Anybody else feel like this?

I had my twins via emergency csection 6 weeks ago. I know that having a csection was necessary and am extremely grateful that my babies and I are both healthy. However, I can't help feeling cheated out of my birth experience. I wanted an unmedicated vaginal birth, like with my son. Anybody else feel like this? Maybe it is because this was probably my last pregnancy? I thought this feeling would go away, but it hasn't.

Re: Anybody else feel like this?

  • A lot of women post things like this here - you're definitely not alone. It took me awhile to feel ok with DS's birth (unplanned c-section).

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


  • I absolutely felt cheated at first. In hindsight, I think it was more to do with how difficult my labour was overall, and the fact that DD was rushed off to the NICU, vs. having the c section itself.
    Allow yourself to feel sad, but try not to dwell on it. It is such a cliche, but you have healthy babies, and that is infinitely more important than how they got here. I really don't have any sadness or trauma around DD's birth anymore, but the first few months were tough at times. I did seek some counselling around her birth and our decision to switch to formula at 3.5 months because of unresolved milk protein intolerance. It helped a lot. Would talking to your partner help? Hang in there, it gets better!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • Youre not alone.

    I had my daughter via csection 6 months ago, and i still wish i wouldve dialated enough to push. I was in labor 46 hrs and hard labor with only 4cm dilation in 9 hrs. She was 11 days late. It was a failed induction.

    I was to the point of exhaustion after being awake 2 days, and they had to convince me to have a csection.

  • I had a vaginal birth with DS1, c/s with my twins due to breech presentation, and when I delivered 2w ago I was supposed to have a VBAC.  My VBAC didn't work out.  My OB let me carry to 41w but felt that there were too many risks to go beyond that, won't induce a VBAC, so I had to have a RCS.  While I'm ok with having a c/s, I'm very disappointed that any delivery from here on out will have to be RCS and I can't ever try for a VBAC again (won't support a VBA2C). 

    GSx1 - 05/13/2013
    GSx2 for T&B - EDD 6/21/2015

    baby development
  • It just made me sad not to have the experience. I'm a FTM and this will be our only child so I was definitely sad not to experience a natural birth having an unplanned csection instead.

    My birth plan however was to have a healthy baby so from that perspective it was a success!

     Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    TTC #2:
    March - May 2014 - Natural cycles - no luck
    June 2014 - Clomid 50mg - BFN
    July 2014 - Clomid 50mg - BFN
    August 2014 - Clomid 50mg - BFN
    September 2014 - Clomid 50mg - Fingers crossed...

  • I felt totally cheated, and still struggle with it to this day. Having a VBAC has helped me heal tremendously, but I am still not there yet. I envy the women who look at C/s as NBD and are able to move on. I have tried again and again. Yes, my DD and I are healthy, but it's really not about that, if that makes sense. I view my c section and my daughter as 2 completely separate experiences.
    Anniversary Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BabyFruit Ticker
  • I hear you.  For me, it was that things did not go "as planned".  It was hard to be that out of control of the situation.  It was hard that people kept telling me that "at least you have a healthy baby" - which made me feel like my health (mental or otherwise) did not factor into the equation.  It does.  Don't feel bad for being down about it.  But at the same time, know that it does get better with time.  You are only 6 weeks out and probably exhausted and still getting into your new "normal".  You'll get there, I promise!
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers image image
  • I have had three c sections. My third was just two and a half weeks ago and I feel very cheated. My first c section was planned because my OB felt that I was too narrow to have my son vaginally so he scheduled it. Then, with my second, I went to my doctor's appointment after a very stressful time getting there, and my OB said my blood pressure was entirely too high this far along so he rushed me to the hospital to perform another c section. With my last one, he scheduled it because from the other two c sections I gained what they called placenta previa where the placenta covered the entire birth canal. The placenta moved around enough for me to try but I was still too narrow and I was getting my tubes tide anyway, so they scheduled. I watched my little sister two months before go through labor and push her first baby out with no issues and I have to admit I was a little jealous being that she is a lot smaller than me. I don't know if the feeling ever goes away because my coworkers joke all the time about me taking the "sissy" route out to have a baby. That doesn't help my feelings at all, but as long as I'm here, the babies are here and healthy, that's all that matters.
  • I definitely feel cheated out of a vaginal birth.  I had been going to a midwife and been planning on a water birth.  But, due to hemmorhage, I had an emergency c-section at 34w5d.  Unfortunately, due to an anterior placenta previa, they had to do a vertical incision on my uterus barring me from ever being able to try a vbac.  I don't know if I will ever be able to get over it, and it was something I had really wanted to experience.  Although, I'm thrilled with my daughter, I wish I could have had a full term natural pregnancy.
    image image
    Me: 35 DH: 30 TTC since 1/2010 DX: 6/15/2011: MFI IVF with ICSI

    IVF #1: Sept 2011: Beta 10/10- BFP!! 1st u/s 10/31/11 1 blighted ovum, 1 embryo 2nd u/s 11/14/11 stopped growing, no h/b D/C 11/17/11

    IVF #2: FET 5/4/12 : Beta 5/16/12 BFN

    IVF #3: ET 7/6/12 : 7/18 Beta #1 BFP at 246, 7/20 Beta #2 at 713, 7/27 Beta #3 at 9068. 1st u/s 8/7 with one lovely hb.
    Mabel is here! 2/17/13!
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • lewispmlewispm
    250 Answers 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    I had an induction leading to an emergency C-section almost 11 months ago and I still feel like this sometimes. We just have to remember that we did what was best for our babies and that, as we will learn throughout our entire lives as mothers, sacrifices must be made for our children. I might never have my dream of an unmedicated vaginal birth due to numerous tears in my uterus incurred during my surgery, but I have an amazing little boy and hopefully more children in the future that might not even be here if I didn't sacrifice my own wants.





  • tracy41tracy41
    250 Answers Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments Combo Breaker
    Like a PP mentioned that cheated feeling gets mentioned a lot here. I definitely felt it with my first after weeks of Bradley classes and planning. But I have to be honest although I was ready to VBAC with my second I really didn't care that I ended up RCS. And other than CS related medical stuff I don't really give a thought to either birth experience now. The kids are more important and their births are kinda lost in the haze of sleepless nights that followed. I think we put too much pressure on ourselves for weird reasons. Give yourself time to make peace with it and you may feel better. Or like me, no longer care.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • jb2rnjb2rn
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its

    Yes! It took me about six months to get over the trauma. Seriously, trauma. I had a mini panic attack when I had to go back to the hospital where my son was born for an unrelated appointment a few months after his birth.

    Most likely this is our only child, so I really wanted an unmedicated vaginal birth. I felt like giving into the pressure of an epidural (after 12 hours of labor I was 2cm with ROM, and my labor was going slowwww) made me have a c section.

    Your feelings are normal, and don't every feel badly about it. The WORST thing people said to me was "at least you have a healthy baby, that is all that matters". Eh, no, that isn't all that matters. The C section recover was rough, and I think the shock of it was the hardest part.

    Hang in there, I promise it gets easier. Talk about it, write about it, etc, you will get past it, but it takes awhile.

    b/w=FSH 15.6, AMH 0.4 surprise natural BFP on 3/12/11
    DS born via unplanned C-section at 40w6d


  • tracy41tracy41
    250 Answers Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments Combo Breaker
    I forgot to recommend you google birth trauma and see if your feelings might be part of a reaction to the way your csection happened. I can't find the message boards I posted to after my first that helped me get through my feelings but there are some out there.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards