Working Moms

full time working moms, can i get your input?

Hi! I'm a hairdresser that works part time, 3 days a week at the moment, and I'm wondering if you could help me with a decision. 

I've got an opportunity to work at a high-end salon, 50-60hrs a week, salary, benefits, etc. I just wonder if I can emotionally do it. I spend most of my week with LO and the older she gets, the more independent she is.

While the benefits are great, and it could be a great opportunity, is it worth it?

The other option is not working at all, and maybe doing a few clients out of my house for cash (not classy, i know, but i could make a couple hundred a month).

 

What prompted this move was daycare. Working part time, I'm making only enough to pay for daycare, booth rent, supplies, etc., so it doesn't make sense to me to work just to pay for me to go to work (if that makes any sense).

DH is on board for whatever I want to do. Even if I stayed home, we would have enough to get by. 

What are your thoughts? 

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Re: full time working moms, can i get your input?

  • Am guessing high end salons have openings from time to time; so IF you decide to stay home, would be an option. Does your DH have adequate insurance coverage (asking because you mention that as a benefit to the offered position). Would the working hours work with your schedule and day care providers schedule?

    Cannot see the age of your LO, however 50 to 60 hours a week amounts to 5 or 6 ten hour days ...
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  • he doesn't have insurance options with his company *yet*. DD is currently not covered by insurance, sadly, so an insurance option would be VERY beneficial. (the rates with BCBS skyrocketed this year for child-only coverage. we were waiting it out until october for the new insurance changes to take, but it makes me very very very nervous about her not being covered). 

    and i have found childcare with a lady that i adore that is willing to work with my schedule (some nights i'd be working until 8:30-9pm), and with the help of my parents can make childcare work, although i'd be paying more. DH's schedule is ridiculous most days, and changes constantly, so I can't rely on him to pick her up every (ex:) Tuesday at 5pm.  

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  • Also, I'm having some mixed feelings about how it would effect LO. 

    Would she grow to resent me? I know I was left in DC all through my childhood, and still have resentment towards my parents for it (not so much that they worked, but they also partied, and had extra curricular activities). Or is that just *my* issue?

    And will I be missing out on her life? As she grows, and talks, and plays? I've very much enjoyed being with her so far, but are finances more important? Or is it important for her to see her female role model working, acheiving goals, making a living, etc?

    I know all these things are just opinions, but I don't know where I stand on them.  

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  • If she is uninsured, I would do it for now just for the insurance factor. I just would not be comfortable having an uninsured child. Then, you could revisit it later (in October or whatever) once you are more clear on the new insurance policies if you were to buy your own. I feel like insurance is an absolute necessity. 

    That said, you'd have to work out child care and make sure your DH is truly on board, b/c surely he would be covering a lot more child care needs. It's also more hours than I would want to do, personally, but I would do it short-term to cover insurance needs and save some money while you think about what you really want.

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  • I say go for it. Give it 6 months and see how it's working out. It sounds like it'd be a great opportunity. You can always quit or try to scale back hours if it's too much, and that way you have it on your resume for later, too.

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  • If my child did not have health insurance there is no way I would ever stay at home.  I don't think that is an option for you. 

    Personally, I think you should go for the high end salon.  Could you max your hours out at 9 per day, but no more?

     I work around 45-50 hours a week and get a few hours a night and all weekends with DD.  I love my career, so this is what I WANT to do.  DD loves daycare and has a blast there. 

    I do think your childhood issues do stem from more than just daycare.  Were you neglected?  The bottom line is that my DD, at age 2 thinks that kids go to school and parents go to work.  That's just the way it is.  But we have plenty of quality time together and it's perfect.  She is very much loved by us, her grandparents, her teachers, her sitters, our family friends, etc. 

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  • image sharinfaith:
    Also, I'm having some mixed feelings about how it would effect LO.nbsp;Would she grow to resent me? I know I was left in DC all through my childhood, and still have resentment towards my parents for it not so much that they worked, but they also partied, and had extra curricular activities. Or is that just my issue?And will I be missing out on her life? As she grows, and talks, and plays? I've very much enjoyed being with her so far, but are finances more important? Or is it important for her to see her female role model working, acheiving goals, making a living, etc?I know all these things are just opinions, but I don't know where I stand on them. nbsp;


    I think that is just your issue. We always went to a babysitter's house because both of my parents worked full time. I never resented them for working. Partying might be different.
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  • I would not be comfortable going without health insurance.  I would take this job, not only because of the benefits, but because it sounds like a step up career-wise. 

    I was a SAHM and a job came up out of the blue.  It was an amazing opportunity, yet I didn't even know if I wanted it because I was stressed about having to find daycare for the kids, I was sad about leaving them and I was really worried about work/life balance taking a full-time job.  My husband encouraged me to look at it this way.  If I take the job and hate it, I can quit and I'll always have being a SAHM to come back to.  If I don't take the job, the opportunity is lost forever.  So I went into it thinking I'd give it six months and then reavaluate.  I've been so happy with my decision ever since. 

    I, too, have issues from my childhood regarding daycare and it's part of the reason I became a SAHM.  However, what I finally realized after going back to work is that it wasn't the fact that I was in daycare as a kid that was the problem, it was that I wasn't in a quality, stable daycare situation. We're lucky to have a nanny and she's wonderful and the kids love her.  I don't feel guilty for working because I know my kids are in good hands and having fun and they're lucky to have an additional person in their lives who cares about them. 

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  • Your LO needs health insurance. There are state run programs for children in many states if you opt not to take the job. But do not let your LO go without health insurance!!!

     As far as working.... honestly, I would not take a 50-60 hour a week gig, unless you are talking saturday and sunday hours but being home by 6pm most nights.  I work 35-40 hours a week and it is plenty-- but to me it is important to be home for dinner with my child, and family dinner was important to me growing up.  I had two working parents and did resent my mom a bit, but mostly because she worked until 7pm many nights instead of being home at 5:30 or 6 like my dad could be.  It was more that I felt like she did not care about being a mom...

    Just my two cents.

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  • If it were me, I'd absolutely try out the new position full time at the high-end salon. If you don't like it, you can always stay at home and host some of those clients.  With your LO becoming more independent, I think daycare is a wonderful place to learn new skills, start making friends, and stay acclimated to the school-type setting, etc. I am absolutely not against either option, because different options work for difference families, but from what I've seen when my DD is in daycare, she thrives socially and learns something new daily.  No harm in trying it out full time!  Good luck!
  • I have worked FT since our first was born. my job is pretty demanding, I work mandatory holidays/major town functions like festivals and such but have decently priced insurance for both of my children. I was worried and heartbroken at first to be missing out on so much, but it really makes me appreciate the time that I do get to be at home with them. I vote you should try it out, if you don't like it and can afford it, then you can always put in your notice and be home with your LO. Good luck! :)


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  • image nosoup4u:

    I say go for it. Give it 6 months and see how it's working out. It sounds like it'd be a great opportunity. You can always quit or try to scale back hours if it's too much, and that way you have it on your resume for later, too.

     I agree with this. 

  • tig594tig594
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    Agree that health insurance is a must. If you can't get your LO on medicaid until your hubby gets coverage then perhaps you should try out the job offer for awhile to see how it goes. Regarding working out of your home...if i found someone who did a fabulous job with my hair i wouldn't really care where they did it. : )

  • Health insurance is big, big, big, BIG deal. Like the PPs, I would take the 50-60 hr/week job. In fact, if my daughter did not have health insurance and an opportunity to get it for her just came up, I'd jump all over it regardless of her age or how many hours (as long as it was doable) it entailed, because health insurance is *that* important.

    Even a brief illness or a minor injury can incur medical bills that would put you in major debt. In the last six months, my DD was hospitalized for two days w/viral pneumonia and had tubes put in her ears (after her seventh ear infection). Those alone incurred five figures of medical bills. A more serious medical issue w/o insurance could devastate you financially for life. Sorry to be so gloomy, but it's happened to a lot of people.

    One other thought: if you worked from home, wouldn't you have to purchase salon equipment?  That probably isn't cheap. Just something else to consider.

     

     



  • image nosoup4u:

    I say go for it. Give it 6 months and see how it's working out. It sounds like it'd be a great opportunity. You can always quit or try to scale back hours if it's too much, and that way you have it on your resume for later, too.

    Agreed. You should give this opportunity a try. You may find that you love having a rewarding career and the stability of a health insurance and a good income. I work FT and I really appreciate the time I have with my DS. My job allows us to be able to afford to go and do fun stuff together that we would not have been able to afford if I was staying home.  He likes his DC and looks forward to going to see his friends. If you cannot stand it after 6 months you can try to make arrangments to find a PT job with benefits or maybe your DH can make an adjustment. Good Luck!

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  • Thank you ladies for the overwhelming amount of great advice! I worked all day, then visited MIL since she was in from out of town, so I'm just now able to respond. I think you all are right. I'm going to take it, and if it doesn't work out, then I can leave, do a few of my longer term clients from the house, and still stay home. I agree that insurance is important, the most important, factor. She was on medicaid for the first 18m, but when they factored in DHs income, she didn't qualify for it or CHIP, if you're in TX everyone told me lie about it, but I just can't .

    Daycare is a lot of the worry. Ex: tuesdays and thursdays I would be required to stay until 8pm or later. My parents said they could pick her up from DC on thursdays, but not tuesdays. DCP saod for extra money she could watch her later on Tuesday, or she could go run errands with her new dcp, so not comfortable with that yet. And they require full time. Everyone works the same hours every week. There are pd vacations, sick days, etc, but I'm sure it looks horrible to the owner.

    Anyway, I'm rambling. Again, thank you!! You've all been amazing help!!
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  • Also forgot to add:

    DH works crazy hours, so i'd be doing all the picking up/dropping off at dc. There would be days here and there that he has a day off, but she sometimes goes weeks w/o seeing him because he leaves before she wakes up and doesn't get off until midnight. Then on the side he runs a small lighting rental business from home, so that eats his spare time.

    Since she's been born, we made somewhat of an agreement that he would pay 90 of bills and I would do 90 of housework/baby raising. Not to say he's not an amazing dad, he loves her and misses her a lot, but it's kind of my burden to bear for DC.

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  • image sharinfaith:
    Also forgot to add: DH works crazy hours, so i'd be doing all the picking up/dropping off at dc. There would be days here and there that he has a day off, but she sometimes goes weeks w/o seeing him because he leaves before she wakes up and doesn't get off until midnight. Then on the side he runs a small lighting rental business from home, so that eats his spare time. Since she's been born, we made somewhat of an agreement that he would pay 90 of bills and I would do 90 of housework/baby raising. Not to say he's not an amazing dad, he loves her and misses her a lot, but it's kind of my burden to bear for DC.

    But it sounds like he's not paying 90% of the bills, since your child does not even have health insurance and you're about to go back to work full-time.  I think you both need to take a look at this "deal" again and see that it just doesn't work this way for your family (or any family in my opinion). 

    Think about it.

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  • image laurakaz13:

    image sharinfaith:
    Also forgot to add: DH works crazy hours, so i'd be doing all the picking up/dropping off at dc. There would be days here and there that he has a day off, but she sometimes goes weeks w/o seeing him because he leaves before she wakes up and doesn't get off until midnight. Then on the side he runs a small lighting rental business from home, so that eats his spare time. Since she's been born, we made somewhat of an agreement that he would pay 90 of bills and I would do 90 of housework/baby raising. Not to say he's not an amazing dad, he loves her and misses her a lot, but it's kind of my burden to bear for DC.

    But it sounds like he's not paying 90% of the bills, since your child does not even have health insurance and you're about to go back to work full-time.  I think you both need to take a look at this "deal" again and see that it just doesn't work this way for your family (or any family in my opinion). 

    Think about it.

    my computer won't let me bold for some reason, but you're absolutely right. i didn't want to get OT, but he and i have had many discussion (ie, arguments) about this exact same thing. but i can't make him pay anything, so that's why i started looking at salons where i wouldn't be self employed, so possibly if LO and I needed to leave, i would have a more stable income.

    and then i considered all my options. we could leave, in which case he would rarely see her due to his job, and she would spend most of his visitation times at DC anyway, or we could stay, and i could go full time to make up for what he can't, she could still see him, but would rarely see me.

    like i said, he's a great dad, loves her with all he has, but isn't great with finances/budgets/spending, and doesn't trust me do any of that, so it's really he's got to want to do it. he pays the rent, 1/2 of DC, and 1/2 of groceries, while i cover utilities, 1/2 of DC, and 1/2 of groceries, and we pay seperately for our vehicles, car insurance, cell phones, etc. That arrangement has worked for us thus far, so i don't want to rock the boat. That's why I'm interested in this job, so at least she'll have the medical insurance, if nothing else, even if I'm still just breaking even for DC and gas.

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  • Deez10Deez10
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    image sharinfaith:
    my computer won't let me bold for some reason, but you're absolutely right. i didn't want to get OT, but he and i have had many discussion (ie, arguments) about this exact same thing. but i can't make him pay anything, so that's why i started looking at salons where i wouldn't be self employed, so possibly if LO and I needed to leave, i would have a more stable income.

    Take the job, try it out for a little while, see what you think.  Get signed up for all benefits available to you/your daughter. 

    It will be tough at first because you've been used to being around your LO a lot - so give the adjustment period some time.  It's not easy but it gets easier when you find your groove.  

    Your LO needs medical insurance and this job will provide it - manage your money yourself (keep it separate from your SO's income) and save whatever you can.  GL!

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  • I am pretty sure it is illegal to take clients in your home because you are effectively avoiding the health inspectors and you would not have a commercial license for your home (unless you are actually zoned for this, and if so, ignore me!).  

     I would probably take the job temporarily just for the insurance.  However, I would not work 60 hours a week long term as a hairdresser.  DH is a hairdresser, and working that much is just too physically taxing.  Do you have any opportunities to rent out a small retail shop?  DH leases a shop and rents out chairs to other stylists.  This gives him the flexibility to work only the hours he wants to work, but he collects rent from his other stylists.  He doesn't have to manage employees.  It works out well for us.  There were some costs to get the shop up and running, but now it pretty much runs itself! 

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  • LoCarbLoCarb
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    I would work at the high end salon for the benefits alone! 

    Do not feel guilty about your LO going to DC. My kids thrive off the experience. They are social and made great friends, respect other grown ups and have learned a tremendous amount of knowledge.

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  • image jamiedsgirl:

    I am pretty sure it is illegal to take clients in your home because you are effectively avoiding the health inspectors and you would not have a commercial license for your home (unless you are actually zoned for this, and if so, ignore me!).  

     I would probably take the job temporarily just for the insurance.  However, I would not work 60 hours a week long term as a hairdresser.  DH is a hairdresser, and working that much is just too physically taxing.  Do you have any opportunities to rent out a small retail shop?  DH leases a shop and rents out chairs to other stylists.  This gives him the flexibility to work only the hours he wants to work, but he collects rent from his other stylists.  He doesn't have to manage employees.  It works out well for us.  There were some costs to get the shop up and running, but now it pretty much runs itself! 

    I currently rent a station at a small salon, and only part time. That's where i'm running into problems though. Most DCs don't want to do PT since they can make more with a FT child. I don't have enough clients to sustain myself FT renting there, and paying FT for DC (even if it's every other month).

    And it isn't legal to do hair from your house, although i've had many clients say they would (on their own accord), if there was an option of that or my not doing hair at all.  

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  • image sharinfaith:
    my computer won't let me bold for some reason, but you're absolutely right. i didn't want to get OT, but he and i have had many discussion (ie, arguments) about this exact same thing. but i can't make him pay anything, so that's why i started looking at salons where i wouldn't be self employed, so possibly if LO and I needed to leave, i would have a more stable income.

    and then i considered all my options. we could leave, in which case he would rarely see her due to his job, and she would spend most of his visitation times at DC anyway, or we could stay, and i could go full time to make up for what he can't, she could still see him, but would rarely see me.

    like i said, he's a great dad, loves her with all he has, but isn't great with finances/budgets/spending, and doesn't trust me do any of that, so it's really he's got to want to do it. he pays the rent, 1/2 of DC, and 1/2 of groceries, while i cover utilities, 1/2 of DC, and 1/2 of groceries, and we pay seperately for our vehicles, car insurance, cell phones, etc. That arrangement has worked for us thus far, so i don't want to rock the boat. That's why I'm interested in this job, so at least she'll have the medical insurance, if nothing else, even if I'm still just breaking even for DC and gas.

    I still can't wrap my head around how he refuses to get her insurance, never sees her, and yet "loves her with all he has."

     

    He doesn't have much.

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  • KL777KL777
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    Speaking for myself, I think 50-60 hours per week is too much.  I would probably work from home when DH was home to watch DC.  I would also definitely get health care for DC (try private health care from Anthem Blue Cross/Blue Shield)

    Everything doesn't have to be "classy" at every chapter in life.  When I was a SAHM, I temporarily did the childcare with DS at my jazzercise center a few hours per week, which paid for my jazzercise classes. 

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  • It depends on what you want to do - work or stay home.

    Working full time would make more sense. Working 3 days a week would pay very little for anyone.


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  • image KL777:
    Speaking for myself, I think 50-60 hours per week is too much.   

    I think it depends on the situation.  My job is 45-50 hours per week, but then I communte another 2.5 hours a day.  So, it ends up around 55-60 hours away from the kids. It's doable.  My kids still love me and I definitely spend quality time with them.  Also, they don't know any different. 



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  • image kristennd:
    image sharinfaith:
    my computer won't let me bold for some reason, but you're absolutely right. i didn't want to get OT, but he and i have had many discussion (ie, arguments) about this exact same thing. but i can't make him pay anything, so that's why i started looking at salons where i wouldn't be self employed, so possibly if LO and I needed to leave, i would have a more stable income.

    and then i considered all my options. we could leave, in which case he would rarely see her due to his job, and she would spend most of his visitation times at DC anyway, or we could stay, and i could go full time to make up for what he can't, she could still see him, but would rarely see me.

    like i said, he's a great dad, loves her with all he has, but isn't great with finances/budgets/spending, and doesn't trust me do any of that, so it's really he's got to want to do it. he pays the rent, 1/2 of DC, and 1/2 of groceries, while i cover utilities, 1/2 of DC, and 1/2 of groceries, and we pay seperately for our vehicles, car insurance, cell phones, etc. That arrangement has worked for us thus far, so i don't want to rock the boat. That's why I'm interested in this job, so at least she'll have the medical insurance, if nothing else, even if I'm still just breaking even for DC and gas.

    I still can't wrap my head around how he refuses to get her insurance, never sees her, and yet "loves her with all he has."

     

    He doesn't have much.



    Um, you don't have to have a lot of money and time to love your kids and be a good dad. What little time and money he has, he spends with her and on her. It's still not enough to pay for private healthcare insurance though.
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