November 2012 Moms

No idea what to do

So we have put ourselves in a hard spot. We put LO down every night between 6:30 and 7:00. He is usually out by 7. We have a great routine. The problem is, we are stuck with this every night which means we don't do ANYTHING any night ever. It hasn't bothered me at all until recently. We've had so many birthdays and dinners that either we don't go, or usually, I stay home and DH goes so that at least he's there for his family events. So his moms fianc is throwing a surprise birthday dinner this Friday at 7pm. What the hell do we do?! I can guarantee a major meltdown and to top it off, it's a nice restaurant. So do we punish ourselves and not go, or punish just me and DH goes? Do we go, end up with a major meltdown and have to leave like right away. Oh and it's a 35 minute drive as well. If we risk it I can't imagine what the rest of our night will be like.
But it's so hard because I want him to be flexible. We can't be shut ins forever or we will go nuts. Oh, and to state the obvious, we clearly have no babysitter.
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Re: No idea what to do

  • Can't. Family is the only babysitters we have. They'll be at dinner and my family lives too far.
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  • image kiraliz2:
    Find a babysitter?


    You need to find someone. I have never left either of my kids with anyone but family, but our family lives close by so we've never had to. I think at 6 or 7 months, I would trust a sitter. Have them come over several nights while you are there so they can get used to the routine. That's what I did when I started babysitting.
    I'm not a very social person, but I would def go crazy if I NEVER went out, even if it was just to dinner with DH.
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  • image kiraliz2:
    Find a babysitter?

    I agree with this. I would think one of the advantages of such an early bed time is you can go out and not miss the bedtime routine. I wish Noa went to bed so early because I hate the idea of not putting her to bed. 

    We also don't have family close by so I know how hard that is to trust someone. We have used care.com to find someone to help me when I am busy with work so I had the advantage of being home the first few times she was there (working in my office) and even then it was hard... but our mindset has been we HAVE to do it eventually so better to just rip off the bandaid, so to speak. 

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  • Maybe put your feelers out to some moms near you for a good sitter? I am lucky enough to have family close, but I agree with PPs that going out is a must unless you wanna go crazy. Hope it works out for you!
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  • image BabyMakes 3:
    Can't. Family is the only babysitters we have. They'll be at dinner and my family lives too far.


    Find a paid babysitter.

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  • Im with ya, we need a sitter too.  We put LO down at 7:30 and she wont sleep elsewhere, its hard.  Wish I had a solution
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  • Flame me ladies... I can't do it. I can't hire a sitter. I'm sure when we have more children this will change but for now, I can't do it. What if we put him in pjs at 6 get in the car and wing it at dinner? Anyone done this? Ughhhh
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  • image BabyMakes 3:
    Flame me ladies... I can't do it. I can't hire a sitter. I'm sure when we have more children this will change but for now, I can't do it. What if we put him in pjs at 6 get in the car and wing it at dinner? Anyone done this? Ughhhh

    FTR, I'm with PPs that you get a sitter. But since  you are looking for additional options-- will LO sleep in the carseat?  does the car put them to sleep?  Our LO has slept in the carseat in restaurants before (though TBH, I haven't tried it in the last few weeks when she's crazy distractable-- def cover with a blanket once sleeping)

    If the carseat sleeping is a long shot, I'd try to alter LO's schedule earlier in the day-- like try and let them sleep in later, and get in more napping somehow...


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  • Our LO goes to bed the same time as yours, so we have a similar problem. Our ILs know we don't do dinners anymore, at least not for a while.

    How well does your LO sleep in the few hours after he goes to bed? I know our LO almost always falls right asleep andstays asleep ever since we did Ferber. So if we were to get a sitter, we would just be paying them to be here and watch tv or something.

    Honestly, taking LO in jammies in the car seat sounds like a nightmare. If he were a newborn, I would do it, but now mine would be too stimulated to sleep. It would through our whole routine off and he would be miserable.

    I know you don't want to hire a sitter. I get that. I couldn't do it either if I knew there was a chance LO would wake up and find a stranger. Our LO is always with me or DH.

    If you can't do a sitter now, I guess I recommend sleep training if you haven't done it yet and then reevaluate how you feel about getting a sitter when LO sleeps through the whole evening. That might mean you have to miss this party.
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  • And to add to that, make sure you are getting time to go out with friends every once in a while. My girlfriends and I do a girl's night once a month.

    I keep trying to get DH to go have a guy's night or something, but he is such a shut in that he hasn't done it.
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  • Honestly, I know I wouldn't get a sitter if I were in your situation. There's nothing wrong with getting one, I just know I wouldn't.

    Hallie is very flexible with where she goes to bed. We've always put her to bed in her carseat and at different places. Does your LO sleep well in the car? Maybe he'd fall asleep on the way there and stay asleep for a while in his seat.

    I feel like at some point you'll have to go try it. And IMO, the younger LO is, the better so he can get used to not always being home at bedtime.
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  • jg1011jg1011
    250 Answers 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary
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    I feel your pain with getting a sitter. 

    V's bedtime is around 8:30. He gets a little cranky an hour before. We have done the go in PJ's route. Sometimes he falls asleep in the car and I can transfer him to stroller with him staying asleep (better if you still have him in snap and go type carseat option) and sometimes he's awake. He surprises us sometimes and is amused by being with family. Other option--- baby wearing? I find if I wear him he will snuggle down and go to sleep despite what's going on.

     I hope you figure something out so you can go out too! 

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  • Thank you all! I'm still on the fence. I appreciate the input.
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  • image BabyMakes 3:
    Flame me ladies... I can't do it. I can't hire a sitter. I'm sure when we have more children this will change but for now, I can't do it. What if we put him in pjs at 6 get in the car and wing it at dinner? Anyone done this? Ughhhh

    no flames -- but why can't you?  Is it the $?  It's worth it for your sanity to save a few bucks a day to pay a sitter. 

    Are you afraid?  Usually your town center will have a list of certified babysitters, believe it or not.

    You need to do this, if for no other reason than your marriage.  It's so important to get out every now and again. 

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  • Hmmm we've used sitters to get out in the evenings.  I'm fine with it bc he's asleep anyway and is pretty reliable about not waking up.  So, there's a 99% chance he'll just sleep. And I tell them to txt me if he wakes.  We also have a dropcam so I can peek in on him whenever I want on my phone. And it should theoretically send an alert when there's movement in the room.

    But, I've never gone as far away as 35 min. That might make me a bit nervous.

    What I have done is get him really tired, let him fall asleep in the car, and try to keep him sleeping in the restaurant.  The stroller also works for us.  He would never sleep while being held for the longest time, but now he sometimes will.  We did that for a nap on Saturday while we were out at the beach. 

    "A new baby is like the beginning of all things--wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities."


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  • I've had to break our routine a few times. LO goes out at 8:30 after bath and bottle. Honestly, just roll with it. LO may surprise you and handle it well then go straight to bed when you get home. I would go
  • I would take LO. If he has a meltdown, you either leave or one if you goes to the vehicle, walks around etc. I know it's not ideal but you need to start somewhere. My in laws Luke to go out often for family dinners and we always take H with us. We have left early, sat in the vehicle, and walked. At almost 7 months he does great if we are out last his bedtime. Sometimes he even surprises us and falls asleep in our arms. We have never had a babysitter. Only family has watched him during the day. Do what you feel comfortable with.

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  • I literally just had a very similar situation on Saturday. It was my grandmother's 91st, and babysitter wasn't even an option because there were some family members that were dying to meet M and I would've gotten a beatdown if I left her home. Anyway, I put the car seat in an upside down high chair in the corner right next to me and covered her with one of those Aiden and Anais blankets, I shook the thing for a while and she fell asleep for about 30 minutes (she hadn't taken a third nap...and she goes to bed at 7 as well...this happened around 6pm).  Anywho, she woke up perky and the family got to enjoy her.  We put her into her crib at 9pm and she knocked out.  No harm done.  She is still on schedule. Just take him! Worst comes to worse, just leave if he screams, or drive him around. People will understand. 
  • image kiraliz2:
    image BabyMakes 3:
    Can't. Family is the only babysitters we have. They'll be at dinner and my family lives too far.
    Find a paid babysitter.

    Yep.  Go to www.care.com. 

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  • image uconnhuskie007:

    image BabyMakes 3:
    Flame me ladies... I can't do it. I can't hire a sitter. I'm sure when we have more children this will change but for now, I can't do it. What if we put him in pjs at 6 get in the car and wing it at dinner? Anyone done this? Ughhhh

    no flames -- but why can't you?  Is it the $?  It's worth it for your sanity to save a few bucks a day to pay a sitter. 

    Are you afraid?  Usually your town center will have a list of certified babysitters, believe it or not.

    You need to do this, if for no other reason than your marriage.  It's so important to get out every now and again. 


    It's just my preference that only family babysit him. We have gone out and had family watch him. But this time that isn't an option. I've decided to take him and see how it goes!!! My new rule is weekends we can break routine and if it results in a bad night at least I have DH up help.
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  • image BabyMakes 3:
    image uconnhuskie007:

    image BabyMakes 3:
    Flame me ladies... I can't do it. I can't hire a sitter. I'm sure when we have more children this will change but for now, I can't do it. What if we put him in pjs at 6 get in the car and wing it at dinner? Anyone done this? Ughhhh

    no flames -- but why can't you?  Is it the $?  It's worth it for your sanity to save a few bucks a day to pay a sitter. 

    Are you afraid?  Usually your town center will have a list of certified babysitters, believe it or not.

    You need to do this, if for no other reason than your marriage.  It's so important to get out every now and again. 

    It's just my preference that only family babysit him. We have gone out and had family watch him. But this time that isn't an option. I've decided to take him and see how it goes!!! My new rule is weekends we can break routine and if it results in a bad night at least I have DH up help.

    Couple of things, sometimes you have to break schedule. It just happens, but with a little effort, LO is back to normal within 24 hours.

    Also, you're going to be with family, so they will understand a meltdown and be gracious if an early departure is necessary.

    JMO- If it's a nice restaurant, dress LO appropriately and put the pjs in the diaper bag. You can change him in the car before you head home.

    Good luck and have fun! 

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  • image CandaceLeigh:

    Couple of things, sometimes you have to break schedule. It just happens, but with a little effort, LO is back to normal within 24 hours.

    Also, you're going to be with family, so they will understand a meltdown and be gracious if an early departure is necessary.

    JMO- If it's a nice restaurant, dress LO appropriately and put the pjs in the diaper bag. You can change him in the car before you head home.

    Good luck and have fun! 

     I agree with all of this.  Good luck :) 

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  • image 10Nessie:
    image CandaceLeigh:

    Couple of things, sometimes you have to break schedule. It just happens, but with a little effort, LO is back to normal within 24 hours.

    Also, you're going to be with family, so they will understand a meltdown and be gracious if an early departure is necessary.

    JMO- If it's a nice restaurant, dress LO appropriately and put the pjs in the diaper bag. You can change him in the car before you head home.

    Good luck and have fun! 

     I agree with all of this.  Good luck :) 


    Thank you! I think I am over thinking and over worrying this. Hopefully this first trial will go great or at least better than expected and we will have an easy time doing this from time to time.
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  • image BabyMakes 3:
    Flame me ladies... I can't do it. I can't hire a sitter. I'm sure when we have more children this will change but for now, I can't do it. What if we put him in pjs at 6 get in the car and wing it at dinner? Anyone done this? Ughhhh

     

    We have the exact same situation. DH's family is close enough (30 mins) to watch her sometimes but mine isn't. I only have 1 friend that has a baby (and she's 3 weeks old) so I have no references for babysitters. I refuse to leave LO with anyone other than family/close friends unless I have a STRONG rec. It's just the way it is for me until she gets a little older.

    Do you have any friends that could watch him? I'd probably just stay home and let my DH go if I couldn't find a friend willing to babysit. I feel like I shouldn't always have to stay home while DH gets to do things but for something like this I would feel bad if one of us didn't go. 

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  • I agree with what Candace said. Just go. Breaking a schedule once in a while isn't bad. LO will adjust back eventually. Just.Go.

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