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REALLY bad careat picture. UPDATE

For Mobile: Really bad carseat picture. How to address?

There is this girl I know. She has a LO who is not quite 2.  She posted this picture below over the weekend. She's a young single mom and I want to be delicate about how I comment on this but OMG it's so unsafe.

I am not close to this girl. Our families were friends growing up and went on a few vacations together as kids but I haven't seen her since she was pregnant with her LO.

I have written one friend before in a private message to let her know her son's chest clip was in the wrong place. I totally gushed over what a cutie is and what an awesome mom she is and she thanked me for letting her know. I thought about doing it that way this time but I feel like this girl will just ignore my message or get defensive. Should I just comment on the picture?

IMAGE REMOVED

I've doctored up the picture a bit but as you can see the carseat cover is coming off and the harness straps and chest clip are not on the kid. The title of her pictures was "Sleepy Gurl." This girl's older sister commented she shouldn't be taking pictures and driving and responded with "I'm that good."

ETA: I will probably DD later.

 

UPDATE: Here's the condensed version.

The girl basically made a bunch of excuses. First she said she was stopped at a stop sign to take the picture. Then she said her daughter was throwing a tantrum and then fell asleep and that's why the cover is off. She said she's a single mother and I don't understand how hard it is...I sent her links to Carseat Inspection Stations near her area and offered to help her.  I was really polite but unfortunately her end response was unfortunately as I expected and I don't know her lyfe. I'm still glad I said something.

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Re: REALLY bad careat picture. UPDATE

  • I've got nothing. I get angry at the universe that people that dumb are allowed to reproduce. 
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  • Sorry, no advice. But this is just scary. And even more scary to think that this is probably very common.
  • That's pretty dangerous, especially since she thought that while driving in the car was the best time to take this picture. I hope she was at least stopped when she took it.

    I don't know the best way to bring this up to her. If she brushed off her older sister's comment, it seems likely that she would come up with a brush off for your comment as well unfortunately.

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  • I was all prepared to come in here and say let it go. Not your kid. Not your Rules. Not your Life. These calls outs never end well esp. when it's something like the chest clip being 1/100 of a mm off from where you think it be when they never left the driveway in the first place and mom took the picture before she adjusted the straps. :)

    However, I'm pretty lax about kid raising, but that's downright awful to me. I'd probably speak up in this case too.

    Just send her a PM and say, "She is a pretty sleep girl and cute too! To make sure she sleeps comfortably and stays safe I suggest you install the carseat in XYZ manner, fix the cover and put the straps up properly. Also did you know the Police Department does free inspections every Tuesday (or whenever)? I did it and it was awesome!"

    She'll probably be p*ssed. People never take criticism well at all. But you hardly know her. So let her be mad and hopefully she takes it to heart and you'll feel better.

  • Wow, that is by far the worst carseat picture I have ever seen.  I would message her and say something.  I would normally let it go, but that picture is too awful not to mention. 
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  • Oh god, total train wreck! I'd prob still PM her even if she doesn't respond.
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  • I would not hesitate to send a PM. I would word it something to the effect of, "I care about you and your daughter and I had to say something when I saw your picture. It is unsafe to (fill in the blank) and this is how to fix it (fill in the blank). I don't want to be preachy, but I would hate to have something terrible happen and know that I didn't say something to you about it."
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  • I see improper chest clip pictures all the time and typically just don't say anything but this is the worst picture I've seen as well...and she was driving when she took the picture AND she thought it was okay to post on facebook...

    Scattered, if I had to guess I'd bet the carseat was a hand me down from her older sister and probably a few years old. It's kind of hard to see but I think it's the chest clip that is on top of the buckle at the bottom. 


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  • AA0417AA0417
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    Wow. That is bad. It seems like she would brush you off like she did her sister's comment. Would she maybe be more receptive if it came from her parents or something? If so, I would bring it to their attention so they could be the ones to say something. They also might be in a better position to make sure changes are actually made. GL!
  • image dairygirl19:

    I was all prepared to come in here and say let it go. Not your kid. Not your Rules. Not your Life. These calls outs never end well esp. when it's something like the chest clip being 1/100 of a mm off from where you think it be when they never left the driveway in the first place and mom took the picture before she adjusted the straps. :)

    However, I'm pretty lax about kid raising, but that's downright awful to me. I'd probably speak up in this case too.

    Just send her a PM and say, "She is a pretty sleep girl and cute too! To make sure she sleeps comfortably and stays safe I suggest you install the carseat in XYZ manner, fix the cover and put the straps up properly. Also did you know the Police Department does free inspections every Tuesday (or whenever)? I did it and it was awesome!"

    She'll probably be p*ssed. People never take criticism well at all. But you hardly know her. So let her be mad and hopefully she takes it to heart and you'll feel better.

    This. Except while I'm pretty relaxed about other people's kids, this pisses me off. I can't even. I don't think I could be nice about it.
  • Ugh, that's comparable to the picture a FB friend posted of her 2 year old in a high back booster with the shoulder belt looped under the armrest making it a second lap belt.

    I sent her a pm saying how beautiful her daughter is but that I was worried she might be using her seat incorrectly. I got unfriended and am still friends with her sister, so I end up seeing pictures still occasionally (either that her sister took or that her sister commented on) and she's still using the seat the same way. 

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  • image auroraloo:
    image dairygirl19:

    I was all prepared to come in here and say let it go. Not your kid. Not your Rules. Not your Life. These calls outs never end well esp. when it's something like the chest clip being 1/100 of a mm off from where you think it be when they never left the driveway in the first place and mom took the picture before she adjusted the straps. :)


    However, I'm pretty lax about kid raising, but that's downright awful to me. I'd probably speak up in this case too.


    Just send her a PM and say, "She is a pretty sleep girl and cute too! To make sure she sleeps comfortably and stays safe I suggest you install the carseat in XYZ manner, fix the cover and put the straps up properly. Also did you know the Police Department does free inspections every Tuesday (or whenever)? I did it and it was awesome!"


    She'll probably be p*ssed. People never take criticism well at all. But you hardly know her. So let her be mad and hopefully she takes it to heart and you'll feel better.

    This. Except while I'm pretty relaxed about other people's kids, this pisses me off. I can't even. I don't think I could be nice about it.


    All this. I wouldn't think twice about sending a PM.
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  • I sent a very blunt PM explaining how carseats work and how important it is to use them correctly. I included a link to carseat inspection stations and a basic video on carseat safety.  I'm not worried about losing a friend because we're not close. I am really expecting a "you don't know my lyfe!!1" response but hoping she'll realize how dangerous it is...I suppose we'll see.

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  • Mercy. That's awful. I really don't know how to bring that up without sounding like I'm criticizing her parenting skills. I mean, it's crazy unsafe, but I can imagine the defensive reaction might be on the verge of BSC.

    The last time I tried I got booted from my Mom's Group [meetup group]. I just gave them literature on forward facing vs. rear facing. They glanced at it and changed the subject. Next thing I know I'm out of the group and no longer invited to meet ups. These ladies had their LO's FF at 6 months!
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  • la79alla79al
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    Um, we have that exact same carseat and both of my girls used to push the buckle down the whole way and pull their arms out all the time.  I've finally yelled at them enough that they don't do it while we're driving anymore but when we're stopped, all bets are off.  Also, DD1 used to constantly unhook the cover from her seat (so she could chew on the straps that attach it?).  Again, more than once I would look in the rearview mirror and see half the cover hanging off.  My kids are old enough to listen when I tell them to stop (but not old enough to fix the cover by themselves) but I'm sure if my LO were under 2, my choices would be constantly pulling over to fix things or just ignoring it. 
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  • image la79al:
    Um, we have that exact same carseat and both of my girls used to push the buckle down the whole way and pull their arms out all the time.  I've finally yelled at them enough that they don't do it while we're driving anymore but when we're stopped, all bets are off.  Also, DD1 used to constantly unhook the cover from her seat (so she could chew on the straps that attach it?).  Again, more than once I would look in the rearview mirror and see half the cover hanging off.  My kids are old enough to listen when I tell them to stop (but not old enough to fix the cover by themselves) but I'm sure if my LO were under 2, my choices would be constantly pulling over to fix things or just ignoring it. 

    what car seat is it? If its that easy for kids to wiggle out of I'd be tempted to write to the manufacturer 


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  • UPDATE: Here's the condensed version.

    The girl basically made a bunch of excuses. First she said she was stopped at a stop sign to take the picture. Then she said her daughter was throwing a tantrum and then fell asleep and that's why the cover is off. She said she's a single mother and I don't understand how hard it is...I sent her links to Carseat Inspection Stations near her area and offered to help her.  I was really polite but unfortunately her end response was unfortunately as I expected and I don't know her lyfe. I'm still glad I said something.


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