March 2013 Moms

Vent! WTF?!

Don't post here very often, but am in need of an outlet at the moment! My bf and I just got into a huge argument. I'm still on maternity leave and he works from home. You would think that since he's home everyday that he would help with the baby. Um, no! So earlier he took the baby into the living room and I thought he was going to actually hang out with her. I was busy pulling everything out of the messy cabinets and throwing crap away that his kids stuffed in there. Anyway, it seems like everytime I ask him to watch the baby he ends up pawning her off on his irresponsible 15 year old daughter. I'm not okay with that! So I go to check on the baby thinking he has her and he's playing freakin video games and his 15 has the baby AGAIN!!! Baby hasn't been fed or changed in a few hours! Am I overreacting?! I go back to work in a month and don't feel comfortable leaving my daughter with her own father. This makes me so upset! Advice please! =
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Re: Vent! WTF?!

  • Your BF sounds like a lot of dads that I've seen posted about on here and my DH included.  They'll take the LO, and then think they can lay them down right away.  As long as his 15 yr old daughter wouldn't harm the baby, she seems like she could watch her. I don't know your situation with her, but even if she's irresponsible, it seems as if she could still help out with the baby and you could take a break to change her or feed her and you could still get things done. 

    FWIW, I lurk on the working moms board, and even the work from home moms send their LOs to daycare. So even if your BF is home, he needs to get his work done. I know you said he was off playing video games this time, but you  may need to find an alternative child care. 

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  • First and foremost, you need to stop projecting your anger towards your BF onto his kids.  It's not the 15 year old daughter's fault that her father is irresponsible. 

    It sounds like you and your SO have a lot of unresolved issues, but blowing up out of anger isn't going to help anything and will most likely make matters worse.  You need to learn to effectively communicate what is upsetting you.  Wait until you are calm enough to discuss what you're expectations are.  Maybe you can work out a schedule or a job list of who will do what.  Also, when he is taking care of your DD, don't micromanage him.  He may do things differently than you and that's fine.  As long as your DD is happy and healthy, that's what is most important.  

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  • mal922mal922
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    I have a slightly different perspective, because my husband and I both work from home for different companies, but neither of us would really be able to care for LO while doing that. Of course, we don't play video games or do other nonwork activities during the day either. While I have been on leave, DH does pop in periodically to say hello and is able to help me from time to time if he's having a slow work day, but otherwise, it is pretty much the same as if he were in an office.
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  • image BlissBerry:
    First and foremost, you need to stop projecting your anger towards your BF onto his kids. nbsp;It's not the 15 year old daughter's fault that her father is irresponsible.nbsp;It sounds like you and your SO have a lot of unresolved issues, but blowing up out of anger isn't going to help anything and will most likely make matters worse. nbsp;You need to learn to effectively communicate what is upsetting you. nbsp;Wait until you are calm enough to discuss what you're expectations are. nbsp;Maybe you can work out a schedule or a job list of who will do what. nbsp;Also, when he is taking care of your DD, don't micromanage him. nbsp;He may do things differently than you and that's fine. nbsp;As long as your DD is happy and healthy, that's what is most important. nbsp;


    This.

  • I've never taken my anger out on the 15 year old and the fact that he couldn't put down a stupid video game to take of the baby is what made me really mad. I take care of the baby all day, everyday!
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  • In case I wasn't clear in my original post, I got into an argument with my bf not his daughter. I know it isn't her fault. When I mentioned getting a babysitter he got offended and angry which is what started the argument. When I go back to work ill be gone about 15 hours. This situation makes me nervous!
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  • image carpediem909:
    I've never taken my anger out on the 15 year old and the fact that he couldn't put down a stupid video game to take of the baby is what made me really mad. I take care of the baby all day, everyday!

    To be honest with you, your post read very negatively regarding your BF's children. You might want to go read what you wrote.   

    image carpediem909:I was busy pulling everything out of the messy cabinets and throwing crap away that his kids stuffed in there.

    Anyway, it seems like everytime I ask him to watch the baby he ends up pawning her off on his irresponsible 15 year old daughter. I'm not okay with that!

     Advice please! = 

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  • I understand your frustration with his playing video games while he was supposed to be on Daddy duty. But also understand that if he is working from home, he can not really help out as much as maybe you think he can. My husband works from home and while I was on maternity leave, I had the baby for pretty much the whole day. I would usually ask the Hubs if he could take a work break for 15 minutes to watch little guy so I could go shower, but that was it (and I would usually put little guy down for a nap during that time anyways). Hubs would stop working to come say hi or play with little guy for a few minutes here or there, but I didn't go off to do other things at those times. I also found that my Hubs needs reminders to change the diaper every so often when he is on daddy duty. Unless he hears a poo, he just doesn't think about it. I don't get mad about it, I know he just isn't as in tune with the baby as I am.
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  • image Bliss+Berry:

    First and foremost, you need to stop projecting your anger towards your BF onto his kids.  It's not the 15 year old daughter's fault that her father is irresponsible. 

    It sounds like you and your SO have a lot of unresolved issues, but blowing up out of anger isn't going to help anything and will most likely make matters worse.  You need to learn to effectively communicate what is upsetting you.  Wait until you are calm enough to discuss what you're expectations are.  Maybe you can work out a schedule or a job list of who will do what.  Also, when he is taking care of your DD, don't micromanage him.  He may do things differently than you and that's fine.  As long as your DD is happy and healthy, that's what is most important.  

    Agreed. It's fine to vent to get the frustration out, but, ultimately, you'll need to talk this over with your SO if you want things to be any different. Like the other ladies have said, just because he's working from home, that doesn't mean he's able to drop what he's doing at a moment's notice to help with the baby. I like the idea PP mentioned of asking him to take a short work break so you can shower or get something quick done around the house (fold laundry, put up dishes, etc.). If you are not comfortable with your 15-yo stepdaughter watching DD, you need to either find a way to trust her, or talk to him about it.

     
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  • Rhea77Rhea77
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    Sorry, it sounds like other posters are turning on you here. I totally understand what you are frustrated about! I have some similar issues with my DH and SD, except my SD is only 8! One night when I was super exhausted, DH volunteered to handle the twins' night feeding... a rare event. Then I found out he woke his 8 year old daughter and got her up out of bed at 11 pm on a school night to help him feed the babies rather than handling it alone... which I do every day! My DH works 4 days a week. He wants me to take the twins to daycare on the weekday he has off. He does not work from home, it is just another day off, and he won't watch the babies. So frustrating! But I guess I'd rather have them in daycare than at home with a father who does not want to be bothered by them. But when he worked weekends, guess who spent her days off every other weekend watching and entertaining the step kids. Grr. I don't have good advice, but just wanted to let you know you are not alone in your frustrations.
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