Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Feeling OLD

I never expected I'd feel this way, but since DDs arrival I feel like I've aged 10 years.  At 30, we are still only the second couple in our social circle to have a baby... so it's not like we were slow off the mark in relation to our friends.

In theory, the possibility of a second child was always there, but only 10 weeks in to our experience as first time parents, and I'm thinking, "I feel too old to go through all this a second time!".

Physically, I don't feel like myself again yet.  I hurt all over from where I had to overcompensate for my ouchy nether regions when getting up or sitting down those first few weeks (I've had a preview of what it's going to be like when I'm 80 - and me no likey).  I also feel perpetually sleep-deprived.

At this point I just can't imagine going through pregnancy and labour and the (very) newborn stage all over again, especially with the added presence of DD who would likely be toddler-age.

Does anyone else feel this way, and do you think this feeling of physical exhaustion and being "old" will eventually go away long enough to conceive a second baby?  I'm wondering if how I currently feel is going to end-up determining whether or not DH and I are "one and done".  Hrm...

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Re: Feeling OLD

  • We are one of the first of our friends to have 2 kids now.  I wouldn't say I feel old - I feel like they are all behind!  I was 29 with DS#1 and 32 now.  Yes, the newborn stage is hard, but it can only get easier, right?  And baby#2 *is* actually easier than #1 (for me anyway).  But it is definitely harder to have 2 than 1.

    I always thought I would have been happy with only 1, and did not plan to use any fertility drugs to have more (I did with DS#1), but we got pregnant naturally this time.  Even 3 weeks into having 2 kids, I am SO happy we had another.  I am so excited about the two of them having each other, and I think our family will be twice as fun now.

    DH was a surprise baby when his sisters were both in high school.  His parents say having another at that time of their lives actually kept them young! 

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  • DH and I have always talked about wanting 2 kids. We're FTP and I'm 35, he's 41. Talk about old :P  I had a tough third trimester, and things were really tough the first 4 weeks PP. During that time, I didn't know how I could possibly go through it again. I take care of DD by myself while DH works. She's almost 14 lbs and my body hurts every day from carrying her around. I also cannot imagine staying sane if I had a toddler. And yet I have just recently started thinking about when to have a second child. A voice inside me keeps asking, "Are you crazy?!" But I would really like for DD to have a sibling. It's too soon for us to decide right now, but it looks like it's going to be my decision.
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  • My husband wants more kids, he talks about 5.. I say perhaps one more..lol. Funny since we both came into the relationship not wanting kids at all. I am 25, my husband is 34, so I don't know with his age if he will want five kids. Although his mother and father had two boys in their mid 40s.
     
     
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  • I feel the EXACT same way as you.  I'm 28 and H is 30.  I think we've aged 10 years.  H talks about having another LO already and DD is only 4 weeks old.  I'm still recovering from a 3rd-4th degree which is going much worse than I ever thought.  I told H that we might be one and done since pregnancy was hard, recovery sucks, and the lack of sleep with a newborn doesn't agree with me.  Haha.  Everyone says it gets easier and you'll soon forget the first couple of months...and recovery.  But seriously, I'm with you on feeling like I've aged many, many years and one child might be just fine with me.

     

    ***Lauren*** Married my Love 07.12.08 - Baby #1 (Girl)-Cystic Hygroma & Turner's Syndrome-D&C at 13 weeks 03.29.12
  • SagenSagen
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    I had a baby at 21, 23,25 and 29 I am 30 now. I don't know if it is age or the number of kids but I felt great after my other kids. It has taken me longer to feel physically back this time, and I am more tired! It is getting better though, I think you will feel better soon too.
     
    Mom to 4 cute kids! 9 yo girl 7 yo boy 5 yo boy and new baby boy!
  • JSS1002JSS1002
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    I'd love to tell y'all it gets easier, but at 35 and 36, DH and I are one of the last in our circle to have a baby and I feel like I"ve also aged 10 years.  exhausted, my joints ache, etc.  We want another, and we'll probbaly do it, but we sure won't wait long because I'm not sure my body will be able to take it!
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  • Quite a mixed bag of of responses, but it's nice to hear about everyone's experiences.  I'm glad I'm not the only one to feel this way (+1 on the achy joints) but I also now have some hope for the future.  

    Maybe I'll be like some of you in that the first one is the hardest to recover from, and subsequent babies will be a breeze.  One can always hope, I suppose!

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  • AnneleaAnnelea
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    We are 36 and just had our first child in March. I really felt old when we got graduation announcements from a couple of our friends children! We are also not sure about number two now, our little guy wears me out now!  Can't imagine the fatigue of pregnancy while keeping up with LO! 
  • I was just telling my sister the exact same thing! This is my 1st child at 34 and my baby (8weeks old) is kicking my butt. I knew sleep schedules would be off but dang! My lil girl sleeps hard during the day and super light at night. 

     My face is dry, sweatpants and tee shirt has become my "going out" outfit lol I just keel rubbing my temples saying... This is only temporary right???

     I definitely wanted to have a sibling for my child. But the thought of going thru the newborn stage with a toddler has me reconsidering. At my age I would need to try within a year or two. My sister has 5 kids the oldest being ten and the youngest a year old I joke that they can be her playmates so my baby wouldn't feel alone.

    We will see what happens...but I totally relate to what your saying. 

     

  • I am 35 with my second amd on a daily basis I think how much easier this would be if I were 10 years younger. Thank goodness my 1st still naps so I have a chance to rest briefly suring the day or I would definitely be running out of steam by 4:00. My patience is very thin by the time bath and bed time roll around.
  • When I had a newborn the thought of being pregnant and giving birth again gave me fits of maniacal laughter.  I felt old, decrepit and beat the heck up.  Now that my kid is almost 2, I can't wait to feel baby kicks and get newborn snuggles again.
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  • I'm 37 and just had my first 12 and a half weeks ago. I knew when I was miserably pregnant that we were one and done. Prior to the baby, we had a very active social life. I also had a very active gym life and a full time job. I have none of that at the moment. This pregnancy was a surprise for DH and I as we were going to be that couple with just nieces and nephews.We were married for 16 years before I became pregnant so we were pretty much set in our own ways. We liked being the aunt and uncle to all the kids in the family. Well now we're parents while I have some friends whose kids are currently attending prom.

    That being said we absolutely adore our LO. He is such a little blessing and we are glad we had him. Buuuut....we are definitely one and done. Parenthood is no freaking joke and add another level to motherhood. 

    When will we get our old lifestyle back?  When we are 54 and 55. By that time, I hope we can still get that old energy we used to have.  ;-)

  • UberBizUberBiz
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    I had DD when I was 23 and bounced back very quickly and I don't remember being tired or feeling old then... Now at 31, my goodness, I feel like I'm 65. Tired, achy, lack of energy... I told FI (he's 27) that if he wanted more kids, we'd have to wait a couple years to see how I felt! I definitely want to be done by the time I'm 35, but after that, shop's closed. I don't think I could do the tiny infant thing again!
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  • Feeling the same way here. I'll be 32 this summer. Even before having LO I had aches and pains...mostly attributed to plantar fasciitis. Now I have aches and pains throughout my body and it's only getting worse from carrying the car seat and always lifting and holding my little guy. In fact, my SI joint has bothering me so much for the last month that I'm going for chiropractic treatments now. I used to despise chiropractors but there is nothing else that will relieve the pain I'm in right now. I feel soooo old. The only thing keeping me from wanting another LO is the idea of trying to keep up to 2 little ones when I don't feel great physically.
    Happily married to my Snorkelbutt - 07/31/10

    BFP #1 09/02/11  M/C 09/12/11 8w6days
    BFP #2 07/18/12 Baby S born on his EDD 03/23/13

    SS - age 12...SD - age 8...DS - 13 mos.
  • I was 21 when I had my dd 21 years ago, 26 when ds1 was born and 42 when ds2 was born. Ds2 is my dhs first child and he is 58. Hate to say it, but my 21 and 16 year olds take up more of our energy than my almost 3 month old.

    Dh and I split night time feedings so that we each get a decent amount of sleep. If anything ds2 is making us feel younger.

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  • I personally think that you (in general you, not you specifically) should have at least 2 kids if you can emotionally and financially support them. 

    I think only children don't always learn social rules (sharing / playing nicely), you have to always be playing with them / entertaining them, and they can be lonely. I think siblings are a great blessing to a child.It's more work in the beginning to have 2, but when they are 3-4 and can entertain themselves, you get a chance to have a break / get things done. 

    That being said, only you can decide what is right for you. Not all only children are spoiled or lonely. 

    My advice however, is to not make any permanent decisions until you are out of the newborn phase.  

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