December 2013 Moms

FTM worries and how to deal?

This might deserve an AW title. I don't know. It's really bugging me though, and I'm hoping others have advice for how to deal.  

I heard the heartbeat on Tuesday, and subsequently spent Tuesday night lying in bed, unable to sleep, stressing about whether I'll be a good mother (seriously). 

I've always wanted to have children, but I'm not sure how well I will handle infancy, when they require all of my attention and more. I've always been very attached to my personal time and space, and I go nutso stir-crazy when I don't get it.

I know I will fare better when they're 2 and beyond, but it's the 18-24 months leading up to it that's terrifying me.

How to handle it?


BabyFruit Ticker

Re: FTM worries and how to deal?

  • I bet you'll surprise yourself. Sure, parts of it are really tough but you're going to love that kiddo so much that you'll adapt and get through it.
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  • Some people just aren't meant to be parents. Those people don't worry about how good of a parent they'll be. Since you are I'd take it as a good sign that you'll be fine. The baby will get here and you'll just do it. It's amazing. My sister felt like this when she had my nephew and when he arrived, all the worry and doubt went away. She just became a mother to this tiny little boy. It was amazing to watch. I bet you'll be great.
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  • That worry is totally normal. You and your baby will grow and learn together. You'll be surprised how you just do what needs to be done. You'll have so much love for that little one. You'll do great.
  • I am very similar to you re: needing my personal time.  I stayed home with DS for the first 7 months, and there were days when it was difficult for sure.  However, I expressed this to DH and we worked out a system where when he would get home from work, I would get 20-30 minutes to myself just to decompress, read, shower, whatever.  Just that short period of time was enough for me to feel like I had my "me" time for the day.  We still do that now (I stay home with DS 2 days/week).  I absolutely adore my time with my son, but that doesn't change the fact that I am also my own person with needs too.  Yes, you put aside some of those needs when you become a mom (I wanted WAY more than 20 minutes of personal time/day before he was born!  But now I see 20 mins as a luxury), but you can't forget yourself completely either...that's not healthy.

    I don't think this makes you a bad mom.  Every mom has to figure out little ways to keep herself sane.  (And honestly--I find the "me" time harder to grasp now during toddlerhood!  He is into everything and rarely slows down...infancy, at least he would nap a lot and I could relax for small periods throughout the day.  Haha.) 

    -DS #1 due 7/1/11, born 7/7/11
    -m/c Feb 2013 at 4w6d
    -DS #2 due 12/24/13, born 12/11/13
  • All of your comments are very reassuring and I feel a little better. I have been so stressed out and worried...it really surprised me how suddenly the fear dropped on my head and would. not. leave. I'm guessing that hearing the heartbeat made it 'real' in a way that the BFP  (and symptoms) had not...I'm not sure.

     

     

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Sometimes it's totally hard but that's why you ask and accept help. You also make the time for yourself. If DH is off or home say I'm going out to the store for a bit or I'm going for a pedicure. It helps keep you sane. Just be honest and say I need an hour of me time.
  • sonrisasonrisa
    Tenth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    member

    This is completely natural. Anyone who goes blithely through pregnancy without these or other worries isn't really thinking.

    Parts will be hard; parts will be insane; parts will be easer than you think; and parts will be wonderful. Something in the next 18 months (pregnancy, birth, newborn or nursing) will be incredibly hard and almost break you. But you will survive. And you will love your child in such a deep way that it will make it both worse and worth it. You can do it.

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