Parenting after a Loss

When are you trying again?

How far apart are you wanting your Lo's? When are you going to try again? Are you considering a PgAL mind of loss or throwing that out the window? I originally said 1 year but now I am just loving my Jackson time that I think I would be taking from him? I have 6 months to decide I guess.

BFP: 01/08/11 EDD: 09/15/11 Natural MC: 02/03/11
BFP: 02/14/12 EDD: 10/26/12 D&C: 03/09/12
BFP: 04.05.12 EDD: 12.17.12 Born 11.18.12 Jackson Kane 6lbs 5ounces

BFP: 06.08.13 EDD: 02.13.14 Baby Girl.. 2U2 Here we come

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Re: When are you trying again?

  • We are one and done, but if we weren't I would be trying at the end of this summer.

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  • Obviously we waiting a bit for our second. We knew we wanted our children between 3 and 4 years apart. No more than 4. I magically made that deadline by 5 days lol. I didn't want 2 in diapers and I also wanted to be able to give them the right amount of attention. Honestly, so far it has been perfect!

    E was supposed to be our last but my H and I are really struggling with the idea. We talked about it a little last night and although neither have come out and said, "I want another child" I think we both do. It is complicated for us now though. MH just turned 46. I'm 31. He is in great shape but we both feel that window is closing. More because I want him around and active for our children. But we are both sad so IDK. Anyway I get my IUD put in Thursday so I guess no time soon and probably not ever.

    Sorry, I totally just made that about me but I'm having a hard time.


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  • esdesd
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    I love the age difference between DD and DS [3 1/2 years]. DD has been a big help. DS and the new LO will be 21 months apart. I'm a little nervous about it but we'll make it work ;]

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    BFP #1 12.5.07 DD born 8.6.08
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  • AlbahAlbah
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    It's too soon to tell for us...we always wanted 4 but things changed up on us with our 2 losses plus also thinking about the financials behind having 4 kids! 

    My first 2 are 23 months apart and baby #3 is 2 yrs 9 months apart from our middle son. So far, I am liking the almost 3 year gap better. The older 2 are more independent and it has been a smoother transition so far. So "if" we go for #4, I would want at least a 2.5 year gap between the last 2.

     

    Your little one is 6 months old so you definitely have time to plan it. Baby fever didn't really hit for me until each of my sons turned 1. We always new we wanted more but it wasn't until then that we were brave enough to try again. Good luck! ;)  

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    BFP #3: 01/28/12, EDD: 09/23/12, MMC (BO), D&C 2/16/12 at 6.5 wks
    BFP #4: 05/23/12, EDD: 01/31/12, Early MC at 5 wks

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  • We started NTNP when ds was 4m. AF didn't show until he was 8.5m and I didn't get a BFP until just days after he turned one. Unfortunately that pg ended in a mmc and we've still not managed to get pg again. PgAL will absolutely be a factor for me if there is a next time. At this point I'm less concerned about timing [DS would be about 2.5 by the time a sibling would be due] and more concerned about being able to get another viable pregnancy.

    BFP#2 2.5.11 (EDD 10.15.11) DS born 9.28.11

    BFP#4 8.27.13 (EDD 5.6.14) DD born 4.23.14

     

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  • My siblings and I are all a little over 3 years apart and none of us were all that close.  We were never in the same school together after elementary and we never had much in common, really.  I think we are going to start trying when DD is a year old.  My DH and his brother are a little less than 2 years apart and they loved being so close. 

    I definitely have anxiety about TTC again.  The AL brain will always be with me.  My thinking is if we start trying when she is a year we have a little time in case something happens again.  I hate that I think that way.

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  • image daylights1:
    Obviously we waiting a bit for our second. We knew we wanted our children between 3 and 4 years apart. No more than 4. I magically made that deadline by 5 days lol. I didn't want 2 in diapers and I also wanted to be able to give them the right amount of attention. Honestly, so far it has been perfect! E was supposed to be our last but my H and I are really struggling with the idea. We talked about it a little last night and although neither have come out and said, "I want another child" I think we both do. It is complicated for us now though. MH just turned 46. I'm 31. He is in great shape but we both feel that window is closing. More because I want him around and active for our children. But we are both sad so IDK. Anyway I get my IUD put in Thursday so I guess no time soon and probably not ever. Sorry, I totally just made that about me but I'm having a hard time.

     

    Nothing wrong with that. Yeah I never got on BC after I had Jackson so I guess anything really can happen. I have only had 1 AF though since I have been EPing. Good thing is you can still get your IUD taken out.

     For me I would rather have both in the same stage but I don't know if it would be too much.

    BFP: 01/08/11 EDD: 09/15/11 Natural MC: 02/03/11
    BFP: 02/14/12 EDD: 10/26/12 D&C: 03/09/12
    BFP: 04.05.12 EDD: 12.17.12 Born 11.18.12 Jackson Kane 6lbs 5ounces

    BFP: 06.08.13 EDD: 02.13.14 Baby Girl.. 2U2 Here we come

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  • image mkc5869:

    My siblings and I are all a little over 3 years apart and none of us were all that close.  We were never in the same school together after elementary and we never had much in common, really.  I think we are going to start trying when DD is a year old.  My DH and his brother are a little less than 2 years apart and they loved being so close. 

    I definitely have anxiety about TTC again.  The AL brain will always be with me.  My thinking is if we start trying when she is a year we have a little time in case something happens again.  I hate that I think that way.

     My brother and I are 21 months apart and only a year apart and school and it was definitely nice having him close. I think about this.

    Ps I love your Siggy.. What was she thinking? : )

    BFP: 01/08/11 EDD: 09/15/11 Natural MC: 02/03/11
    BFP: 02/14/12 EDD: 10/26/12 D&C: 03/09/12
    BFP: 04.05.12 EDD: 12.17.12 Born 11.18.12 Jackson Kane 6lbs 5ounces

    BFP: 06.08.13 EDD: 02.13.14 Baby Girl.. 2U2 Here we come

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  • Ugh, this has been a huge struggle with me lately as well. We know we want 2 kids, and we had initially talked about 18 months-2 years in between them. However, recently DH has been wanting to start trying for #2 now (he actually wanted to start trying when DD was 3 months old, she is 5.5 months now). I am having such mixed feelings about this. I had a period after DD was born where I didn't want to have anymore kids actually, I felt competent as a mom for about 5 minutes and I knew I could completely meet DD's needs, etc. That has changed and I am back to wanting 2, but I am so not ready yet. I'm still tired a lot, I feel like my body isn't ready to handle another pregnancy yet, and I don't think I could meet DD's needs as I am now while I was pregnant. DH's concern is that it took me a year to get pregnant the first time, and he doesn't want to have our LOs spaced that far apart if we wait to start trying until DD is 1 year and it takes a year again. I am also scared being AL, but I think that is manifesting itself as not wanting to take things away from DD since she is here, since getting/staying pregnant can be so uncertain. I am not ready to give up BF yet, which I know is a possibility if we get pregnant, and I am not ready to manage the exhaustion of pregnancy with still being there for DD. So I am pretty clearly not ready, but DH is so so ready it's getting messy. Sorry this was long and rambly, but I have been stressing about this a lot lately.

    TTC #1 in Jan 2011, Annovulation suspected due to high glucose levels, started Metformin Sept 2011

    BFP #1 01/27/2012, MC @ 5 wks

    BFP #2 04/08/2012, EDD 12/19/2012, DD born 12/15/2012  

    TTC#2 after AF returned in Jan 2014

    BFP #3 04/15/2014  EDD 12/26/2014

     

     

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  • I want to start trying again once DS is about a year. Ideally, I'd love 2U2 so we can get through diapers and all that relatively close together. Part of me feels like we should start trying sooner, as it took us almost 2 years of TTC after losing Grace to get a BFP. But then DH says what if we start trying at 6 months and get a BFP right away? Then I say, we both know that a BFP does not by any means guarantee a take home baby... In all reality, we will most likely wait until DS turns 1 to start trying. 

    As far as PGaL brain goes, I'm sure I'll have it to some degree, but I have enough anxiety surrounding whether or not I'll even be able to get PG again...  

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  • We always taked about having 2 kids, but now I can't imagine loving another child as much as I love P. But seriously, we're not that close (location-wise) to any family and I wouldn't want her to be an only child so far away from them. DH is back in school full time so we'll probably wait about 3 yrs when he graduates and gets a job. Then I'll get to stay home for a year with both kids.

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    BFP#1 3/8/12; diagnosed w/ Anencephaly at 12w6d; D&C 5/9/12
    BFP#2 7/18/12; A/S 10/26/12 It's a Girl! EDD 3/29/13
    Phoebe Jordan Born 3/20/13

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  • We were initially going to start TTC this fall, but now we are going to wait until next spring to reevaluate. 
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  • My OB was pretty adamant about waiting until LO is 18 months to TTC #2, due to some recent studies showing that outcomes are better with a longer spacing between pregnancies. 

    We may or may not be waiting longer than that..I want them 3 years apart; DH is anxious to start TTC sooner.  

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  • We initially thought we wanted them to be ~18 mos apart.. so, start TTC when DS would be 9mos.. because we knew we wanted them close, I never went back on BC.  When I went in for my PP check, my OB and I talked and she was perfectly fine with that.. she said their rec is for 12 months from birth-birth.  I remember laughing and saying "oh yea, we don't have to worry about that".. because I thought to myself, that would mean getting pregnant RIGHT away after being cleared (my PP apt wasn't until 10wks or so!).

    Well.. that first cycle we got a surprise BFP!

    Obviously I can't comment on how difficult it is having them so close in age (yet!), but I will say the pregnancy part hasn't been nearly as difficult as I expected!  I really thought exhaustion would be worse than it is, but so far it's been manageable.  It's getting harder now that DS is mobile, but still doable with DH's help.  (I also work FT, too)

    Good luck with your decision!!

    Loss #1: 18w5d.. D&E 04Mar03 BFP #2: Jun2011.. missed miscarriage. D&C 08Jul2011 8w4d. BFP #3: Nov2011.. Our Rainbow Baby!!! DS Born: 15Jul2012! BFP #4: Nov2012.. 2U1 - DS2 born 12Jul2013.  BFP #5: 01Jan2014..3U3!!

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  • I wanted my 1st and 2nd to be 3 - 4 years apart.  We had 2 losses in between, so I missed the 4 year mark by like a month. I'm very happy with the spacing right now as DS is a great helper and very understanding of the attention she needs. I also got to shower him alone with love and attention for 4 years! 

    imageimage
    DS Born 2/22/09. TTC #2 since Oct. 2011. MMC on 05/03/12 at 12w1d. CP on 02/08/12 at 5 weeks.

    BFP 07/27/2012 - Beta 1 - 169 @ 11 DPO, Beta 2 - 419 @ 13 DPO, DD Born on 04/04/2013.


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  • Given our financial situation at the moment, I think we're one and done. If the situation changes, we might be tempted to try again, but not anytime soon.
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    BFP#1 12/24/11 missed m/c 2/10/12, measuring 8w4d. BFP #2 7/7/12, Little miss F born March 17, 2013, via c-section.
  • image tetiananina:
    image mkc5869:

    My siblings and I are all a little over 3 years apart and none of us were all that close.  We were never in the same school together after elementary and we never had much in common, really.  I think we are going to start trying when DD is a year old.  My DH and his brother are a little less than 2 years apart and they loved being so close. 

    I definitely have anxiety about TTC again.  The AL brain will always be with me.  My thinking is if we start trying when she is a year we have a little time in case something happens again.  I hate that I think that way.

     My brother and I are 21 months apart and only a year apart and school and it was definitely nice having him close. I think about this.

    Ps I love your Siggy.. What was she thinking? : )

    I think it would be nice to have them in school together so they can look out for each other.....and leak info to mom! ;)

    I actually just switched my siggy today because this one was just too good to pass up!

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    **BFP #3 7/12/12 EDD 3/21/13 - Madelyn born 3/5/13**
    BFP #4 4/2/14 - EDD 12/15/14 - Wesley born 12/2/14**

  • We are going to start trying in 3 or 4 years. That way I will be finished with school and settled in with my new job. Also, I don't think I could handle more than 1 right now!
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  • As soon as AF returns we will start TTC again. It took so long last time that we don't want to wait. We are both okay with them being close in age. As a matter of fact, DH told the nurses when we left with DS that we would be back next year. Granted DS was born on the 4th of January, so that gives us a 2 year window. I hope that comes true!

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    BFP # 3: 11/8/13, EDD 7/17/14, mmc 10wks

    BFP # 4: 5/16/14, EDD 1/15/15, praying for our 2nd rainbow baby 

  • image Gknauff79:
    I wanted my 1st and 2nd to be 3 4 years apart. nbsp;We had 2 losses in between, so I missed the 4 year mark by like a month. I'm very happy with the spacing right now as DS is a great helper and very understanding of the attention she needs. I also got to shower him alone with love and attention for 4 years!nbsp;


    This is us too. But I think we decided we will try for a third bc this pregnancy was cut shorter than I had planned so I kind of felt robbed. My whole pg I said over and over I was done. But now I know I'm not. If we are blessed with a third, so be it. If not, we'll be okay with it too. All that to say, probably when DS2 turns one is when we'll start trying.

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    BFP #2 - 5/9/11. EDD 1/7/12. MMC 6/6/11. BFP #3 - 1/24/12. EDD 10/6/12. MC 2/14/12.

    BFP #4 - 8/30/12. EDD 5/11/13. Our rainbow arrived a month early - 4/11/13. 

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    For this child I prayed; and the LORD hath given me my petition which I asked of him. 1 Samuel 1:27

  • So far DD1 and DD2 are almost 15 years apart, that I don't recommend. My kids will be like strangers. I want to NTNP once L is about 9 months, but my H isn't really on board. I'm hoping he'll change his mind. But I also worry I'll start freaking out again if it doesn't happen. We had to do IVF to get DD2, so I'm afraid it'll never happen because we can't afford to do that again.
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  • The plan is to try again the summer after Z's 2nd birthday. Maybe I'll feel like having sex again by then. 
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  • i'd like to wait till shes a year old
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  • Probably start trying a year and a half To two years from now. L will be between 2 and a half and 3. Obviously with my history I don't plan too much of anything but that would be ideal.
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  • image ChloBub:
    The plan is to try again the summer after Z's 2nd birthday. Maybe I'll feel like having sex again by then

     

    I told my husband I was getting my IUD in 2 days.  He said, "you mean we are going to have sex again?"  Poor guy.  I haven't been cleared yet anyway.  My OB said I still had to wait at my 6 week PP.  Not that I am in the mood.  

     


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  • Mine are 16 months apart..we started trying as soon as I got my period and got pregnant when A was 6 months old
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  • We originally wanted 2 with about 3 years in between.  Now DH is saying one and done but I am still on the fence.  I'll be 31 next week so if I wait for the 3 year age difference we wanted I'll be close to 35 (if we are lucky enough to get pregnant when we would want).  A lot depends on where we are financially at that point too.  I think DH could be swayed if he has a better job by then.
  • morkmork
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    We wanted them really close, obviously, since I was purposely pg again at 5mo pp! If we hadn't had all the losses, we probably would've waited just under a year, but we started earlier kind of expecting more losses. Sad that we did that, and even more sad that it became reality.

    Anyway, we're back on the wagon once AF arrives again (which it may be doing, yay)! Technically, I'm still pg from the last one as I'm going through decreasing beta hell again, but my docs are good with me going ahead if I have a period and O, even if there's still HCG in my system. I'm already being closely monitored, and they took my history and age into account.

    Sorry for the novel! 

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  • pnutgpnutg
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    We want to start trying when our LO turns 1! I definitely want more kids close together but need a good break from pregnancy.
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  • I didnt want an only. With 2 losses before #1 wanted to start TTC when she was 6 months old. I assumed with a few more losses we would be lucky to have them 2ish years apart. I ended up doing a round with the RE for #2 diagnosed with 2IF due to my age. This 3rd was a total shock. Well, not totally. But we weren't preventing or trying assuming I would decide after 2013 ended if we wanted to go back to RE. Surprise BFP. I still kind of don't believe it. 
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    After 1 year of TTC#2 BFP May 2011 m/c #3 4w2d. Off to RE.

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