Pregnant after a Loss

                      TTC #1 since May 2012 
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  • ramy3ramy3
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    I've always had male OBs. My midwives are the first women I've seen for pregnancy. They're obviously different because they're midwives, but I'm not sure how a male OB would be different than a female OB based on sex alone.
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  • Our RE was a male and so was the OB that ended up delivering the girls because ours was out of town. It really was no big deal.
  • I've always had male OBs.  I now have female midwives.

    My male OB in my last state was wonderful!  He saw me through a couple of miscarriages.  He even hugged myself and my partner after a "big" one.  He even got teary eyed.  He was never anything but kind and compassionate.  When they do a pap, you're draped everywhere and they insert the speculum and all he sees is INSIDE your "bidness" ;)  

    I've always been offered a female nurse or assistant to be in the room as well.  I've always said it doesn't matter but every time there has been a female with him (in two different practices).  My RE was a male as well.

    I'm loving my midwives, as well.  If I was going to go for a hospital birth I'd go right back to my most recent male OB.  He was very kind and caring. 

    Losses: 6/04, 11/04, 1/06, 8/09, 7/12
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  • I go to a practice that has a total of 9 GP that run a prenatal/labor & delivery clinic. They have 3 male GP on staff. Personally I prefer a male I find them a bit more sympathetic and understanding also, and this will sound weird, I find them to be more gentle when doing internal exams and what not. Personally to me it doesn't matter as long as baby and I are ok. But I do prefer male doctors.

    As far as only going at 8 weeks, I think this is pretty normal, it was for me, and I had a previous loss at 4weeks. I think they do this because earlier then that they can't see a whole lot so all they can do is bloodwork. I know how Pgal brain is when its at its worse, try to stay positive. With my first appointment I told the GP that I was really nervous due to my previous loss and he brought in the U/S machine and did one right on the spot to help "ease my fears". I would ask, worse they can say is no right? Good luck!Big Smile

  • My OB is male, it doesn't bother me, my concern was who had a reputation for being very good at there job (this OB did my cervical biopsy, LEEP, and D&C). When I was having my health issues my MIL helped me get in with him because working at the hospital she knew he had a reputation for being one of the best in town. Doctors are very professional and clinical so you get used to the idea of it being a man. I know a few of the girls on here even have really hot OBs LOL.
    BFP#1 9/28/2012 - EDD 6/3/2013 - MMC discovered 11/21/2012 @ 12w2d - D&C 11/24/2012
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  • When I wasin the hospital delivering my son I had 2 different male OBs [you get whoever is on call]. Both made me feel comfortable and were very professional. I had never had a male dr before that experience [aside from ER]. I say no harm in going to get a feel for him and if you don't like him you can get a referall elsewhere but don't let the fact that he's a male be the main reason. I think you'll be just fine :]
  • pkarenpkaren
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    I've always had male OBs as well. It's really not a big deal. They're Dr.s and should treat you in the same professional manner a female would.

    As for the u/s, where I live we have to go to a lab to get them done, the OBs don't actually do them. My first appt was some bw and medical history. If its stressing you out, there's no harm in calling and finding out what will happen at that appt
    BFP #1: 12/26/11, EDD 09/05/12; m/c discovered: 02/22/12 @ 12w u/s,
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  • My practice has 7 OBs that rotate and 2 are men.  Any of the 7 could deliver my LO and I have to see each OB at least once during my pregnancy.  I actually like one of the male OBs a lot, the other one is fine, I just don't "click" with his personality as much.  I guess for me, I've been poked and prodded so much in the last year with the miscarriages and my D&C that it doesn't matter to me anymore if the person is male or female.  As far as the u/s...it's not uncommon to not have an u/s at a first appointment. After my first loss, they didn't do anything differently with my next pregnancy, my first appointment was scheduled at 9 weeks.  I naturally MC before that though.  After the 2nd loss they had me come in immediately and I had an u/s at 6 weeks 3 days.  I think it really depends on your situation and the policies and procedures of your OB practice.  What you're describing sounds completely normal if you've had 1 loss but if you would like a greater level of care or would prefer seeing a woman OB, there isn't anything wrong with considering another practice.

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  • My RE was male and we absolutely loved him! I wish he caught babies, too. Now I'm with a midwife, and her backup OB is male. I would say it just depends on the individual. You want to make sure you're with someone who makes you comfortable.
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  • Our practice has 7 women and 4 men. And my RE is a man, honestly I like most of the men better than the women with the exception of my OB who also happens to be the head of the practice.
    It wouldn't hurt to call the other place and see what their policies are.
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  • My OB is a male. The first visit was a little weird but after that it really didn't phase me. He is one of the best, if not the best, OBs in my town.

    You could also call your dr and request betas. I didn't see my dr until seven and a half weeks but they did betas before then. If they don't know about previous losses they might not do betas or an early ultrasound. I'm sure if you call them and request it they will do both.

    TTC since April 2012
    BFP #1 9/26/12 EDD 6/7/13 MC at 5w2d on 10/6/12
    BFP #2 1/18/13 Baby Boy born 10/2/13!

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  • Thanks, everyone!  I guess I worded it a little strangely, since I wouldn't consider cancelling the appointment just because he's a male.  More so to ease my anxiety and fears and get in earlier.  But, it sounds like this is a normal timeline and male docs can be just as sympathetic/kind as females. FX that I make it to 8wks so I can find out how we mesh!

    FWIW, I had a massage a few months ago with a man, and it was awkward for me..... maybe it would have turned out differently had he been hot.  ;-)   

                          TTC #1 since May 2012 
             BFP #1 9/24/12 EDD 5/30/13 m/c 10/2/12 
    BFP #2  6/10/13  EDD 2/18/14  Please be our rainbow!
                    Baby boy born on 2/24/14  
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  • I go to a group practice, but I mostly see a male OB who seems like a kindly grandfather. I had some awkwardness at first, but honestly he's so sweet and capable that I don't even think about it anymore. And my practice is the same with the eight week appointment.I think that's relatively standard.

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  • My OB is male.  He's awesome.  He's been super great through everything we've gone through.  Is more concerned about my emotional state than anything and told me to come in anytime for a Doppler check before I could even ask what the plan of attack was going to be with this pregnancy.  I love him and can't imagine going to anyone else.

     

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  • I never understood the big deal about male OB's. Not only is mine a guy, he's hot and young. I absolutely love him. He's been with us through 2 losses and this pregnancy....25 weeks today!

    I've recommended him to friends and they all love him too.

    When he's all up in my bidness, the only thing he's doing up there is doctor stuff. I promise you, a good doctor isn't up there evaluating your hotness or what you've got going on.
    BFP #1 - Mango - 6/11/12, EDD 2/22/12 Natural MC 7/15/12
    BFP #2 - Nacho - 10/14/12, EDD 6/20/13, MMC 8 weeks, D&C 11/16/12
    All testing shows both H and I are perfectly normal. Baby Nacho had triploidy. 
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  • I've only had male OBs - and they've both been hot and young, too [not intentional]. :P It was a little weird at first, because it's easy to get flustered when your OB is hot - but that quickly wore off. Every time I've had a pap smear or an internal check, a nurse has been in the room too, so it's never awkward. Both of my OBs have been great, and I always recommend them to other people as well.

    My current OB was there through my last loss, and he cried with me after my loss. He's been amazing, and I wouldn't change.

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  • image sjelwood:

    Thanks, everyone!  I guess I worded it a little strangely, since I wouldn't consider cancelling the appointment just because he's a male.  More so to ease my anxiety and fears and get in earlier.  But, it sounds like this is a normal timeline and male docs can be just as sympathetic/kind as females. FX that I make it to 8wks so I can find out how we mesh!

    FWIW, I had a massage a few months ago with a man, and it was awkward for me..... maybe it would have turned out differently had he been hot.  ;-)   

    Oh, hot helps. I did a few prenatal with Corbin and my masseuse was a gorgeous man with the most calming soothing voice.  I wish the place didn't close down.  He was awesome.

     

    In memory of Corbin Scott 10/28/11-12/3/11. Heaven got another angel the night you left this world behind Heaven got a little better the day it took you away from me Missing you tonight, see you again sometime For now I'll close my eyes and dream of heaven tonight I'll love you forever I'll like you for always Now and Forever My baby you'll be

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  • I've always had women until I got pregnant. The practice that I am at has several doctors (male and female) and they rotate them with each of your appointments. That way, no matter when you go into labor and no matter what is going on with one of the doctors, you've seen the doctor who delivers you. I'm sure I could request one specific one if I wanted to, but it is kind of interesting to see all of the different doctors. They share information very well and they've all known my medical history well before I see them.

    I was really uncomfortable at first but then again, I am not the first or last hoo-hah they will see. As long as they are relatively gentle and listen to my concerns, I'm good. I had to get over it really quick with my miscarriage. You take whichever doctors you can get!

     




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    image sjelwood:
    Thanks, everyone! nbsp;I guess I worded it a little strangely, since I wouldn't consider cancelling the appointment just because he's a male. nbsp;More so to ease my anxiety and fears and get in earlier. nbsp;But, it sounds like this is a normal timeline and male docs can be just as sympathetic/kind as females. FX that I make it to 8wks so I can find out how we mesh!
    My OB was the same when I'd had one loss. We'll hold your hand while you wait!

    Aww, thanks Books!     ::clings tightly to Pgal:: 

                          TTC #1 since May 2012 
             BFP #1 9/24/12 EDD 5/30/13 m/c 10/2/12 
    BFP #2  6/10/13  EDD 2/18/14  Please be our rainbow!
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  • Almost every doctor who's ever been up in my ladyjunk has been male. Honestly, it's no big deal. It's not sexual and they look at this stuff all day. In normal life I don't let anyone (except my husband) see the whole deal, regardless of their sex. But for medical reasons I just want whoever is best at their job.
  • bmqcmgbmqcmg
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 100 Love Its
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    I have the same OB that I did with Juliana and he is male. There are only two OBs in the office that I go to and they are both male. When I found out I was expecting this LO I was not seen until I was 9 weeks. They did do an U/S but that was mainly due to the reason that I had no idea how far along I was (never had A/F after my loss). Usually, my office does the first U/S around 12 weeks.

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  • I have a male OB.  With my last pregnancy, I was with a female OB.  I don't think the doctor's gender had much to do with anything.  I switched practices because my female OB's bedside manner left something to be desired and two of my good friends used my current OB, so he came highly recommended. 

    As far as having to wait til 8 weeks, it sucks and it's terrifying, but it's also pretty standard.  I had a MMC before this pregnancy.  Since it was just the one loss, I've still been treated as low-risk.  I will say though, when I had a spotting episode at 6 weeks, they had me come in and I really appreciated their willingness to do that.  Maybe ask your new practice how they handle situations like that. 





                                                        

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  • image lindsayanne79:
    I guess for me, I've been poked and prodded so much in the last year with the miscarriages and my D&C that it doesn't matter to me anymore if the person is male or female.  As far as the u/s...it's not uncommon to not have an u/s at a first appointment..I think it really depends on your situation and the policies and procedures of your OB practice.  What you're describing sounds completely normal if you've had 1 loss but if you would like a greater level of care or would prefer seeing a woman OB, there isn't anything wrong with considering another practice.


    All of this.  OP, if you are feeling unsure, call and talk to your doctor or his nurse.  They'll tell you what to expect at the first appointment.  I also had mine at 8 weeks and was very worried they wouldn't do an u/s until 18 weeks (this is normal here), but I talked to the nurse and she said they would do one at 12 for me.  As I had already had one at 6.5 and had seen the HB, I was fine with that.  The thing is, if you don't ask for the care you want, you'll never get it, and you'll spend your whole pregnancy feeling put-upon. ((hugs))
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  • My RE is female but my OB is male. Its NBD. Good luck!
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  • I have a male OB--he delivered DD1 and I'm using him this time as well.

    He's amazing.  When I was searching for a new OB after my losses (since my last OB was horrible) he was recommended to me.  And then I talked to his nurse who used to be his patient.  She had multiple m/cs and TTTC.  He helped her give birth to 4 beautiful children.  I love that he has been practicing the longest in our area out of all the OBs and he is also heavy into research.  He doesn't do anything just bc he can.

    With DD, he wasn't "up in my bidnizz" until 36w when I got the GBS swab.  Then he did a cervical check at 38 and 39w.  It was a little awkward at first (for me--he was completely professional.  And quick and painless) but it was fine.  And while in labor I didn't care at all and he was great.   

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  • I've had a male OB, female midwives, and RE's and urologists of both sexes. I am confident that the parts between their legs had no bearing on their ability to care for the parts between mine.
    Six years of infertility and loss, four IUIs, one IVF and one very awesome little boy born via med-free birth 10.24.13.
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  • FaygaFayga
    2500 Comments Sixth Anniversary 250 Answers 500 Love Its
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    I have a male OB doesn't bother me I have had male doctors since I was little so it was nothing new to me.  You gotta think, I have my mom to thank for this quote, "Once you have seen one,  you have seen them all..."  I did pick my OB for his reputation and after seeing him and how well he took care of me after my son passed we went back to him.
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  • I have a male OB and I love him! He is really amazing but I hate his receptionists sometimes lol.

    His partner delivered my son, but he did all the followups. I wouldn't trade him for anything. He will be delivering this baby (God willing)

     ETA: As standard procedure for the comfort of his patients, before my OB does anything regarding a woman's business he has a female nurse come in the room.

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    BFP: 04/14/10 ; EDD: 01/04/11 ; MC at 8w 1d

    BFP: 10/12/12 ; EDD: 06/11/13 ; MC at 8w 5d

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    I had a female OB when I miscarried and she was worthless. I switched to a male OB soon after and he is awesome! I was very apprehensive about a male OB, but he turned out to be really caring and I would highly recommend him. Many of the exams were done by the RNs who work for him, so I did not always see him. When you are in labor, you really won't care.

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