Parenting

We're becoming our parents

Since we're talking ear piercing and all that, it made me think of the rules that my parents had that as a kid, I thought were ridiculous.  Now keep in mind, my parents were practically geriatric when they had me (seriously, as a family we could order off the senior menu and kids menu at the same time) - so some of their rules were pretty old fashioned.

But now that I have kids, I find myself implementing some of them myself.

Aside from the obvious rules, what were some of the "bogus" rules that your parents had that you have surprised yourself by implementing as well?

Background: Dx with PCOS 11/08. IUI #1 w/follitsim and trigger = B/G Twins, born 8/09 at 33 weeks. TTC #3. Round 2 of Letrozole and TI. BFP Due June 7, 2013 Diagnosed with missed miscarriage 10/30/2012 at 8 1/2 wks.

Re: We're becoming our parents

  • Here are some of mine:

    - Talk shows are banned from our TV (Not "Ellen" or things of that nature, but nothing Springer like)

    - Hats off at the dinner table, or really once you enter someone's home.

    - No piercings or tattoos allowed until you're financially supporting yourself  (other than DD will be allowed her ears pierced, once, when she's old enough to take care of them).  Once it's on your dime, express yourself however you want.

     - If you want use of a vehicle, you'd better have a job to pay for your own gas. Exception if you're in an after school activity or sport, but come summer you'll be working.  (DH and I will argue over this as he sees no need for sports and would get them their work permit at 5 if he could)

    - No dating until 16

    So do I sound like a prude yet?

    Background: Dx with PCOS 11/08. IUI #1 w/follitsim and trigger = B/G Twins, born 8/09 at 33 weeks. TTC #3. Round 2 of Letrozole and TI. BFP Due June 7, 2013 Diagnosed with missed miscarriage 10/30/2012 at 8 1/2 wks.
  • image Bearfootz:
    Since we're talking ear piercing and all that, it made me think of the rules that my parents had that as a kid, I thought were ridiculous.nbsp; Now keep in mind, my parents were practically geriatric when they had me seriously, as a family we could order off the senior menu and kids menu at the same time so some of their rules were pretty old fashioned.
    But now that I have kids, I find myself implementing some of them myself.
    Aside from the obvious rules, what were some of the "bogus" rules that your parents had that you have surprised yourself by implementing as well?


    I can totally relate to this. I am the youngest of three. My siblings are 10 and 11 years older than I am. I'm about to be 28 and my sister is about to turn 38, my brother turned 39 in October.

    My dad was very old fashioned with rules. The weirdest one was not doing homework at the kitchen table. Honework was to be done at a desk, since it was serious work.

    Also, I had to be on the family schedule as a teenager. As in, I couldn't work a night waitressing job during the summer at 16 or 17 because that's not a normal work schedule. Therefore, I woke up at 6 am everyday and worked at a breakfast restaurant. At 16 it sucked.

    Also, no phone calls past 8 and an early curfew, even when I came home from college for the summers.

    Man, I'm happy to be an adult..haha. But my parents did do an awesome job so my little complaints are just that, little complaints.

    ETA early curfew, not phone calls when I came home from college for summers
    image
  • No red nail polish.I thought it was ridiculous when I was a kid, but now that I have daughters I agree that it's too grown up.

    No dating until 15.

    "Man, be creative. Like the stuff you do. Do nice things. Love respectfully. Laugh a fucking lot. Curse when you feel like it. Life is cool." - Jean Grae

    image image
    M (3/9/02) and E (2/28/12)

    image

  • image SunnyDays26:
    But my parents did do an awesome job so my little complaints are just that, little complaints.

    Same here.  There are still a few that make me scratch my head, but overall I think they did a good job instilling some values.

    My phone calls were limited to 7 minutes, mainly because dad had a business that used the same line.  If I went over, he'd pick up the phone and join the conversation. I plan to hold out on cell phones for the kids for as long as I possibly can.

    Background: Dx with PCOS 11/08. IUI #1 w/follitsim and trigger = B/G Twins, born 8/09 at 33 weeks. TTC #3. Round 2 of Letrozole and TI. BFP Due June 7, 2013 Diagnosed with missed miscarriage 10/30/2012 at 8 1/2 wks.
  • We had to wash the car once a week or we couldn't drive it. There were also random times when "the car needed to rest". It also had to be home by 9pm.  We didn't though, so there many nights my sister and I would be out, drive home to drop the car off at 9 and then a friend would pick us up and we could go back out.  
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  • I can relate.  Here are a few from my dad that I thought were silly or did not understand why he was sooo insistent upon (FYI--he was a cop):

    -"Back-loading" the dishwasher and never leaving dishes in the sink.  DH drives me nuts will his inability to do either.

    -The car does not move unless seat belts are fastened, and it does not matter if you are in the backseat, you will still buckle up.  DH also thinks I'm over the top with this one with him.

     -Locking doors and windows--do it, all the time whether we are home or not. 

     

  • Ifeel like I'm the opposite here.  

    You know, my parents weren't much for actual rules - I was never grounded and I swear it was a real source of issues for me growing up and learning the hard way that no, the world did not revolve around me. And no, you don't always get your way. There was no real security in knowing they were in charge and I felt like I was in charge.

    I practice a "firm but fair" approach with my DD - and amazingly, she responds to those boundaries and limits well. I actually watch this in place when my parents are witness to a typical toddler tantrum and me saying No and there being consequences to undesirable behavior. They are so thrown into a tizzy by a toddler meltdown that my mother immediately resorts to (undermining me) with placating DD - and I'll insist no, I said that was not what was going to happen next if she kept up with XYZ behavior.

    It has been very eye opening. I'm getting a glimpse into how I was probably reacted to in the very early years and it explains a lot.

    Big Sister - April 2011

    Little Brother - June 2013

  • My mom had MTV blocked on our TV.  We were not allowed to watch it.  Also, nothing PG-13. 

     We had to be showered by 8pm and in bed by 9pm.  If we had a good report card, we were able to stay up late (until 10pm) one night a week - my sister and I watch ER on Thursdays, so we stayed up on that night.

    Homework had to be done as soon as we got home.

    When we were grounded - we had extra chores.  No tv, radio, etc.

    When I started working, my dad was sick and unable to work, so I only got $50 out of my check and the rest my mom took to help with other bills.

     


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  • No makeup before middle school.  I might try to push it even farther than that.  

    No one on one dating before 15 or 16.  As in no going somewhere alone with a boy that can actually pick you up in a car and take you out.  Going out with friends of both sexes to a movie will be ok.   

    This won't be a rule, but I will encourage her to not have a "boyfriend" in HS.  I learned the hard way what an unnecessary distraction a relationship in HS can be.  I wish I had spent more time with friends just having fun than investing so much time in a boy.  FYI, he wasn't my DH.  I met him in college.  For those that married their HS sweethearts, no offense intended.

    She won't have her own car like I did.  It's unnecessary and I don't want to put that level of responsibility on her.  I'll let her borrow our cars.  My parents just got us cars so they wouldn't have to drive us around and they didn't want us driving their precious cars.  They were way to into their cars.

    I don't know if I want her to have a part time job in HS.  Summer jobs are good, but during the school year, I want her to focus on school work and whatever extracurriculars she's into.  Also, I met all my college-aged friends at work (while I was in HS) and they were happy to take me to college parties etc...  Not something I really want her to have access to so easily.

    I think in a lot of ways I'll be more strict than my parents were which is weird.  

     

    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

    "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
  • image CTGirl30:

    It has been very eye opening. I'm getting a glimpse into how I was probably reacted to in the very early years and it explains a lot.

    I find that fascinating.  Similarly, my parents never really enforced rules, per se.  I think they had expectations, and because my brother and I met those expectations, we were never given hard-and-fast rules or groundings.

    Also, my father is the definition of a narcissist (I posted about it here just a few days ago), and I think the family unit was so focused on HIM being the centre of the universe all the time (he'd have it no other way), that rules for us kids were an after-thought.  

    They're really lucky my brother and I were such good kids, actually.  We didn't need much in the way of parenting.  I credit TV shows and occasional issues of Seventeen magazine with teaching me much of what my parents should have taught me, actually!

    I'm using my experience as a basis for how we'll raise DD (in other words, totally the opposite of how I was raised).  There will absolutely be boundaries and limits placed, and we'll be very upfront with her about why that is.

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