Stay at Home Moms

Updated! Dads that were against you being a SAHM...

How did you turn them around?

ETA: Thanks for the advice! However, I think I used the wrong wording. DH isn't against being me being a SAHM especially since we want to have another LO soon, and our first is only 5 months. He just doesn't understand why I would want to stay at home all day. No matter what I say it's been hard for me to explain what it is like when you are a SAHM. We normally have pretty good communication, but this subject I haven't been able to get this mans mind to understand!

 Also, financially there is no worries at all there. He would actually prefer if I stayed at home and took online courses to start my university degree since I put mine on hold so that he could pursue his. Plus, with the cost of daycare we would only bring in a small percentage of the income my job brings... Not worth the hassle of pick up/drop off and having my child in daycare (which there's nothing wrong with, it's just not for us).He just doesn't understand WHY I want to do this, & I would like for him to see it from mine (& all SAHMs) points of view. 

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Re: Updated! Dads that were against you being a SAHM...

  • Lots of blow jobs. Good luck!
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  • ta78ta78
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    Do not make the decision to stay home unless your H is 100% on board. Recipe for disaster otherwise.





    Quinton  06.25.10
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  • DH was fully on board as we made the decision together. However, the best thing to do would be to sit down together and look at your finances to see if its even possible. Discuss with him openly and honestly why you want to SAH and find out why he doesn't want you to SAH. Is there a way you can work towards that goal in the future? Could going PT be an option? What about doing something like retail or waiting tables in the evening when DH is home to take care of LO.

    Ultimately, if he's against it though, it just won't work. Both partners have to be 100% on board for having a SAH parent to work. 


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  • I agree with the above posters that he should be supportive of you being at home, but he has to be supportive either way.  It is really difficult to be a working mom if he doesn't take on his share of responsibility with the house and the children. 

    I would have a long talk with him and let him know that if he isn't supportive of you being at home, then he needs to be supportive of you working (meaning half the household and childcare tasks).  If he isn't able to help out 50/50 because of long hours at his own job or because he doesn't want to, then you have to talk about whether you working FT really works for your family. 

     

  • You don't change his mind. He is either on board or you keep your job.
    Mom to Emma 9/4/06 and Jackson 11/24/08 M/C Dec 11 and M/C twins feb 2012. BFP Thanksgiving! EDD Aug 4, 2013 M/C at 5 weeks.
  • Depends how you mean. My DH never imagined me as a SAHM (which is part of why I fell for him to begin with, honestly) so it took him a bit to come around. But he was never flat out against it. We just talked about the pros and cons and he came around. Mainly he saw we could swing it financially, he saw it would make me happy, and he saw all the other benefits. And we both assume I'll go back to work when the kids are in school which I think helped him wrap his mind around some of the financial issues.
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  • image ta78:
    Do not make the decision to stay home unless your H is 100% on board. Recipe for disaster otherwise.

    Ditto.  He actually pushed for it but said ultimately the decision was mine.  I could never do it unless he was 100% on board 

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  • image eaglesfan700:

    image ta78:
    Do not make the decision to stay home unless your H is 100% on board. Recipe for disaster otherwise.

    Ditto.  He actually pushed for it but said ultimately the decision was mine.  I could never do it unless he was 100% on board 



    Ditto all the above.
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  • image alli2672:

    I agree with the above posters that he should be supportive of you being at home, but he has to be supportive either way.  It is really difficult to be a working mom if he doesn't take on his share of responsibility with the house and the children. 

    I would have a long talk with him and let him know that if he isn't supportive of you being at home, then he needs to be supportive of you working (meaning half the household and childcare tasks).  If he isn't able to help out 50/50 because of long hours at his own job or because he doesn't want to, then you have to talk about whether you working FT really works for your family. 

     

    I agree completely with this.  I stayed home for a year, and worked for a year with my DS. We have experienced both sides of this, and I will be back to staying home this fall.  I was working full time and still trying to make dinner every night, do laundry, grocery shop, clean the house, pay bills, and take care of DS's basic needs.  Things fell through the cracks and I missed bill payments, and meals became carry-out.  I could not keep up, and DH did not take on any more responsibility.  We had always had traditional roles before kids, and that did not change which nearly sent me over the edge.  He was fine with me working, but did not make any adjustments to his lifestyle.  The question may not be whether you can SAH, but rather can your family handle you working.


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  • Why is he against it? Is it because of finances? If so, you probably should work. Is this something you spoke about before marriage?

    Thankfully, I never had this issue.  It was determined even before marriage, that I would stay home when we had kids. Mostly because I wanted to raise the kid myself, and he felt the same.  So he was always on board.

  • image ta78:
    Do not make the decision to stay home unless your H is 100% on board. Recipe for disaster otherwise.

    This. Had DH been against it I would have continued to work. 

    "And though she be but little, she is fierce."
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  • My dh was against it initially but then I returned to work full time after maternity leave and it was HECTIC. When we both got home from work there was no dinner ready, the house was a mess, the LO needed a bath and to be put to bed, we had no time alone and LO was still waking up several times per night and still does. Once dh found out how much additional work he needed to do around the house he understood why I wanted to be a sahm. Our home is calmer now that I'm home. I still do freelance work part time but my main priority is at home. Why is your dh against it?
  • Didn't have to, he was more in favor of it than I was to begin with. But then I became a woman of leisure and it rocks. Maybe you can try the blowjob thing like PP suggested.

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  • image The_Jen626:
    Lots of blow jobs. Good luck!

    This plus a little back door action. Totally sealed the deal.

    Lol!
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  • image ta78:
    Do not make the decision to stay home unless your H is 100% on board. Recipe for disaster otherwise.

     

    This x 100000.


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  • We have 3x/week therapy for speech, sensory, and behavior, so at most I have to work PT and it just wasn't worth it considering the cost of working PT. I had to pay for FT daycare, commuting costs, dry cleaning, and health insurance but I was only getting PT pay.

    Plus he works a lot of hours. It's worth it to him to be able to come home and relax instead of splitting housework and child-related duties like we did when I was working. Not that he does nothing, but he did a lot more when we both worked.

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