Stay at Home Moms

Large gap between kids?

Those with children that have large gaps in between 1 or more children I would love to hear your experiences.

My dh and I have wanted a 3rd child for quite a while now but financially we just were not there. However looking forward to the future we have made enough changes that after the first of the year or so we will be able to ttc. Yay

However that puts a minimum of 5 and 8 years between our boys and new baby. I should conceive pretty quickly since my first two were fast. 1st and 3rd cycles however I know it could take longer. Now my questions

What are your kids age differences?
How is their relationship as siblings?
If over 35 when you were pg how did your pg go?
Did you have worries about the age difference at all?

Anything else you feel is relevant please throw it out there.

Thanks.
CJ :-)

Re: Large gap between kids?

  • AA0417AA0417
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    I only have 1 kid, but I grew up with a similar gap. I can tell you how it was from my view. I was the oldest. I got along great with middle sibling, we played quite a bit actually. I helped care for youngest sibling. I am now close with youngest too, though we obviously didn't have a lot in common growing up, but I didn't mind playing her stuff with her as long as I had some of my own time too.
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  • CJ! That's such exciting news! 

    I actually don't think an 8 and 5 year age difference sounds that far apart... My mom was 10 and 15 years younger than her brother and sister! And a couple at our church is pregnant right now with their 3rd, and their kids are 8 and 12. Your boys would be old enough to be really helpful with the new baby, which is nice. I think the main difference would be your youngest wouldn't be able to play at an equal level with his/her brothers, like kids who are close in age can. They'd be the baby of the family. But I'm SURE they'd find a way to work around that, and I wouldn't waste time and energy worrying about it. Her/his big brothers would probably be more like role models and someone to look up to than "friends", you know? 

    Married October 9th, 2010. DD born March 11th, 2012. Baby Joy #2, EDD April 28th '14!!! 
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  • No experience, but wanted to say Congratulations on your decision!! 

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  • KateMWKateMW
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    image AA0417:
    I only have 1 kid, but I grew up with a similar gap. I can tell you how it was from my view. I was the oldest. I got along great with middle sibling, we played quite a bit actually. I helped care for youngest sibling. I am now close with youngest too, though we obviously didn't have a lot in common growing up, but I didn't mind playing her stuff with her as long as I had some of my own time too.

    This is my husband, though he wasn't as close to his sister. He was 5 years older than her and 10 years older than his brother. As children, he was basically just left to his own devices, while his parents dealt with the younger ones. :) But as adults they're much closer. Now his sister and brother who are 5 years apart are VERY close.


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  • Haha. Thank you. It's not definite just yet. I need to make a decision for sure.

    It's scary to think about going back to a newborn and diapers etc. we are in such a good place right now and i am not sure I want to shake it up. I always wanted a third but it is much later and I am much older than I originally wanted.

    Dh is funny because his opinion is whatever. He would be happy with another but also fine with just our 2.
    CJ :-)
  • +ASH++ASH+
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    My kids ages are 10, 6 (almost 7) and my daughter who was born 2 months ago. I love it! The older two are old enough to really help and be involved, but they also have their own activities outside the house, so I don't constantly feel my attention is split between them and the baby, the way I would if they were toddlers. And they absolutely adore her - no resentment whatsoever. 

    I am 31 and had a good pregnancy (as I did with my boys), but for unknown reasons my water broke at 31 weeks and I was sent to a hospital 2 hours away. It was brutal (2 weeks on hospital bed rest and then a 33 day stay with my daughter), but the only good thing was that my kids were old enough to understand and didn't wonder where mommy disappeared to.

    I was a fertile myrtle with the first two, but experienced unexplained secondary infertility with my daughter. The original plan was to have them be 8 and 4 when I had our 3rd, but that didn't go as planned.  

    Having two boys, I worried about such a big age gap if we'd had another boy, but since she is a girl, she would be a loner no matter what age gap there was, so it's wonderful to have a complete family.  

    DS1 - 9; DS2 - 6; Angel - May 10, 2011; Baby Girl - Due May 19, 2013
  • dhvieldhviel
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    I don't have my own kids that far apart, but my sister is 6 years older then me, my older brother is 4 years older then me and my younger brother is 4 years younger then me.  We are all super close and growing up my sister and younger brother were super close, and that is a 10 year difference.  I think it just adds a different dynamic but your kids can still be close.

     My mom started young (which is why she could have kids over a 10 year period) and her last pregnancy was at 32.  She said it was her hardest pregnancy, but that's all she remembers.  I also have a friend who has 8 kids and her last pregnancy was at 38/39ish (had her last baby in January 2012) and while this one was her last, she really didn't have any extra problems because of her age.  She would love more kids but really doesn't want to be pregnant in her 40's.  I think it just depends on how your body reacts to pregnancy.

    Daughter #1 - February 12, 2010 

    natural m/c March 11, 2011 at 8 1/2 weeks 

    Daughter #2 - January 11, 2012 

    Ectopic pregnancy discovered November 6, 2012 at 6 weeks

    Daughter #3 - January 19, 2014

    Started our exploration into the world of international adoption June 2012.  We have no idea what this is going to look like but we are excited to find out!

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  • Thanks everyone.

    This really has helped ease some of my fears.
    CJ :-)
  • hocushocus
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    My kids are close but I had both over 35.

    I had no issues getting pregnant so that wasn't a concern. My first pregnancy was text book my second sucked (I had morning sickness forever). I did receive extra testing but that was really the only difference in my care.

     

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  • I am in the same place we decided to try again for number three this month my kids will be 5 and 7 eek! I think we are both crazy.
    Mom to Emma 9/4/06 and Jackson 11/24/08 M/C Dec 11 and M/C twins feb 2012. BFP Thanksgiving! EDD Aug 4, 2013 M/C at 5 weeks.
  • I don't have a large age gap in my kids (we didn't get married until 31 years old...so didn't have that choice, since I want 3).  But...I am from a family of 5 and except for the 1st 2, we were each 6 years apart.  My brothers are 6 and 7 years older than me, then my little sisters are 6 and 12 years younger than me.  We all get along great! I love all 4 of my siblings very much and we all love to get togther as adults.  I don't think that there is anything wrong with large age gaps for siblings.  Worked well in my family!
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  • pevilapevila
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    My youngest brother and I are 13 years apart. I couldn't ask to have a better relationship with him. Sure, it was hard for my parents since they thought they were done having kids and they were not in what I would call a happy marriage, but as siblings it was great. And I helped a lot with my brother, he says I'm like his second mom (and sometimes the first, since my mom worked from 9 am to 10 pm almost every day). My mom was 39 when she had him and she had absolutely no problems, but she's the fittest person I know and I don't know if that plays any part into it. I don't think 5 or 8 years is that big a gap. I think your older kids will be very excited and will help a ton. 
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  • I love that you posted this, because we've also been pondering the implications of our "ruined" 3-child-plan due to finances/ unemployment catastrophe/  unexpected medical bills/ life. 

    My sister and I are 4 years apart (she's younger) and bickered as kids, but as teens/older, we've been best friends!

    My DH and his sister are 9 years apart (she's younger), and to this day are not close, but that had more to do with the double standard with which they were raised, IMO, not necessarily their age gap. He wishes their relationship was different, but we know it probably won't ever change.

    My mom was 4th of 5 kids, with 10 years between she and her oldest brother, and 5 between she and her younger brother. They were all super close. Each had different buddies and different ones they'd bicker with when little, but as soon as all were teens/older, they were inseparable. To this day, despite living in different states, etc, the remaining sibs all get together once a month for a game night.

    My dad was 2nd of 3 kids, and although they were all close in age (2 1/2 yrs between he and older sister and 2 between he and younger brother) they aren't close now at all. He and younger brother were pals when little (because their sister was such a terror), but despite all living within 45 min of each other, they see each other maybe twice a year now, and it's strained.  

    Sooo...because of all of that...I actually don't worry too much about the age difference. Every relationship turned out different for different reasons with different age gaps. So there's no way to predict, and if you just try to raise them all similarly, I think they'll be alright. 

    I will also probably be over 35 for our 2nd now (and then definitely if we can have a 3rd), and since I'm already high-risk, I'm sure I'll be AMA, so I am concerned.

    I'm just trying to live by a "what will be will be" attitude right now. We can't control life/our circumstances; we can only move forward. And if it turns out that we were only blessed with DS, then I'll have to find a way to accept that later. I just need to concentrate on getting our family financially/ emotionally/ employment-wise/ living-situation stable again, and cross my fingers that we'll be lucky enough to have more children later.  

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  • I only have 1 child but I was raised with decent age gaps.  I am the 2nd in line and there is 4 years 8 months between my older brother and me as well as my younger half sister and me.  Our next brother was born 2 years later, and then there was another 8 years before the youngest.  I technically have 2 much younger siblings on my dad's side but I never see them.  

    I am very close to my sister (5 years younger) and one of my brothers (7 years younger).  My sister is also very close with our brother who is 8 years younger than her.  IME relationships with siblings has more to do with personalities and interests as opposed to age gap.   

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  • I come from a family of 5- with larger gaps between many of us. There are 5 of us- 6 yrs between oldest and 2nd (me), 4 yrs between 2nd and 3rd, 2 years between 3rd and 4th, and 10 yrs between 4th and 5th.  So that is 22 years between oldest and youngest.  My parents started early and finished late. 

    We are all pretty close- there are always some issues and my younger sister(3rd) and I did not get along most of the time when we were growing up- she always wanted to be doing the same thing as I did although she was 4 yrs younger.  I am super close to my youngest sister and there is 15 years age difference.  I think alot of issues we have are not that there are age differences- but that our personalities are so different.  The youngest and I are VERY similar and get along very well.

    After 5 years of hopes, dreams, and Dr. visits; IVF brought us our family

  • I don't think it makes a difference. When I have this one my boys will by 5 and 7. My mom is almost 20 yrs older than her younger sister and they are very close. I think if the kids personalities work together and have a close family the kids will stay close. My two youngest brothers are 15 months apart and can't stand each other. They are just too different.
  • Oh I didn't tell you how pregnancy has gone. I was 30 and 32 with my first two. I am 37 now and other than being more sick and more tired it hasn't been too bad. I am only 13 wks though. I am trying to be more careful with how I eat and exercise more. We did have a 2nd tri loss last November due to a neural tube defect but the doctors say it was just a fluke not because of age.
  • SpookoSpooko
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    I have 4 years between my kids, but I can't imagine another year or 2 changing the dynamic a ton. I LOVE the gap. It honestly couldn't be any better. 

    I grew up with my little sister being 10, almost 11 years younger than me. It was more of a second mother/daughter than true peer relationship, but I still love looking out for her and helping her with her homework and all of that.

    I think more than the gap has to do with the individual kids' personalities and how much the parents prep them.  


  • ta78ta78
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    My brother is 10 years older than me and my best friend. We were close growing up, he played w me quite a bit, but also did his own thing. I was only 8 when he left for college, we weren't as close for 4-5 years, but family is important to us and he still called and wrote me letters. I think making a point of family time helps. As adults we became even closer, especially since his kids are only 4 and 2 years apart from my oldest.





    Quinton  06.25.10
    Wren  01.13.11


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  • also no experience..but yay for TTC!!
    Married DH 2/2007 --TTC since 7/2008
    2 early miscarriages, 7 IUIs with 1 c/p
    unexplained IF, IVF #1=
    Jeshua and Becca (7/15/11)-The loves of our lives!!!!
    "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him." 1 Samuel 1:27


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  • image cjcouple:
    Those with children that have large gaps in between 1 or more children I would love to hear your experiences. My dh and I have wanted a 3rd child for quite a while now but financially we just were not there. However looking forward to the future we have made enough changes that after the first of the year or so we will be able to ttc. Yay However that puts a minimum of 5 and 8 years between our boys and new baby. I should conceive pretty quickly since my first two were fast. 1st and 3rd cycles however I know it could take longer. Now my questions What are your kids age differences? How is their relationship as siblings? If over 35 when you were pg how did your pg go? Did you have worries about the age difference at all? Anything else you feel is relevant please throw it out there. Thanks.

    My sister and I were almost 9 years apart. We were very close but I had to share a room with her until I was 16. That was very invasive and I never got any sleep. That's the only thing I recommend not doing. 

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  • meglewmeglew
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    My DD's are 5 years apart.  DD #1 LOVES her baby sister.  I was so worried about throwing ourselves into the baby stage again now that we have an almost kindergartener, but it has been better than I anticipated.  DD #1 is super independent and loves to help with the baby.  DD #2 gives DD #1 the biggest smiles of anyone in the house.  With DD #1 going to kindergarten in the fall, I feel like I will get to have some of the same one on one time with DD #2 that I did with #1.  I am sure there will be issues as they grow with being in such different places, but thus far I am so happy with our spacing! 
    DD #1 - 01.08
    DD #2 - 03.13
  • It is so great to hear these experiences. Thanks a bunch.

    And yes AG. I think we are crazy. Lol
    CJ :-)
  • I only have two kids, but grew up with that exact age gap.  It was fine, and I liked being a family of five.  I am closest to my middle sister, and I am sure my youngest sister would say the same.  That doesn't mean I don't have a good relationship with my youngest sister, we just don't necessarily have the same experiences.  She is not the first person I call when I have a sister issue.  Our relationship takes a little more effort.

    Growing up, it was kind of cool to have a "baby" sister, everyone always thought she was so cute.  When I was in college, she came to visit me for siblings weekend and we had the big sister/little sister relationship.  My middle sister and I are more like equals.

    I think the biggest issue was other people outside of our family.  I know my mom lost some friends because by the time my sister was born, my mom's friends were done having kids and already moving on to big kid stuff.  They didn't necessarily have the time/desire to reenter the newborn world.  It could also have been that my youngest sister was born with significant health issues that dramatically altered my parents' lives. I still do not know how they managed to shield my middle sister and myself from all the issues going on.

    My middle sister and I also had cousins that were all the same age, and we grew up with them.  My youngest has always been kind of the extra. I feel like people leave her out of things, or forget about her being in the family.  On the other hand, she plays that role very well by shirking responsibility and playing the role of the baby.  People forget the expectations that were put on the rest of us at her age, but she is the baby so kind of gets out of things. 


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  • My SS is 10 and DS is 21 months. So there is about a 8.5 year age difference. While DS is still young him and SS are the best of friends. He constantly walks around the house looking for him when we don't have him and when he is here DS is always going into SS room wanting to play with him. He loves his brother. SS is also really good with DS.

    We have had some issues with jealousy on SS end but we nipped those in the bud and just make sure that DH takes SS for special one on one time every once in a while.

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  • What are your kids age differences? 

    5 yrs,daughter 6 and son 10mg 

    How is their relationship as siblings?

    Pretty good. Had allot of jealousy in the brginning but for now its smooth 

     If over 35 when you were pg how did your pg go? 

    N/A 

    Did you have worries about the age difference at all? 

    I do that they wont be that close or worry aboutfavoritism.  I seen it bad and good. Bff and her sister are 4 yrs apart and their mom screwed up her family. Hubs and his sister are 5 yrs apart snd thry might as well be twins. 

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  • The age gaps are exactly the same as my sisters. I'm 8 years older than my youngest sister, and my middle sister is 5 years older than the youngest.

    It was rough for my youngest sister when she was old enough to understand the age difference. When she was old enough to want to tag along and hang out with us all the time, I was a teenager and off doing way too cool for family teenage things. I had no problem hanging out with her when I was home, but honestly we didn't really have a lot in common.

    Even now we are much closer, but sometimes it's still a little odd because we are in such different places in life. She is finishing up her junior year of high school and doing running start for college, and I've been married for a few years and just had my first baby.

    Normally I would guess that a 5 year gap wouldn't have quite the issues, but neither of us are terribly close to our middle sister. Our personalities are very different, and we have a hard time getting along.

    That being said DH and his sister are 5 years apart and they get along wonderfully.

    Oh! And my youngest sister is very mature for her age. I'm sure some of it is her personality, but she finds it very hard to be friends with kids her age because it seems like she's on a different level mentally or emotionally or whatever. 

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  • I know you have a lot of responses already, but I wanted to add mine.

    DH is on of 4. He was 7 and his two brothers were 5 & 12 when their sister was born. DH is now closer to his sister than either brother, while oldest brother and youngest brother are closer. I think it is completely workable! Plus the older boys will be so much help.

    Congrats on your decision! 

    BFP 11/29/11 MC 12/29/11
  • What are your kids age differences?   There is 14.5 years difference between Jordan and Ben, 19 years difference between Jordan and Alex and 4.5 years difference between Ben and Alex.


    How is their relationship as siblings?   Ben can tend to be a bit of annoyance to Jordan sometimes because he wants to be around her all of the time and she wants to do her own thing.  She's great with Alex and he just adores her.  She's been a big help with both kids.  The boys are obviously at totally different points in their lives than their big sister, but they all love each other just the same.  I'm hoping as they get older they will become closer with her/have more in common.  There's 4.5 years difference between Ben and Alex and the biggest issue we have is that Ben forgets that he has to be gentle with him and sometimes gets a little rough.  But he loves Alex and Alex thinks that Ben is the greatest thing since sliced bread.  It's cute to see them interact with each other.


    If over 35 when you were pg how did your pg go?  I had Ben a month after I turned 35 and the pregnancy was a breeze.  I was 39.5 when Alex was born and it was my most difficult pregnancy, to be honest.  I had very bad sciatic nerve pain/issues and had to go for weekly non-stress tests the last 5-6 weeks   -- which was a pain in the .  Other than those two things, it wasn't that bad.


    Did you have worries about the age difference at all?  Initially, I worried about the age difference between Jordan and Ben, since it's 14.5 years.  But honestly, there's nothing I can do about it....so I let it go.  They're still siblings and love each other whether there's 15 years between them or 15 months.  

    I say just go for it.  It all works out in the end and it's not uncommon to have large spaces in between kids anymore...for lots of different reasons. GL!

  • I am 23 my brother is 21 and our sister is 5. My parents had me and my brother very young and they were not as finically successful as they are now so they only wanted two kids at that time. when I was 18 and graduating high school they decided they wanted a third and went through 4 rounds of IVF to have her. I have to say having a sibling close in age and one so much younger the relationships are totally different. I love having a young sister and we are very close despite the age gap, but she doesn't get to see me and my brother that often and she is growing up mostly like an only child. she doesn't really get the sibling experience like me and my brother had. so there are pro's and con's. however because my parents are older and successful now she has a much better quality of a childhood then we did like going to elite private schools, when me and my brother just went to whatever public school was closest.
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