Parenting

Narcissistic Parent(s)

For those with a narcissistic parent or parents...  how do you cope?  My father has been a very difficult and self-absorbed individual for as long as I can remember, and fits the definition of narcissism to a 'T'.

It's no surprise then, that our relationship tends to be very one-sided.  I want to continue to remain in touch with him for DDs benefit, but I'm starting to tire of the phone calls masquerading as inquiries into LOs well-being that then quickly morph into him using it as an opportunity to talk about himself.  I just dread returning his calls.

I'm considering moving towards email as a preferred (almost exclusive?) method of communication.  That way, I can send pictures and other information that he otherwise wouldn't give me a chance to share over the phone.  However, the thought of greatly reducing the frequency I speak with him over the phone leaves me feeling like a terrible daughter and a heartless person.

So I need to know, those of you out there also living with narcissistic family members, how do you strike a happy medium? 

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Re: Narcissistic Parent(s)

  • I have spoken to my dad over the phone only once in the past four years. I had taken him off Facebook as well for a long time, my step dad encouraged me to at least add him back, so I did. We have communicated in Facebook messages infrequently, at least he can see pics of DS and DD now. Even on good terms my dad would very rarely call me. GL.
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  • My dad is the same way!!! Here I was thinking I was the only one. Basically I don't really talk to him that much. When I do he ends up repeating the same stories about how wonderful he is and his accomplishments. So I either ignore him and talk about something else or I just tell him bluntly he is being annoying or I have heard that story before. Ugh.

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  • I'm sorry to hear that you all have unfulfilling relationships with your parent(s).  With parents, it's tough because you grow up thinking their behaviour is normal.  

    I didn't realize how bad my father was until I met DH.  I remember being surprised at how supportive his parents were, and how interested they were in his hobbies.  In my family, my dad behaved like he was the centre of the universe and the only one that mattered, and I can't tell you how many times he ruined what should have been happy moments or special occasions because he had to make it all about himself.  Very sad.  

    Based on the replies posted here thus far, I guess he should consider himself lucky that I'm still speaking to him at all!   

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  • I find skyping to be tolerable for me and enjoyable for my dad and my daughter.  I sit off camera and she does most of the talking and running around and showing him things.  It's super cute and I don't have to engage in much conversation that inevitably turns into a hot button issue.  
    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

    "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
  • I will add too that he is very good with her and I have zero issues with their interactions.  She loves her paw paw and they have a great time skyping with each other.  
    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

    "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
  • image markhamgurl:

    I'm sorry to hear that you all have unfulfilling relationships with your parent(s).  With parents, it's tough because you grow up thinking their behaviour is normal.  

    I didn't realize how bad my father was until I met DH.  I remember being surprised at how supportive his parents were, and how interested they were in his hobbies.  In my family, my dad behaved like he was the centre of the universe and the only one that mattered, and I can't tell you how many times he ruined what should have been happy moments or special occasions because he had to make it all about himself.  Very sad.  

    Based on the replies posted here thus far, I guess he should consider himself lucky that I'm still speaking to him at all!   

     I marvel every time at how amazing my in-laws are. (I have a narcissistic mother.) 

    I mentioned to DH "you have no idea how lucky you are. I love your parents. They're awesome to be around" and he replied "You really think this is that uncommon? I don't think you know how UN-lucky you are".

     

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  • mcbennymcbenny
    25000 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
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    I have almost completely cut my mother off. This is my stance. I don't call her or initiate communication with her at all. If she calls me, I do speak to her.

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  • image mbenit4:
    I have almost completely cut my mother off. This is my stance. I don't call her or initiate communication with her at all. If she calls me, I do speak to her.

    This is my relationship with my father. Hes an alcoholic in denial. He's always right and someone else is always wrong. He plays the victim card a lot. I got sick of it and stopped feeding into his drama. Whenever he calls, I do talk to him, update him on how my son is doing, etc..but I don't usually initiate conversation with him.

    Eta..my spelling sucks on mobile!
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