May 2013 Moms

Please help

My LO is just over three weeks and I can't get her to sleep peacefully. She cries hysterically when I try and soothe her to sleep, walking will calm her down but she won't sleep. Rocking will get her to shut her eyes momentarily but again no sleep. Basically she cries and cries as I hold her and shush and rock until she exhausts herself and falls asleep. I don't want her to ever cry it out but it seems like that's what she's doing. Is this normal? What else can I do to help her fall asleep. Also I should mention that she hates her swing and bouncy chair. She will fall asleep in a babybjorn but I can't do that all day and night. What Ami I doing wrong it breaks my heart that I can't soothe her. I am the one person who is supposed to comfort her and I can't. I feel like such a failure.
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Re: Please help

  • I can sympathize! My LO rarely sleeps deep during the day. He will fall asleep but if I move him, he wakes up. The only way to calm him when he is crying is white noise. The best (even though it is weird), is the microwave vent. Literally, I keep it on almost all night lol. I am sorry I do not ave better advice but know that you are not alone and you are NOT a failure!  

     

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  • My LO is doing the same thing the last couple of days. It's so frustrating, especially at night! It takes forever to get her to sleep. I know she's not hungry, her diaper is clean, etc, so it's really tough when you don't know why they're fussing. So far I haven't found a solution, but you definitely have company!
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  • Mine is just two weeks today. When not attached to my boob, she just wants to be on my chest or rocked. Just today she decided she will tolerate a sling for small amounts of time. I can't imagine it will last forever. I keep telling myself there will come a day when I'll wish she would snuggle!

  • First off, you are not a failure. The fact that you are trying and looking for ways to help her makes you a good mom.  Is she this fussy at other times or just when it's time for sleeping?  If it's all the time or a lot of the time, then maybe think about causes for colicky behavior, like reflux, food allergies, etc.  My favorite sleep book is "The No Cry Sleep Solution".  It has lots of good strategies. 
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  • kmcd23kmcd23
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    How about swaddling? We switched to the Happiest Baby on the Block's swaddle style, which is slightly different than the hospital's style, and it really makes it easier to soothe him, and it lasts longer too. Once we get him soothes, we turn on the white noise.

    Good luck. I really feel your frustration. I cried and cried night after night because I couldn't calm him before trying this swaddle method.

    If you mentioned swaddling somewhere and I missed it, I apologize.

    Ps. You're a great mom!!!
  • You aren't a failure! Sometimes our LOs are inconsolable for different, sometimes unknown, reasons. I told DH last night that it breaks my heart when DS is crying and I can't make him stop. Eventually he does and then he snuggles in to either eat or sleep.

    Good luck!

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  • I've had a really rough week for the same reason. DS hates his swing, vibrating chair, & when he's hysterical (which is more often than not) he wants nothing to do with his pacifier. Gas drops yield no results. He screams bloody murder when I swaddle him. His diaper is dry, he already ate. Needless to say, I have run out of "soothing" options. It's hard when you feel helpless, but you are surely not alone. I wish I had some helpful advice, but I've been at a loss myself. I usually resort to crying with him until he finally tires out.

    You are certainly not a failure. It's just something we have to muscle through. You are not doing anything wrong.

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  • i'm sorry you are going through this!

    I second swaddling. sometimes that's all I can do to keep my ds from keeping himself awake by sucking on his hands!

    also, have you tried any kind of gripe water?I know people swear by colic calm, so we got some yesterday. my son is usually pretty darn easy going, but I think he is going through a growth spurt and has begun to get more fussy.. it seems to work but it's pricey.

    good luck to you, I hope you find something that works. just remember it's not your fault she is fussy, you're doing a great job. this won't last forever, I promise!
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  • image SymphonyGirl:
    First off, you are not a failure. The fact that you are trying and looking for ways to help her makes you a good mom. nbsp;Is she this fussy at other times or just when it's time for sleeping? nbsp;If it's all the time or a lot of the time, then maybe think about causes for colicky behavior, like reflux, food allergies, etc. nbsp;My favorite sleep book is "The No Cry Sleep Solution". nbsp;It has lots of good strategies.nbsp;


    This. My LO has had a few days and nights like this but we have attributed it to his growth spurts and to a little reflux. Try keeping your LO upright after eating for 30 min, burping more often during and after feedings and see if that helps.
    I also second the Happiest Baby techniques!
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  • I just discovered the other day that LO enjoys being in the carseat atop the washer/dryer. It wound up being a double win because I could finally get my very limited wardrobe clean from spitups and blowouts, and he somehow found a way to doze off. Fingers crossed that something works for you...the fussy days are like no other. Hang in there!!
  • Find a copy of the dvd "Happiest Baby on the Block." It'll change your life, I swear. I watched it 2 days ago and we've gone from taking 20-45 mins to get LO to stop crying and go to sleep to it taking 5 minutes. 5. Cinco. They should give this dvd out at the hospital.

    She used to fall asleep on me after rocking and soothing for what felt like forever, then when I moved to put her down she'd pop those eyes open and start crying and the cycle would start over. Now once she's asleep I can get up and walk from one end of the house to the other and she doesn't wake up. 

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  • I second Happiest Baby on the Block. It's good stuff and its the same technique the nurses in our hospital used. Swaddling helps a ton. And white noise is great. Try the vacuum or a hair dryer. Good luck. You are doing a great job!
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  • image kmcd23:
    How about swaddling? We switched to the Happiest Baby on the Block's swaddle style, which is slightly different than the hospital's style, and it really makes it easier to soothe him, and it lasts longer too. Once we get him soothes, we turn on the white noise.

    Good luck. I really feel your frustration. I cried and cried night after night because I couldn't calm him before trying this swaddle method.

    If you mentioned swaddling somewhere and I missed it, I apologize.

    Ps. You're a great mom!!!


    This exactly. I just started swaddling for naps and not just at night. He doesn't like a swaddle until its SUPER tight. Also, a pacifier and laying on his side helps. I thought some of the Happiest Baby tips were silly but for us they have been very helpful
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  • I'm sorry you're going through this, I know it sucks and you are by no means a failure! Has she always had a difficult time sleeping or is it just recently? The reason I ask is it's possible she's going through a growth spurt since they're supposed to get one right around 3-4 weeks. When S goes through this, the only thing that calms her down is being at the boob. I know she's not actually eating since I have supply issues, but since she refuses to use a pacifier, my boob is the best solution I have. From my experience, she'll suck for a few minutes, calm herself down and immediately fall asleep. I then let her hang out for a bit longer, take her off the boob and let her sleep on my lap for about 10 minutes until I think she's actually in a pretty good sleep then I can move her. It helps too if she's already swaddled up, so I don't have to then swaddle her. I don't know if it will help and I'm sure there are those out there who probably think that's not a good thing to do, but for us, that's what works.
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  • Thanks ladies just hearing that this is happening with other babies makes me feel better. I never thought that this was a stage so the idea that this isn't permanent really helps.

    I will seek this sacred happiest baby book. We do swaddle but she's a magician and breaks free or fidgets. Sometimes this is half of the screaming, her fighting the swaddle.
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  • I agree with swaddling, it's huge! However, my Houdini can bust out of any blanket. I ordered a Woombie from Amazon and it was life changing. We already moved on to the bigger size.
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  • image laxminavkar:
    Thanks ladies just hearing that this is happening with other babies makes me feel better. I never thought that this was a stage so the idea that this isn't permanent really helps. I will seek this sacred happiest baby book. We do swaddle but she's a magician and breaks free or fidgets. Sometimes this is half of the screaming, her fighting the swaddle.

    There's a book and a dvd, I personally prefer the dvd so you can see the techniques in action. You can do a search on youtube and it's there. My LO would break out of the swaddles too because I was leaving her arms up. The dvd tells you to put the arms down by their sides. She fought for a little bit but then realized it was comfy and safe.  I also use an actual swaddler and not a blanket because I couldn't get the knack of swaddling. Good luck! 

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  • image laxminavkar:
    Thanks ladies just hearing that this is happening with other babies makes me feel better. I never thought that this was a stage so the idea that this isn't permanent really helps.

    I will seek this sacred happiest baby book. We do swaddle but she's a magician and breaks free or fidgets. Sometimes this is half of the screaming, her fighting the swaddle.

    Mine breaks and fights swaddles too so we began keeping his arms out but swaddling underneath his arms really tight still and this works for us.
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  • image laxminavkar:
    Thanks ladies just hearing that this is happening with other babies makes me feel better. I never thought that this was a stage so the idea that this isn't permanent really helps.

    I will seek this sacred happiest baby book. We do swaddle but she's a magician and breaks free or fidgets. Sometimes this is half of the screaming, her fighting the swaddle.


    Little man also fights the swaddle. He works himself up so much trying to get out of it that trying to soothe him while swaddled is almost impossible.

    I watched some of the Happiest Baby demonstrations and will be attempting to follow the S's, but I may have to follow pps advice and swaddle with the arms out. I also will try to do what has worked in the past to soothe, like using sounds, movement, and/or light.

    I hope that things start looking up. It is so hard when it feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel! FX that you see some light soon.
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  • For a squirmable-proof swaddle technique see here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQvKEaUC2Rw

  • I read an article once about how some babies get more and more upset when they cry, but some need to do it to be able to relax. The key is learning which kiddo you have. Don't beat yourself up.
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  • This is my third, and from my foggy memory of #1, he was much fussier than DS2 or DS3.  Definitely on board with the suggestions of the 5 S's (explained in The Happiest Baby on the Block).  Sucking, swaddling, and swinging have probably been the most effective for us.  Soothie pacifiers and Halo sleepsack swaddles are some of my fav baby products for this reason!  Not sure how we would survive without them. 
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