(Sorry so long)
My SIL1 comes from a very dysfunctional family. Needless to say it has made her a very manipulative. On a trip to Disneyland, we shared a two bedroom hotel suite. She took the largest room and made my husband and I bunk with her teenage daughter, who then complained that she couldn't get any sleep because of our three year old. Why wasn't her daughter sleeping in her room? We had each paid equal shares.
She got my mother to tell me to reschedule the date and time of my daughter's 5th birthday to accommodate her 4yo's nap and to save her gas since she would be in the neighborhood the day before. Really? Invites had already been sent out. This would have made it impossible for my SIL2 to attend and her daughter and mine are best friends.
The final straw is that she and my brother didn't want to push their 3yo into a twin bed and their 6mo/old needed a crib, so they borrowed our crib (at the time we didn't think we could have any more children so we loaned it). After 1.5 years we FINALLY have gotten our crib back today... broken. She told us we could buy another one off of craigslist, out of our own pocket.
Finally, 4 years ago I offered to host Christmas Eve (it is a huge holiday in my family and one of us three siblings hosts it each year). She sent a long letter to my mother saying my house was insufficient for her new baby. It was very hurtful but I shrugged it off and she held Christmas Eve at her home that year. Last year she hosted, and this year she has pushed me and SIL2 out of hosting so she can again. When I heard I asked if we could host so I could put my LO down during the festivities (much like she wanted four years ago). She laughed and said that she had already been planning.... it's May! SIL2 is in shock over the Christmas Eve arrangement (our family always accommodates the youngest child).
What shocks me is that my brother was not raised this way at all. I am at a loss for how to deal with her and I always get the feeling that she is trying to elbow me out of my family to make room for her (it won't work, but it is hurtful nonetheless). Any advice on how to handle this person?