February 2013 Moms

created a sleep monster

Am I the only mommy still rocking, swaying, and holding my LO to sleep? It is sad to admit but my LO has no self soothing ability. He is 4 months today and he still can't go to sleep on his own. Laying him down awake or groggy is still a pipedream. Both my H and ped think sleep training is the way we should go and while I'm not opposed to it, I keep putting it off.
LO had surgery at 4 weeks and couldn't sleep anywhere for more than 30 minutes. Ped told us to hold him b/c he needed to rest and recover, but here we are a few months later and I'm still holding him for all naps and rocking/walking/swaying him during the night. Even to cosleep, I have to rock to sleep first and then try and sneak into bed w/ out waking. I know I've created the problem I just can't seem to fix it. Feels like I've tried everything but wanted to come back to the drawing board and ask you ladies? I'm hoping to give it another week of trying but both DH and I are nearing our wits end. TIA!

Re: created a sleep monster

  • tdmd09tdmd09
    Eighth Anniversary 250 Answers 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Have you tried white noise? Swaddle/sleep sack for bed? A good bedtime routine? Would a bath help?
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  • I still rock her. I enjoy it. Listen to your instincts. Your lo has his whole life to self soothe. You don't have to do it now. I promise, he won't need you to do it when he is 12.
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  • I still rock DD to sleep for naps and nighttime. When she was fully swaddled, sometimes we could put her down awake and she'd fall asleep. Now that we're working on deswaddling [one arm out for now], she pretty much has to be sleeping before we put her down. It kind of sucks, but I'm not going to worry about it yet.
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  • I suspect until DD stops being such a spit up monster, she will continue to be held until she sleeps at night. We have to keep we upright after feedings, and since I feed her right before bed, she's usually out cold before it's time to put her down. And if I try to put her down awake but drowsy for naps, she instantly wakes up when I put her down. She doesn't necessarily get upset about it, but she is content to wiggle and kick so vigorously that she spots up even if it's been awhile since she ate. I will probably try sleep training at some point, but DD isn't usually difficult to get to sleep at this point as long as we put her down before she gets overtired, so for now it just feels like sleep training might make things more difficult.

  • We still rock to sleep for both naps and bedtime. We're in the middle of de-swaddling and LO needs to be totally out before we put her down or her hands immediately go to her face (she likes to rub her eyes when she's sleepy) and wake her up.

    Over the past week, she has gotten better at self-soothing. We started giving her a pacifier when we started de-swaddling. (I know, I know, one crutch for another, but at least this one won't make her smother herself when she rolls over at night...) The pacifier seems to really help her get back to sleep if she wakes up when we put her down or if she wakes at night and isn't hungry. If you haven't tried one and you're not opposed to it, I think it can really help. 


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  • Over the past couple of weeks dd will fall asleep on her own in her swing and has a few times in her bed. Mostly I nurse her to sleep though. Every night she nurses to sleep. Like a pp said , she spits up like crazy. After she eats I hold her upright for a while. If I put her down awake she will spit up right away. If she is really out she is good to go. I feel like she will grow up quickly enough. So I am enjoying this while I can.


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  • image pgros005:
    I still rock her. I enjoy it. Listen to your instincts. Your lo has his whole life to self soothe. You don't have to do it now. I promise, he won't need you to do it when he is 12.

    This.  Babies get big quickly. 


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  • My son was like that. I tried EVERYTHING. Bath every night before bed, white noise, swaddling, swinging, blah blah blah. Nothing. He had zero self soothe ability. 

    I'll be honest, he was a terrible sleeper until he was like 18 months. I think he was around a year when we started making him CIO because nothing else was working. That worked for us, but he would still wake up several times at night.


    I have zero advice. Just wanted to say that I feel for you. I know it's exhausting. *hugs* 

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  • We still rock. For now, 10 minutes of rocking is more effective than letting her try to put herself to sleep with an hour of fussing.
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  • I will say, having a baby that has self-soothed for a couple of weeks now, I miss holding him and rocking him to sleep.  It is sad to me that my holding him only keeps him awake, and that he has to go to sleep on his own.  He woke up hungry at 6am this morning (he usually sleeps until 10 or so), so I got up and fed him and he fell asleep in my arms.  I actually got to rock him for ten minutes before I took him back to bed.  It was really lovely.

    It's hard, I know.  We were where you are now.  And as nice as it is to have a baby who puts himself to sleep, it is equally as...I don't know the word.  Not sad, persay, but a little disappointing, maybe, that he is so independent already.  I do miss holding him when he's asleep and relaxed and completely mine.



  • We still do it. He sleeps on his stomach right now because he started rolling in the swaddle. We went cold turkey put of it and he kept startling awake. Tummy sleeping was the only way any of us slept. We're starting to try him on his back again because he hates being on his stomach. He wakes up and struggles, then screams. On his back, he coos and giggles for awhile before giving us a subtle declaration of his desire to be picked up. He was falling asleep on his own when he was swaddled, though, so hopefully we'll get back to that.

  • I'm there with you.  He was actually better at self-soothing a month ago than he is now.  It's a charming new development that comes with the 4-month wakeful and the development of separation anxiety.  
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  • emd886emd886
    100 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    I still do! My LO has decided he doesnt want to sleep anymore. He starts yelling (not crying just yelling) when he gets tired and he continues to yell as he fights going to sleep until he finally passes out. I can tell when he is close because his yells turn into little moans lol
    Rock and snuggle him while you can, before you know it, he will be too big! Putting mine down while drowsy is still a pipe dream for us too. Its like giving him a shot of caffiene.
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  • We used to hold him to get him to sleep and just this week implemented Ferber method. He actually put himself to sleep in 30 seconds flat the other night. Honestly, it has been liberating to get my arms free. The only problem I had the other day is he was so well rested, he played with his toys all day long and slept on his own, I felt like a neglectful mama. Like I didn't hold him enough. But he was ready for the method, so when you are ready, you will find one that works for you and just go for it. 
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  • image pgros005:
    I still rock her. I enjoy it. Listen to your instincts. Your lo has his whole life to self soothe. You don't have to do it now. I promise, he won't need you to do it when he is 12.


    Typed while DD2 is napping in my lap.  I did this with all of my other babies too and at some point I was able to switch them to their own sleeping space. 

  • I agree with previous posters.... The time goes by so fast, enjoy the moments..my babies have always adjusted to their crib/room. This is my last baby so I try not to even think about her self soothing, etc.....I just love quiet time with her and enjoy every second because I know it's the last time I get these lil' baby snuggles :) 
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