June 2013 Moms

PLEASE just respect my wishes

Let me just start this by saying that my relationship with my mother is like a roller coaster.  My entire life she favored my older sister ( I was def favored by my dad) since my husband and I are the only ones with children my mother can't get enough of us.  With our 1st child we didn't want anyone in the delivery room with us, however, my mother lived so close to the hospital tat she made it there pretty quickly and ended up being in the room while DD was on her way out.

Now fast forward 3 1/2 years and I am very ready to deliver grandchild number 2.  DH and I have made it clear to everyone involved on our wishes.  My MIL is going to stay with DD while DS is being born.  We don't want anyone besides necessary medical personnel in the room while delivering ( had a med student last time and hated the play by play I got). Our hospital also gives you about an hour in L&D with baby before taking them away for testing and we would like tat time just the three of us.

My mother is having a seriously hard time with this and making thing incredibly stressful for me.  She tells me that I am not doing this right and how can I deny them the chance to see him. REALLY?! I'n not asking you to wait until his 1st birthday to see him...I'm looking for an hour of privacy.  None of the other grandparents are having an issue with this.  

Are any of you dealing with or dealt with a similar situation.  I don't understand why she just can't let me have tis one thing my way...I am the one birthing this baby and think my wishes should be honored without so much push back!

sorry for the long vent...thanks for listening.

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Re: PLEASE just respect my wishes

  • Can you get your dad to talk to her?
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  • image emolm:
    Can you get your dad to talk to her?

    they are divorced and she would not take it well coming from him.  She doesn't have any family close besides me and my sister and there really isn't anyone who could talk to her for me ( my sister would def make it worse) 

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  • image Wedding on the Beach 2008:

    image emolm:
    Can you get your dad to talk to her?

    they are divorced and she would not take it well coming from him.  She doesn't have any family close besides me and my sister and there really isn't anyone who could talk to her for me ( my sister would def make it worse) 



    Just don't tell her you're in labor then.
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  • Honestly just tell your delivery nurses that you don't want visitors in your room til your transferred to postpartum rooms. If your mom does show up, she will have to stay in the waiting room but won't be in your room til you say it's ok.
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  • Stand your ground and don't feel one bit guilty about it. Your delivery and your baby, your choice. Plus, your request is not unreasonable at all.
  • image heavenpaige:
    Honestly just tell your delivery nurses that you don't want visitors in your room til your transferred to postpartum rooms. If your mom does show up, she will have to stay in the waiting room but won't be in your room til you say it's ok.

    Oh yeah, and don't forget to do this! 

  • Have a nurse tell her they changed the rules and only the husband can be in the room. This way it takes it off of you.
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  • image heavenpaige:
    Honestly just tell your delivery nurses that you don't want visitors in your room til your transferred to postpartum rooms. If your mom does show up, she will have to stay in the waiting room but won't be in your room til you say it's ok.

    I'll be doing something similar to this.
    I've told grandparents there won't be a lot of hanging out in my room while in labor. They are more than welcome to hang out in the waiting room. But DH will be in the room with me more than likely the ENTIRE labor.

    The hospital allows 5 people in my room (6 including DH) for labor & delivery.
    I'll be telling my nurses that I don't want people hanging out for more than 10 or so minutes & NO ONE in the room except DH (and medical staff) during delivery.

    I'll also be telling my nurses that I don't want visitors untill AFTER I get my hour of bonding with my son and I've been transfered to post partum. I just can't deal with "entertaining" family while trying to recover from giving birth.

     

    Make your nurses the bad guys. Haha
    I just don't mind being a b!tch about this. :)

    Lilypie - (1PAU)
    BFP October 21, 2012. Due on June 30, 2013    A/S Jan. 31, 2013 showed a healthy baby BOY!   Kael Tobey S. was born June 29, 2013. 7lbs 8oz and 20.5 inches long.




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  • image MrsKatie07:
    Stand your ground and don't feel one bit guilty about it. Your delivery and your baby, your choice. Plus, your request is not unreasonable at all.


    This. I'm bumping from my hospital bed right now requested no med students.

    Big Sister - April 2011

    Little Brother - June 2013

  • LiLi23LiLi23
    2500 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its Third Anniversary
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    image heavenpaige:
    Honestly just tell your delivery nurses that you don't want visitors in your room til your transferred to postpartum rooms. If your mom does show up, she will have to stay in the waiting room but won't be in your room til you say it's ok.

    This!  You don't need any added stress during that time.  She might not be happy afterwards, but at least you'll have time with the baby, just you and YH. 

     image

    Lilypie - (tyeV)

    Lilypie - (AarQ)

     

  • image MrsKatie07:
    Stand your ground and don't feel one bit guilty about it. Your delivery and your baby, your choice. Plus, your request is not unreasonable at all.

    this.  

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  • Yep, I know what you're going through. Just stick to your guns.  This is YOUR baby and YOUR decision.  Grandma will see the baby when you are ready, but that time is important for just mom and dad.  Seriously, stick to your guns.  She'll forget all about it when she meets the little one, and if not, it's not for you to worry about, you've got to focus on you and your newest addition!
  • image MrsKatie07:

    image heavenpaige:
    Honestly just tell your delivery nurses that you don't want visitors in your room til your transferred to postpartum rooms. If your mom does show up, she will have to stay in the waiting room but won't be in your room til you say it's ok.

    Oh yeah, and don't forget to do this! 

    DH is already planning on this!  

     

    Thank you ladies!!! 

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  • jefkjefk
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    I totally understand and sympathize - I'm going through something similar with my mom.  Both my mom and MIL are somewhat attention-whorey, each in her own way.  We told both sets of grandparents that we're not calling anyone until after the baby is born - we want time to bond with the baby and it'll take them at least an hour to get to the hospital, so it gives us at least an hour alone with the baby.  ILs are surprisingly ok with this.  

    My parents work about 30 min from the hospital.  My mom wants us to call as soon as we get to the hospital, so she and my dad can go out to dinner or hang out at the mall instead of driving all the way home (cause my giving birth is a huge inconvenience for their commute).  I told her no - we could be at the hospital for hours before I deliver, and we won't be calling them every hour with updates.  She thinks I'm being selfish and withholding; I think she's being a whiny biitch.  

    It came to a head a couple days ago and DH ended up emailing my mom basically telling her to back off.  I haven't heard from her since.  It's really disappointing that she can't see this from my perspective - we have so little control over the whole situation, this is our one way to gain a little control and she just doesn't see that.

  • I'm glad it's not just me that feels this way! Hold your ground; don't be bullied into losing that special time that comes only once in your baby's lifetime.
  • Good luck I'm going through something similar. This is MIL first grandchild and Hs grandmas first great grandchild. I have already said I don't want anyone in with us until LO has been cleaned, weighed, etc and were moved into the post partum room. Our hospital also allows time in L and D so that we can do kangaroo care and make sure latching occurs before seperate mg us. And all I keep hearing is well we can at least come in and see her even if we don't hold her. No gtfo!

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  • image heavenpaige:
    Honestly just tell your delivery nurses that you don't want visitors in your room til your transferred to postpartum rooms. If your mom does show up, she will have to stay in the waiting room but won't be in your room til you say it's ok.

     

    This.  

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  • image MrsKatie07:
    Stand your ground and don't feel one bit guilty about it. Your delivery and your baby, your choice. Plus, your request is not unreasonable at all.


    Def this. My mom wanted to be in the delivery room the first time around but I stood my ground and I'm glad I did. The nurses are great at fending off crazy relatives for the most part. You need to so what you feel is right for you even if someone else doesn't like it. Taking a stand the first time made it easier with my mom this time around too.
  • I agree with some of the posters regarding letting the nurses know your wishes that you only want you and your husband during delivery and that one hour.  My hospital does that one hour as well they call it a babymoon where it is just you, your husband and your baby and literally no one else is allowed in.  It is actually policy that no one else is allowed in.  We had this with my daughter it was very special.  My nurse was very protective of me and my daughter and I know my family thought she was mean she was actually really nice to me and acted according to my wishes.  She was very watchful of any visitors and I know if I told her I did not want a person in the room she would have got them out for me. We actually talked about this when I arrived and she was great.  Your nurse is there for you and your baby so make sure you let her know your wishes and she will keep everyone out for you.  Mine was awesome and I hope if she is still working on that floor I can have her again.  This is your delivery and you are the one giving birth so your wishes are the only ones that matter. 
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  • DH's aunt wants to come, but we only have space in our home for my parents and his parents. She's acting like she will never see the baby too. When she has stayed over at out house before, she's been a big nuisance. We're doing the same thing at the hospital. No visitors until we get home.
  • This is the way we feel as well (don't want anyone in room except med. personnel in room) but don't have pushback from parents like you do with your Mom (which is so unfortunate for you) cause you don't need this right now.
    Don't tell her when you go into labor and let L&D nurses not allow anyone in the room...stay strong and stand your ground!
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  • I had this exact convo with my mom. With my first she arrived just after the birth and insisted on holding the baby before DH even did! I had asked her to give us a couple of hours and we didn't even get 5 min. This time around she got really pushy. Saying that she couldn't believe I was denying her this opportunity to watch the birth. Plus, she could never handle seeing me in pain or watching the eart monitor decel, she would have totally freaked. Finally I just said...
    I can't believe how many times I've had to say no and yet you continue to ask. I would never do this to you. I want to concentrate and focus and be with just DH. I don't want anyone else there. Period. Please don't ask me again or else I won't tell you I'm in labor.

    She didn't ask again.
  • Don't tell your mom when you go into labor...call her after the baby is born AND you have had adequate bonding time. My DD was born at 8:30 am and we didn't get transferred to post partum until around 11. People showed up around noon. It's all a blur, I would want more time than just an hour to bond. Plus it took a couple hours for the epi to wear off.

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  • My MIL has always been very pushy, and very insistent on getting her own way in everything. Especially when it comes to her grandchildren. DH and I have already had to put our foot down on a few issues with her, but we decided early on that labor and delivery was not something that we were dealing with her in. We aren't calling anyone until after LO is born and we've had our bonding time/gotten settled in and rested a bit. Visitors won't be allowed until the next day. She has been spending months trying to get every scrap of information possible about this because it's the first grandchild born locally in 12+yrs and wants to be there. We just tell her my medical info is none of her business (yes, she tries to ask VERY personal questions about everything involving this pregnancy) and that we don't know when anything is happening, and she will get a call at some point. We're leaving it at that specifically to avoid all the drama. She's been so pushy that DH actually threatened to hold off telling her for a year (semi-jokingly, of course, since we could never get away with it, but was still making it clear she's pushing her boundaries too much). And if she somehow finds out and shows up early? She's on the no-admit list, and will be stuck in the waiting room for a day or more, because we aren't letting her in. This is our time, and our choice, and what we want is more important than what she demands.

    You need to just stick to your guns, because I promise you this will not be the last time you will butt heads with her over your children.

  • image heavenpaige:
    Honestly just tell your delivery nurses that you don't want visitors in your room til your transferred to postpartum rooms. If your mom does show up, she will have to stay in the waiting room but won't be in your room til you say it's ok.

    This!! Just ignore her drama and do this instead. The nurses already told us that they don't mind denying people or kicking them out, just give them instructions
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  • I just wouldn't tell anyone except your MIL anything until the baby is born. That is what we did. She can't be there if she doesn't know.
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