Parenting

Could you be a surrogate?

Mobile: Could you be a surrogate?

Or have you been?

This is a question for the ladies, obviously.  Sorry, gents.

A friend of mine was hanging out with a good friend of hers and his boyfriend, and they asked her if she would be their surrogate.  My friend has otherwise never considered having children and, as she explains it, "can't seem to imagine it as being a positive experience."

But she's pretty close with the couple, they're not planning on actually going through with the process for some time yet, and she wants to actually give it some consideration.

It just got me curious to know what others would do in this situation.  Is there any situation in which you would consider being a surrogate?

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Re: Could you be a surrogate?

  • I would consider it for someone close to me, though with my history of hyperemesis and my uterine scarring, I'd be a poor candidate.
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  • I can't due to being an extremely high risk candidate so this is moot point but I would like to think I would do it for someone extremely close to me like my sister. 

    Other than that, no I don't think I could.

     

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  • I wouldn't be a candidate due to my health. I didn't enjoy any of my pregnancies either. If it was physically possible, I still couldn't think of a situation in my life where I would do it. I don't have any sisters,  my best friend is done having children and has grandkids already and my SIL is done having children. There's no one close enough I would consider it for.

     

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  • I had a very easy pregnancy and enjoyed being pregnant. Emotionally I think it would be difficult to carry a child for someone else, knowing at the end of the pregnancy I wouldn't have a baby. But, if my sister or sister in law asked me, I would at least consider it, since it would be an amazing thing to do for another couple.

    I have a good friend who is considering becoming a surrogate for a couple. She said she doesn't view it as being emotionally hard because it wouldn't ever be "her" baby to keep. I see her point from a logical standpoint, but I have a hard time imagining I could separate myself from the pregnancy enough to become a surrogate.
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  • I had a fairly smooth pregnancy, but I have a hard time imaging being a surrogate.  I would have a hard time feeling the baby inside of me and having to give the baby up.

    I don't know if I could even do it for a close family member.

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  • mbenit4mbenit4
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    I could. If I was younger I would do it.

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  • image SunnyDays26:
    I had a very easy pregnancy and enjoyed being pregnant. Emotionally I think it would be difficult to carry a child for someone else, knowing at the end of the pregnancy I wouldn't have a baby. But, if my sister or sister in law asked me, I would at least consider it, since it would be an amazing thing to do for another couple. I have a good friend who is considering becoming a surrogate for a couple. She said she doesn't view it as being emotionally hard because it wouldn't ever be "her" baby to keep. I see her point from a logical standpoint, but I have a hard time imagining I could separate myself from the pregnancy enough to become a surrogate.

    Out of curiosity--does your friend who is considering it have children already? I ask because I think it would impossible for me to make that separation.

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  • image bearsbearsbears:
    I had a fairly smooth pregnancy, but I have a hard time imaging being a surrogate.nbsp; I would have a hard time feeling the baby inside of me and having to give the baby up.I don't know if I could even do it for a close family member.


    This exactly. I'm super emotional when not pregnant. I would think that I would become super attached and be really susceptible to ppd.

    It sounds selfish, but I am only willing to go through pregnancy, labor and delivery if the baby is for DH and me.

     

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  • I would do it for my twin sister (she has endometriosis and some other issues and cant have a baby, she's already had 2 miscarriages and doctors told her it's very unlikely that she will ever have a baby).  But for anybody other than my twin sister I don't really think I could.  Honestly even doing it for her would be hard.
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  • Taking away our IF issues and my dislike of pregnancy, still no. Maybe if I had a sister close in age or a close friend that was struggling with IF, then maybe.

     

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  • Like PPs said, it would be hard growing a baby knowing s/he isn't really yours. Being just a vessel could be dehumanizing.

     

    That being said, I had an easy pregnancy and enjoyed being pregnant AND I'm broke. I get why people do it, but I'm not sure if I really could.  

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  • image bearsbearsbears:

    image SunnyDays26:
    I had a very easy pregnancy and enjoyed being pregnant. Emotionally I think it would be difficult to carry a child for someone else, knowing at the end of the pregnancy I wouldn't have a baby. But, if my sister or sister in law asked me, I would at least consider it, since it would be an amazing thing to do for another couple. I have a good friend who is considering becoming a surrogate for a couple. She said she doesn't view it as being emotionally hard because it wouldn't ever be "her" baby to keep. I see her point from a logical standpoint, but I have a hard time imagining I could separate myself from the pregnancy enough to become a surrogate.

    Out of curiosity--does your friend who is considering it have children already? I ask because I think it would impossible for me to make that separation.

    No, she doesn't have kids and never planned to.

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  • image bearsbearsbears:

    image SunnyDays26:
    I had a very easy pregnancy and enjoyed being pregnant. Emotionally I think it would be difficult to carry a child for someone else, knowing at the end of the pregnancy I wouldn't have a baby. But, if my sister or sister in law asked me, I would at least consider it, since it would be an amazing thing to do for another couple.

    I have a good friend who is considering becoming a surrogate for a couple. She said she doesn't view it as being emotionally hard because it wouldn't ever be "her" baby to keep. I see her point from a logical standpoint, but I have a hard time imagining I could separate myself from the pregnancy enough to become a surrogate.

    Out of curiosity--does your friend who is considering it have children already? I ask because I think it would impossible for me to make that separation.



    She does. She had two boys. 6 and 4. She has zero desire to have another child but loved being pregnant, didn't have any complications or medical issues. She said she thinks it would be amazing to help another couple become parents.
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  • No more pregnancies for me. I don't enjoy pregnancy and my BP has caused numerous concerns this time around, along with a few visits to L and D and an induction date set for 39wk.

    I just don't want to do this again so my answer is no. It's enough I'm doing it a second and final time for my own family's sake.

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  • I had some complications during pregnancy so probably not. However, if I didn't have that experience I would totally consider it. I think it would be amazing to bring another family such joy!

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  • Also, I finally learned how to this:  

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  • Yes, I could see myself doing it, whether it be for someone close to me or for a stranger. However I think I will be too old by the time we are done having our own children.
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  • Why do I feel like I'd be more stressed about the choices I was making during pregnancy if I was carrying another couple's child? And then I would feel guilty for not being as stressed about my own children. I think I would be an emotional wreck.

    It's not like I didn't take care of myself or made poor choices during my pregnancies, but I would feel compelled to keep the best diet ever and never skip an after dinner walk, kwim?

     

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  • MaebbMaebb
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    I considered being a surrogate for my SIL, but then she decided to adopt instead. Anyway, I had a pretty easy pregnancy and labor and delivery, so I would do it. It would be hard emotionally to feel the baby inside you and then give it to someone else, but think about what an amazing gift that is. The only thing that scares me is that if something went wrong, I would feel like it's my fault, and I would feel so bad. But that could happen with any pregnancy, so I would try not to worry.
  • I am a hot mess of TTC+PP difficulties, but if it was my baby sister? Yes. She'd be the only one. 

    My pregnancy was great. After, not so much.  

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  • Before I got pregnant, I thought I totally could.  Now that I have been, I know I couldn't.  

    I love being pregnant, my pregnancies have been easy and my delivery was textbook easy, and I'm still young and low-risk, but I know now that I could never give up any baby that grew inside me for 9 months. 

  • No way.  I think I'd be way too bonded to be able to just hand an infant over even if it wasn't mine biologically.  I would also not be able to go through child birth for someone else.  Nora's birth was crazy traumatic for me and the thought of doing it again to have a second baby is a hard enough decision to make.  I know some women have an easier time in labor and delivery than I did so I guess everyone's feelings on this subject would be different based on their own experience.  I don't think it's wrong for someone to do it. It's an amazing gift, but I'm just not emotionally equipped to give it.  I guess the only person on the planet I would do it for is my daughter using her egg.  I've heard of them doing that now.  They can implant an egg in post-menopausal women to gestate.  I'd carry and deliver a baby for my baby.  But I'd do anything for her (that was in her best interest).
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  • After my first I would have said ot would be no problem for me to do for someone I was close with. After this last pregnancy, with preterm labor. A month of bedrest, a colitis flare up, and severe post partum anemia, the answer would have to be no. My doctor informed me that my problems would more than likely get worse with each subsequent pregnancy so it is not a risk I would want to take with someone else's child. I'm not ever planning on getting pregnant again.

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  • image Runaway22:

    Also, I finally learned how to this:  

    LOL, awesome.

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  • I would but my preference would be a couple that I didn't know personally beforehand. My friend was a surrogate and she said that pregnancy vs. the ones with her own kids were like night and day as far as bonding goes, etc. I liked being pregnant and I do feel like I wouldn't feel the connection to someone else's baby inside me that I do my own. 

    My friend was actually going to carry another child for the same couple but they did 2 transfers and one didn't take and the other was a chemical pregnancy. I would feel bad if the pregnancies wouldn't take in my body with any couple, but even more so if it was a family member or close friend I had to face on a regular basis. I'd feel like I let them down so much more.  

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  • I seriously doubt it. I mean, I could, but I wouldn't unless it was an extremely close friend.  My pregnancy was "easy" in the grand scheme of pregnancies, but it still sucked and I'm dreading the next pregnancy of my own. Anyone wanna be my surrogate? :)

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  • i was prepared to donate my egg and carry a child for my sister (she was unable to carry or produce viable eggs).  the child would have had her husband's sperm.  My DH did not think he could handle watching the child grow up (we live close to my sister and her DH) knowing that it was partly my biological child.  so in the end they adopted instead.  It was heart wrenching to have to say no, though I'm sure it would have also been difficult to carry but not parent that child.
  • image KlondikeBar:

    Why do I feel like I'd be more stressed about the choices I was making during pregnancy if I was carrying another couple's child? And then I would feel guilty for not being as stressed about my own children. I think I would be an emotional wreck.

    It's not like I didn't take care of myself or made poor choices during my pregnancies, but I would feel compelled to keep the best diet ever and never skip an after dinner walk, kwim?

    YES, this was what I was thinking of.  I mean, like everyone else said, I'd have a hard time growing the baby and then giving it up, but this is another aspect I think I'd have a hard time with.

    image Maebb:
    The only thing that scares me is that if something went wrong, I would feel like it's my fault, and I would feel so bad. But that could happen with any pregnancy, so I would try not to worry.

    This too!

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  • image cbidt*sgirl:
    i was prepared to donate my egg and carry a child for my sister (she was unable to carry or produce viable eggs).  the child would have had her husband's sperm.  My DH did not think he could handle watching the child grow up (we live close to my sister and her DH) knowing that it was partly my biological child.  so in the end they adopted instead.  It was heart wrenching to have to say no, though I'm sure it would have also been difficult to carry but not parent that child.

    I can definitely see where your H was coming from.

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  • image cbidt*sgirl:
    i was prepared to donate my egg and carry a child for my sister (she was unable to carry or produce viable eggs).  the child would have had her husband's sperm.  My DH did not think he could handle watching the child grow up (we live close to my sister and her DH) knowing that it was partly my biological child.  so in the end they adopted instead.  It was heart wrenching to have to say no, though I'm sure it would have also been difficult to carry but not parent that child.

    I wouldn't be comfortable being an egg donor, either. 

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