August 2012 Moms

Mornings: A GIF story

Let me preface this by saying that I know everyone's mornings/afternoons/evenings can be crazy.  But I'm losing my mind in the mornings this week.  Every morning has been exactly the same.  I thought it was a fluke until it happened again today. 

I always wake Isla up at 6:15, so I'm used to sitting down for a nice, relaxing breakfast at 5:45.  But wait, what's this I hear?  Oh, it's Isla jabbering to herself in her crib at 5:45.  WTF.  She loves mornings.  She is happy, she is joyous, she has no idea that it's 5:45 a.m. and she is screwing with my routine and my breakfast.

I scarf my breakfast as fast as I can so I can tend to her before she loses her shiit. 

 

She is ecstatic to see me, but then I need to change my sweet girl's diaper because it is usually soaked with urine and a few turds.  She goes from happy to this:


Obviously I am ruining her world because she would prefer a soggy, crap-filled diaper to lug around for the morning.

I bring her downstairs to eat and she proceeds to slaughter me with her legs while I'm nursing her.

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In the next 20 minutes I manage to feed the dog, give her the nebulizer meds for her cough, and then shiit starts to get crazy.  Literally.

Because she has woken up earlier than usual, I haven't had time to do my #2 bathroom visit. 

I always use the upstairs bathroom that is attached to my bedroom, so I have to close the bedroom door to corral Isla while keeping the bathroom door open so I can see her.

I set a few toys out for her to play with, but of course she loses interest almost immediately.

Commence the whining.  Now, I don't know about you, but I need to have some kind of quiet when I'm going to the bathroom.  Pretty hard when there's a baby whining 10 feet from you.

After her fit of boredom, she catches my eye on the toilet and realizes:

"THERE'S MOMMY!!!  I'm going to go get her!"  Commence the frantic, excited crawling towards me.


Now, I just can't deal with this because I'm on the effing toilet trying to poo and she's getting closer and closer.

I reach over to the counter and grab things and start throwing them past her to catch her attention.  A loofah.  A small box.  Nothing is getting her to turn around and crawl towards those.  I'm throwing objects like she's an effing dog who can play fetch.

Finally, something catches her eye.  The doorstopper.  You know, the thing that looks like this:

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She realizes she can move it and it will make a noise. 

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Sweet.  She's distracted and I can finish my toilet visit.  She then hits it super hard, it makes a louder noise than usual, and she freaks the eff out. 

 

She has done this three.days.in.a.row.  Pavlov's dog?  I think not.

Because she is frantic and scared, what does she do?  You guessed it.  Crawls to me, sits at my feet with her hands in the air wailing, "Ma ma, ma ma, ma ma!!!"

What the hell do I doooooooo?  I'm on the freaking toilet!  I have to pick her up, turn her around, and continue to throw things at her to play with.

I finish my business and pick her up, but she now has her heart set on the dog while I'm trying to get dressed for work.

image

The feeling is not mutual.  

I have to try to keep her away from him all while trying to pick out a semi-matching outfit and I end up sweating like I just got out of a sauna.

By the time we leave the house, I am a frantic mess and my head feels like it's going to implode.

image

Welcome to my mornings.  Let's see if tomorrow is any different.

 

 


Isla 2
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Re: Mornings: A GIF story

  • Ok, the kicking in the face gif?  I almost peed my pants.

     

     






     

  • I'm so sorry for your frantic mornings, but OMG, that was hilarious!!! LOL! I have actually used the bathroom with Liam on my lap. So... yeah.. BTDT.  And he literally sits there like "this is nice". 

                Mom of 2 monkeys
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  • Becc77Becc77
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    This is hilarious. Chasing the dog is the current fave around here too. Except the dog is all of 3.5 lbs and is skin and bones, so I'm petrified he'll get pinched/squeezed too hard. 
  • This may be the best GIF story I've ever read on here. Sorry your mornings suck.


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  • I'm sorry about your crappy mornings, but it sure did make me laugh. Hope she starts sleeping again!
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  • Mlynne, you truly have a gift for this!
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  • Thanks for letting us all laugh at your expense! Me trying to poo pretty much goes the same way in this house.

    Hope your day gets better! 

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  • I was envisioning myself in your situation, and the visual of me throwing things at jay, and him just crawling passed it reminded me of an action movie. I'm so imaginative lol.

    Sorry your mornings have sucked.
    image

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  • Bahahaha OMG this made me pee my pants a little.  Dang PP bladder.

    There is nothing more difficult than trying to poop while your kid is climbing all up on your wanting in your lap.  No child, I cannot hold you whiles I poop.  You are not a newborn anymore. 

    I hope the rest of your mornings this week go more smoothly.

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  • I loved the whole story line with the gifs portraying this little monster... and then your signature... and that beautiful sweet little face saying "oh heyyy"

    lol you crack me up! here I was looking for an updated post-helmet picture and i accidently found this gem :)

     

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    Me and DH - 26years old; IF DX: PCOS, Hypothyroid/Hashimotos(me)
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  • I. Am. Dying. I think coffee came out of my nose.
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  • image nobadwriting:
    image latnprincess:
    I'm so sorry for your frantic mornings, but OMG, that was hilarious!!! LOL! I have actually used the bathroom with Liam on my lap. So... yeah.. BTDT.  And he literally sits there like "this is nice". 
    I've done this before! Not my best moment.

    Same here! You gotta do what you've gotta do, right?

    Mlynne- I loved this GIF story! It made me giggle snort!

  • Sorry about your morning, but your gif story cracked me up! Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
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  • Lololol. Love this. 
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  • Haha, I love this! I was laughing out loud when I got to the part of you throwing things to distract her. C does some of this too, and I now usually shower with him sitting in the shower with me. I can scrub him quickly, and he is CONTAINED! Win-win!

    Maybe our kids will turn into the adults who need their s/o to rub their back when they go #2.  

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  • image Crossingfingers:

    Haha, I love this! I was laughing out loud when I got to the part of you throwing things to distract her. C does some of this too, and I now usually shower with him sitting in the shower with me. I can scrub him quickly, and he is CONTAINED! Win-win!

    Maybe our kids will turn into the adults who need their s/o to rub their back when they go #2.  

    I will pray nightly that this doesn't happen.  

    Isla 2
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  • Hahaha!!! I'm very sorry that your mornings have been so crazy, but that gif story was hilarious! I hope tomorrow is better.
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