First time with a :( (kinda long)

Sort of a follow up to my last post with sitter questions...

 Last night DH and I went to a concert and hired a sitter for the first time. In the past we've only ever left them with family. To start our evening, we drove 1.5 hours in traffic to the venue only to find out that the band wasn't there and would be starting at least 1.5 hours late. The 1st band on wasn't even the band I wanted to see which means by the time we got to see who we wanted to, the sitter would have already been 5 hours in. So we decided to call it a loss and left.....our big night out!! 

I had previously arranged for my mil to stop at our house to help the sitter during bedtime as I was very apprehensive to have essentially a stranger handle all that herself. When we got home I asked how everything was and she told me that my one guy didn't eat much dinner, which is sometimes normal but that everything else was ok. Then I saw his bottle that wasn't even touched and I started to feel a little uneasy. That means he hadnt eaten anything since 3pm. But she told me everything went ok. When I went in to check on them, the one who didn't eat just did not look himself to me, his hair was wet from sweat and he just looked wiped (he was sleeping) so I knew something was off. So she left and I called my mil to find out that the sitter told her he cried the entire time we were gone, continued to cry why my mil was there and just cried himself to sleep. Broke. My. Heart.  

The whole evening left me feeling really discouraged. I know this is the age where separation anxiety starts but I can't imagine it normal for a baby to cry for 3 hours and not eating!! I talked to my friend about it and she kinda brushed it off as no big deal but being that he's my finicky eater/small one to begin with I was very upset by it. It just left me feeling like DH and I can't ever do anything unless family stays. Does it get better?!?! Not to mention the financial loss left me feeling upset. We wasted all the money in the tickets (which I can't get a refund on) and paid the sitter almost $100 for us to basically drive around and my child cry himself to sleep. Btw, I'm in no way blaming her for this, I know she did what she could, I'm just feeling seriously discouraged today. We barely ever get out and the one night we do its a complete flop. Sigh. Thanks for listening and if anyone has any encouragement on the separation anxiety I'm all ears!!!  And I'm also curious to know if you would confront the sitter and tell her going forward she needs to be more open about what goes on. TIA. 

Fraternal twin boys born at 33 weeks 4 days Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

Re: First time with a :( (kinda long)

  • You poor thing... I believe everything happens for a reason.. Imagine if you had of seen the concert and he woke up later on? What would she have done then? I just believe no one can love your child unless they have a blood attachment.. I'm the type that is better off to do it myself or it doesn't get done at all.. I just think until the are a bit older which goes by quicker than you think wait till then to use sitters otherwise only use family as they are more compassionate I'm sure you wouldn't have cared if the one night you were out for your LO to be cuddled to sleep or some other way the rules to be broken rather than your baby cry himself to sleep after all he doesn't understand why he can't have a kiss g'night from his mum.. This BS has now ruined you for any outings as from now on if you do try n organise another you will have a terrible time wondering how they are going? Take full advantage of family when you can we have no family and hardly ever go out but that's ok with me I've had a fairly good social life before kids and sometimes have a few drinks and a nice time at home with DH instead of going out and wasting a ton of money.. Sometimes your nights in can be the best no cost no cab fair no sitter no worries! And even if your baby does wake up you know it's only for a short time and its back to the fun with DH..
  • I'm sorry you had a bad experience!  Maybe next time try something more simple and local, to give yourself a break from the worry, and to see if the sitter handles it better?  Maybe just a local dinner and/or movie?  I know I feel recharged just getting a few hours out near home just eating a nice meal at a restaurant I wouldn't normally bring the kids!  I can't help about the non-family sitter issue, because the ILs are local so far we've only used them for help.  Our house is for sale and we'll be leaving the area, so I'll eventually have to venture out there into the world of sitters.  But by then my kids will probably be 7 and I won't worry as much as when they were babies. 
    Miracle Twins after 2 years TTC thanks to IVF! 10*18*06
    Lilypie - (6EmG)



  • I don't have any advice but wanted to send some virtual hugs. I would be a total mess in that sorry you had a bad experience and hope it goes better next time! big hugs
  • I'm so sorry!!! I completely understand your frustration and so sorry you had to come home to that. I would be a mess as well. I, like the PP, have my parents, in laws and sister here...and I'm so very grateful. If none of them can babysit, we don't go out. Since your first experience did not go well, I would wait till they are older and maybe do some in home date nights. They can be super fun!!! Just get creative. Again, so sorry. HUGS
    TTC Since Jan. 2011
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  • I'm so sorry it didn't go well! While I do believe your sitter should have been more forthcoming about how the night actually went and probably called you to let you know he was upset...I don't for one second believe only family can love your kids or be compassionate towards them.
    I agree with pp...maybe try something more low key and local next time so if things don't go well, you can head home. Hiring a sitter is a great idea and most will absolutely fall in love and want to do the best for your can just be a rough adjustment at first. Many hugs...I think these things are much harder on us than the babies.
    Married DH 2/2007 --TTC since 7/2008
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  • cadencaden
    Long-Lasting Membership 2500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I'm so sorry. That really sucks. I'm having issues finding a good long term sitter bc they keep moving away, but one suggestion I have is to hire the sitter to come over when you're still there. If she helps you a few times like that your kids will probably feel more comfortable alone with her, and she'll learn what you do to calm your kids. GL!!
  • I'm so sorry to read this.

    Hugs to you and your babies.
    TTC 10/2010 DX with PCOS 01/2012 Metformin 05/12. Clomid 07/12 50mg- Bust,no response. 8/12 100mg 0 on CD20=BFP. 9/24-56 9/26-125 10/1-2100 B/G Twins, EDD 05/2013 "It's funny they give you a drug to help get you pregnant, but it makes me not want to have sex with you" -DH. Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • So sorry to hear that.  Just remember that while he wasn't happy, he was safe. We have a regular non-family baby sitter.  The boys generally love her and do fine with her.  However, at bedtime, one of my babies cannot handle it when I'm not there. So when DH and I want to go out, we put the boys to bed (they go to bed at 6:30) and then leave them with the sitter. During the day I can leave them with her for hours without any crying, but for some reason bedtime is different.  It's not forever, but it's our now and I'm ok with it.  Perhaps you can try her again at another time of day and I would confront her and tell her she needs to tell you if they cry the entire time.  
    D & R were born at 37w5d.

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  • *hugs*
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  • I am so sorry about your experience but the one comment made about "no one can love your child unless you have a blood attachment" is not always true.

    I have been a nanny for more than 19 yrs and I ALWAYS treat the babies/children I watch as if my own.

    I am sure that it will be very hard for you to trust another sitter but hopefully you find one that you can trust and maybe try a shorter date night like others have said. Good luck to you!!

    ME:46 MH:44 DE IVF 2014
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    DE IVF #1 (4/26) BFN  DE FET #1 (6/4) BFP! Beta 1=339 Beta 2=852 Beta 3=9957 EDD 2/22/15!!



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  • Thanks ladies. I in no way blame the sitter for anything and would actually use her again. She was a doll and did the best she could, my only concern was that she didn't share with me how terrible of a time LO really had. I actually want others to watch my children (and have had that argument with my mil several times) bc I think it's good exposure to new people. I'm just so discouraged how the entire night went in general. I know that the separation anxiety is a phase and we will see brighter tomorrows. I think we jumped in too deep too fast with this one. Unfortunately we had no other option in this particular situation, but lesson learned and I'm hopeful for a better outcome next time. Thanks for all the caring replies!! 
    Fraternal twin boys born at 33 weeks 4 days Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • My girls ... actually all three of my kids had a seperation anxiety phase somewhere between 12-18 months. I couldn't even leave them with my mother in law w/o copious amounts of tears. and I refuse to walk out on crying children... so you can imagine how fun that all was! It really is a phase, and it really will pass. One thing you might consider if having the sitter stop by during their good time of the day (for my kids that was always late morning/early afternoon) and have her play w/ them for a bit while you do whatever that does not involve you being in the room with them. take advantage of the time to do laundry, yard work or even just sit on your bed or outside for an hour and read or whatever you like to do to relax. obviously you'd have to pay her for this. But it would give them time during a good time of the day to get used to her and you'd still be there. You would need to force yourself to stay out of the way though. The point would be to let her get to know them when it's their time to be pleasant and happy... no feedings involved. Do that a few times to get them more comfortable with her and try again.
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