Parenting

DS wants to be a girl (WDPT?)

Yesterday I asked DS what he wanted to be when he grows up. He said "I want to be a girl".

DH and I both think that he says this because he's surrounded by women. DH is the only real constant male in his life.  All the uncles and male cousins are in California where we are from.

However, I had a friend over at the time that he said this. And she asked me if I thought this was just a sign of things to come. We both vehemently believe that people are born with their sexuality, being gay is not a choice, etc... So what if this is him expressing his desire to really be a girl? He does enjoy dress up, "girls" toys, purses, jewelry... But he also really loves bikes and cars and his skateboard and building blocks.  We allow him to dress up in his sister's clothes and play with her more feminine toys.... WDPT?

Let me just say that I want him to be exactly who he is and we will love him no matter what.  I just wondered what y'all think. :)

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Re: DS wants to be a girl (WDPT?)

  • How old is he? Turning 3 right?

    he's just hitting the early side of when kids get that boys and girls are different so it may be nothing more then him realizing he's different from you and his sisters.

    That said I would just not make a big deal either way if he says that just say OK. Same with the toys he plays with/wants let him play/have what he wants (I. Terms of presents, picking at a friends house, etc)

    if it turns out that it is part of who he is then he'll be comfortable coming to you about it and you can go from there, if its just a phase then it'll pass.

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  • image hopecounts:

    How old is he? Turning 3 right?

    he's just hitting the early side of when kids get that boys and girls are different so it may be nothing more then him realizing he's different from you and his sisters.

    That said I would just not make a big deal either way if he says that just say OK. Same with the toys he plays with/wants let him play/have what he wants (I. Terms of presents, picking at a friends house, etc)

    if it turns out that it is part of who he is then he'll be comfortable coming to you about it and you can go from there, if its just a phase then it'll pass.

    Yes, he is 3.

    We definitely didn't make a big deal or question him about it or anything like that. I was a little bit surprised by it, but that passed quickly.  

    Either way, he will know that I love him beyond any measure.   

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  • This is your 3yo that said it?? I do not think for a second that his statement alone is any indication of his sexual orientation. He has sisters, is surrounded by "girl" toys, and has no real grasp what it means for him to become a female. I wouldn't think twice about it to be honest. I agree he is who he is already, no amount of dolls and dress up with his sisters is going to "change" him. :) 

     

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  • SpookoSpooko
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    When DS was that age he consistently would say he wanted to be a mommy when he grew up. After some prompting he said it was because moms get to make all the rules and that mom was more fun than dad (go me!). He didn't see DH a lot at the time because of work schedules, and I SAH with him, so obviously I was preferable in that regard.

    I agree with the belief that people are born with their sexual orientation and that it isn't a choice, etc. But, I also think it's too soon to tell. This could be a stage, it could be a silly outlook like my own DS, or it could be a thing that you look back with 20/20 hindsight. Either way, I wouldn't worry about it. 


  • I think it takes a lot more than a one-time comment to indicate anything clear about a kid's future. Gender identity, job, anything. 

    My DD2 says regularly that she's going to grow up to be Jake the Never Land pirate, and she's worn a pirate scarf 99% of the time since last Halloween. I still don't think it's going to happen. :) 

    I say, "Okay!", smile and nod and I'm indulgent. But most likes and aspirations at this age are not reflective of the future. 


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  • I think it's great that you are understanding and want him to be happy. I would continue doing what you are doing and let him figure out who he is. Saying he wants to be a girl when he is 3 doesn't necessarily mean he is transgendered. I wanted to be a dinosaur when I was 3. NBD.

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  • Meh, he's just exploring different roles like he would play at being a "fire fighter" or a "chef", you know?

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  • At 3 he hasn't even mastered the idea of gender constancy yet, so it isn't possible to have a solid gender identity, whether that be one that is consistent with his sex or transgender.  My response would be one of curiosity.."really DS, what makes you want to be a girl when you grow up" not because I'd be concerned in any way - but more so because at age 3 you want to be encouraging thought development, language and conversation skills etc...  and because the way their minds work sometimes leads to some pretty hilarious comments.
  • Last fall DD told me she wanted a penis and didn't like her vulva. I said I understood and she asked me to fetch her the glue and the tape.

    I'm not too concerned. If she's transgendered, so be it. Meanwhile I suspect she just likes "boy" things like SpiderMan etc, and will be content with being a girl who can do boy or girl things.

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  • You're probably reading a whole lot more into this than is needed.

    DS didn't have any male role models aside from his father who was traveling more than he was home and yet he never had an interest in traditionally girls stuff nor in becoming one. Although for a time, he did want to be a Berkshire Class steam locomotive when he grew up. While it wasn't possible, we would have loved him anyway.

  • I wouldn't put too much stock in a 3 year old's life goals. He'll want to be everything from a blue dog to an evil wizard at some point. It's great that you'll support his lifestyle no matter what it is though.
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  • I definitely agree with PPs. At that age, I told my mom I wanted to be a "motorcycle man with sunglasses." It just seemed cool at the time. I think at one point she did ask me if I was gay, but a simple "No, I like penis" fixed that.

    Just continue to be understanding, and he'll eventually let you know if you're over thinking. And if you're not, he knows he has a super supportive momma!
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  • I honestly don't think that he is old enough to truly want to be a girl.  I have no experience with this but IMO you shouldn't really worry yet.  
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  • image fredalina:
    Last fall DD told me she wanted a penis and didn't like her vulva. I said I understood and she asked me to fetch her the glue and the tape. I'm not too concerned. If she's transgendered, so be it. Meanwhile I suspect she just likes "boy" things like SpiderMan etc, and will be content with being a girl who can do boy or girl things.

    Fred, maybe if she didn't have to call it a vulva she would like it better (just kidding, I couldn't  help it.... but seriously, I can't say vulva with a straight face, does that make me an arse?)

    OP, I agree with the others, don't give it much thought at this point 

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  • ppantsppants
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    Did you ask him why he wants to be a girl? Maybe he thinks "only girls" can do or be x,y, or z.
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  • C tells me he wants to be a mommy and he likes pretending to wear my earrings and he tries to sneak off and play with my makeup. I have pics of him with my earrings and silver high heeled shoes and a purse. But I don't think that has anything to do with his sexuality at this age. He will develop that over time, as well as his gender association or whatever. And he will be loved as he is, because its pretty much all the same to me.

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  • image wife07mom09:
    I agree it is nothing but it is a good time to explain that God makes boys and girls and each one is special and nothing he could do can change God's design.


    Um, what?


  • image wife07mom09:
    I agree it is nothing but it is a good time to explain that God makes boys and girls and each one is special and nothing he could do can change God's design.

    Come again?? 

    Anyway, I wanted to be a boy really bad at a much later age, like 8, 9. I'm currently a straight female. It could mean something or it could mean nothing, but I'd say it's too early to tell. Def don't say the thing above about God's design, though, please. 

      




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  • image wife07mom09:
    image Little Jerry:

    image wife07mom09:
    I agree it is nothing but it is a good time to explain that God makes boys and girls and each one is special and nothing he could do can change God's design.

    Come again??&nbsp;

    Anyway, I wanted to be a boy really bad at a much later age, like 8, 9. I'm currently a straight female. It could mean something or it could mean nothing, but I'd say it's too early to tell. Def don't say the thing above about God's design, though, please.&nbsp;

    &nbsp;&nbsp;

    &nbsp;

    why not? &nbsp;God DID design/make us male and female, very different for a reason. be proud of that&nbsp;

    So... Transgendered people don't exist.

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  • image wife07mom09:
    image Little Jerry:

    image wife07mom09:
    I agree it is nothing but it is a good time to explain that God makes boys and girls and each one is special and nothing he could do can change God's design.

    Come again??&nbsp;

    Anyway, I wanted to be a boy really bad at a much later age, like 8, 9. I'm currently a straight female. It could mean something or it could mean nothing, but I'd say it's too early to tell. Def don't say the thing above about God's design, though, please.&nbsp;

    &nbsp;&nbsp;

    &nbsp;

    why not? &nbsp;God DID design/make us male and female, very different for a reason. be proud of that&nbsp;


    You sound fun.


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  • This just goes to show that I watch too much daytime TV, but Ricky Lake had a show on transgendered kids last week.  It would be worth watching in the event that your son is serious about wanting to be a girl, if you can find that particular episode online.  I agree with the PPs, however, that it also may mean nothing... But it doesn't hurt to be prepared!

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  • image wife07mom09:
    image Little Jerry:

    image wife07mom09:
    I agree it is nothing but it is a good time to explain that God makes boys and girls and each one is special and nothing he could do can change God's design.

    Come again?? 

    Anyway, I wanted to be a boy really bad at a much later age, like 8, 9. I'm currently a straight female. It could mean something or it could mean nothing, but I'd say it's too early to tell. Def don't say the thing above about God's design, though, please. 

      

     

    why not?  God DID design/make us male and female, very different for a reason. be proud of that 

    Well, God screwed up then cause my perfect partner would have boobs and peen.

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  • image wife07mom09:
    image Little Jerry:

    image wife07mom09:
    I agree it is nothing but it is a good time to explain that God makes boys and girls and each one is special and nothing he could do can change God's design.

    Come again?? 

    Anyway, I wanted to be a boy really bad at a much later age, like 8, 9. I'm currently a straight female. It could mean something or it could mean nothing, but I'd say it's too early to tell. Def don't say the thing above about God's design, though, please. 

      

     

    why not?  God DID design/make us male and female, very different for a reason. be proud of that 

    It's nice to be reminded why I'm an atheist every now and then.  

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  • image wife07mom09:
    I agree it is nothing but it is a good time to explain that God makes boys and girls and each one is special and nothing he could do can change God's design.

    You don't even know if the OP believes in god. This is a bold assumption.  

    Plus, transgendered people already identify as the other sex, so if you believe in god then technically he made them like that.

    And of course you can change your sex. Hormone treatments, for one.  

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  • image justAphase:
    image wife07mom09:
    image Little Jerry:

    image wife07mom09:
    I agree it is nothing but it is a good time to explain that God makes boys and girls and each one is special and nothing he could do can change God's design.

    Come again??&nbsp;

    Anyway, I wanted to be a boy really bad at a much later age, like 8, 9. I'm currently a straight female. It could mean something or it could mean nothing, but I'd say it's too early to tell. Def don't say the thing above about God's design, though, please.&nbsp;

    &nbsp;&nbsp;

    &nbsp;

    why not? &nbsp;God DID design/make us male and female, very different for a reason. be proud of that&nbsp;

    It's nice to be reminded why I'm an atheist every now and then. &nbsp;


    IKR?! Wife07mom, where'd ya go?


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  • image wife07mom09:
    I agree it is nothing but it is a good time to explain that God makes boys and girls and each one is special and nothing he could do can change God's design.


    LOLz.

    Please also explain that God constructed rigid gender rules too and that the fluidity of modern understandings of gender IS THE WHISPER IN OUR EARS FROM SATAN.



    Seriously though OP: Each of my children has expressed a desire early in their days of being a different gender. It's OK.
  • I wouldn't worry about it put a label on a 3-year-old for a comment like this.  It doesn't mean anything at all.
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  • Wife07... Onto the post-it you go. 
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  • Thank you for all of your responses. 

    I'm certainly not worried about it and for the record, I do not believe in God, and I will not be telling my 3 year old that he cannot do anything to change his physical appearance to reflect how he feels on the inside. I love my son. I will not make him feel as though he isn't allowed to be who he is. So Wife07, thanks, but no fuckkings thanks.  

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  • image blowfish11:

    Thank you for all of your responses. 

    I'm certainly not worried about it and for the record, I do not believe in God, and I will not be telling my 3 year old that he cannot do anything to change his physical appearance to reflect how he feels on the inside. I love my son. I will not make him feel as though he isn't allowed to be who he is. So Wife07, thanks, but no fuckkings thanks.  

    bravo...

    Wife07 has a boner for a brain... At least this thread uncovered that

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