Baby Showers

Invitation & party timing

My mom and I were discussing the timing of my shower and invitations last week. And somewhat disagreed. I'm hoping you all can weigh in. BTW, I'm not planning my own shower so much as weighing in on dates.

I'm due 11/18. I'm single so all the washing and additional buying and putting together needs to be done my me.

I think having the shower on 9/14 seems reasonable. that gives me time before I feel like a beached whale and just in case I have LO early. She wants to do it 10/19. I thin that is too late.

Then we were discussing when invitations should go out. (I need to give her the addresses and I have a cheap hook up on invitations). She said the standard is three weeks.  What! I just feel like that's so not enough notice considering it is the weekend after labor day and kids are just back in school and people's lives are crazy that time of year.  I wanted to send them out six weeks beforehand so people could have time to think, RSVP, and make sure they weren't already booked. I think she agree to 4 weeks. 

So today I just got a shower invite for a cousin, 5 weeks before the shower and it's 2.5-3 months before her EDD.  So I guess my question is what is standard timing etiquette? I've goggled it and got tons of different responses. 

sorry so long! 

 

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Re: Invitation & party timing

  • 3 weeks prior is custom for showers  6 weeks is for a wedding. 

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  • 3 to4 weeks on invites. As for timing, I had one shower scheduled for a month before EDD and one three weeks before and had DS five weeks before EDD. If you have the baby early you turn the shower into a meet the baby or a after baby shower. Everything will be fine.

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  • *Wedding* invitations are sent out 6-8 weeks prior to the event, shower invites (baby and wedding) should be sent out ~4 weeks in advance. I've been having this struggle with my sister's Maid of Honor, she wanted the wedding shower invites to go out 7 weeks in advance and my jaw nearly hit the floor. At that point my sisters hadn't even sent out the invites for my baby shower that they're throwing, which is an entire MONTH before my sister's wedding shower.

    The fact of the matter is that dates fill up, and not everyone is able to attend (or wants to attend). If you send a shower invite out 6 or more weeks in advance people will look at the date, see how far out it is, and put it in a pile to deal with later. This in turn means they probably won't RSVP promptly, or will forget completely until it's a week or few days before the event, when their calendar actually has filled up. Three weeks is well within the normal range for a shower invite to be sent, but if you're truly uncomfortable with it ask your mom if she would mind sending them 4 weeks early. *If* people inquire about a shower that's being thrown, you can obviously let them know verbally when the date is, and perhaps that will ensure that the people who truly want to be there will have the date on their calendar.

    As for at what point during your pregnancy to have the shower, anywhere within a month or two of your EDD is fine. As the guest of honor, it's your job to supply a list of dates you are/are not available, and a list of guests if your host asks for one. The hostess plans the shower on the date that works for her, even if it's not your first choice. Again. perhaps you can meet in the middle of the month gap you and your mother have in mind for a shower date, but if not, let it go.

    FWIW: My DH's family threw a shower for us when I was at 28 weeks, and I'll be 37 weeks at the shower my sisters are throwing us next week. I would have preferred shower dates closer to 32-34 weeks, but this is what worked best for each of the respective hostesses. 

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  • Ds was born 11/18!
    My last shower was oct 31.
  • 3 weeks is plenty of time for shower invites so I agree with your mother on that. However, I agree with you about wanting it earlier. I enjoyed being 30 weeks pregnant at my shower. I would just explain to your mother how you feel and why you want it earlier.

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  • image 2013mommy:
    3 weeks is plenty of time for shower invites so I agree with your mother on that. However, I agree with you about wanting it earlier. I enjoyed being 30 weeks pregnant at my shower. I would just explain to your mother how you feel and why you want it earlier.

    Is there a chance to split the difference between you and your mom, and maybe have the shower around the end of Sept? 

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  • My shower was at 32 weeks, and I still felt like a beached whale; thank you 3rd trimester.  I can see where your mom is coming from because in my circle, my mom's generation had their showers within a month of the due date. It seems that now we have them 2 months from the due date.

    And don't send them out more than 3 or 4 weeks in advance. I have a coworker that invites me to everything (I dread seeing those invites in the mail), and she sends them out 2 months in advance, and then hounds you with emails a month in advance asking you to RSVP. Heck, I don't even know what I'm doing tomorrow, let alone a month from now.  If you send it to me 3 weeks in advance, I'll remember and make it a priority, not like the pp said, and file it away for something that needs to be done and forget.   

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  • For a shower, invites should be sent out 3 to 4 weeks ahead. Showers are typically 30 to 37 weeks. Everyone loves seeing the MTB with a big baby bump!
  • My shower was 4 weeks before my due date, which gave me buttloads of time to get everything squared away. Invites went out 3 weeks beforehand.
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  • jencnhjencnh
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    I'm having my daughter's shower this coming weekend. I mailed them out at 4 weeks so they got them about 3 1/2 wks before the date.

     She'll be 29 weeks. It's on the earlier end but it's the last weekend before going into the fourth of July week, and I wanted to do it before everyone has summer vacations and are away over the summer.

    I understand not wanting to wait until 36 weeks. Although your mom, as host, gets the final say, I agree with wanting it two months before. Maybe you could show her some info on here about what is acceptable by today's standards. :)

  • 3 weeks is plenty of time for a shower invite. You shouldn't be expecting anyone to travel like for a wedding, that's why the 6 weeks for a wedding is advisable. And honestly a baby shower is a less important event than a wedding... If some people have conflicts and can't come that's totally okay!

    As far as having it later in the pregnancy... I recommend buying the stuff you really NEED for a newborn yourself. You need a crib or bassinet. You need a few outfits and lots of diapers and wipes. You need a carseat. You need bottles etc if FF. those are the things that will definitely stress you out NOT to have so... Just buy em yourself!

    Buy anything you need that you see a great sale on. Waiting and not buying something in the hopes of getting it as a gift is silly. If you buy the swing you find a great deal on, somebody who might've bought you the swing will just end up buying a high chair instead, or whatever.

    And definitely set aside money to buy stuff yourself, save every month so it doesn't hit as hard. Some people who get mad at stuff being purchased off registry are mad at 'suddenly' having to buy all this stuff 'all at once'. Well, save up for it. After I registerd, I added up how much it would cost if I had to buy everything I thought we needed, and how much it would cost for the needs and wants. Then you can save so if people only buy you enormous piles of cute outfits, which totally happens, you are ready to go buy all the gear you need and or want.

    Just giving you some insight which seems a little obvious to most on the BSB but will hopefully prevent you from being back here in October mad about how you have to go buy a bunch of baby crap cause everyone bought you frilly dresses lol
  • Thanks for the responses ladies! This will definitely help us compromise on dates, and now I sort of see her point of view better.
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  • I had my shower 4/21... I was due 5/22. so 4 weeks before EDD. I was perfectly fine, and comfortable. I think 3-4 week notice is standard etiquette. 

    Your mom is 100% right on the timing. I'm not exactly sure why women are having showers earlier and earlier. Just chill and wait until your actually showing!

    if your concerned about setting stuff up by yourself; trust me, it won't take 2 months, even if it is just you.  

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