3rd Trimester

I am pure evil and I'm quite happy with it...

I'm having a repeat c-section on Friday.  DH is a consultant and has to go back to work the following Monday.  We also have an almost 2 year old.  

We decided, to heck with all the family, we are just going to have this 2.5 day chunk of time just for DH and I and new baby (DH will bring big baby to visit as well).  So we told all of our parents that we are not having visitors at the hospital and EVERYONE is more than welcome to visit as soon as we are home from hospital.

Most people thought it was totally understandable, especially since DH and I are very private, but a few thought it was totally inappropriate and we need to consider how it would hurt their feelings.

I'm not looking for validation of my choice.  My choice is awesome and is exactly what we want.  I guess the reason for this post is that I am constantly surprised at the "ownership" people take over someone else's pregnancy.  I understand that it's a new baby in the family but it's like....mine lol.  

Ahhh....family entitlement.  :) 


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Re: I am pure evil and I'm quite happy with it...

  • Good for you! It's not like you are saying they can never see the baby.
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  • And I get that there is a tiny, cute baby there and whatnot but the mother just pushed it out of her vagina or had it cut out of her belly!

    Maybe she would like to bleed like a pig, be swollen, stoned and confused, and leaking fluids out of every hole in peace!

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  • image Caitlin224:

    And I get that there is a tiny, cute baby there and whatnot but the mother just pushed it out of her vagina or had it cut out of her belly!

    Maybe she would like to bleed like a pig, be swollen, stoned and confused, and leaking fluids out of every hole in peace!

    Amen! People forget that having a kid is a major medical thing. One that requires 6-8 weeks to recover from. They can give you a few days to get yourself together.

    I always try to give new moms about a month before I try to go see their newborns. For really good friends, I'll offer to bring them food or help them out with chores, but not even with the return of seeing the baby, but because I actually care about helping them out. If they tell me to come over sooner, I follow their lead.  

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  • I hear ya we only asked to have a two hour window between birth and visitors and his family thinks it is an outrage, not only that but no kids are allowed unless siblings, we told his family this as well and they said they still plan on bringing their kids. I DISLIKE INLAWS VERY MUCH  

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  • I'm jealous, I wish my husband was on board with doing that.  His mother texts us constantly wanting to know what the status is so she can take off work the second I go into labor.  When I try to ask him if maybe we could just tell her after the baby is born he gets mad and says no.  I'm worried she's going to show up in the delivery room even though I have said until I am blue in the face that the only person I want there is my husband (and appropriate medical staff).
  • Ugh, I completely agree and support you in your decision. But I "UGH" because family just feel SO entitled. I told my husband that we aren't going to allow a buttload of visitors... WHY? Because me and my baby are NOT a circus exhibit. You're in the HOSPITAL for a reason. You need time to recover and bond with your baby. It's your baby, and your body. I think you did an awesome job standing up for what you want!
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  • Good for you. Honestly, I felt so overwhelmed having so many visitors when I gave birth to DS, so this time around I'm standing my ground too. I'm allowing my immediate family and DH's immediate family (reluctantly, just to be fair even though I honestly could do without them! ugh) to visit in the hospital, but nobody else. Everyone else has been advised to wait until we get home, and to call or text ahead before visiting. People get excited to see the baby, but seem quick to forget that the mom is recovering from birth too.
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  • Good for you!!! It's refreshing to read a post where a woman actually stands up for her rights!

    I'm having a homebirth, and made similar rules. People are upset, but whatever. I'd rather bleed, meet my baby, and start the breastfeeding process in peace.

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    I think I would do the exact same thing in your shoes. You're having major abdominal surgery. Privacy please!

    I'm not telling anyone until after the baby is born and if they come up then they come up but I have the right to refuse service to any person at any time for any reason I see fit. There was a lot of drama last time around and I need to do what's best for me and my family and not feel bad about it. Hopefully this time goes smoother.

  • You should not feel bad about it at all. You will be recovering from surgery and they can get over it.
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  • Good for you.  Other than my Mother and Sister I am not allowing any visitors for the first two- three weeks. 
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  • Good for you-- I wish I had the balls to do the same thing this time around.  With my first, the inlaws were waiting in the hall as i was wheeled out of c-section and into recovery.  After a scary labor and emergency surgery, they were the last people I wanted to see--just wanted to see my baby.  I hadn't thought to tell my husband I didn't want people there right away if I had an emergency c/s.  I would love no visitors in the hospital for this RCS, but since the inlaws are from out-of-town, I feel like I have to let them visit since they will fly in.  I am planning on several hours before visitors, plus my first son will be the first visitor and we will have "family time" with just us before anyone else is there. 

     

     

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  • image Caitlin224:

    And I get that there is a tiny, cute baby there and whatnot but the mother just pushed it out of her vagina or had it cut out of her belly!

    Maybe she would like to bleed like a pig, be swollen, stoned and confused, and leaking fluids out of every hole in peace!

    Yes  For reals.

  • I feel zero guilt about this. DH and I aren't even telling people until after the baby arrives, and at that point we are going to be very selective about when and how we allow people to come around. That time is for us, our son, and our new daughter. When we feel like we are ready for other people, then we will start notifying people. 

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  • GOOD FOR YOU! Yes

     

    Our plan is to tell people that we will call them and invite them to visit when we are ready. Other than that, if people show up without our inviting them, I *will* tell them to...

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  • You are not evil, this time is all about your immediate family. I also don't understand why certain people try to make someone else's pregnancy about them. 

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  • I LOVE THIS! I am lobbying to do the same. 
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  • image weaslewam:
    Ugh, I completely agree and support you in your decision. But I "UGH" because family just feel SO entitled. I told my husband that we aren't going to allow a buttload of visitors... WHY? Because me and my baby are NOT a circus exhibit. You're in the HOSPITAL for a reason. You need time to recover and bond with your baby. It's your baby, and your body. I think you did an awesome job standing up for what you want!

     Lol, this is dramatic. When you bring another person into a family it's completely normal for them to be excited and want to see the baby at the soonest possible moment. It's a joyous moment for everyone who has has been there for you through this pregnancy, and will forever be a big part of your child's life. No one is looking at you and your baby as a circus exhibit, they just want to be apart of that very special moment. 

    DH's family could not care less about our baby, let alone want to be there when he comes into the world. It's been really hard on him. You are lucky that you have people who care about you that want to share big moments with you.

    That being said, I too want it to be just me and DH during the birth. I think I will be more comfortable that way, and I know I had every right to make that decision. But I also realize that to my family it is a huge deal for them to become grandma/aunts/grandpa ect. And attending a birth is an amazing experience that you never forget, It makes sense that the people who care about you would want to be apart of it, as long as they are respectful when you tell them what you want it's not something to "UGH" about.

     

     


     

  • image trudibell:
    I'm jealous, I wish my husband was on board with doing that.  His mother texts us constantly wanting to know what the status is so she can take off work the second I go into labor.  When I try to ask him if maybe we could just tell her after the baby is born he gets mad and says no.  I'm worried she's going to show up in the delivery room even though I have said until I am blue in the face that the only person I want there is my husband (and appropriate medical staff).

    I would be so angry if I thought my MIL was going to show up in the delivery room against my wishes. But if you tell your nurses and doctors who you actually want in the room, they should absolutely keep anyone else out. She can wait outside until you are good and ready for visitors, and the nurses should help you with that as well. Good luck! 

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