May 2011 Moms

I'm going crazy!

Warning: This is a rant/vent.

 I'm at my wits ends. I'm so stressed out it affecting my health. I'm in school full time and I stay home with DS during the day, in class at night. I'm falling behind because during the day DS won't let me do anything. I mean he is constantly whining, he won't play alone for 5 minutes! He cries constantly, I feel awful, the only times I get some time to study is when i give him a snack or sit in front of the tv, sigh, yes I'm that awful! I can't afford to pay a sitter/DC, I have no one to watch him a couple hours.

I don't pay attention to him, I can't do school work. He's nap is all over the place, he naps for half hour after it took me 45 minutes to make him nap, I was so desperate I would bring him in bed and lay down so he could nap longer, now he won't nap unless i'm there with him. 

He is in in room crying, and all I want to do right now is run away. I mean it. 

Why couldn't I get the kid that naps two hours a day, the one that is content playing by himself for at least 5 minutes, 5 minutes!

ETA: AND I cna't talk to anyone about this bc all my SAHMs are so "happy" and "perfect". DH think I'm being "lazy" bc I don't play with him. I have NO ONE to talk to about this. 

Re: I'm going crazy!

  • That sounds like hell to me, I'm sorry you have to go through this!  Sometimes I definitely don't know how SAHMs do it because I would probably go crazy.  Some ideas though:

    - Create a daily schedule.  Include wake up times, getting dressed right away, play times, meal/snack times, TV times (yes, I don't think having some TV time is bad), and a nap/quiet time.  This helps everyone gear up for the day and know what to expect.  I've found that DD really benefits from the structure (just a low-key daily schedule) that she has at her DC.  They have snack at 9am, they play (no TV) from 9:30 or 10 until 11:30 (outside if it's nice), then lunch, followed by some TV/reading time to wind down, then naptime from 1 to 3 or so.  If some of the older kids don't nap then they have quiet coloring or reading time (and usually fall asleep). When they wake up they have another snack then it's more play time until pickup.  

    - During "schedule" play times, try to get him involved in an activity that will really tire him out.  Take him to the park, let him run around, play with a ball or something with him.  Maybe getting some fresh air and energy out will help him nap?  As for naps, I don't have much advice except let him cry and be firm and consistent.  And I know that that doesn't really help...sorry.  

    - You say you have other SAHM friends...Any way they would work out a time swap with you?  You don't have to talk about him driving you crazy, just mention that you really could use some daytime study time and maybe they'd be willing to swap a couple hours once or twice a week for them to watch your kid then some other days you could watch theirs for a couple hours.  Seriously, who doesn't want a couple hours by themselves to run errands or just get some stuff around the house done?

    - involve him a bit in the things you are doing.  Like if you are writing, give him some paper and crayons and say "Can you write like mommy does?!"  Or if you do something like laundry, have him help put the clothes in the washer.  Sometimes they just need to be just a little bit involved.  

    I'm not an expert by any stretch of the imagination though so I don't know if any of this is truly helpful, but I hope you can get back into a happy place!  Being stressed about other things just doesn't help.  I know that my patience with DD goes out the window when I have a full plate of other things but sometimes, giving her my whole attention for 15 minutes buys me 20 minutes of her not needing me.

    Married 8/9/08
    Miss Audrey Anne born 5/14/11
    Little Sister Sadie Bernadette born 6/17/14

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    BFP 3/17/13 *** MMC 5/10/13
  • That sounds really unpleasant. I think you need to figure out a way to teach your child to play by himself and give you some time. Did you talk to your pedi?

    Some tv is okay at 2. My DH lets DD watch kids yoga DVD everyday which is nice bc it gets her moving.

    And ditto everything PP said about doing a schedule. I think that helps a lot.
    IVF, ICSI, acupuncture, meditation and a miracle... our baby girl is here!



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  • I wouldn't worry about the tv time that much as long as it isn't hours a day.  Our tv is always on but DD only watches it when Super Why is on.  Is he in a big boy bed or in a crib?  DD has to have 1.5-2 hours of quiet time everyday in her crib.  She doesn't have to sleep but she does have to stay in there and just chill out.  That is usually when I try to get my stuff done that needs it.  She also has 2 sensory boxes that I let her play with when I need a break 1 is with beans and the other is noodles it is only big enough for her to play with and usually I can get about 45 minutes out of that.  It just has some measuring cups and spoons to play with.  Another activity is to put her in her high chair and let her paint while I am cleaning in there.  Those are things she does and can be confined to 1 place.  I know it is hard being a SAHM, it is far from perfect and always fun but hopefully you can find some things to entertain him so you can still get some things done.
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  • image mullenem:
    You say you have other SAHM friends...Any way they would work out a time swap with you?  You don't have to talk about him driving you crazy, just mention that you really could use some daytime study time and maybe they'd be willing to swap a couple hours once or twice a week for them to watch your kid then some other days you could watch theirs for a couple hours.  Seriously, who doesn't want a couple hours by themselves to run errands or just get some stuff around the house done?

    I think this is a great idea.

    Also, if my DH criticized me for not playing with DD1 every second of the day, I would flip out on him. Seriously. If he thinks it's that great to play with a toddler 24/7, then he could go ahead and give it a try for a week. Your claiming-to-be-perfect SAHM friends are one thing (and I'm betting at least a few of them are also having difficulties but just don't want to own up to it), but if your DH isn't being understanding when you're at home all day while he "gets" to escape to work, that is another matter and it needs to be discussed. Does your DH support your schooling? If so, then he should also understand that you need time to study.

    FWIW, I'm going absolutely insane even though I have childcare 9 hrs / week. It is not enough. Right now DH has switched to PT (works 4 days worth of work in 3 days from Mon-Wed and then has Thurs/Fri off) so that I can finish my PhD. I wouldn't be able to do it without him supporting me time-wise, and he knows it. Also, I have come to the realization that being a FT SAHM is simply not for me. It makes me unhappy, resentful towards DH, and I have a short temper with both the girls and DH, and that is not cool. I'm considering going into therapy to help me out until I finish my PhD and start a job hopefully early next year.

    You are not alone. It is ok to feel overwhelmed, you just need to acknowledge that that is the case, make your DH understand, and then work together to come up with a solution.


    BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
    BFP2: 3/18/12, blighted ovum, natural m/c @ 7w4d
    BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence

  • Being a SAHM and full time student is tough. I just finished my masters in April so I totally understand. like PP have said a schedule really helps.  On days where I really needed extra study time we watched a lot of TV. My secret weapon for studying although expensive is an Ipad. My books were all electronic so I downloaded them all on the Ipad. I put Audrey in the stroller and would push her around the house with the Ipad on top so I could get in some extra reading without her noticing. Surprisingly life got a little bit easier when DD#2 came in October because Audrey would pay attention to her and give me a break. Near the end of my program I started to struggle with two kids so I sent Audrey to a friends house one day a week. Also I sacrificed a lot of sleep. I put the girls to bed at 8 and stayed up until midnight every day to do my school work. 

    I sit on the floor with my laptop right next to the kids so they do not feel like they are playing alone. Some distractions I use to keep babies entertained. 

    Water/sand table

    Markers and coloring books

    puzzles

    meals/snack time

    pillow forts

    I'm sure I will think of more stuff later 

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  • Thank you all SO MUCH for letting me vent and especially for not making me me like a failure of a mom. I was at my wit's end and since that day I felt like I hit rock bottom and something had to be done. Realizing that I felt overwhelmed and that I didn't have a handle on things made me realize I need a game plan.

    Kelly--DH is supportive of me being in school, but I think he's just under the impression that it's easy to juggle everything because when he has DS all they do is play, he cooks for him and puts him to bed; he doesn't have the responsibility of running the house and studying on top of caring for DS.

    All of your suggestions are super helpful. I started putting DS in his crib and giving him a 2 hour of quiet time, I told him he doesn't have to sleep if he doesn't want to, but after a few min of crying and whimpering he ended up falling asleep. Even though the crying is like nails on chalkboard, it helps to know he will get used to it, that he is fine, and that I have two hours to do work, shower, whatever. 

     Thanks again guys! I heart you! 

  • image Steph&Harry08:

    All of your suggestions are super helpful. I started putting DS in his crib and giving him a 2 hour of quiet time, I told him he doesn't have to sleep if he doesn't want to, but after a few min of crying and whimpering he ended up falling asleep. Even though the crying is like nails on chalkboard, it helps to know he will get used to it, that he is fine, and that I have two hours to do work, shower, whatever. 

     Thanks again guys! I heart you! 

    That's great!!!  Sometimes all you need is 2 hours to just get SOMETHING done to feel like a new person.  It is hard to hear them cry though.

    I started not getting DD out of bed in the morning until at least my makeup is done and I'm dressed (sometimes hair too depending on the time).  Just that few minutes without her hanging on me makes the morning run so much smoother.

    Married 8/9/08
    Miss Audrey Anne born 5/14/11
    Little Sister Sadie Bernadette born 6/17/14

         image
    BFP 3/17/13 *** MMC 5/10/13
  • Check with some churches in your area and try to get your LO in Children's Day Out (also called Mother's Day Out). The one at my church is 9:15-2:15 and they offer 2 or 3 days a week, depending on how much you want to pay. Much cheaper than daycare or a babysitter, and your LO will gain some independence in the process.
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