June 2013 Moms

Dragging out an old vent

I've heard others say it, but suddenly I've reached my own limit with strangers and mere acquaintances feeling like it's okay to discuss my pregnancy because they can see my big belly.

How creepy would it be for me to approach an unknown woman with children and ask her, "Oh, are all these yours?  And how old are they?  What are their names?  When are their birthdays?"

And yet people I don't know continue to ask me exactly when I'm due, whether it will be a boy or girl, whether it's my first, and what its name will be.

I know they're trying to be polite.  I know they only have good intentions.  But it doesn't keep me from resenting their stupidity and presumption!  As though something this intensely personal and emotional, this experience that is at the center of my heart, that is shaking me to the very core and changing my whole existence, isn't much different from the weather or football scores and makes an excellent choice for small talk in the check out line or church parking lot.

 

Re: Dragging out an old vent

  • skioskio
    5000 Comments 250 Answers Fifth Anniversary 250 Love Its
    member
    I'm always stumped by these posts. I don't get what is so bad about someone asking a pregnant woman when she is due/what she's having etc. Pregnancy is an awesome miracle and I think it's wonderful that a lot of people still respect it in that way. Another one that gets me is when people get upset over others asking how they're feeling. It's called compassion. It's pretty harsh to call people presumptuous and stupid for asking kind questions.

    But. These questions don't bother me, obviously. To each her own, I suppose. Just do your best to not engage if you're uncomfortable with it.

    FWIW, I also don't think it's "creepy" for someone to see a mother with her children and ask about their names/ages. People admire DD and ask about her all the time. It's flattering, and I could talk about her all day.
    image Pregnancy Ticker
  • image skio:
    I'm always stumped by these posts. I don't get what is so bad about someone asking a pregnant woman when she is due/what she's having etc. Pregnancy is an awesome miracle and I think it's wonderful that a lot of people still respect it in that way. Another one that gets me is when people get upset over others asking how they're feeling. It's called compassion. It's pretty harsh to call people presumptuous and stupid for asking kind questions. But. These questions don't bother me, obviously. To each her own, I suppose. Just do your best to not engage if you're uncomfortable with it. FWIW, I also don't think it's "creepy" for someone to see a mother with her children and ask about their names/ages. People admire DD and ask about her all the time. It's flattering, and I could talk about her all day.

    All of this! I love when people ask me about my children, and I love it when people ask me about my pregnancy, and what I am having! I also don't mind people touching my belly and asking me about my baby. I mean....it would get a little creepy to have them rub all over my belly, but a slight touch here and there doesn't bother me at all!

    The only thing that I can't stand is when they ask if I have children already- "yes" and they ask what I have "two boys" and they ask what I am having now "another boy" and they say how sorry they are that I am not having a girl! I love my boys, and I love this little guy who isn't even born yet and I get really offended by this. Yes, it would have been nice to have a girl, but I am just as happy with another boy as I would have been with a girl. IDK maybe it's just me...but I find that to be really rude and offensive to have strangers apologize that I am not having a girl.

    image
    image


  • Linz805Linz805
    10 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member

    OP - I'm so right there with you. I swear I am not leaving the house again until I am on my way to the hospital. We were out running errands today and I told my husband just to pay attention to how many people were staring at me and he was shocked. It is as if people have never seen a woman at the end of her pregnancy before. 

     I am an introverted person by nature, and in particular when I am pregnant I am very private and introspective. Plus it doesn't help that I am one those people, who does not enjoy pregnancy. I am so beyond ready to be done with this part and have my sweet boy in my arms.  

    BabyFruit Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I don't mind questions about due date, sex, etc but I will be very excited when it's no longer considered appropriate for strangers, friends, family to comment about the size and shape of my body!
    imageimageimage
    My two girls Flower and Ayla Faye born on 6/21/2013 at 40w6d 6lbs 15oz 19in
  • Eh, I am only bothered when strangers/acquaintances ask be about details of my birth plan or about whether this pregnancy was an "accident".  Our landscaper was over the other day, and asked if the pregnancy was a surprise.  I thought he meant if the sex of the child was a surprise, so I said that it was a boy. And he clarified- "no, was the pregnancy itself a surprise." I said "not really" and he said "oh, then you guys were working on this when I put your patio in last summer" awkward.... And the kind of comments I get creeped out by.

     Due date, baby's sex, baby's name- none of that bothers me... Nor does the how are you feeling question.

    image image
    Bennett Andrew- 6/4/13      Nora Elizabeth - 10/3/14
  • Due date sometimes bothers me when it's accompanied by staring doubtfully at my belly. The other questions don't, except that it feels awkward when it just kind of trails off.

    For the most part, I've been pleasantly surprised by all the kind comments I've gotten from strangers - "Congratulations," "Good luck," and one woman who randomly stopped me to say, "I just had a new grandbaby and he is the sweetest thing, so congratulations!" It helps take the sting off the other stuff, so I try to focus on them.

    I also enjoy how people are letting me sneak ahead of them in line and stopping their cars for me much more quickly when I'm crossing the street. Smile


    BFP#1: 05/07/12, MC 05/13/12. BFP#2: 07/23/12, CP 07/28/12.
    8dpo progesterone = 5.8. Pom juice + progesterone = BFP#3: 10/15/12, EDD 6/27/13.
    Betas: 10dpo=29,14dpo=217, 24dpo=11835. HB at 5w4d=81bpm, 7w6d=154bpm!
    Great NT scan at 11w4d, HB=160bpm. A/S at 19w6d: We're team blue!
    Perfect baby boy born via unmedicated delivery on 6/10/13 at 37w4d.

  • Heaven forbid people be friendly and make small talk. In the church parking lot no less... How rude.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    BFP #1: 6.26.12 EDD: 2.11.13 missed m/c: 7.31.12 @ 12 weeks
    BFP #2: 10.1.12 EDD: 6.11.13 Born 6.13.13
    photo 2546f8b6-17f6-4b55-b007-93a547c620b8.jpg

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • llbta85llbta85
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    image brandilc84:

    image skio:
    I'm always stumped by these posts. I don't get what is so bad about someone asking a pregnant woman when she is due/what she's having etc. Pregnancy is an awesome miracle and I think it's wonderful that a lot of people still respect it in that way. Another one that gets me is when people get upset over others asking how they're feeling. It's called compassion. It's pretty harsh to call people presumptuous and stupid for asking kind questions. But. These questions don't bother me, obviously. To each her own, I suppose. Just do your best to not engage if you're uncomfortable with it. FWIW, I also don't think it's "creepy" for someone to see a mother with her children and ask about their names/ages. People admire DD and ask about her all the time. It's flattering, and I could talk about her all day.

    All of this! I love when people ask me about my children, and I love it when people ask me about my pregnancy, and what I am having! I also don't mind people touching my belly and asking me about my baby. I mean....it would get a little creepy to have them rub all over my belly, but a slight touch here and there doesn't bother me at all!

    The only thing that I can't stand is when they ask if I have children already- "yes" and they ask what I have "two boys" and they ask what I am having now "another boy" and they say how sorry they are that I am not having a girl! I love my boys, and I love this little guy who isn't even born yet and I get really offended by this. Yes, it would have been nice to have a girl, but I am just as happy with another boy as I would have been with a girl. IDK maybe it's just me...but I find that to be really rude and offensive to have strangers apologize that I am not having a girl.

      I think what surprises me about the random stranger comments is that people are assuming you are pregnant, what if you aren't pregant, just had a baby, just suffered a loss etc.  I NEVER assume someone is pregnant unless they say something first.  My SIL looks like she is about 7 months along and its just the way she carries her weight, a family friend suffered a traumatic late term loss and looked like she was in the early/middle stages for a month +.  Think of how offended/hurt you would be if you were in those situations and someone asked when you were due,etc.  I think there was a post the other day about one of the moms with an outside baby being asked when she was due and she was hurt by the comment.  TYhat being said, at this point there is little denying it for a lot of us because we are thisclose to the end but still.  Now for the kids part, I agree with PPs and people ask those kinds of questions a lot.
  • I don't see how they're stupid for asking polite questions to try to start a conversation.

    ETA I also don't mind when people ask about the son I already have. They're just being friendly and are curious. When we're out somewhere like the park or the pool, if I see a kid who is about my son's age, I'll ask how old they are bc I'm curious about how he compares developmentally to others. The opposite also happens frequently.
    Pregnancy Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I'm 100 percent with skio on this one.
    image


  • jefkjefk
    250 Answers 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    member

    image ChristyD6:
    I don't mind questions about due date, sex, etc but I will be very excited when it's no longer considered appropriate for strangers, friends, family to comment about the size and shape of my body!

    Exactly this!  The secretary at school commented all the time on how I'm "all belly," and another coworker told me I was "getting so big" every single day.  I know it's a generational thing and they mean well, but I got so annoyed with those comments day in and day out, it really got to me and caused a lot of unnecessary stress.  

    I also felt really uncomfortable with my pregnancy being the main topic of conversation all over work.  I did not cease to exist when I became pregnant, but apparently to the older generation of women at work, I was "simply a vessel," as a younger coworker put it, and the only thing anyone ever talked to me about was my pregnancy.  The same thing happened when I got married.  Nevermind that I was graduating with my masters a month before getting married (and more proud about the degree than the wedding), the only thing people wanted to talk about was my wedding.

  • image ChristyD6:
    I don't mind questions about due date, sex, etc but I will be very excited when it's no longer considered appropriate for strangers, friends, family to comment about the size and shape of my body!


    Same here. Polite questions are fine, but I get a little uncomfortable when I tell the due date and then people look me up and down and say "Are you sure?" Or "How much weight have you gained?" I've gained about 20lbs with this pregnancy, but people insist I'm too small and my due date must be wrong.

    But I would rather have these comments from strangers than the ones from some of my family. My aunt's fiance said, "You've put on some weight since the last time I saw you!" Yep. Pregnancy does that. Then not two second later, he leans in close and says, "Now your husband is going to have to get in there and give you a boy." I just walked away.
  • image skio:
    I'm always stumped by these posts. I don't get what is so bad about someone asking a pregnant woman when she is due/what she's having etc. Pregnancy is an awesome miracle and I think it's wonderful that a lot of people still respect it in that way. Another one that gets me is when people get upset over others asking how they're feeling. It's called compassion. It's pretty harsh to call people presumptuous and stupid for asking kind questions. But. These questions don't bother me, obviously. To each her own, I suppose. Just do your best to not engage if you're uncomfortable with it. FWIW, I also don't think it's "creepy" for someone to see a mother with her children and ask about their names/ages. People admire DD and ask about her all the time. It's flattering, and I could talk about her all day.

     

    This exactly!!  

    image
  • I don't get it, all that small all sounds perfectly polite. Heads up though, it gets ten times worse with people trying to catch a peek or want to chat about your newborn when your out. Your belly is nothing compared to the attention a newborn will draw!
  • I never thought I would get to be a Mom, and I have been walking on sunshine from the moment I found out. I love when people make polite small talk about when LO is due, if its a boy or girl, if it's our first, etc. Weight gain comments I could do without, however. Lol
    TTC since 2004 Ectopic 2005, lost right tube. Multiple miscarriages. BabyFetus Ticker
  • amiet79amiet79
    250 Answers 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    member

    image skio:
    I'm always stumped by these posts. I don't get what is so bad about someone asking a pregnant woman when she is due/what she's having etc. Pregnancy is an awesome miracle and I think it's wonderful that a lot of people still respect it in that way. Another one that gets me is when people get upset over others asking how they're feeling. It's called compassion. It's pretty harsh to call people presumptuous and stupid for asking kind questions. But. These questions don't bother me, obviously. To each her own, I suppose. Just do your best to not engage if you're uncomfortable with it. FWIW, I also don't think it's "creepy" for someone to see a mother with her children and ask about their names/ages. People admire DD and ask about her all the time. It's flattering, and I could talk about her all day.

    Exactly. These are all normal polite questions IMO.

    It would be inappropriate if people started asking you what sexual positions you used to conceive, if it was an accident or commenting on how big or small you look. 

                                                           Image and video hosting by TinyPic   
    Russell Leo-May 31, 2011        Hazel Elizabeth-June 21, 2013
  • YakutYakut
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member

    I don't mind the due date and "what are you having?" questions, personally, but I did in certain contexts at certain times, and I can understand how they would be galling when you're feeling vulnerable.

    At around seven months , I could not leave the house without somebody--strangers included--gasping and saying "You're SOOO BIG! Is it due SOON? NO??? Is it TWINS? NOOO??? Just ONE BABY?!?! You're TOO BIG! Are you going to make it to your due date?! I don't think you are!! Is it....OK? It's TOO BIG!" When any extra volume in there--and I'm not even sure I really had any, just that people were being a--holes--would have been due to large fibroids and I really did NOT appreciate random older b!tchy ladies saying at bus stops, "I work in [worst bedbug-infested hospital in city] and I KNOW that there has never been a lady THAT BIG who didn't have TWINS or a TOO-BIG baby. That's gonna hurt! I feel sorry for you--haHAA!" Not helpful. He was only 70th percentile at last u/s anyway--not too big, just "a little juicy, the way we like 'em," as the OB on duty said. The unwelcome comments all stopped at eight months when I started wearing flowing maxi dresses and big earrings and then people just told me I looked good.

    And then the gender guessing--fairly early on, EVERYBODY was asking what I was having and then telling me all smugly I was having a boy. It got much worse right after I found out that I was most likely having a boy, and I had a three-day private spot of surprise gender disappointment that I was really ashamed of. It didn't last, thank G-d, and I realized it was because a) I'm not a boy and am not interested in certain things associated with boys like sports, and I didn't want to be either a bad mom who doesn't support her kid's interests or bored out of my gourd at sporting events if LO turns out to be into that stuff (not that he couldn't if he were a girl of course), and b) sexism pisses me off and I didn't want kudos for having a kid of the type that was often blatantly favored over girls when I was growing up, and c) most importantly, I had a really abusive mother who hated me and saw me as competition to be annihilated because I was a girl, and I realized that I really wanted to experience the mother-daughter relationship from the mother's point of view and value a girl for being a girl.

    I'm actually glad now that he'll be a boy, because he doesn't need my childhood baggage, and doing my best to raise a caring, empathetic boy who values everybody regardless of gender will be a good challenge, and DH likes sports just fine and was like, "yo--I can play with him and take him to sporting events too!" And maybe I can learn to appreciate sports better if he turns out to be into them....But it was really hard for a little while, especially when the only "proper" response from pregnant women is an appearance of gratefulness for comments, even about size, and a friendly, beatific smile and "doesn't matter, so long as it's healthy" about gender. Which of course is a true thing and something I feel wholeheartedly now, but our feelings don't always do what we wish they would right away.

    And we're all different anyway....I have been anxious about my pregnancy all along for various reasons (mostly due to negligence or inconsistency from the medical establishment), and these days nearly everybody I know has been having babies, and earlier I even sometimes hid birth announcements and adorable photos in my Facebook newsfeed, because I didn't want to deal with the sight of other people's babies when I won't feel comfortable until I'm holding my own. It was me being overly sensitive, sure, but it's OK to be overly sensitive or not have the "right" reaction. If you can't deal, you can't deal. It happens.

    And sometimes it gets exhausting with the same questions over and over and one feels like a womb on legs. Before I got pregnant, if I saw pregnant people (like a few on my hall in our building), I'd just smile and ask them how they were doing, and if they wanted to talk about physical/pregnancy things I'd ask them further about that. Because you never know how anybody is feeling at any given time, and even the standard just-making-conversation stuff can be touching sore points.

  • The only questions that bother me are "Was it planned" and "Are you sad you're not having a girl." I don't mind if people ask about when I'm due or my other kids. 
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • YakutYakut
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member

    image MrsKatieW:
    The only questions that bother me are "Was it planned" and "Are you sad you're not having a girl." I don't mind if people ask about when I'm due or my other kids. 

     

    Gaaah--I HATE "was it planned?" I mean, I'm 34 for G-d's sake! Not that it couldn't have been planned if I were younger, but--surely they are not questioning my maturity level at this point?? And then the question that usually follows: "did you have IVF?" Like it's their business! What is wrong with people? 

    And now that I'm OK and even very happy to be having a boy, people are not even asking me if I'm sad I'm not having a girl--they're just telling me--once they hear that I'm having a boy--things like "girls are better--boys go off and make their fortunes and girls stay with you for life." Which is totally ridiculous--I mean, I'm living in a different country from my family of origin, and I'm a girl! And the latest person to say this to me has a daughter who has been living all over the world and a son who stayed close to home and had a baby. (Or his wife did anyway.) Seriously--what is wrong with people?

  • sctigersctiger
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its
    member
    I don't get why people are offended at this. Yesterday a lady at church asked me about our baby and wished us good luck and I thought it was really sweet. I think it is nice when people ask and show interest. I've never had anyone get intrusive about it. I'm sure I will continue to get comments when she's born and I'm fine with that.
    image
    Amelia Catherine was born on May 30, 2013 (EDD 6.08.13)


    image
  • hjk5000hjk5000
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    member
    I don't think the questions you mentioned are overstepping OP. I know people can cross the line (I have some coworkers who did my first pregnancy for sure) but for the most part people are just being polite and making conversation.
    PCOS Dx 12.08 / BFP! 4.22.10 DS1 born 1.4.11 DS2 born 6.19.13
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I dislike the "how are you FEELING??" comments/questions.  It always has this inflection like I'm terminal and couldn't possibly feel well or something.  Even if I'm having the worst day ever I always respond "Great!  How are YOU feeling?"  There is a woman at work that every day goes into the same barrage of questioning..."how are you feeling? How are your ankles? Are you elevating your feet?"  Drives me batshitcrazy.  I really don't mind the other questions. I get lots of comments on my size which is just plain rude. I gained a lot of weight. I know this man. Thanks for pointing it out though.  Hmm
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Those questions don't annoy me it's the size ones that are annoying. I'm 5'4" and all stomach so when I'm out and about I do get looked at a lot, but I also get a lot of moms saying "good for you" or something similar when we are out and that is nice. 
  • image llbta85:
    image brandilc84:

    image skio:
    I'm always stumped by these posts. I don't get what is so bad about someone asking a pregnant woman when she is due/what she's having etc. Pregnancy is an awesome miracle and I think it's wonderful that a lot of people still respect it in that way. Another one that gets me is when people get upset over others asking how they're feeling. It's called compassion. It's pretty harsh to call people presumptuous and stupid for asking kind questions. But. These questions don't bother me, obviously. To each her own, I suppose. Just do your best to not engage if you're uncomfortable with it. FWIW, I also don't think it's "creepy" for someone to see a mother with her children and ask about their names/ages. People admire DD and ask about her all the time. It's flattering, and I could talk about her all day.

    All of this! I love when people ask me about my children, and I love it when people ask me about my pregnancy, and what I am having! I also don't mind people touching my belly and asking me about my baby. I mean....it would get a little creepy to have them rub all over my belly, but a slight touch here and there doesn't bother me at all!

    The only thing that I can't stand is when they ask if I have children already- "yes" and they ask what I have "two boys" and they ask what I am having now "another boy" and they say how sorry they are that I am not having a girl! I love my boys, and I love this little guy who isn't even born yet and I get really offended by this. Yes, it would have been nice to have a girl, but I am just as happy with another boy as I would have been with a girl. IDK maybe it's just me...but I find that to be really rude and offensive to have strangers apologize that I am not having a girl.

      I think what surprises me about the random stranger comments is that people are assuming you are pregnant, what if you aren't pregant, just had a baby, just suffered a loss etc.  I NEVER assume someone is pregnant unless they say something first.  My SIL looks like she is about 7 months along and its just the way she carries her weight, a family friend suffered a traumatic late term loss and looked like she was in the early/middle stages for a month +.  Think of how offended/hurt you would be if you were in those situations and someone asked when you were due,etc.  I think there was a post the other day about one of the moms with an outside baby being asked when she was due and she was hurt by the comment.  TYhat being said, at this point there is little denying it for a lot of us because we are thisclose to the end but still.  Now for the kids part, I agree with PPs and people ask those kinds of questions a lot.

    Yes, I don't ever assume a woman I pregnant unless she brings it up, because your right, you don't know if they are just carrying their weight in their stomach, or just suffered a loss, or have a preemie in the NICU. I carried some weight in my stomach before I got pregnant, and I have been asked how far along I was. It was very offensive, and really rude of people to just assume that because I have a tummy I am pregnant! It's really hurtful, and makes you feel even worse about yourself!

    image
    image


  • YakutYakut
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    "Yes, I don't ever assume a woman I pregnant unless she brings it up, because your right, you don't know if they are just carrying their weight in their stomach, or just suffered a loss, or have a preemie in the NICU. I carried some weight in my stomach before I got pregnant, and I have been asked how far along I was. It was very offensive, and really rude of people to just assume that because I have a tummy I am pregnant! It's really hurtful, and makes you feel even worse about yourself!"


    Ugh, yes! I had a *little* tummy (while not pregnant) for a little while a few years ago, and weirdly, as I started working very hard on losing it and it started getting flatter, suddenly people started asking me when the baby was due and making references to my pregnancy! From the relatively cute and non-annoying (86-year-old nearsighted neighbor shouting joyfully, "ach me lassie! Is it pregnant ye are?!") to the creepy and annoying (shawarma guy leering, "now I see from your stomach that you are pregnant so no hot sauce for you, heh heh!"). It was pretty demoralizing! I know people are often trying to make light conversation, but they should be more careful!

     

  • Just have some fun with it. Next time someone asks you, just act confused and oblivious. Pretend you don't know why they are asking about your pregnancy. "When are you due?" " huh? Due for what?"
    imageimage
  • image skio:
    I'm always stumped by these posts. I don't get what is so bad about someone asking a pregnant woman when she is due/what she's having etc. Pregnancy is an awesome miracle and I think it's wonderful that a lot of people still respect it in that way. Another one that gets me is when people get upset over others asking how they're feeling. It's called compassion. It's pretty harsh to call people presumptuous and stupid for asking kind questions.

    But. These questions don't bother me, obviously. To each her own, I suppose. Just do your best to not engage if you're uncomfortable with it.

    FWIW, I also don't think it's "creepy" for someone to see a mother with her children and ask about their names/ages. People admire DD and ask about her all the time. It's flattering, and I could talk about her all day.

    I agree!
    image
  • image brandilc84:

    image skio:
    I'm always stumped by these posts. I don't get what is so bad about someone asking a pregnant woman when she is due/what she's having etc. Pregnancy is an awesome miracle and I think it's wonderful that a lot of people still respect it in that way. Another one that gets me is when people get upset over others asking how they're feeling. It's called compassion. It's pretty harsh to call people presumptuous and stupid for asking kind questions. But. These questions don't bother me, obviously. To each her own, I suppose. Just do your best to not engage if you're uncomfortable with it. FWIW, I also don't think it's "creepy" for someone to see a mother with her children and ask about their names/ages. People admire DD and ask about her all the time. It's flattering, and I could talk about her all day.

    All of this! I love when people ask me about my children, and I love it when people ask me about my pregnancy, and what I am having! I also don't mind people touching my belly and asking me about my baby. I mean....it would get a little creepy to have them rub all over my belly, but a slight touch here and there doesn't bother me at all!

    The only thing that I can't stand is when they ask if I have children already- "yes" and they ask what I have "two boys" and they ask what I am having now "another boy" and they say how sorry they are that I am not having a girl! I love my boys, and I love this little guy who isn't even born yet and I get really offended by this. Yes, it would have been nice to have a girl, but I am just as happy with another boy as I would have been with a girl. IDK maybe it's just me...but I find that to be really rude and offensive to have strangers apologize that I am not having a girl.

     It's okay Brandi, just tell them you're getting the baby a sex change operation. ;-) 

    CafeMom Tickers
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • I'm with you. I have a cousin who carried a child with an extremely rare medical condition. She knew her entire pregnancy that the baby was not likely to survive (sadly, the baby lived for a few hours after birth). The constant questions can be INCREDIBLY painful for some women. It's not appropriate "small talk"....it's not the weather or a new police station in town....it's an extremely personal line of questioning that, frankly, is none of their business.
  • Faith7Faith7
    Ancient Membership 100 Comments 5 Love Its
    member

    Heh, heh.  Just read all these responses.  Some of you sound just like my mom. (Which is probably a compliment because she's awesome.)

    But it's amusing and sort of odd to me how the assumption is that one is supposed to enjoy something that is intended to be polite.  I can appreciate the fact that people are attempting to be polite without really liking what they're doing.  And that's what makes it even more vent-able:  I can't be rude to them because they're not being intentionally rude, so I just smile and say brief, polite things back because I know they don't mean to annoy me.  But I still hate those questions.

    I thought I explained in the OP why I dislike it, but several of you still said you didn't understand.  I dislike it because carrying and having a child is an intensely personal undertaking, and it is being used as small talk.  In that sense, it feels as though it's being trivialized.  I don't mind talking about it with people who really care, but when it's being used for chit chat by someone in passing, then it's obvious that they're caring more about polite social norms than about the actual topic.  While it's not a cardinal sin to do that, it still puts me in the distasteful position of being obligated to follow convention and use that very personal topic for chit chat in order not to be rude to them.

    Perhaps calling them "stupid" was a more emotional than thoughtful response.  And i'd certainly admit that the bigger part of my vent is directed against an extroverted culture which expects people to be pleased that strangers are inquiring about their personal lives.  But it still seems to me that it requires a certain lack of observation and imagination to persist in these questions without taking a moment to judge whether the other person seem forthcoming in their responses and eager to pursue the topic. 

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards