Parenting

Is this odd?

I guess I am on a vent roll today...

I purchased a new car recently, I had been driving my beater for a very long time and I finally wanted to do something nice for myself so I bought myself a car. 

DS is watched by a friend of the family.  I pay her about $500 a month (more than what she initially asked for and all in cash) full time (M-F 8to5:30).  I feel very uncomfortable about telling her about the car or even letting her see it.  I have been parking it on the street and not in her drive way like I normally do when I drop DS off.  I guess I am worried that she will think I should be paying her more if I could afford to get a new car? 

Is this all in my head, or is this a normal thing?  I guess I feel bad because I don't pay her very much at all to handle a baby/toddler.  Should I get over it?

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Re: Is this odd?

  • I'd be uncomfortable, too, but that's because my MIL watches DD and at every turn talks about how she's doing us a favor by watching her so cheap, etc, and is really really money-motivated.
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  • I think you need to get over it. It's odd you are trying to hide it.

    Can you give her a bit of a raise? You pay 500 a month... Does she watch other kids or have another job?


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  • Don't feel uncomfortable. You are allowed to buy nice things and still pay someone your previously agreed upon price. I barely pay DS's DCP (center) more than you're paying your DCP each month, and I wouldn't think twice about rolling up in my new car.
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  • AZ123AZ123
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    I'd be uncomfortable too. You pay her less than $3 per hour to watch your child so yes, I would feel weird about it. If you like her, maybe buy her a $50 gift card somewhere with a card and then start parking in the driveway.
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  • They are very good people and not driven by money, but I cannot help but to feel guilty that I *could* be paying her more.  She initially asked for 80/week to watch him.  I said that was way too little and have been paying her more from the get go.  I just don't want the thought to cross her mind that I could have afforded to be paying her more all along.  Sad  I really hope to get over this feeling.  I am really enjoying the car and I don't want to have anxiety about it. 
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  • image AZ123:
    I'd be uncomfortable too. You pay her less than $3 per hour to watch your child so yes, I would feel weird about it. If you like her, maybe buy her a $50 gift card somewhere with a card and then start parking in the driveway.

    She doesn't work, but watches her grandchildren (2 other kids) while DS is there.  She told me she is only doing this for me and as a "favor" to me. 

     

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  • Stop hiding it. If you want to give her a raise, do it - or open up the discussion. 

    In some ways, she's not taking on as much risk as she would watching a stranger's child. You're less likely to sue her should something happen while she's watching your kid. At least, I assume that to be the case... 

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  • I think you are being a little silly, imho. 

    You have a new car- so what? It isn't like you are being carried through the slums in a sedan by your servants and showing off your riches. 

    People buy new cars every day. It isn't a big deal. For all she knows you took out a 72 month loan and are paying 15% interest and screwed yourself. In addition to buying cars every day, people also buy cars they can't afford every day.  

    You pay her for a service. She provides the service. The end.  

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  • image RondackHiker:
    I think you need to get over it. It's odd you are trying to hide it. Can you give her a bit of a raise? You pay 500 a month... Does she watch other kids or have another job?

    Agree with Rondack.

    What kind of car did you get?  Are we talking about something nice but practical or are you rolling around in a Bentley?

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  • image HilarityEnsued:

    image RondackHiker:
    I think you need to get over it. It's odd you are trying to hide it. Can you give her a bit of a raise? You pay 500 a month... Does she watch other kids or have another job?

    Agree with Rondack.

    What kind of car did you get?  Are we talking about something nice but practical or are you rolling around in a Bentley?

    Nice, new and practical.  It isn't a Bentley. 

    This is my first new car.  I feel very self-conscious about it because I do not want to flaunt. 

    Sorry, I am weird. 

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  • If you want to give her a raise, do so. 

    I think you are being really silly about the car.  I wouldn't even notice a new car, unless you bought a pink Lamborghini.

     

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  • Get over it. It's weird. If she had been asking for more money and you told her you couldn't afford it, then maybe.

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  • To make it known, the family friend is not rich by any means.  She drives a very old and beat up car as well.  But, it does not seem like she is hurting for money. 

    DH tells me to get over it and that I am paying her more than she asked for.  I just cannot help but feel she was asking for such a small amount because she felt bad for me.  Daycare facilities out here for an infant run in upwards of $1,500+ per month. 

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  • image Holls2011:
    image HilarityEnsued:

    image RondackHiker:
    I think you need to get over it. It's odd you are trying to hide it. Can you give her a bit of a raise? You pay 500 a month... Does she watch other kids or have another job?

    Agree with Rondack.

    What kind of car did you get?  Are we talking about something nice but practical or are you rolling around in a Bentley?

    Nice, new and practical.  It isn't a Bentley. 

    This is my first new car.  I feel very self-conscious about it because I do not want to flaunt. 

    Sorry, I am weird. 

    Ok well since I don't know you IRL can you tell me what kind of car?  Now I'm curious.

    I drive a Hyundai Santa Fe and DH drives a Honda Accord if we're sharing...

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  • image HilarityEnsued:
    image Holls2011:
    image HilarityEnsued:

    image RondackHiker:
    I think you need to get over it. It's odd you are trying to hide it. Can you give her a bit of a raise? You pay 500 a month... Does she watch other kids or have another job?

    Agree with Rondack.

    What kind of car did you get?  Are we talking about something nice but practical or are you rolling around in a Bentley?

    Nice, new and practical.  It isn't a Bentley. 

    This is my first new car.  I feel very self-conscious about it because I do not want to flaunt. 

    Sorry, I am weird. 

    Ok well since I don't know you IRL can you tell me what kind of car?  Now I'm curious.

    I drive a Hyundai Santa Fe and DH drives a Honda Accord if we're sharing...

    Stop showing off. 

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  • image RockyTopVols:
    image HilarityEnsued:

    I drive a Hyundai Santa Fe and DH drives a Honda Accord if we're sharing...

    Stop showing off. 

    These are very flashy automobiles.  

    I might go real out of control with my next one and get a minivan... 

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  • I agree with PPs here. I'm not seeing why you'd feel the need to hide your new car from her. You're paying her more than she originally asked for and it doesn't seem like she's implied that she wants a raise at all. If you feel you should be paying her more, then do so. If not, leave it be. Either way, this has no bearing on your puchase of a new vehicle.
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  • I wish I could find someone to watch DDs for that kind of money.

    Our "nanny" was getting $10/hr with just DD1. When we added DD2, I insisted on paying her $15/hr because there was another kid. So, when DDs aren't in DC over a holiday or whatever, that costs us $135/day. She ends up making more tax free than I do. You both agreed on the price, and she is watching other children, so if you feel chintzy then give her more money. If not, then own it and drive your car.

    Of course, the "nanny" also cleans while she is there, so there's that. She is worth her weight in gold.

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  • image HilarityEnsued:
    image RockyTopVols:
    image HilarityEnsued:

    I drive a Hyundai Santa Fe and DH drives a Honda Accord if we're sharing...

    Stop showing off. 

    These are very flashy automobiles.  

    I might go real out of control with my next one and get a minivan... 

    You might as well stop being a woman if you get a minivan. I speak from experience.

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  • My minivan will be one of the following:

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  • image acaudill75:
     So, when DDs aren't in DC over a holiday or whatever, that costs us $135/day. She ends up making more tax free than I do.

    How does your nanny make $135/day tax free? 

    Not only is your tax-free nanny not paying income tax, you are not paying employer taxes such unemployment tax, social security, and medicare.

    Here is a decent article: http://www.babycenter.com/0_legal-requirements-for-employing-a-nanny_5946.bc and another http://www.sittercity.com/article/nannytaxes.html

    Hope the IRS never audits you. Not only could your nanny owe back taxes, so could you.  

    I am sure you are aware of this however since you have a nanny and you did your due diligence. :)

    Also, I don't know what you mean by "nanny" with the quotes- but if she works in your home and you control her work (i.e, watch your kids) she is considered a household employee and is in fact a legitimate nanny.

    I won't tell. :)  

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  • image Helenahhandbasket:

    If you want to give her a raise, do so. 

    I think you are being really silly about the car.  I wouldn't even notice a new car, unless you bought a pink Lamborghini.

     

    Yep, this. 

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  • image RockyTopVols:

    image acaudill75:
     So, when DDs aren't in DC over a holiday or whatever, that costs us $135/day. She ends up making more tax free than I do.

    How does your nanny make $135/day tax free? 

    Not only is your tax-free nanny not paying income tax, you are not paying employer taxes such unemployment tax, social security, and medicare.

    Here is a decent article: http://www.babycenter.com/0_legal-requirements-for-employing-a-nanny_5946.bc and another http://www.sittercity.com/article/nannytaxes.html

    Hope the IRS never audits you. Not only could your nanny owe back taxes, so could you.  

    I am sure you are aware of this however since you have a nanny and you did your due diligence. :)

    Also, I don't know what you mean by "nanny" with the quotes- but if she works in your home and you control her work (i.e, watch your kids) she is considered a household employee and is in fact a legitimate nanny.

    I won't tell. :)  

    DD1 calls her nanny. She watches the girls when they aren't in DC due to a holiday. I assume she doesn't pay taxes but maybe she does. If the IRS wants to audit me, then I guess I am up sh*ts creek, but I don't know nothin bout employer biz.

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  • image Holls2011:
    image HilarityEnsued:

    image RondackHiker:
    I think you need to get over it. It's odd you are trying to hide it. Can you give her a bit of a raise? You pay 500 a month... Does she watch other kids or have another job?

    Agree with Rondack.

    What kind of car did you get?  Are we talking about something nice but practical or are you rolling around in a Bentley?

    Nice, new and practical.  It isn't a Bentley. 

    This is my first new car.  I feel very self-conscious about it because I do not want to flaunt. 

    Sorry, I am weird. 

    I don't know how you grew up but my parents never had brand new cars.  It seems like a luxury to me to have a new car - whether it's a "cheap" new car or whether it's more expensive, it's still brand spanking new. 

    I can relate to what you are saying but she has responsibility in this too.  She asked for a price and you're paying her more.  If you walked in to a store and someone said - I'll sell you this real Coach bag for $50 - would you pay them more or would you say - wow awesome deal!?  I know it's totally different b/c it's your kid.  We only pay $185/week which is a bargain in our high COL area.  But it's her business and that is what she charges.

    Why not give her a really nice bonus at holiday time?

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  • image BeachBum73:
    image Holls2011:
    image HilarityEnsued:

    image RondackHiker:
    I think you need to get over it. It's odd you are trying to hide it. Can you give her a bit of a raise? You pay 500 a month... Does she watch other kids or have another job?

    Agree with Rondack.

    What kind of car did you get?  Are we talking about something nice but practical or are you rolling around in a Bentley?

    Nice, new and practical.  It isn't a Bentley. 

    This is my first new car.  I feel very self-conscious about it because I do not want to flaunt. 

    Sorry, I am weird. 

    I don't know how you grew up but my parents never had brand new cars.  It seems like a luxury to me to have a new car - whether it's a "cheap" new car or whether it's more expensive, it's still brand spanking new. 

    I can relate to what you are saying but she has responsibility in this too.  She asked for a price and you're paying her more.  If you walked in to a store and someone said - I'll sell you this real Coach bag for $50 - would you pay them more or would you say - wow awesome deal!?  I know it's totally different b/c it's your kid.  We only pay $185/week which is a bargain in our high COL area.  But it's her business and that is what she charges.

    Why not give her a really nice bonus at holiday time?

    I grew up in a home with 5 other siblings and 1 semi-working broken down station wagon.  This is my first new car and it makes me feel uncomfortable in general, not just around my babysitter.  I am trying to come to terms with the fact that it was not only something that I wanted and needed, it was something that was long coming and much deserved. 

    I gave her a nice Christmas bonus this year.  She is a wonderful woman that didn't have to help me, but did out of the kindness of her heart. 

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  • image Holls2011:
    image BeachBum73:
    image Holls2011:
    image HilarityEnsued:

    image RondackHiker:
    I think you need to get over it. It's odd you are trying to hide it. Can you give her a bit of a raise? You pay 500 a month... Does she watch other kids or have another job?

    Agree with Rondack.

    What kind of car did you get?  Are we talking about something nice but practical or are you rolling around in a Bentley?

    Nice, new and practical.  It isn't a Bentley. 

    This is my first new car.  I feel very self-conscious about it because I do not want to flaunt. 

    Sorry, I am weird. 

    I don't know how you grew up but my parents never had brand new cars.  It seems like a luxury to me to have a new car - whether it's a "cheap" new car or whether it's more expensive, it's still brand spanking new. 

    I can relate to what you are saying but she has responsibility in this too.  She asked for a price and you're paying her more.  If you walked in to a store and someone said - I'll sell you this real Coach bag for $50 - would you pay them more or would you say - wow awesome deal!?  I know it's totally different b/c it's your kid.  We only pay $185/week which is a bargain in our high COL area.  But it's her business and that is what she charges.

    Why not give her a really nice bonus at holiday time?

    I grew up in a home with 5 other siblings and 1 semi-working broken down station wagon.  This is my first new car and it makes me feel uncomfortable in general, not just around my babysitter.  I am trying to come to terms with the fact that it was not only something that I wanted and needed, it was something that was long coming and much deserved. 

    I gave her a nice Christmas bonus this year.  She is a wonderful woman that didn't have to help me, but did out of the kindness of her heart. 

    She sounds like a really sweet lady.  And you totally deserve a new car!  I'm sure you'll come around :)

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  • image ItsAllGravy7:
    Me thinks the IRS might be a little busy right now anyway, lol. No worries.

    LOL zinga!!! 

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  • $500 is what I pay to per month to put DD in daycare/preschool full time (8-9 hours a day).  If she feels she is underpaid she should speak up, especially if you are paying her more than she asked.  
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