizes."

    Sorry she caught you off-guard, though. Hopefully the guy understood kids don't know any better.

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  • image fredalina:
    We are all different shapes and sizes. And then in private I would tell him that it is not polite to comment on other people's appearance where they can hear you, and he can save his questions for later in private.


    This. DS1 has made some inappropriate remarks before and in the moment I just kind of brush it off with a quick "because everyone is different" kind of explanation. I haven't done any further explanation about manners or politeness yet because I don't think he would get it but as he gets older I probably would if necessary.


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  • image bearsbearsbears:

    image izzourclue:
    I think every kid does something like this at some point.  I guess I would just say, "because some people have bigger bellies than other people."  Or something innocuous like that.  Unfortunately at this age they can't help themselves but ask questions about what they observe.  

    Not to sounds snarky, but you're going to have to get used to this..One of my friends has kids who are older than mine and she said they continually ask embarrassing questions--why some people have different skin tone, are in wheelchairs, are little people, etc.

    She said that she answers it izzo describes because if she tries to ignore it they just ask again in a louder voice.

    Oh, I'm sure I'll need to get used to it but this was the first time and I was totally caught off guard, which is why I wanted to see what the norm is on handling this. In the moment I was afraid that acknowledging what he'd said would lead to more questions but yes, he just asked again :-/  

    Formerly known as elmoali :)

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  • By the way, this doesn't rank as embarrassing lol. Embarrassing is Char asking her friend's mom if her dad has hair on his penis. Embarrassing is someone on the toddler board whose kid told the pharmacist that he has a BIG penis.

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  • I remember how my mom handled it. I remember being around age 3 and seeing a person in a wheelchair. And I stared because I was confused. My mom said in a stern voice to not stare at people. Lol. It got the point across for sure. But I think it would have been best if she also explained why the person was in a wheelchair.

    Anyway.. I guess the best thing you can do is say "We all come in different shapes and sizes" and then address it once you get in the car.
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  • "People come in all shapes and sizes, honey. Can you hand Mommy the grapes?" And carry on with the grocery checkout.

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  • image kendra223:
    I remember how my mom handled it. I remember being around age 3 and seeing a person in a wheelchair. And I stared because I was confused. My mom said in a stern voice to not stare at people. Lol. It got the point across for sure. But I think it would have been best if she also explained why the person was in a wheelchair. Anyway.. I guess the best thing you can do is say "We all come in different shapes and sizes" and then address it once you get in the car.

    I posted before reading any of the other responses!  Jinx. Surprise

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  • image fredalina:
    By the way, this doesn't rank as embarrassing lol. Embarrassing is Char asking her friend's mom if her dad has hair on his penis. Embarrassing is someone on the toddler board whose kid told the pharmacist that he has a BIG penis.

    Indifferent

    I would be mortified.  

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  • My mom told me I used to do this as a kid, lol.
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  • image fredalina:
    We are all different shapes and sizes. And then in private I would tell him that it is not polite to comment on other people's appearance where they can hear you, and he can save his questions for later in private.

    This exactly.  It's something you just have to reinforce over & over- they're not being hurtful, they're being factual and they will learn over time what is socially appropriate.  btw, once I was at Wal-mart & was bent over getting something when I heard my 3yo say (loudly) "WOW- look at that BIG woman!"  I didn't want to stand up, I was horrified.  When I turned around it was a super tall woman that she was commenting on.  I was somewhat relieved that it wasn't someone obese, honestly.  I just said, "Yep, she's very tall! We're all different sizes aren't we?" and moved on.  My blood ran cold for a minute though...

  • Hey I've just started looking but when I was little I asked some man if he was Bill Cosby....
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  • Funny story. DD and I were at the library 2 weeks ago when a Muslim woman walked out of the bathroom we were walking into to. DD (3 1/2) says to me, "Mommy, what is on her head?" I didn't know what to say so I pretended I didn't hear and promptly exited the bathroom. LOL!
  • My mom told me I did this.  Embarrassed

    DD1 who is 5 did something similar when I was picking her up from preschool one day.  She asked me why a classmate's mom was so big.  She was in the process of getting in the car, so I hope the lady didn't hear her.  I had a conversation with her on the way home about how we don't comment on other people's bodies!

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  • I guess these things always happen at the grocery store! When I was little we were shopping and saw a lady with lots of make up and dyed red hair. I said look mommy a clown!
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  • image Runaway22:

    image fredalina:
    By the way, this doesn't rank as embarrassing lol. Embarrassing is Char asking her friend's mom if her dad has hair on his penis. Embarrassing is someone on the toddler board whose kid told the pharmacist that he has a BIG penis.

    Indifferent

    I would be mortified.  



    My son has told strangers about his big penis. More than once.

    He also told the teenage male grocery clerk that "mommy has a vuh GI na.


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  • I like pp's advice and am not really looking forward to this stage.

    My little brother, when he was about 4, apparently pointed to a lady in a restaurant who happened to have a large chest, and said VERY loudly "Mommy, that lady has BIG private parts!!"

    Kids are awesome.
    SQUIRREL!!!

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  • image MamatoA2010:
    Funny story. DD and I were at the library 2 weeks ago when a Muslim woman walked out of the bathroom we were walking into to. DD (3 1/2) says to me, "Mommy, what is on her head?" I didn't know what to say so I pretended I didn't hear and promptly exited the bathroom. LOL!

    One of my friend's sons saw the same head garment on several ladies & shouted "Look mom- Ninjas!!"  My friend wanted to D.I.E.  I still start chuckling out loud whenever I think about it & it's been years ago...

  •   I know it must have felt rotten at the moment.  I think most of us have been there.  DS (soon to be 5 yrs) is very intrested in how old people are and asks my grandmother (who is in her 90s and still very glamorous- don't ask my age- where is my lipstick) how old she is. 

       I might have said something along the lines of  "Why are your legs sooo long?"  (ds has very long legs) and maybe followed up with his eyes being a different color than DH.  In private I might have followed up with further explanation of appropriate times/people to discuss certain things-possible ways it may affect someone when we comment on their appearance and maybe even the different ways people get big tummies.

       Regarding the women in headscarves I probably would have said "Those are really pretty, aren't they?  I think that type of headdress is called a hijab or veil, but I'm not sure.  Some women wear head scarves for fun- like the ones I wear.  Some women choose to wear a headscarf for cultural reasons.  Since I don't know that much about it let's google it when we get home.  I'd like to know more too." 

      I keep a list of questions I don't know the answer to on my phone "notepad" and then we google them while he is getting ready for bed.  I have learned a lot this way and it gives me a little wiggle room when he asks a tricky question that I'm not sure how to answer.  He is young enough that I can easily filter which answers and how much of those answers he gets.  I guess I'll have to refine this process as he gets older.

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