Practically 5 months pregnant and I think I want to be single.
I've posted on another board about my relationship a while ago but hope I can write here too. Basically long story short me and my man were engaged but broke it off. He was mean and beyond cruel calling me out my name and didn't care that we had a miscarriage in oct 2012 and just not the man I fell in love with. Really true what they say the people you love the most can hurt you the most. I told him if I left he would miss me love me and want me back you know.. he emotions were just fuming and Id leave for a day or two and he got so disrespectful I left.. 7 days he was begging on his knees for me 2come back and this was oct 29 2012. We got back together but I noticed he was slipping already. I had to remind him to schedule our counseling meeting and I personally don't feel any man should be out till 4 am when they have a fianc? or gf and he thought since we talked it was ok again. (In my opinion no its not, I think he feels since his best friend can do what he want in his relationship he can too. His best friend has been with his girlfriend for 8 or 9 years and he doesn't believe in marriage. If I was with a dude for 9 years Im sure Id want some space every now and then too)
a boys night that late till 4 am in a relationship isn't what I believe in. Ok point is now that Im pregnant I wish we could go back to that happy lovely couple we were. When I tell yall we were in love it was a feeling I never felt before. We could be in a room full of people but just stare at each other. I don't think we could ever can ever get it back unless we deal with out issues from the past.. I don't think letting 9 months go by is just going to make pain or hurt go away. My dude even stopped going to church. He doesn't want to go with or on his own and that's a bad thing because he once mentioned in counseling is all he wants to do Is be happy and love GOD. Hasn't been to one doctors appt. Of course cause he works and he is the bread winner so I get it. But when I ask you to attend a doctors apt with me and you say you cant cause of work I understand. When you take a day off work just t clean your dads pool knowing I have a doctors apt the next week is what I don't understand. Do I still love him ? absolutely. Do I think he loves me yes 100%. there is something missing though.
A couple weeks ago I mentioned to him that I was falling back for him and I was scared cause I don't want to get hurt again. So I asked him should I fall back. Meaning should I pump the brakes and he kissed my forhead and said I love him. I shouldn't be scared. Weeks went on and now Im thinking I want to be single. Again I just feel like he is rude selfish and inconsiderate. Will he be out at 4 am when baby girl gets here. When I'm 8 months pregnant and call him Is he still going to ignore my calls. Knowing Ive had a rough pregnancy. If he doing it now how is he just going to change when our little gummie bear is born. Im not financially stable but don't want to stay with a man just so he can take care of the baby. I couldn't do adoption either.
I know this a lot and Im just looking for female advice. Main question is If your man treated you the way you didn't want to be treated would you leave him knowing your pregnant? I am torn because I wish we could just go back in time but this is the real world and I cant. Im afraid when baby girl gets here he wont love her and treat her the way he did me.
I know I can only make this decision on my own but would love feedback. Ive only been thinking about this for a couple weeks now so I will continue to think and pray.