Baby Showers

Etiquette Question - Can't Attend My Shower

My MIL, who lives three hours from us, graciously offered to host my baby shower. It is scheduled for June 22nd and was to include both sets of families and friends.

The problem is I am having complications (high BP, contractions, being tested for pre-e) and my doctor told me this week that I should not travel. My MIL still wants to have the shower - my family isn't planning to make the drive now since I won't be there (it's an almost four hour drive for them) so now the guest list includes about 15 of my MIL's friends, all people I have never met, along with DH's grandmothers and sister.

I feel like the whole thing should just be cancelled, but my MIL is set on having it. Is that tacky? I did request that as people RSVP she let them know that I will not be there. Part of me thinks that since she planned it all and it's going to be just her friends and some of DH's family there I should just let it go, but I can't get over feeling awkward about it all. Thoughts?

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Re: Etiquette Question - Can't Attend My Shower

  • My mil wanted to host a shower for me as well. None of the dates i was available worked in June or July for her and now I am high risk also, so I don't feel like doing much besides resting and following doctors orders.

    The shower is about 1 and a half hours from my house and is all mil's friends. It is important to her.

    So she decided she would host the shower after the baby was born. He will be about 1 or 2 months old. I think it will actually work out better.

    That might be a good option for you. Plus then grandma can show off the baby, which is mor interesting than a pregnant dil!
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  • If she refuses to cancel or postpone until you can travel, I would suggest sending your DH in your place, since it's his family and will be his baby too.  That way you are represented at the shower she is set on having. 

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  • kck329kck329
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    image milkergirl1:

    If she refuses to cancel or postpone until you can travel, I would suggest sending your DH in your place, since it's his family and will be his baby too.  That way you are represented at the shower she is set on having. 

    This is what I would do

  • image milkergirl1:

    If she refuses to cancel or postpone until you can travel, I would suggest sending your DH in your place, since it's his family and will be his baby too.  That way you are represented at the shower she is set on having. 

     

    This is a good idea! Is she a new grandmother? I know its pretty common for mother or MIL friends to want to do something special for a new grandmother. Its "your" shower, but is also something for her. I know my MIL made a comment about her friends not hosting a shower and that they must be busy (even though the shower would have technically been for me).

  • image milkergirl1:
    If she refuses to cancel or postpone until you can travel, I would suggest sending your DH in your place, since it's his family and will be his baby too.nbsp; That way you are represented at the shower she is set on having.nbsp;



    This is exactly what I was thinking
  • My mother went ahead with my shower when I was unable to come during a hurricane. Not everybody went, but they had a good time and I talked to them on Skype for a bit. Wasn't much I could do about it and mom didn't want to food to go to waste. I don't think it reflects poorly on you at all. She just wants to have a party.
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  • Thank you all for your suggestions! Yes, she is a first time grandmother and just a "little" excited : ) I hadn't thought about sending my husband - I will have to see what he thinks about that. My only concern is having him three hours away that day! But regardless, I do feel better about her going ahead and having the shower.
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  • Another vote for send your DH instead since they should all be familiar people to him anyway.

    Sorry you'll miss your shower. :(

  • image blueturkey12:
    Thank you all for your suggestions! Yes, she is a first time grandmother and just a "little" excited : ) I hadn't thought about sending my husband - I will have to see what he thinks about that. My only concern is having him three hours away that day! But regardless, I do feel better about her going ahead and having the shower.

    Just my two cents: If I was in your position, I wouldn't want DH away from me. You have limited time left together where it is just you two, and it is a good idea to have someone with you, given your health concerns. If DH does go, make sure you have a friend around just in case; not that there is any reason to worry, but it might even make DH feel better about going. If MIL is willing to wait, a "meet the baby" shower would be fun. Typically in our family, we wait until the baby is born before having a shower. Mine will be before largely because of the timing of our due date. 

    I do hope that regardless of what happens, you are being kind to yourself. You are absolutely doing the right thing by looking out for your baby and you, and anyone who supports you will understand this. I think it is so easy to get caught up in trying to keep everyone happy; in this instance you are 100% making the right decision by declining to travel. I am sure that even the excitement of a first time grandmother will acknowledge this!!! Be well, and best of luck! 

  • ***Forgot to mention; this essentially transitions into a party for DH's family courtesy of MIL. It isn't really a shower now; no need to feel it is 'tacky.' Also; in line with my previous comments, as you are being kept from attending by medical reasons, anyone who attends will know the situation and will be attending to support and visit with MIL/family, removing any and all burden or discomfort from you. No awkward turtle moments; just enjoy these last stages of pregnancy as best you can and be well!!!
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