Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Anyone feel guillty about not breast feeding?

When I went in to the hospital, I felt pressured to breast feed, but I just told them no. It was weird.  My doctor told me not to feel bad, just tell people you are not doing it, he said it is one of the latest fads to harp on people.  He did explain the benefits etc to me, but he didn't pressure me.  I just can't do it I tried with my daughter over 9 years ago, and just never produced anything, and now here it is 3 days after delivery and my breast still haven't changed.  So even if I tried I couldn't.

Re: Anyone feel guillty about not breast feeding?

  • For about a second, and then I have to just get over it. My son is being fed, and is fat and happy. It's not easy when you're asked over and over and have to deal with people's reactions.

    I have been reading some blogs that seem to help. 

    http://theheirtoblair.com/2012/05/24/formula-feeding-101/

    http://www.fearlessformulafeeder.com/

  • Not really.  I felt more guilty saying it because I was worried how people would look at me.  I never had a want to do it - thought about trying it 4 years ago with DS but I just knew it wasnt for me.  And he is a very healthy boy - hardly ever ill, no allergies, etc...... so I know he's healthy. 

    Personally I think moms really want to have to do it for the whole process to be sucessful  It's a real commitment and I do praise women for doing it, but it wasnt for me.   

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  • mnj05mnj05
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    I did at first when I stopped. It was guilt in that I thought/felt like I was supposed to be able to do it and like it. I liked having DS close to me, just not the actual breast feeding. My supply was horrible and dried up on its own as I was pumping/feeding. I also was worried about being judged by certain people in my life but let it go eventually. I had a talk with DH because I was crying all the time over that and other things and with hormones going wild, it wasn't a pretty sight. I hate that people say things like "you won't get that bond with your baby." Um pretty sure he was in me for 9 months and pretty sure I'm the only one who really knows how to calm him down and can do it within seconds. That bond isn't lost at all.

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  • I cannot tell you how much time Ive wasted on feeling bad about this. It's insane. I did feel bad and some people can really make you feel like less of a mother because of it.

     

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  • I felt the same way for a long time and still do now almost 13 weeks later to an extent. I am on a medication that does pass through the breast milk but was deemed safe enough by my doctor, but I didn't necessarily feel comfortable. And to be completely honest, like you, I just felt weird about breastfeeding and really didn't want to. My milk came in almost a week PP and I let it dry up. When Ella was 3 weeks old I suddenly felt this immense sadness and guilt about missing out on the opportunity to breastfeed. I felt selfish for not trying and I felt like I was missing out on this special bonding experience. I read a great article the other day about how breastfeeding is NOT the miracle that BFing moms say it is. It is great, but its not that great. A lot of the benefits that people harp on are actually not that beneficial. For example, those antibodies that they see get passed on through BM actually get passed on through the placenta and it doesn't reduce the risk of ear infections, etc. I will try and find the article for you. It really made me feel a lot better about my decision. I know that my daughter is thriving on formula and we have no problem with our bond, so I don't think it is ANY issue that I didn't BF. But I can't help wondering what if and sometimes wishing I would have tried. You aren't alone! But try not to get down on yourself. Your baby will be perfect :)

    ETA: Here's the link to the article, sorry it isn't clicky http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2012-11-21/lifestyle/sc-health-1121-breast-feeding-lies-20121121_1_lactation-consultant-breast-milk-health-outcomes

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  • If it's any comfort, the judgment happens even if you do breastfeed.

    I was at the playground with my boys and another mom and I were chatting, she asked how long I breastfed my first and when I said just over a year she half smiled and said

    "Well you tried your best and that's what's important" 

    Then told me how she breastfed three kids until they were each 4 and all the reasons I should do it with my youngest.

    My point is, don't feel bad about doing what's right for your family because no matter what, some birch at the playground will think she knows better. 

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  • No.  I never really wanted to do it but I was willing to give it a try.  Then I found out that I couldn't due to medications I can't stop taking.  I felt guilty for feeling relieved, if that makes any sense.  My milk never came in anyway, not a drop so I guess it didn't really matter.

    My kid was healthy and happy and fed and that's all I cared about.

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  • I tried with both boys and ended up having to quit both times due to circumstances beyond my control. The first had horrible reflux and with the second I got very ill after giving birth and my milk dried up. After both of these experiences I found that I much prefer bottle feeding. Having my child tied to me and having him monopolize my body just made me depressed. I admire mothers who can do it but it's not for me. I don't feel guilty.

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  • I've been grappling with the fact that I had a breast reduction as a teenager and it will be unlikely if I can EBF - if at all.  On the one hand I feel guilty, but on the other hand think of it this way.

    Statistics are open to interpretation.  A study that follows breastfed babies might show breastfed babies have higher immunities and higher IQ's - however the study doesn't say what else the mother/care-giver are doing with the babies.  Perhaps it's a correlation issue with a bundle of "good mom" behaviors that are totally in your control.  Plus there is evidence that if breast feeding makes you miserable or uncomfortable it sends negative messages to the baby which are detrimental in the long run.


  • JenniD2JenniD2
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    image trudibell:

    Statistics are open to interpretation.  A study that follows breastfed babies might show breastfed babies have higher immunities and higher IQ's - however the study doesn't say what else the mother/care-giver are doing with the babies.  Perhaps it's a correlation issue with a bundle of "good mom" behaviors that are totally in your control.  Plus there is evidence that if breast feeding makes you miserable or uncomfortable it sends negative messages to the baby which are detrimental in the long run.


     This. When doing my research on whether to bottle or breast feed, I found different studies that found that in one case breast was better and in other cases there wasn't any difference. When it came down to everything, the only advantage breast milk had over formula was that breast milk had antibodies and is nutritionally better. The rest of the studies on children being obese and having lower IQ scores while being formula fed is a bunch of BS.

    That said, after having DS, I did feel a little guilty. However, after we found out that DS has a MSPI, I know I would not have stayed with BM anyways. Plus, it is nice to have DH take over the night feeds. 


  • image PansyPants:
    If it's any comfort, the judgment happens even if you do breastfeed.I was at the playground with my boys and another mom and I were chatting, she asked how long I breastfed my first and when I said just over a year she half smiled and said"Well you tried your best and that's what's important"nbsp;Then told me how she breastfed three kids until they were each 4 and all the reasons I should do it with my youngest.My point is, don't feel bad about doing what's right for your family because no matter what, some birch at the playground will think she knows better.nbsp;


    This is so true. And even if you do bf, you'll feel guilty anyway about something. Mom guilt sucks.

    I had to supplement with DS starting at 6 months and was killing myself to keep up. Finally I realized that he was getting fed and was happy and that was all that mattered.

    I kinda feel that it is your baby and everyone else can suck it. :
  • I don't feel guilty and I don't care what other people think. In the end, whatever you think is best for your child is what is best for your child. Frankly, it makes me angry that people harp on others for not breastfeeding. What makes them so special that they can walk around judging people! I read a quote once that said something like, "before you judge me, make sure you're perfect." Exactly!
    Formula is not poison and lots of formula fed babies grow to be perfectly healthy. I told my doctor I wasn't comfortable breastfeeding. She informed me of the benefits but did not pressure me. She said if I wasn't comfortable doing it, then my baby wouldn't be comfortable doing it. Feeding your child shouldn't be something you don't enjoy.
    And that is the end of my soapbox rant. LoL
    Don't feel guilty and DO NOT allow anyone else to make you feel guilty.
  • lkm2006lkm2006
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    Nope and I have never had anyone IRL make me feel guilty about it.

     

  • Nobody has made me feel guilty about not breastfeeding.  Actually, I had people telling me to stop as it wasn't worth the tears and angst.  It felt like my LO had broken glass in her mouth when she nursed.  Horrible.

    I still felt guilty for a little while, but I've since moved on.  When it comes to being a mom and parenting in general, there's lots of stuff to feel guilty about.  Soon you'll move on to feeling guilty about doing  - or not doing - something else, instead.  Don't worry! 

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  • MrsRKJMrsRKJ
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    For me it's not exactly guilty, but bummed.  My son was born 7 weeks early - for the first 2 weeks of his life he was on a breathing tube, therefore could only get food through a feeding tube.  Then, since he was in the NICU, I wasn't able to be there for all his feedings, so they had to start bottle-feeding him (my breast milk).  He was only getting 1 bottle per 12 hours (other times through the tube).  It was so confusing to him and with all his wires and whatnot, I didn't feel comfortable trying to breast feed him - he was already having trouble with the bottle.

    So I basically just said, as long as he's getting my breast milk, that's OK.  I didn't want to introduce the breast when it took him a while to get used to the bottle.  So I'm bummed that I wasn't able to breast feed.  But, like I said, as long as he's getting my milk (I'm EP) I'm good! 

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  • Nicb13Nicb13
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    Not at all.

     

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  • MrsJ723MrsJ723
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    image Dolls2011:
    I don't feel guilty and I don't care what other people think. In the end, whatever you think is best for your child is what is best for your child. Frankly, it makes me angry that people harp on others for not breastfeeding. What makes them so special that they can walk around judging people! I read a quote once that said something like, "before you judge me, make sure you're perfect." Exactly! Formula is not poison and lots of formula fed babies grow to be perfectly healthy.

    Don't feel guilty and DO NOT allow anyone else to make you feel guilty.

     This! I think it is ridiculous that mothers are made to feel badly about how they feed their baby. If you want to BF, wonderful, if you want to FF, wonderful. As long as your baby is fed, why does it matter how? I don't feel guilty about FFing, but have been judged for it, including being told I was giving my baby poison. You have to do what works best for you and your family.

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  • I know it is good for the baby and my husband wanted me to and I tried it in the hospital but couldn't get positioned right, I was so frustrated with it and cried.   The only time I could get the baby to latch was with the help of a nurse...I never breast fed after the hospital, so I decided to pump for a month and then I weined off...I am completely fine with formula feeding...I wouldn't feel guilty, there are millions out there that have never been breast fed and they are fine and healthy.
  • When I was at the hospital after I gave birth to my daughter, the hospital staff made me feel horrible about not breastfeeding. They kept sending in lactation consultants to try and convince me to BF as opposed to bottle. Not only that, but the hospital had this ridiculous policy that they couldn't even say "bottle" or "bottle feed." Instead of bottle feed they'd say "breast milk substitute," and instead bottle they had to say "breast milk substitute apparatus." It was SO ridiculous and a slap in the face to me and anyone who couldn't or didn't want to BF. That being said, people tried to make me feel guilty about deciding not to BF but I honestly never felt that bad. My daughter is happy and healthy and I don't think it would have made much of a difference either way.
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